MP: Ok, Goddess we need to get you more clothes (realizing what he just said) Not that what you already have isn't absolutely wonderful, but you will want to blend in more with the general population.
GC: Oh, really?
MP: (changing subjects) Ok, you're gonna need to start with the basics. This way.
Matt meanders his way to the frilly unmentionables area. Now "meanders" isn't quite the right word, it was closer to a mosey.
MP: (eyes GC appraisingly, too scared to breech the subject of measurements) um, you'd probably fit in these. (hands Callisto three items)
GC: What is this for? I have one already and it provodes much more protection than *this*. Cheese, I mean look at this (holds it up to her face) I can see through this part.
MP: Um, you mean "JEEZ", I think. And yes, you see through it cause it's lace. A decoration. It's more of a support thing.
GC: What does it do?
MP: Lifts and seperates.
GC: I don't think I want them seperated. I like them where they are.
MP: (avoiding the obvious joke) I know, Goddess, but the thing is, the other things you have to wear would be um...well, ok, you know how when Melissa comes home and you are hiding behind the couch?
GC: yeah, our quality time.
MP: Yes, quality time. Then you leap up and then tackle her.
GC: Oh yes! (clutches hands together as if reminiscing some wonderful memories -- which she is) That is such a wonderful game.
MP: Yes, fun. Ok, the red scratches and rash that Melissa gets on her knees when you force her into that maneuver you saw in one of those magazines?
GC: The Korean Spine Cruncher? I love those Big Time Wrestling books of yours. Whatever happened to them?
MP: Lost them. Anyway, ok, imagine carpet burn (whispers in her ear)
GC: I want seven.
MP: Okily Dokily. I got Melissa's card right here, go nuts and buy a few more.
GC: Ok, what are these? (holds up a pair of items)
MP: ok, you'll love these. They're soft inside. Here, put your hand inside.
Goddess callisto balls up her little hand and --
GC: I can't hold a sword now.
MP: Well, that's because it goes on your feet.
GC: eyes matt suspiciously.
MP: I'm serious. It's a sock. You put it on before you put on your shoes, boot what have you.
GC: Why?
MP: (irritated) You know that callous on the ball of your foot? And the dry skin around your heel?
GC: Yeah, so.
MP: so you hate it when we have to go use the granulated gel exfoliant, cause it tickles.
GC: keep your voice down, ok, ok. What is this for? I have that on as well.
MP: Kind of like the other thing I handed you.
GC: To Tartarus wit that. I don't want my hinder lifted and seperated!
MP: It's undergarments. Just go put them on and see if they fit.
Goddess starts unsnapping thigs
MP: Sweet Meciful Crap! Not out here, in there (points to changing room)
GC: Cheese, touchy.
MP: Okay, and when youre done get dressed again, cause we're gonna need to get you some tops, maybe a nice midriff showing blouse, some jeans, jean shorts, sensible slacks, flats, an attractive pump with a modest heel, some dresses and skirts, makeup if you want it, you're more of an autum color anyway, will look good in Vegas, some sandals a nice pair with sling back straps, and a shaping, but not restricting strap across the instep, nail polish, hair spray, shampoo -- cause I'm not allowed to go and you can't use mine anymore and--
GC: All this is what a woman has to wear?
MP: fraid so.
GC: How many clothes do men have?
MP: Maybe seven dress shirts, a few dozen tee shirts, some dres slack and shorts. Two pair of jeans. The pair I'm wearing now..
GC: yeah?
MP: When I go to bed, I take them off and lay them over a chair or fold them for the next day. Wanna know when I wash them?
GC: When?
MP: When I can't fold them any more.
GC: What about these? (waves underwear at him)
MP: ...uh...(snaps out of it before Melissa or Trancer can mentally SMACK him) I have them.. Well not *those* kind. Some men do, but not me. You know that plaid pair of shorts that Melissa lounges around the house in on cleaning day and the weekends?
GC: Yeah, those are your underwear?
MP: Well, no, not that exact pair. Hers are tinier. But mine look like that. Called "Boxers" want some?
GC: No. They're a tad skimpy for my taste. Got anything in leather?
It took Trancer and two firemen 45 minutes to revive Matt.
Get your own Free Home Page