The Goddess and her bard sat in front of the big screen watching...well, cartoons of course. Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner to be exact. While Melissa insisted that the Coyote was never going to actually win, Callisto, being older and wiser, not to mention a Goddess, was certain that the writers wouldn't create such a crafty foe only to have him die over and over again. And so, much to the bard's annoyance, they never missed an episode. As usual, Melissa was having a hard time keeping from espousing a long diatribe about how TPTB were never going to allow the hero to be defeated, no matter how much his soul deserved to be killed...but the duct tape helped. However on this day, it was apparent from Melissa's inability to sit still that she had something extra special important on her mind, so naturally Callisto just ignored her.
GC: You can just stop it with the Little Hercules eyes right now, it's not going to work. (Just ignore her Callisto) (frustrated sigh) Oh alright. What is it? (rips the duct tape from Melissa's mouth)
MM: (ignoring the tears of pain rolling down my cheeks) I was just wondering when we were going to get to watch the Destroyer of Nations this week?
GC: (pensive stare) What's it to you?
MM: Well I heard there was this one part w....
GC: Heard from who?
MM: (DoH!) uhm never mind.
GC: Come on bard, spill it! You know these tapes are strictly off limits. So who watched it?
MM: (must not tell, must protect...) (blurts out) Darth! It was Darth Skeye alright. (sorry Darth, I held off as long as I could)
GC: (vanishes)
Moments later, Trancer comes running down the stairs, grabs her coat and heads out the door. Approximately 55 minutes later (traffic), she would return mumbling something about the bard and paying, or was that pain? (shrug)
GC: (rematerializing) ok back. Now what is this episode called that has you so excited?
MM: The Quill is Mightier...
GC: (smile creeps across her lips) Mightier than what? A noodle?
MM: Yeah yeah, very funny.
GC: A piece of cheese perhaps?
MM: (blank stare)
GC: Wait! I know - lint. No, Fluff. Tick tacks? A slinky. A lady bug. Non-stick Pam (tm)....
MM: Alright. (holds up dismissive hand) That'll do.
GC: a diploma from the university of Las Vegas?
MM: (muttering) Nevada, Las Vegas thank you very much.
(((Aphrodite's temple is covered in graffiti)))
MM: she's going to be pi....
GC: (raises her hand to smack the bard)
MM: ...er not going to be happy.
GC: (SMACK)
MM: (rubbing the back of my head) (shoulda just said pissed)
GC: (THWACK)
(((Aphrodite "Delinquent losers! I have half a mind to hit you with...)))
GC & MM & Ares: A love bolt?
MM: Jinxed! You owe me a DR Pepper!
GC: I owe you nothing.
MM: I was talking to the God of Love.
GC: war.
MM: Looooove. (comes out really throaty)
GC: stop that.
(((Ares convinces Aphrodite that everything is Gabrielle's fault)))
GC & MM: oh sure, blame the bard.
MM: Jinxed! You owe me a DR. Pepper!
GC: (grimace) Look bard....
MM: (attempting to suppress a giggle)
GC: ...what's so funny?
MM: (lol) It's just that the only other people who blurt things out at the same time as I do, are Trancer, Matt, and Jeff.
GC: I do not blurt.
MM: ...And well, they all turned out to be long lost oddity twins and...now you....just...(suddenly not so sure it's all that funny)...uhm...
GC: I what?
MM: never mind.
(((Gabby describes the joys of starting a fresh scroll)))
MM: Mmmmmmm. New scroll.
GC: (scoots over)
(((Gabby "here try it." puts the scroll under Xena's nose)))
GC: so help me bard, if that scroll comes within 2 leagues of my nose, it's going to wind up some where rather uncomfortable.
MM: (drops the scroll)
(((Aphrodite casts a spell on the scroll so that everything Gabby writes happens)))
MM: Goddess! (grabbing Callisto's arm) I know what I want for my birthday.
GC: No.
MM: please Goddess. I never ask you for anything. And well it is my birthday and...
GC: So help me bard, if you do not let go of my arm...
