MM: This one is called King Con. (puts the tape into the VCR)
GC: (eyes light up with excitement) Sweet.
MM: (blank stare)
GC: I just love that monkey.
MM: No. King CON Goddess, not Kong.
GC: oh. (pout)
MM: (in best sovereign imitation) Disappointed!
GC: (giggle) shut up.
(((Joxer is gambling)))
GC: (smacks melissa in the back of the head)
MM: Hey! I didn't write the damn thing.
GC: (smack) watch your mouth. (vanishes)
Somewhere on the other side of Cirra, Liz Friedman lurches forward as if...well, as if she has just been smacked in the back of the head by an invisible Goddess.
GC: (re-materializing) what'd I miss?
MM: The DoN got her hinder kicked by the bard. Her soul was killed and everyone had a great big old party where they took turns throwing cream pies at her.
GC: a simple "nothing" would have sufficed.
(((Some con artists trick Joxer out of his money and then proceed to congratulate each other)))
GC: big deal. It's Joxer.
(((Gabrielle has a sprained ankle)))
MM: (sure Gabrielle only sprains her ankle and the DoN won't even let her walk, but my leg is busted in three places and Goddess makes me hobble all over Cirra running errands and...)
GC: (arching an eyebrow)
MM: (...and of course I am loving every minute of it.) (g)
GC: *sigh* *inward grimace* Alright, I'm in a benevolent mood. Would you prefer a sprained ankle?
MM: what kind of trick question is that? Would I "prefer" a....(the bard's ankle suddenly buckles under)...ahhhh...(grimace)....(glare) ... Goddess, the word prefer would suggest that I get a choice, either a broken leg OR a sprained ankle. Aside from the fact that you never even let me choose, I now have BOTH!
GC: (shrug)
(((Gabrielle claims that she can read Xena's mind)))
GC: I could do that.
MM: Big deal. You're a god.
GC: (Censored)
MM: You wouldn't.
GC: (BEG)
MM: uh....please?
(((Joxer gets thrashed. Xena saves him)))
GC: Bard. Get Liz on the phone.
(((Xena: "where did you get that sword?" Rafe: "They say I take after my father in that respect.")))
MM: ::blush::
GC: (smacks the bard in the back of the head) you shouldn't get that.
MM: I don't.
GC: damn right.
(((Xena rapidly taps her dagger between Rafe's fingers)))
GC: Put your hand out bard.
MM: You have got to be kidding?
GC: Do I look like I'm kidding?
MM: (reluctantly puts her hand on the coffee table) Ok but keep in mind this is my remote control hand.
GC: (frowns) Put your other hand out.
Doorbell rings. (Or rather screams)
MM: I'll get it! (phew) (saved by the bell) (hobbles over to the door and opens it)
Liz: (punches the bard in the face) oops. (steps over Melissa's body) Callisto!
GC: You want it, Come and get it.
Liz: (stalks toward Callisto) (sees King Con is on the TV) oh. Uhm, never mind. I probably deserved that. (rubs the back of her head) But it wasn't my idea, you know. Damn writers.
GC: (furrows her brow)
Liz: bards.
GC: say no more. (looks at Melissa) I know *exactly* what you mean.
MM: (scowl) (picks herself up off the floor and hobbles back to the sofa)
GC: see.
Liz: what's the matter with her anyway?
GC: (blank stare)
Liz: I mean - physically.
GC: oh. Broken leg, sprained ankle. The usual.
Liz: So why don't you just fix it?
GC: (blank stare) sometimes you Hollywood types make no sense at all.
Liz: It's a gift.
(((Rafe talking about Xena: "I mean her. What do you make of her?" Eldon: "Trust me Rafe, no man would make her.")))
MM & GC: ::blush::
Liz: I don't get it.
(((Rafe bets Eldon 30 dinars he can get Xena to kiss him)))
MM: Suckers bet.
GC & Liz: (blank stare)
MM: Er...I mean, that's just wrong.
(((Gabby is taking care of Joxer's wounds)))
GC: (shudder) (eyes flick toward the door)
Liz: that's it, I'm out of here. (leaves)
GC: wimp.
(((Xena vows to take Titus for all he's worth)))
MM: What a hassle. Why doesn't she just kill him?
GC: (with disgust) over Joxer?
MM: good point.
(((Xena is in the casino)))
GC: Remember when we went to Vegas bard?
MM: (shudder) yes.
GC: would you like to go back sometime?
MM: Not particularly.
