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Afterthoughts: Lone Waltz By: Taygeta
The music slowly faded as Joey turned to go home. This had been quite the day for her, and as of late, most days were, but this day especially. She hated having to discuss Jen with Dawson…she wanted things the way they were, when their discussions were thematic and theoretical and usually based on the realm of film…okay…so maybe she didn't want things the way they were, but she didn't want them this way. Maybe, things as they had been were less complicated, but they weren't exactly to her want in their relationship. If there could have been a difference, it would be that he would see her beyond the Joey-my-best-pal exterior he had always seen of her.
If only that one moment…when they were dancing…could have last longer than its nanosecond-time frame, maybe it could have been that way. Then there was that *almost* kiss that morning, when she could almost feel his lips on hers, but as with the dance interruption, it lasted only for a moment in time. A moment in which hadn't really occurred to even be classified as a kiss, but still her mind began to form a bubble of what if -
Joey stopped her mind short, it seemed that her life was filled with too many what ifs and maybes that it had always been like such. As of late, all revolving around their relationship, Jen, Mrs. Leery, her conflicting feelings…it seemed that with every problem that came, whether it have a solution or not, always had a handful of those nagging "what ifs." She didn't want to go through life having them bother her as much as they did, but as life's pattern had it, she would always have them at hand's reach.
She wished that if anyone could have hold of at least one of them, it would be Mrs. Leery. Why couldn't Dawson's mother see what she was doing in her little fling? Was a few moments overtaken by empty, meaningless passion - she was very sure that Mrs. Leery loved her husband - worth a lifetime of cherished memories with her family…Mr. Leery and Dawson? Her mother's painful, dying looks had long seared into her young mind and she could recall that her father never did anything to make them go away…not that he could have, but what counted most was that, at least the effort would have been there. She hated to wish this image on anyone, but she would give it to Mrs. Leery, if it would make her stop and think about the consequences that would fair.
As her best friend's house and that of his love interest came to view, she sighed for the umpteenth time, it seemed. What was it about Jen that made Dawson so head-over-heels? The question seemed to occupy her mind more than she would have liked, and the fact that it bothered her so much was more than she would have liked as well. A week ago, if she had inquired about a Jen of any kind he would have given her a blank stare. Now, if she even so mentioned her name, he would ramble on and on about things she knew he didn't know the heck he was talking about and about how much he was in love with her. She didn't understand how he could clarify being "in love" with someone he barely knew, but he kept on insisted and considering himself to be the one for her and she the one for him.
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