Still recovering from my rather unfortunate Olympic accident, I rested semi-comfortably (that's about as close as one gets to actual comfort in Cirra) in bed, door locked, curtains drawn.
(knock knock knock)
MM: (opening my eyes) (flinch) Oh hello Goddess.
GC: The door was locked so I let myself in.
MM: ok. Could you please stop knocking on my head?
GC: so is it here yet?
MM: Yes it just arrived last night.
GC: LAST NIGHT! Do you have any idea how long I have waited?!
MM: (blank stare)
GC: the tape you fool. Go get it.
MM: oh. (crawls out of bed) (puts the tape in the VCR) (crawls back into bed)
GC: (blank stare) oh I don't think so.
MM: but...(heavy sigh) (climb back out of bed, pop tape out of VCR, trudge down stairs with blankets and tape) (put tape into livingroom VCR) (flop on sofa) Happy?
GC: I just meant, for you to push play before you went back to sleep. But since you're up now, you can watch with me.
MM: (sulk) (push play)
(((Xena in stocks, a very large wooden plank around her neck)))
GC: (breaks out into hysterical fit of laughter) Look it that bard! (snort)
MM: cute.
GC: shut up. (giggle) (snort)
(((Xena is tossed into a dungeon filled with water)))
It would take Trancer and two firefighters 45 minutes to get Callisto to stop laughing and breathe.
(((Flashback: Xena buries Ming Tien behind a wall of rocks)))
GC: Been there, done that.
MM: ::blush::
GC: Not Ares.
MM: oh.
(((Lau Ma is on the executioners table w/ lots of instruments of torture laying next to her))
GC: Why doesn't she use her powers? Hello bard. I'm talking to you? (turns to find Melissa passed out flat) (muttering) figures.
(((Xena crushes a vase. Lau Ma: would you kill a Mosquito with an axe?)))
GC: what kind of axe?
MM: I think you are missing the p....uhm....(weak smile)...Good question.
(((Lau Ma demonstrates the lethal potential of a hair broach)))
MM: (inward smile)
GC: Gimme that. (rips the hair broach out of Melissa's hair)
MM: (pout)
(((Xena: "I could serve you if that's what you mean." Lau Ma: "of course you can. It's easy to serve someone you love. You feel it will make them love you all the more.)))
GC: Melissa, why do you serve me?
MM: What choice do I have?
GC: Ha ha funny. Now tell me, why?
MM: (droll grin) Silencing my will.
GC: (blank stare)
MM: love?
GC: (blank stare)
MM: (whimper)
(((Xena: "I'd rather die" Lau Ma: " You've been dead for a long time Xena, I'm giving you the chance to live.")))
GC: Just how many second chances did that woman get?!
MM: was this before...
GC: Yeah, before Cirra.
MM: (censored)
GC: I know. And watch your thoughts.
(((Lau Ma after Xena had served Ming Tzu: "for a few hours you actually silenced your will. To Conquer others is to have power, to conquer yourself is to know the way.")))
MM: (idea) Say Goddess...
GC: What a crock.
MM: (darn) never mind.
(((Lau Ma keeps her husband in a coma)))
GC: that woman is sure full of contradictions.
(((Gabrielle slaps Xena)))
Callisto slaps Melissa.
MM: hey! What was that for?
GC: Bards should not slap warriors.
MM: But I didn't, Gabreille did.
GC: (slap) don't question me.
(((Lau Ma heals Xena's leg)))
GC: I could do that. Lay down bard.
MM: But Goddes, my leg isn't....(SNAP).....AAAAAAUUUUUUUHHHH!
GC: shut up ya big baby.
For the record, the Goddess was wrong, she couldn't do *that* and so much like Evil Xena, the bard now hobbled along with a cane.
MM: (scowl)
GC: oh get over it.
(((Xena and Gabby make up. Gabby scratches Xena's nose)))
GC: you'd just be dead.
MM: I know.
(((Lau Ma wraps Xena in a drape and spins her into the air)))
MM: Don't even think about it G... (The Bard suddenly finds herself spinning, well more like careening, through the air.) (turning greenish) (oh dear Goddess not again)
GC: Don't even think about it B....(suddenly finds herself covered in bard puke)
Once again time stopped, only this time not even the Zamboni driver could adequately pick up the stain that was once Melissa, Mayor of Cirra, bard to the Goddess Callisto, and one heck of a remote control.
(((Xena suggests a dice game with big stakes: "Winner gets me and a body part from each of the losers)))
GC: (big grin) Say Melissa, would you like to play a game?
MM: (an empatic) No!
GC: (gets the dice) (gives one set to Melissa)
MM: I said no.
GC: (Shakes the dice) (with great excitement) Roll bard!
MM: I'm not playing. (voice cracks) (lip quivering) please.
GC: I'll just take your left pinky toe. You don't need it now anyway, what with your limp. (rolls her dice) (blank stare) uhm.....never mind. (quickly scoops up the dice)
MM: wait a second, what did you get?
GC: I said, never mind.
(((Xena is about to be executed, but escapes using some sort of psychic energy photon power)))
GC: oh great. I mean, yeah right.
(((Ming Tien: "you made me Xena, you taught me to be the monster that I am.")))
MM: That sounds familiar.
GC: I said it first.
MM: defensive aren't we?
GC: excuse me?
MM: And you said it much better.
(((Ming Tien talking about his mother: "Turns out she was a sentimental fool.")))
GC: Can't he come up with any of his own lines?
(((Xena to Gabby: "you were right I didn't have to resolve this with murder. I finally understood Lau Ma's message and I made him small again.)))
GC: Please. Spare us the theatrics Xena.
(((Gabby: "I love you Xena." Xena: "love you too Gabrielle")))
MM: (looks at Callisto)
GC: yeah right.
MM: (inward smile)
GC: shut up.
(((Ming Tien has been murdered)))
MM: (mouth agape) She lied...to her bard.
GC: (shrug)
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