Currently, Xander has his hands full with three women. He was finally over Buffy, and things were going well with Cordelia, but bang, a kiss from Willow changed all that. He's finally realized that his oldest friend in an exquisite young woman, and he's fallen hard for her.
This doesn't mean he's not trying hard to do the right thing. He respects Oz and likes Cordelia. But Willow has always been the most important person in his life. But now he's just realizing how important. Truthfully, I hope they make it. The relationship between Cordelia and Xander was great, but it's lost it's spark. The fighting between the two of them really gave their passion, now that they're getting along so well, they're becoming too complacent. This Willow thing is really going to shake things up.
But the real meat of Xander's character is his tumultuous relationship with Buffy and Angel. I've explored it fully in the following essay:

Xander vs. Angel

     All the way back in "Welcome to the Hellmouth" when Xander's best friend is turned into a vampire one of the first things Giles tells him is that "When you see Jesse, you're not seeing your friend. You're seeing the demon that killed him." Angel explains the phenomenon to Buffy in "Angel" that "The demon gets your body but it doesn't get your soul. That's gone." In "Lie to Me", Buffy explains it to Ford: "You die, and a demon sets up shop in your body. It looks like you, and it remembers your life, but it's not you." The definition of precisely what a vampire is is quite clear: a vampire is a dead human body, lacking a soul, that is animated by a demonic presence. Although I know this is vast over-simplification, for the sake of this argument, I am going to say that the presence of the soul makes Angel human.

     So we assume Angel is human. The loss of Angel's soul, then, is the approximate equivalent of a human being changed into a vampire. It is no longer Angel, it's the demon Angelus. So why is this so important in defending Xander's actions? Because the very thing he is most criticized by Buffy for, failing to see that Angel is not Angelus, is the exact same thing that she herself is guilty of. Furthermore,Buffy is only upset with the things Xander says because she recognizes in herself the things she criticizing Xander for. Xander may or may not see that Angelus is not Angel, but Buffy, in "Innocence" and beyond, failed to see that Angel is not Angelus, and people died as a result.

     Furthermore, Buffy and Xander react towards the Angel situation in the exact same way. To Xander, Angel must die. It's his fault, he's a vampire, the bad guy. Look at the scene in "Lie to Me", in the graveyard with Buffy and Giles. "The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys easily distinguishable by their pointy horns and black hats. We always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and we all live happily ever after." Powerful foreshadowing and irony. Xander needs to see someone as the bad guy and someone as the good guy. but when Angel turns, suddenly the lines aren't so clear. The good guy (Angel) becomes the bad guy (Angelus), and the other good guy (Buffy) isn't always quite so stalwart and true. But Xander needs to make some sense out of the whole thing, so it became entirely focused on Angel = evil because it makes sense. If he can't hate Angel, who or what can he blame for everything that has happened? He's not mature enough to deal with all this trauma on a fully adult level; almost no one is at 17.

     Buffy reacts the same way. When Angel turns, she needs a bad guy. Someone to blame. Her scapegoat is Calendar. Had she told Buffy the truth, realistically it would have changed nothing. Ms. Calendar didn't know the consequences, all she could have said is what Buffy knew already, that being with Angel was a bad idea. But since she decieved them, Buffy had a convenient target to hate. Calendar didn't deserve Buffy's animosity anymore than Angel deserved Xander's.

 Part 2: Xander = Buffy?
    With Angel resouled, and not really a threat, why, if not hatred stemming from Buffy loving Angel and not him, does Xander still want him dead? To Xander, Angel himself is irrelevant.; what Angel represents is everything bad that happened: not only Buffy's rejection in "Prophesy Girl", but all the pain that all of them went through from the time Angel changed, right up through "Becoming, part 2." Buffy's running away, and the divisions between the Scoobies, all of that is represented to Xander by Angel. As long as Angel's gone, they're all safe. Those things are dead and buried in the past just like Angel is 'buried' in hell. But "you can't just bury things Buffy, sooner or later their going to come right back up (Xander to Buffy in "Dead Man's Party")," and that means more than just Buffy running away. Hell has always been depicted as being 'below' the ground, buried. The pain represented by Angel is 'buried' with it. When Angel comes back 'up' from hell, all of that pain comes back up with him. That Angel did not actually come up from the ground is irrelevant: suddenly, all those ugly emotions which Xander focused at Angel have to be dealt with, forcing Xander to confront the root of the problem, just as Buffy did in "I Only Have Eyes For You", when she finally revealed that she blamed herself for Angel's change. Right or wrong, those were her true feelings, and she wasn't able to move past that and Angelus as Angelus until then.

