The bard hobbled into the TV Room [formerly known as the living/family room, but who were they kidding right? It's all about television.]
GC: Hey hoppy.
MM: (mumbling) shut up.
GC: (arching an eyebrow)
MM: Yes I said - Shut up. Look you gave me this blasted limp, the least you could do is not mock me over it.
GC: bite me.
MM: don't tempt me.
GC: (arching an eyebrow)
MM: (in her best Callisto voice, that's right the bard does voices) oh look at me I'm a Goddess. I can heal broken bones. Surely if Lau Ma can do it......
GC: (low growl) bard.
MM: Pushing it?
GC: oh yeah.
MM: Thought so. Hey (nervous laugh) would you look at this. This weeks DoN is called, Forgiven. Prophetic no?
GC: Just put the tape in. And hop on over here.
MM: (blank stare) (Elysian Fields calm and green...) (puts the tape in the VCR)
(((Apollo worshipers chanting)))
GC: (yawn) Dahak again?
MM: No not Dahak, Apollo.
GC: (blank stare)
MM: sun god.
GC: I know who Apollo is Melissa, I just don't know why you are questioning me.
MM: I wasn't, I...
GC: what are you doing right now, then? Hmmmm?
MM: I...
GC: *think* before you answer.
MM: questioning you.
GC: Exactly. Now come here. (gestures for the bard to move closer and flicks her between the eyes) Don't do that.
(((Forgiveness ceremony)))
GC: why doesn't my Temple have one of those?
MM: not in your nature.
GC: oh yeah, that's right.
(((Xena and Gabrielle are in a tavern)))
GC: Figures.
(((Punk kid named Tara throws liquid (could be wine, could be water...don't know) on Gabrielle)))
MM: Oh that was real mature. (suddenly finds herself covered in Dr Pepper) (clenching her teeth)(...song birds singing, so serene....)
GC: (innocent smile) what?
(((Gabby: "What's your problem?" Tara: "Your face.")))
GC: (ROTFWL)
MM: (blank stare)
GC: did you hear that bard? (lol) Your face. (lol) Say Melissa?
MM: No.
GC: please. (bats eyelashes)
MM: I said....*sigh*.....oh alright, but just this once. (in her best Gabrielle impression) What's your problem?
GC: Your face. (ROTFWL)
MM: Yeah, real funny Goddess. ... ... Now get up.
GC: spoil sport.
(((Tara thrashes Gabby, hitting her with a chair, bashing her face into the table, scratching her face up and biting her ear)))
MM: Don't even think about it Godd...
GC: *CHOMP*
MM: OUCH! (grabbing her ear)
GC: oh you know you liked it.
MM: (blood running between her fingers) (blank stare)
GC: wimp.
(((Xena steps in)))
MM: Now we're gonna see some serious hinder kickin!
GC: (blank stare)
MM: Ooops sorry. Was that out loud?
GC: It most certainly was.
(((however, much to Melissa's disappointment Xena doesn't kick the girl's hinder...heck she didn't even smack the kid)))
MM: (pout)
GC: What? Not even a little kick in the rear? (pout)
MM: Goddess, if someone...say, I don't know, Pandora for instance, were to knock the Tartarus out of me like that, would you kick her hinder for me?
GC: (thinking) Hrmmmm? That *is* a tough one.
MM: Goddess!
GC: Hey, cut me some slack. She's the only reliable source for Waxed Lips in all Cirra.
(((Tara follows Xena and Gabby. G: "are we going to let her stalk us like this?")))
GC: Like you should talk.
MM: (g)(now that's the pot calling the kettle Formica)
GC: shut up pissant.
(((Xena speaking of Tara: "she reminds me a little bit of me". Gabby: "I knew you were evil, but you were obnoxious too?")))
MM: (not unlike a certain leather clad warlord I know)
GC: When did you ever meet Xena?
MM: (blank stare)
GC: oh you mean.... HEY!
(((Tara to Xena: "and put your squeeze on them or whatever it is you call it?")))
GC: Pinch. OUCH!
MM: well you said...
GC: (blank stare)
(((Xena puts the pinch on someone...can't think of his name...generic bad guy)))
*Smack Smack*
GC: You will be dead in 30 seconds if....(pokes Melissa in the ribs)...hey wake up.
It would take Trancer and two firefighters 45 minutes to revive Melissa.
TR: Goddess how many times have we been through this?
