"Me, neither," Buffy said as she took his hand and drew herself to her feet. "What went wrong?"

Anya shook her head. "I have no idea."

"I don't, either," Willow said, then snapped her fingers. "Yes, I do! You're a girl!"

Buffy just looked at her. "Yes. Yes, I am, in fact, a girl. And?"

"No, that makes sense," Anya said. "Angie wanted her boyfriend to go through the portal. Maybe it has to be a guy."

All eyes turned to Xander.

"Ah, hell," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I guess I'm up, huh?"

"No," Buffy said. "Absolutely not."

"I'm with her," Willow agreed.

"Not your call, ladies," Xander told them with a smile.

"He's right," Anya said. When Willow and Buffy turned to glare at her, she shrugged. "I don't like it any more than you do, but if someone doesn't go through the portal, Angie and Linda are probably going to die." She walked over to put her arms around Xander and lay her head on his shoulder.

"What she said," Xander agreed, giving Anya a squeeze. "I can't let that happen. And since Giles isn't here, I'm the only game in town."

"I don't like it," Willow said anxiously. "I mean, yeah, Anya says this Addrilanne won't make the tests too hard, but still..."

"You're good in a fight, Xander," Buffy put in, "but I'm not too crazy about this." She sighed. "But I'm betting I won't be able to change your mind, right?"

"'Fraid not, Buff."

"Fine. Just be careful. Like, super-duper careful. Okay?"

"Anything you say, boss. Super-Duper Careful Man, that's me," Xander assured her. "Now gimme the ring, and especially the implements of destruction."

Buffy handed over the ring and the weapons. Xander put the ring on his left hand and turned to Anya.

"Kiss for luck?" he asked.

She smiled faintly and drew his head down for a long, lingering kiss. "Just make sure you come back to me," she told him sternly.

"Always," he promised, then turned just in time to intercept Willow's charge into his arms. "Hey, you," he said, as he held her.

"Hey, you," she answered softly. "Be careful, Xander," she pleaded, as she fought back tears.

"I'll be careful, Will. For you."

Willow reluctantly let go of him, and Buffy stepped up to hug him. "Be careful for me, too, okay?"

"I will," he assured her. "Okay," he said, releasing Buffy and turning to face the portal. "I'm thinking it's now or never. See you in a few, guys."

He walked purposefully into the portal.

And promptly bounced off.

"Okay," Xander announced from the floor, "now I'm getting annoyed." He took Buffy's offered hand and let her pull him to his feet, then turned to Willow and Anya. "What the hell was that? I was all ready to be heroic and stuff, and - nada."

Anya shook her head in confusion. "I don't know. It should have worked. You've got the ring, and you're a guy. Those are the only criteria. At least, I thought they were."

"Nope," Willow informed the group, with a strange look on her face. "There would appear to be one more requirement that we overlooked."

"What is it, Will?" Buffy asked.

"Well, here's what the ritual says about the person who's going to get tested; 'Clothed only in their love for thee, they shall enter the portal and prove themselves. Nothing unliving shall they bring with them.'"

All eyes turned to Xander.

"Back up the truck, here," he demanded. "What?!"

"I guess it's a naked test," Anya said. "You know, like the time I dressed up like a school..."

"I remember," Xander cut her off quickly. Then he smiled and his eyes glazed over. After a moment, he shook his head and said, "But that's not the point. Naked?"

"I think so," Willow said with a smile. Then she frowned. "But what about the weapons? They're unliving, aren't they?"

"Damn, that's right," Buffy said with a frown of her own. "I'm not letting you go in there unarmed, Xand."

"We might not have a choice, Buff," he told her. "But maybe it only applies to clothes, not weapons or other stuff. It's worth a shot, right? Is there any way we can check?"

"Try sticking a stake through the portal," Anya suggested.

Xander stepped over to the portal and poked at it with the point of a stake. It skittered across the surface, but didn't penetrate.