 part 3: Who is Really to Blame?
    What is the root of Xander's hatred then? It's not jealousy (which I will look at disscuss shortly). My theory? I believe that the ugly emotions Xander doesn't want to deal with is that he blames Buffy for what happened. He has a point. in "Passion", he pointed out that Calendar was dead because Buffy failed to kill the "fiend" that murdered her. Buffy accepted this, people can argue that Xander was being insensitive, but Buffy is the slayer and there was no reason to handle her with kid gloves. A close friend was dead because of her neglect, and there are no two ways around that. Later, after the spell was found, Buffy accused him of not seeing Angel from Angelus, and that's when one of Xander's harshest statements is made; "The way i see it, you want to forget all about Ms. Calendar's murder so that you can get your boyfriend back." Xander understood quite well that Angel was not Angelus, Buffy was the one who failed to see that. The other thing that Xander seemed to understand and no one else seemed to grasp, is that Angelus is a vampire. He may wear the face of Angel, but he is not Angel, he is a soulless demon the same as Darla or the master, and therefore he needs to die, no if ands or buts about it. Which leads to the very crux of contention: Xander's lie to Buffy in "Becoming, Part 2). Anti-Xanderites will argue that it was jealousy, pure and simple, the "if I don't tell Buffy, she'll remove Angel from the equation and love me" theory. This has no basis in fact whatsoever, goes against everything that Xander has done in the entire series and everything he is. It is inconceivable that Xander went out to face the end of the world with Buffy with a broken arm and a rock, and then decided to he's gonna hurt the girl he loves to further his own selfish gains. It is utterly ridiculous. Xander had every intention of telling her because he thought it would be best for Buffy. But when he saw the resolve on her face, saw how determined she was, he stopped. He was about to say it, and he realized that he couldn't. Buffy finally had the edge she needed to kill Angel, and Xander couldn't take that away from her. Others will argue that Xander took away Buffy's choice, but who gave her the right to make that choice? Angelus was going to destroy the world, he was a vampire and Buffy needed to kill him. there is no choice there. Buffy has a duty, she doesn't have the luxury of 'deciding' whether or not to kill a vampire. Especially one about to destroy the world. Still others will argue that Xander showed a lack of faith in Buffy. But with the end of the world at stake, why should Xander have had faith in Buffy? What evidence had she shown that she could be trusted. this wasn't a coach withholding important information, such as "the team is moving" from his players because he didn't think they play the game as effectively. This was the end of the world. everything was on the line, and all indications showed that Buffy, if at all distracted by thoughts of Angel, couldn't get the job done. In her dealing with Angelus, Buffy had done nothing to warrant Xander having "good faith" in her. Furthermore, if Buffy weren't the only one capable of destroying Angelus, there'd be no way in hell she'd have been the one to go up against him, given her miserable track record. He did what he thought was best for her. Xander has been consistent in one respect: he's always done what he thought was best for Buffy.

