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Afterthoughts: After Five O'Clock
By: Taygeta
Joey closed her eyes, and sighed, her breath was a cloud of smoke, swirling through the cold night air. What a Saturday it had been! Could anything have made that day even worse than it already was? But somehow, there was that one moment in that day that made it just a little worthwhile. Her fingers gently touched her lips, trying to remember how his lips had felt against hers. Then she remembered, that it had been a Dare Kiss, a kiss that probably didn't mean anything to him at all.
She knew he didn't understand, she knew he didn't feel the same way, but she could have at least told him something. She had always known it was him, and whoever came along, didn't really matter as much, not even Anderson, but it was too late to say anything now. Not like she would have, it was just all to uncomfortable. Yet, she wondered, what would have happened, and what could have happened if she had only said those three, simple words? They were three words so often said in the English language, but so unspoken between themselves. Would it have made a difference, or would he even think to care? Her thoughts drifted back to what happened after 5 o'clock...
"...you can go home now," Ms. Tingle said with a nonchalant air, her yellow print dress looked brighter and gaudy underneath the library lights.
Five pairs of eyes glanced at Ms. Tingle and looked quickly away, immersed in the situation of Joey's outburst. Dawson's eyes couldn't help but draw towards Joey's perturbed expression, and if she had found the nerve to look at him after all that had been revealed, she would have seen how deeply his eyes were looking at her, trying to so hard to search for a way to understand her.
Pacey exhaled deeply and rubbed his temples being careful not to touch the swollen and discolored skin around his eyes. He had seen right through Joey through all these years, but he never, ever, expected her feelings to be revealed like this. It was true that he and Joey didn't like each other all that much, but they were still friends despite their arguments, or he would have long ago told Dawson what he suspected about Joey's feelings. And now, as he saw how apprehensive she was, he couldn't help but wonder if it had been better if he had.
Jen felt the tears forming in her eyes and her throat muscles tightened as she choked and blinked back her tears. She had suspected Joey was in love with Dawson, despite her denials, because actions always spoke louder than words, and she had known that it was more than palpable, when she saw how Joey had kissed her boyfriend. Then she denied it no longer when Abby boldly mentioned Joey's feelings, and she saw the reserve face Joey kept, even though she negated the thought of that even possibly being real. Yet, it was all too real right now, the tension too great and too big for the walls that enclosed them.
Thoughts of spilling Pacey's embarrassment quickly disappeared, as Abby looked at Joey. For the first time that day, Abby was quiet, feeling the nervosity of what was occurring before her, and wondering what was going to happen. Then she realize, this had nothing to do with her, and she smiled, wondering who she was going to tell first about Pacey's episode in the bathroom.
Joey could not look at anyone, especially not Dawson's penetrating eyes and she quickly shook her head and grabbed her bag, running out of the room as fast as she could, despite Ms. Tingle's loud warning about running in the halls. She heard rapid footsteps behind her as she slammed the door to the school's entrance, and going even faster outside. She neglected stop, even when she heard the, "Joey, wait." of Dawson's familiar voice. Then, she felt a hand touch the shoulder of her bright yellow sweater, causing her to stop abruptly, and turn her head around. His taller form, stood beside her, looking at her carefully.
"Come on, Joey, what is going on? The depths of your despair cannot be so great that you cannot come to me with the issues of your dilemma," said Dawson with a sigh, brushing his blonde hair back exaggeratedly with his right hand.
"It's not that, Dawson. I can't tell you my issues because the totality of them comprise of you," said Joey, trying to substantiate her actions of silence to him . "This enigma that our camaraderie is facing right now is being blown to great proportions causing the status of our relationship to be far too critical. Dawson, I don't want to say anything I might regret."
"B-but - " Dawson tried to reply, but he didn't know what to say, not that Joey allowed him anytime to say anything at all.
"I'm sorry, Dawson," said Joey, and with one last glance at his confounded expression, she turned away, feeling as if she was really walking away to closest that she had been in a long time to his mind and to his heart...
Joey closed her eyes, feeling the overwhelming power of confusion of her internal struggle, wondering if things would ever get back to normal, if there was truly a normal to get back to. Yet, she knew that there was no turning back to the days of yesterday, only a shadowed path that led to the days of tomorrow.
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