"So much for that," he announced. "Wait, let me try something else." He very carefully pushed a finger into the glassy surface of the portal, then pulled it back. "Yeah," he said, "I definitely felt it going in. Looks like I can make the trip, but not my clothes or the weapons. Damn."

"Hold on," Buffy said. "Let me try. Maybe it's just my clothes that stopped me from going through, not the fact that I don't have cooties."

"Oh, that's rich, that is," Xander said with a glare as Buffy crossed over to the portal.

"You're just mad 'cause you didn't think of it first," Buffy teased.

"Well, yeah," Xander admitted. "What's the word?"

"The word is no," Buffy said, pressing her hand against the portal. "I'm not getting anywhere."

"Well," Xander said, "maybe you should take your clothes off and try. Just to be sure, you understand."

Buffy just looked at him.

"Worth a shot," he said with a grin.

"No, it wasn't," Buffy said.

"Nope," Willow agreed.

"Not really, no," Anya said.

"Man, tough room," Xander said with a sigh.

"Tough or not, you're just lucky it's not cold," Willow teased, "since you're going to be naked pretty soon." Xander grimaced, and she went on. "Naked, as in without clothing or ornamentation of any kind."

"I get it, Will," he said, shaking his head ruefully.

"What about the ring?" Buffy asked. "I thought he needed to wear the ring."

Willow nodded. "The ring was part of the ritual, so it should be okay."

"Well, is there any way we can do something to the weapons to make them okay?" the Slayer demanded.

"I don't think so," Willow answered, after looking over the spell once more. "Maybe if we had more time to research, but we have less than an hour."

"That's it, then," Buffy said. "You can't go in there unarmed, Xander."

He sighed. "I have to, Buffy. If I don't, Angie and Linda die. We can't let that happen."

"I know," Buffy said, torn. "There has to be something we can do, dammit."

"Trees!" Anya shouted.

All eyes turned to her.

Buffy was the first to react. "I think I speak for everyone present when I say 'Huh?'"

Anya was clearly excited. "Well, trees are alive, right? But they're slower than people or animals. So, if you chop one down..."

Willow cut her off. "It wouldn't actually die for at least a few minutes! It might be able to get through the portal."

"Now we're cooking with gas," Xander said, nodding. "Good thinking, An. Now, who wants to play Paul Bunyan?"

"That'd be me," Buffy said, taking the machete from him. "Do you want a club or a staff?"

"I'll go with a staff. Pointed, of course."

"But of course," Buffy agreed, walking to the door. Picking it up, she handed it to Xander. "I'll be back in a few minutes. And since we don't know how long we've got once I cut the tree down, I suggest you get yourself stripped down for action by the time I get back." She wiggled her eyebrows lasciviously and left.

Xander propped the door up again and turned to Willow and Anya. "Okay, Will," he said, "if I've got to be naked, you've got to be elsewhere."

"I don't see that happening," Willow told him with a twinkle in her eye. "I should be here, in case something bad happens."

Xander opened his mouth to protest, but Anya spoke first. "She's right, Xander. Take off your clothes."

"What?!" he demanded, turning to his girlfriend.

Anya shrugged. "She's the witch. She's our best chance to get you out of there if something goes wrong."

"But..." Xander began.

"Come on, Xander," Anya cut him off. "It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of." Turning to Willow, she smiled widely and said, "He really doesn't, you know. He's about..."

"An!" Xander yelled. "Ix-nay on the ize-say!"

Willow giggled, and Anya shrugged again. "It's not like she won't see for herself in a minute. Now come on. Off with 'em!" When Xander didn't move, she walked over towards him. "Do you need some help?" she asked.

Xander sighed. "Normally, you know my answer would be yes. Under the circumstances, though, I think that's a bad idea." He chuckled softly and turned to Willow. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you set this up."

Willow's face took on an expression of injured innocence. Xander ignored it as he started to take off his shirt. Tossing it to the floor, he started to bend down to take off his boots, then straightened and looked at Willow suspiciously.

"You didn't set this up, right?"

"I'm shocked!" Willow cried. "Shocked and appalled that you would even suggest such a thing! Plus," she admitted, "I could never come up with something this devious."