 part 4: Xander=hero?
    Xander's done and said a lot of dumb things, but one thing he's not is selfish. This is a guy who doesn't have a calling or super strength (like Buffy), doesn't have any great intellect (like Willow), doesn't even have maturity (like Giles/Calendar). What he does have are brass balls and a huge heart. Xander does almost all of his thinking with his heart. Xander's proven time and again that he's willing to die for Buffy. Often, he'd work with Angel because while personally disliking him he saw him as a necessary ally. The crux of this argument is the scene in "Prophesy Girl", probably the most important scene in the entire series for delving into Xander's psyche. Here was this average guy, who'd just been rejected by the woman of his dreams, going to the a man who not only had claimed her heart but was completely bad for her, and asking him for help to risk his life to save her. Xander never had any other thought except helping Buffy. That is the epitome of bravery. But even more importantly then him going was his asking Angel for help because that was best for Buffy. It's a pattern he follows again and again, and it's one of the most and only consistent things about all these characters. He does it time and again. Xander constantly puts himself on the line for Willow or Buffy. he angrily berates Buffy in "When She Was Bad" on Willow's behalf, also his first step in getting over her. In "Some Assembly Required", he jumps on a cart in the middle of a blazing inferno to save Cordelia, of all people. He puts his life, not to mention his neck, in Angel's hands in "School Hard" in order to fight Spike. In "Inca Mummu Girl", he offered his own life to Ampata to save Willow. In "Reptile Boy", he endured humiliation because of misguided concern for Buffy. (He wasn't entirely noble in this episode, but if i was arguing he always acts nobly I'd be wearing the same blinders that people who claim Xander only acts out of jealousy are wearing.) In "Lie to Me", he trusts Angel about Ford, (again, jealousy plays a role, but that's not the whole picture. And he is able to put his jealousy for Angel aside.) Xander goes with Cordelia to make sure Buffy is okay in "What's My Line?", despite the fact that there's nothing he could do about it if she was in trouble. "At least I'm the lameness who cares," he declares. In "Ted", he defends Buffy completely, and is the leader in the investigation into Ted's past. In "Bad Eggs" he goes with Buffy to face the mother Bazoar. In "Innocence", he immediately jumps up to go after Buffy, despite certain death pointed out by both Cordelia and Giles, he comes up with the plan to face the Judge, he breaks into the armory to steal the weapon...he's pretty damn heroic.

    In "Phases", he's often much less then noble. He showed a lot of jealousy (mixed with overprotectiveness of Willow) towards Oz. But it is important to note that this changes. The jealousy and dislike of Oz goes away when he accepts the Oz is good for Willow, despite the fact that Oz is dangerous at times. in "Anne", he proves that he likes Oz. Even after he realizes he's all about Willow, he still doesn't want to hurt Oz and totally defends him. If Xander was ruled by jealousy, he would totally dislike Oz . Xander did have that chance with Willow, and now he doesn't because of Oz. But Xander does not dislike Oz, and even implies that Willow should be with him because he treats her so well.

    "Bewictched, Bothered, Bewildered" highlighted the best and worst of Xander. Obviously, the casting of the spell was stupid. it hurt people. but his actions during the spell were damn noble. Buffy, the girl of his every dream and fantasy, is throwing herself at him. he resists her. He saves Cordelia, who had dumped him because she was ashamed of him, more than once. He stands up to Angel while thinking only of Cordelia's safety. He admits to Giles what he did wrong and how he wants to make it up. Xander made a big old mistake, but he does his best to make up for it. I've already discussed what Xander said in "Passion", but "Killed By Death" in another of his finest hours. He attacks Angel in the cemetery, and then, stands up to him in the hospital where he knows Angel could kill him like and escape easily. He stands up to him and forces him to back down, not thinking of himself at all, only of Buffy. in "Go Fish", Xander goes undercover to help investigate.

Conclusion: Revelations
    The pattern I've tried to establish is that Xander consistently thinks with his heart, and his first instinct is protect the people he loves. To say that Xander acts primarily out of jealousy is to ignore all of these instances when he puts whatever jealousy he has aside for the good of his friends. Xander's true beef is with Buffy, though. She fell off the pedestal he'd put her on, and now he has to rebuild the relationship on more equal footing. his hatred of Angel is just a substitute. "Revelations" proved my theories right. Xander finally stated that Buffy was to blame for Jenny's death, and was backed up by Willow. And Xander accepted that Angel is back, and admitted that he trusts Buffy. Hopefully, these ugly issues can now be put to rest.

Huge, huge, HUGE thanks to Claudia Avalos, who generously volunteered to edit this essay and make my look a whole heck of a lot smarter than I should!  thanks, babe, you rock!

people thinks Xander's wit is as deadly as Buffy's stakes.