GC: ::blush:: I was just trying...
TR: The pinch, I....OUCH!
GC: well you said....
TR: (blank stare)
(((Tara puts Gabrielle's staff in the fire)))
MM: Goddess. No.
GC: What? I wasn't even thinking about it.
(((Tara puts her bed roll next to Xena's forcing Gabby to sleep on the other side of the fire)))
MM: (brat)
GC: Where's her hay?
MM: Goddess how many times have we been through this? She doesn't always sleep under hay. It was just that one time....
GC: Like a special occasion?
MM: alright. Yes, a special occasion.
GC: Interesting. Say Melissa, have you ever sleep under the stars?
MM: You mean like camping?
GC: In my younger days I use to do it all the time.
MM: sounds nice, counting stars, watching the moon, picking out Constellations.
GC: yeah.
MM: Say, do you think maybe we could camp out some time?
GC: It's freezing outside, why would I?
MM: You sure?
GC: quite.
MM: (pout) (the bard suddenly finds herself alone in a haystack on the roof.) (it starts to snow...coincidence Goddess assures us.) This is not at all what I had in mind.
GC: (bg) careful what you wish for.
(((Tara asks Xena how one knows when one is doing good)))
GC: You're asking *her*?
(((Tara: "It's just that I'm not sure I'll figure out this being good thing." Xena: "You will, I believe in you.")))
GC: oh well *that* just makes all the difference.
MM: (now we can be the best of friends)
GC: Now we can be the best of friends. Here's what I think of your...
MM: (hey wait! She didn't...)
GC: ...apology Xena.
MM: Goddess, Please don't sp... (frown)(wiping Goddess spittle from her brow)
(((Gabby: "She knows I'm not perfect, she loves me anyway. That's what friendship is about.")))
GC: Is that true?
MM: Yes.
GC: You sure?
MM: yes.
GC: oh. Well you certainly aren't perfect.
MM: Gee thanks....I love you too.
(((Tara to Gabby: "Look, do you want to be a sidekick all your life?")))
GC: (looks at Melissa)
MM: You know I do Goddess.
GC: Good girl. (ruffles the bard's hair)
(((Gabrielle and Tara are caught by the generic bad people.)))
GC: Oh gee...I wonder....will Xena save them? The suspense is killing me.
(((Gab and Tara are buried up to there necks, Axes ready to chop into their heads once the rope burns through)))
GC: (sigh) They just don't make death traps like they use to.
(((Xena gives Tara a lecture: "Acting like a selfish brat is bad")))
GC: see. Told you.
MM: for the last time - just because that one time you didn't....I am not selfish!
(((Tara to Gabby: "oh you think I'm scared of you because you got that stick, huh.)))
MM: Kick her hinder bard!
(((much to Melissa's enjoyment, Gabby did.)))
MM: YES! (lapsing into some sort of bardic warrior state) (whips her staff through the air)
GC: (ducking) Hey watch it.
*TWACK*
Time stopped.
Literally.
GC: I let you do that. (rubbing her nose)
(((Tara tells Xena and Gabby about her family, Mom's dead, dad drinks, beats her, nobody loves her)))
GC: Wasn't that just on Springer?
MM: How should I know? I don't watch that garbage.
GC: Yeah right. I AM a Goddess you know. (in a perfect Velasca imitation, yes Goddess does voices too) You can't hide from MeEeeeeeeee. (wink)
MM & GC: (break into fit of hysterical laughter)
MM: Oh Goddess you're the best. (lol)
(((Xena tells Gabby: "You did everything right, including a little tough love.")))
GC: Tough love? Is that anything like (whispers something into Melissa's ear)
MM: ::blush:: uh...not exactly.
(((The gang plays Charades)))
MM: Goddess?
GC: no.
MM: Please. (bats eyelashes)
GC: I said no.
(((Tara sneaks away in the night)))
GC: right, like Xena wouldn't hear her.
MM: You never know.
GC: She's a warrior for Zeus-sake! She'd know.
MM: (shrug)
(((Xena beats up the bad guys, saves the urn, and quite possibly the soul of one young brunette brat)))
GC: don't you have any episodes where Xena loses? Or at least looks foolish? Breaks a nail perhaps? Something. Because quite frankly, these are beginning to play like the same old torture everyday, everyday.
MM: We only watch once a week, what are you talking about.
GC: uh....never mind.
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