"That's true," Xander agreed, and bent to get his boots and socks off.

"I could," Anya said proudly.

"That's also true," Xander agreed as he straightened up and kicked the boots and socks to the corner of the room. "But you don't have to be this devious. You can see me naked whenever you want."

"Yeah," she said, beaming. "I can. You too, of course. You can see me naked whenever you want."

"I know, hon," Xander assured her, unbuttoning his jeans. He paused, and turned to Willow. "Hey, Will, just to be fair, you understand..."

"No!" Willow cut him off, smirking.

"Hey," Xander protested, "you don't even know what I was going to say!"

"Xander," the witch told him, "Buffy and I are not going to take our clothes off to make us even."

"Okay," Xander admitted with a sigh, "you did know what I was going to say.

"Yeah," Willow mocked, "like that was hard to figure out. Now quit stalling!"

"Yes, ma'am," Xander grumbled, and dropped his jeans to the floor.

Standing there clad only in his boxer shorts, Xander blushed. "Will, could you at least turn the other way or something?"

Willow considered the question. "No," she said, shaking her head.

Xander turned pleading eyes to Anya.

"What are you looking at me for?" his girlfriend asked. "Let her stare, that's what I say. Now get the boxers off."

"Can't I wait for Buffy to get back?"

"I'm back!" Buffy announced, moving carefully through the broken doorway. "What'd I miss?" she demanded. Seeing Xander still partially dressed, she said, "Oh, good, just the previews. I'm in time for our feature presentation."

She tossed a six foot staff to Xander. He caught and hefted it, testing the balance. Then he ran his thumb over one end, testing the point Buffy had carved.

"Not bad," he said. "Not bad at all. Where'd you find the tree?"

"Right outside the front door," Buffy answered. "You'd think those people had never seen a woman chop down a sapling with a machete before."

"Such sheltered lives college students lead," Willow commiserated.

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, then turned to Xander. "Chop, chop! Time's a-wastin', boy. Off with 'em."

"You know," Xander mused, "I never thought I'd say this to the three girls I love most in the world, but women are pigs."

"Oink, oink," all three women said simultaneously.

Xander sighed and gave in to the inevitable. "Fine," he said, handing the staff to Anya. "But keep your eyes above the waist, dammit," he added, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers and dropping them to the floor.

No one said a word as he stepped out of them and took the staff back from Anya.

He turned to glare at Buffy and Willow. "What, no comments?" he asked acidly, then pointed to his face. "Hey! Eyes up here!"

Buffy and Willow blushed furiously and their gazes immediately shot up to meet Xander's. He laughed and shook his head. "Oink, oink is right," he said, reaching to take the staff from Anya.

She didn't let go of it as he pulled at it, and ended up in his arms. "Be careful," she whispered, kissing him.

"I will," Xander promised her.

"Good luck," Buffy said, still blushing.

"Yeah," Willow agreed softly. "Good luck."

"Thanks, guys," Xander said. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Then he turned and walked purposefully in the portal.

And promptly disappeared into its inky depths.

Anya, Buffy and Willow stood and stared at the portal for several minutes. Finally, Buffy raised a timid hand.

Anya turned to her. "Yes, Buffy?"

"Um," Buffy began, "are we allowed to say wow?"

Anya smiled. "You most certainly are."

Buffy nodded absently, her eyes still on the portal. "Then, wow."

"Ditto," Willow agreed faintly.

"Big Xand is right..." Buffy said.

"Uh-huh," Willow agreed.

"Damn right," Anya said with a smug smile. Then she frowned and crossed her arms to hug herself. "I hope he's okay."

Buffy and Willow broke out of their stupor. "He will be," Buffy assured her.

"Yeah," Willow agreed, trying to appear more confident than she felt. "He's gotten out of worse jams than this."

"Really?" Anya asked. When Willow nodded, she went on. "Name one?"

Willow opened her mouth, then closed it and turned to Buffy.

Buffy shrugged. "He'll be okay," she said, so softly that even she could barely hear it.