MM: (releases Callisto's arm)
(((Gabby deflects a sword with her mighty Abs)))
GC: Hmmmm. Interesting. (peaks at Melissa out of the corner of her eye)
MM: don't even think about it Goddess.
(((All the barbarians run away)))
MM: Wimps.
GC: What did you expect? A bard wrote them.
MM: Goddess I think even I could write a barbarian that doesn't run from a brat in a BGSB. Red sure, but Green? Please.
GC: well sure *you* could. But you're not just any bard. You're mine.
MM: (----------- beaming, blushing, and terrified by that remark all at once.
(((Gabby writes: all the food is free and the drinks are on the house...and they are!)))
MM: Pleeeeasssse Goddess.
GC: I said no.
(((Gabby writes that the Barbarians go West, no East, no disappear from the land, no go to a cave and fall asleep.)))
MM & GC: how pathetic.
MM: Jin...(finds herself unceremoniously dumped in the nearest trash receptacle)..xed.
(((fed up Gabby decides she is never going to write again.)))
GC: Hey you know, on second thought. Perhaps an enchanted scroll is not such a bad idea.
The Trash Can proceeds to do a little happy dance.
GC: (rolling her eyes) Get your hinder out of there. (hands Melissa an enchanted scroll) Never let it be said that I am not benevolent.
MM: how about if I *write* it? (evil grin)
GC: If you wish to write that I am NOT benevolent in the scrolls there, go for it.
MM: oh. (thinking) (evil grin) (look out Jox Junior, it's pay back time)(Scribes: The Goddess awoke with a jerk) (sits back waits for the lightening show)
Time passes. Rooster Crows.
MM: (yawn. stretching. I'll rise, but I refuse to shine.)
GC: (sits up spiting hay out of her mouth)
MM: (This is not at all what I had in mind.)
GC: WHAT THE!!
(((Gabrielle writes: War lost all it's powers. And Ares fell from the sky, powerless.)))
GC: (LOL)
(((Gabby writes: The force that enchanted the scrolls lost its powers. And Aphrodite fell from the sky.)))
GC: (LOL)
(((Aphrodite: "Hey, don't believe everything you hear about blondes.")))
GC: (frown) what's that suppose to mean? Hey bard, I'm talking to you. Stop writing and listen to me.
MM: (absently) you're right Goddess. (looking skyward)(frown)
GC: That's it! Gimme that! (jerks the scroll from Melissa's hands) (reading) And war lost all it's powers. (blank stare)
MM: it was worth a try.
GC: *A* try? You've written it 436 times!
MM: And 437 actually.
GC: (blank stare)
MM: uhm....on the back.
GC: (turns the scroll over) (rolling her eyes) You know, if you would have capitalized War just one time, you might have gotten somewhere with this. (shrug) oh well. (crumples up the scroll and tosses it in the nearest trash receptacle.)
MM: (eyes dart toward the trash)
GC: leave it.
(((in an attempt to bring Xena to them it is decided to describe her.))) GC & MM & Ares: Leather. *cough cough* uh...mention the leather. (insert long awkward pause) Well *that* was uncomfortable.....
(((Gabby writes: "Carrying the whip of Xena")))
MM: say, Goddess wasn't that what the DoN used when...
GC: shut up pissant.
(((Joxer writes a poem bringing forth 3 naked dancing Gabrielles)))
GC: (eyes dart toward the trash can)
MM: leave it.
(((Ares and Gabrielle come across some wagon tracks)))
MM: Those are pretty deep ruts, looks like they may have been carrying a load of dinars.
GC: (inward pride) So?
(((Ares refuses to help: "Are you kidding? I'm mortal. I might be killed.")))
GC: Wimp. ... Coward. ... Weakling. ... Chicken ...
MM: Yes, I hear you Goddess.
GC: (inward smile, ok who are we kidding Goddess is grinning from ear to ear)
(((Xena takes out an entire army with a bunch of fish)
GC: (muttering) yeah right.
(((Ares and Gabrielle exchange a meaningful look)))
MM: Go bard!
(((Ares: "What's that?" Flicks Gabrielle on the end of the nose)))
GC: Go Ares!
(((The End.)))
GC: Say Melissa, What's that?
MM: (this is not my life)
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