MM: (sitting on the sofa)(reaching for the last M&M only to discover it's missing) Goddess.
GC: What?
MM: You know perfectly well, what.
GC: (blank stare)
MM: Did you eat the last M&M?
GC: (innocent grin) no.
MM: Then where did it go?
GC: Do I look like the great tracker of M&M's too you? I have no idea where it went.
MM: (arching an eyebrow)
GC: Stop interrogating me and put the tape in.
MM: *sigh* This one is called, Gabrielle's Hope.
GC: *yawn* A bard's hope. Great. How exciting can that be? Why didn't they just call it Melissa's Hope?
MM: (mumble) Now there's an oxymoron.
GC: What did you just call me?
MM: (color drains from her face) thatisnotwhatImeant. (whimper)
GC: oh buck up, I'm teasing. (ruffles melissa's hair)
MM: (blank stare)
GC: how's that? (arching an eyebrow) something on your mind?
MM: no.
GC: I thought not. *sigh* well go ahead and turn on the show then. Might as well get this over with. (mutter) What kind of hopes could a bard possibly have that would be of interest anyway?
MM: (Goddess Callisto says, "sure Melissa, I'll fix your broken leg and your sprained ankle. Really it was wrong of me to do that to you in the first place. I mean you do so much for me. I am forever in your debt my wonderfully talented bar..." )
*smack*
MM: (lurches forward, head bounces off the coffee table)
GC: Snap out of it bard. How many times have I warned you about daydreaming? Hmmmm?
MM: (mumble)
GC: (sharply) How's that?
MM: many times Goddess, many times.
GC: right. Anyway I don't know what you are complaining about I fixed your leg, didn't I?
MM: (blank stare)
GC: Well?
MM: Yes - but you broke the other one.
GC: You're just never happy are you?
(((Gabrielle is in a field with flowers, the sun is shining, Meridian shows up, and the two women embrace)))
GC: (muttering) Sweet mother of Morpheus, I don't think I can handle 45 minutes of this love feast.
(((A knife floats through the air, Gabrielle grabs it and stabs Meridian)))
GC: (eyes light up)
MM: Looks like somebody spoke out of turn, no Goddess?
GC: bite me. ... ... (never turning way from the television, Callisto holds up her index finger in the direction of the bard, indicating an unspoken, no.)
MM: (clamps her mouth shut) (rats)
(((Turns out the killing was a dream)))
GC: Do all bards have such violent dreams?
MM: Yes.
(((Gabrielle throws up)))
GC: (shudder) bard puke.
MM: At least the DoN is warlord enough not to run away.
GC: shut up.
(((Xena: "Your body and your dreams are just reacting to your first kill.")))
GC: (shudders with the memory)
MM: you ok?
GC: draft.
(((Xena: "I remember my first kill.")))
GC: oh goodie, a trip down memory lane.
(((Banshees show up: "Gabrielle we honor you.")))
MM: Finally somebody that knows how to treat a bard.
GC: I think, I know how to treat a bard Melissa.
MM: (quizzical look)
GC: (arching an eyebrow)
MM: oh....uh...*cough cough*...what do you think of the Banshees' outfits?
GC: A tad understated for my tastes. Why? You like?
MM: not particularly-NO!
GC: Relax. They are hardly befitting of a bard. Well at least one of your stature.
MM: Uhm...thanks...I suppose.
(((Xena to the Banshees: "Well this is your lucky day. My friend's not feeling well.")))
GC: What movie is she watching? Those bard protectors were kicking her hinder.
(((Gabby: "and I thought the Greek Immortals were freaks.")))
MM: (you're telling me.)
GC: Excuse me?
MM: DoH! I didn't think that out loud did I?
(((Xena: "yeah but they're our freaks.")))
MM: (looks at Callisto) (smile)
(((Xena and Gabrielle go into a tavern)))
GC: Do the words Temperance mean anything to these two? I swear if I had a dinar for every time they went into a bar, I'd be sipping Slurpies down by the sea shore right now.
MM: (blank stare) (g) you mean selling sea shells?
GC: What the Tartarus would I be selling sea shells for? (rolls her eyes)
MM: you know, with Sally?
GC: (blank stare)
MM: ...selling sea shells...down by the sea shore.
GC: (why me?)
