Get your own Free Home Page
Afterthoughts: Fear Is Nothing
By: Taygeta
Her dark eyes fell to the glowing alarm clock beside Dawson's bed and she saw the bright numbers transform from 11:59 to 12:00. Finally, she thought with a silent sigh of relief, Friday the 13th is officially over! Still, Joey could hear her heart beating rapidly against the sounds of the night and she couldn't help but recall the day's events. The childish pranks, the weird woman, the séance…the "Lady Killer." She shuddered slightly in remembrance of the kind-looking man she had met, who she had talked, who she had been only a few feet away from, and only a door to block the way. He had seemed so good-natured to her, but as she had realized when watching the news, was in actuality psychotic and perverse. Joey began to wonder what would have exactly happened if Dawson hadn't arrived just in time, what would he have done…kill her?
Death…the very word had always scared her, chilled her to the bones in the fear of the unknown that she would have to face. It was strange to her that as many times as she had thought of her death, she never once thought about the reaction of the people around her. Dawson had told her that he would miss her to no-end, and although she had replied in the same manner, she knew that there was more to it than that. If he were to die, Joey knew that it would be as if someone took pieces of her soul away, as if someone had ripped her heart out of her, as if both occurred, never to be reversed.
Beside her, Dawson thought of the very same things, and he knew that without her, he'd be more lost in life than he had ever been before. When he saw her fall out of the closet, when he thought her dead, all of his life's anxieties and all of his present worries became non-existent. All that remained in that split-second of confusion was emptiness…a nothingness that came from deep within his very soul and gnawed on the walls of what was left of his very heart.
Ursula's words echoed to him in the hush of the night, "…the wrong girl…"
Had what she told him true, was he really vying for the wrong girl? If that were true, than how did that explain his almost met with passion not even an hour earlier with Jen? Then, he realized his word usage, passion, and he wondered if that was all it was and had been.
He shook his head, not wanting to think about Jen any longer, but he felt his heart move to another girl that was beginning to not only seize his heart, but his mind as well. Could it possibly be that the right girl was the same one who had stood beside him for as long as he could remember? He had begun of late to realize that many of his aspirations of love and romance were, frankly, proving direly false. Could that whole "canal" thing he was trying to describe to Ursula what made his relationship with Joey so special? This almost kinetic energy that was present between them could not be ignored. And this invisible network that relayed thoughts, feelings and most of all, understanding, were communicated without the usage of words, but rather by just a look or a singular touch and all was fathomed. Was this what made the world of love? An understanding of two souls so deeply that no words need be spoken? Yet, it was more than just understanding each other that made a relationship, a relationship. There were so many things required, i.e. fun…support…tolerance…and -
He came out of his thoughts, cut short by the sound of Joey's voice beside him, "Um, Dawson, did you ever tell Pacey that everything was okay?" He said not a word and kept silent, but he donned a smile after he realized that his contemplation had not been necessary because he already had those aspects in his relationship with Joey. Yet, he couldn't help but add to his fading nonessential list the quality of laughter, in which he heard fade into light chuckles as the true girl of his dreams fell asleep beside him.
Get your own Free Home Page