GC: (we'll leave in the morning)
(((Gabrielle is captured and held at dagger point)))
GC: That's one.
(((Xena changes her clothes in front of Rafe)))
GC: close your eyes bard.
MM: (eyes close)
GC: and stop peaking.
MM: rats.
(((Xena: "give me that hat." Rafe: "What do you say?")))
MM: (mumbling) or else.
(((Xena: "or else.")))
GC: Hey did you watch this episode already?
MM: No, I just happen to know a thing or two about pushy warlords.
GC: oh. ... HEY!
(((Gabby: "Joxer, lay still or I'll restrain you.)))
MM: ...
GC: ...
MM: ::blush::
GC: stop that.
(((Titus: "so she's a friend of this little pissant, is she?")))
GC: I really hate when other people incorporate my words.
MM: (I will not remind her that she stole the word from Xena, I will not remind her that she stole the word from ...)
GC: (glare)
MM: (...Xe...er the Destroyer of Nations.) (little goofy grin)
GC: knock it off pissant.
(((Xena pulls the old switch-a-roo on Leo, stealing the ruby necklace)))
MM: Right. I have no idea how she can possibly hide so many things in her cleavage.
GC: Of course *you* wouldn't.
MM: Shut up.
(((Joxer is missing. Gabby: "It's all my fault. I should have hog tied him when he asked me to.")))
MM: Goddess...
GC: I thought you would never ask!
MM: (hog tied) I didn't. I mean, I wasn't. I just wanted you to pass the popcorn.
GC: oops. I almost forgot. (shoves a sock in the bard's mouth)
MM: (thank the Gods I just did the laundry)
GC: (thank the Gods I had the foresight to snag this sock out of the basket before she actually washed it.)
(((Xena rescues Joxer)))
MM: (Mumble, Mumble)
GC: What? Speak up.
MM: (blank stare)
GC: (mutters) Alright fine. (removes the sock from Melissa's mouth)
MM: See. You are suppose to rescue people who are gaged and bound not drag them around the room.
GC: No hun, I'm the bad guy. Xena's the one with the petty scruples.
MM: (at a rare loss for words)
GC: (bg) Silly bard. (ruffles Melissa's hair) (shoves the sock back in her mouth)
(((Rafe puts cards in Xena's hair)))
Callisto puts cards in Melissa's hair.
MM: (great)
GC: How's that? (removes the sock)
MM: I said Thanks.
(((Rafe gives Xena a massage)))
GC: Say bard would you like...
MM: NO!
GC: (moves behind Melissa)
MM: I said n.... AUGH!
GC: oh shut up ya big baby.
45 minutes later.....
Trancer: Goddess, how many times must I tell you? A massage does not involve the Vulcan nerve pinch.
GC: Whatever.
(((Titus refuses to play cards for Leo: "Good bye son")))
GC: He's my kind of people.
(((Rafe is stabbed))
MM: Let the blood letting being!
GC: (scoots over)
(((Xena doesn't get mad, she gets all sad)))
MM: (Something smells in the City-State of Sparta)
GC: (blurts out) Wasn't me. Er..I mean damn Chihuahua.
MM: (blank stare)
(((Xena plays cards with Titus and wins)))
GC: yeah yeah, many skills, we know the drill.
(((Titus grabs Gabrielle and puts a dagger at her throat)))
GC: Bingo! That's twice. Pay up bard.
MM: yes but the first time doesn't count because it was on purpose, part of th..and she...on purpose....*sigh*...(gives Callisto 30 dinars)
(((Rafe is not dead)))
MM: HA! I knew it. Pay up Goddess.
GC: fine. Which do you want fixed, your ankle or your leg?
MM: both, I should think.
GC: but...
MM: That was the bet Goddess.
GC: How ‘bout, I just give you back your 30 dinars. Hmmm?
MM: no.
GC: 60?
MM: No Goddess, I...(frown)...You can't do it, can you?
GC: (averts eye contact)
MM: perfect.
GC: (in best sovereign imitation) Disappointed!
MM: (giggle) shut up.
(((Xena saves the day)))
GC: Now that's orignal. Turn it off and lay down.
MM: Excuse me?
GC: I'm going to heal your leg.
MM: You're not Lau Ma Goddess, just will it better.
GC: You have no artistic vision, do you bard?
Tune in to the next exciting episode review to find out if The Goddess Callisto will FINALLY heal the poor innocent bard's broken leg.
GC: was that last bit really necessary.
MM: probably not.
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