(((Xena orders some chicken broth for Gabby)))
GC: Chicken broth? That's a rather bland meal for a bard.
MM: Her stomach was upset remember?
GC: oh yeah right, first kill and all that.
(((Gabby orders: cherries, beef jerky, and pork liver - bloody - with cheese melted over it.)))
GC: (crinkles up her nose) yuck. Melissa, why would she eat that stuff?
MM: Why are you asking me?
GC: I don't know, I just figured it was some sort of bard thing.
MM: Goddess, have you ever once seen me eat bloody pork liver with cherries?
GC: Well I...
MM: Ok there was that one time, but it was a special occasion, so it doesn't count.
(((Gabby orders: Goat's cream)))
GC: (shiver)
(((and chicken gizzards fried in sheep lard)))
GC: (Throws up)
MM: (blank stare) (covered in Goddess puke) Thanks Wendy.
GC: oops.
MM: (muttering) Oh no bard, I have no idea where the last M&M went. Yeah, right. (picking regurgitated chocolate chunks from her hair)
(((Villagers yell: "Burn the witch")))
GC: She's not a witch! She's not a witch!
MM: (in spite of her best efforts - LOL)
GC: Well look at her for Zeus-sake, she weighs at least 3 stones more than a duck I'd say.
MM & GC: (break into an hysterical fit of laughter)
(((Xena is in a sword fight with a the soldiers of the Pierced Heart)))
GC: Hey Xena! Your bard's on fire. (LOL)
MM: (scoots over)
GC: oh relax. You know I wouldn't burn you. (flicks a lit match in Melissa's general direction)
MM: (blank stare)
GC: what?
(((Gabrielle poll vaults to freedom)))
MM: (inward smile) bardic ingenuity in action
GC: more like dumb luck.
MM: That's what I said. (little goofy grin)
GC: (giggle)
(((Xena saves Gabby from the mob)))
MM: Would you save me from a mob of blood thirsty villagers Goddess?
GC: depends.
MM: depends?!
GC: yes depends on whether I set them on you in the first place.
MM: oh. But if you didn't then you'd save me right?
GC: depends.
MM: (blank stare)
GC: Would I actually have to go out of my way to rescue you or would this hypothetical mob chase you into my general direction?
MM: never mind.
GC: no, seriously. Because if they did chase you right by me, I just might be inclined to stop them.
MM: Is it just me or could the love in this room choke Aphrodite.
GC: it's just you.
(((Xena turns around and Gabrielle is missing)))
MM: She should keep better track of her bard.
GC: Yeah or install a tracking devise like I...
MM: (blank stare)
GC: ...er...she should keep better track of her bard.
(((The banshees put Gabrielle in a sack-like garment)))
MM: Don't even think ab- *sigh*
GC: It looks positively hideous on you bard. But if it's good enough for the irritating blonde, well then it's good enough for you too.
(((Banshee to Gabby: "You carry within you the child that will bring a new order to the world. The child of darkness.")))
MM: bummer.
(((Banshees knock Xena around, so Xena grabs Gabby by the arm and runs for it)))
GC: Run away, run away, just like my little Hercules.
MM: Goddess put the dagger away.
GC: (blank stare)
MM: I mean it, I just reupholstered the sofa.
GC: (mutter)
MM: And you can stop picking at the threads too missy.
(((Xena runs across the valley pulling Gabby along behind her. The two hide in a castle. Xena says to Gabby in reference to the lovely sack-like garb: "why don't you take this off")))
MM: Geez give a bard a chance to catch her breath, why don't you?
GC: Get your mind out of the gutter she just meant that the bard shouldn't be wearing gifts from the Banshees.
MM: So did I. What did you think I meant?
GC: ::blush:: uhm....nothing.
(((Gabby: "What's going on?" X: "I think you're pregnant. I'd say you're in your 4th month..." G: "That's ridiculous. Xena, I'm having an hysterical reaction to killing Meridian.")))
GC: Pretty sure you can't get pregnant that way.
MM: Well, you should know.
GC: cute.
(((Xena throws a blanket on a haystack for Gabby to lay on)))
GC: (looks at Melissa) right, so she doesn't sleep in the hay.
MM: shut up.
(((Xena attempts to help Gabrielle relax by rubbing the sides of her head)))
GC: hey bard would you like me to...
MM: Are you kidding? You couldn't even massage my shoulders without sending me to the hospital. You think I'm going to let you near my...
*CRUNCH*
MM: (whimper) Trancer.
(((Gabrielle begins to go into labor)))
GC: What's going on?
MM: she's having a baby.
GC: I can see that bard, what I meant was...
(((sky goes dark, thunder and lightning begins)))
GC: (eyes widen)
(((cue scary Dahak music and the animals getting maniacal look in their eyes)))
MM: Goddess let go of my arm...please...you're hurting me.
(((light)))
MM: Look Goddess, it's a girl! Uh...Goddess?
GC: (passed out flat)
MM: hrmmm?
GC: (opens her eyes) Don't even think about it bard.
MM: I wasn't. (drops the magic marker)
(((Gabby says to Xena: "Don't let them kill my baby")))
GC: It's not them you need to worry about dear heart.
(((a soldier of the Pierced Heart: "You're both sentimental fools")))
GC: Can nobody on these shows come up with their own lines for Zeus-sake?!
(((Gabrielle names the baby - Hope)))
MM: Wait! That's Hope?
GC: obviously. Pay attention will you.
MM: (LOL) The one that rescu...
GC: (glare)
MM: ...er...I mean the one that found...uhm, the one that interrupted you in the lava pit, is Gabrielle's daughter? (little goofy grin)
GC: (silently stews)
MM: (giggle)
GC: Stop that.
(((Xena removes a sword from a stone)))
GC: Big deal. Who does she think she is, the King of Britannia?
MM: well actually....
GC: (arches an eyebrow)
MM: uhm...who does she think she is?
(((G: "Xena if you were truly my friend you would stop thinking of her as a symbol of an evil God.")))
GC: A rose by any other name sweet-cheeks.
MM: (blank stare)
GC: What? I can say sweet-cheeks.
MM: apparently.
(((Gabrielle: "Well you get this clear Xena, no matter what she is, she is my daughter.")))
MM: You tell her bard.
GC: (blank stare)
MM: What? I can say ... ... what's the matter with her? That's the demon child.
GC: Good girl.
(((Gabby is sleeping in the hay)))
GC: (smile)
MM: So what. The DoN is sleeping standing up.
GC: She's not sleeping Melissa, she's standing guard.
MM: Well she looks like she's sleeping to me.
GC: to the untrained bard, of course she would.
(((warrior of the Pierced Heart sneaks out of the room)))
MM: Good thing the DoN was standing guard.
GC: (Slowly turns to look at the bard) (flicks her between the eyes)
(((Xena goes after the missing warrior and leaves another warrior to look after Gabrielle and the baby.)))
GC: She trusts him?
MM: I didn't know you cared Goddess.
GC: I don't. And you are pressing your luck my friend.
(((Xena thinks Hope killed a knight of the Pieced Heart and decides that the baby must die. "It's not a baby. Its a thing in the form of a baby. A dark wicked thing that must be destroyed.)))
GC: oh so now I see. And I suppose a bunch of women and children in a small farming village were what, a herd of snake-haired Gorgon Monsters?
(((Xena kicks some Banshee hinder)))
GC: how convenient.
MM: (run Gabby)
GC: (pops the bard in the back of the head) don't encourage her.
MM: she can't hear me Goddess she's on TV, besides that's not the real Gabrielle anyway just a...
GC: (pops the bard in the back of the head) don't question me.
(((Gabrielle takes off on horse, but Xena nearly catches up her on foot)))
GC: Yeah, right.
(((Gabrielle yells for Xena then tells her that she saw the evil in Hope and tossed her over the cliff)))
MM: (blank stare) (mouth agape)
GC: apparently hanging out with Xena has finally affected.
MM: She just... (comes out sort squeaky)
GC: oh get over it already, I have.
(((Xena hears a noise in a cave)))
GC: that lying bard.
(((Xena doesn't find anything in the cave)))
MM: Happy? (sniffle, sniffle)
(((Baby Hope is alive floating in a basket down the river)))
GC: Happy? (flicks Melissa in the ear)
MM: (flinch)(inward smile) no.
(((Gabrielle says a prayer that Hope will "be good.")))
GC: That'll happen.
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