Buffy wraps me up in a hug and whispers, “Will, I’m here, and we’re going to make this better. I promise.”
I lead her upstairs to my room and give her the full, detailed story of the previous night’s words and events.
“So, basically you’re saying that Xander wants you to leave Oz and give him a full commitment, and you’re not sure you want to leave Oz but you know you want to be with Xander,” Buffy concludes when I’m done.
“Yeah, it’s the same problem I had before. Only now it’s different, somehow. I can’t go back, whatever decision I make,” I recognize miserably.
“Will, I know you have to make this decision on your own, but you asked me over here for advice, so I’m going to give you some,” Buffy announces. “Oz makes you happy; you know that. You care about him. But you love Xander. You wouldn’t have these feelings, and have had them for as long as you have, if they didn’t mean something. You two are so like two halves of the same coin that it hurts to see you apart. I’ve known for a long time that you would end up together, though I didn’t count on Oz or Cordelia getting in the way. Now, here’s my final thought on the subject: no matter how much you may be hurting Oz to break up with him, would staying with him out of guilt or a sense of duty be worth the pain you’ll experience by giving up the man you love? You’ve loved Xander all your life, and I’d be willing to bet you’ll love him for the rest of it. Could you really give him up, just to keep from hurting Oz?” she asks gently.
I sit silently, tears cascading down my face. “You’re right,” I whisper. “I love Xander. I want to be with him. I know this is the right thing to do, and I know more than anything that he’ll make me happier than I could possibly dream. I just can’t bear the thought of hurting Oz.”
“Willow, girl, you need to stand up for yourself. Oz is a sweet guy and I understand why you’re reluctant to hurt him, but you need to think of your own happiness above all else. You’ve spent so much of your life giving to other people, and now you need to give in to yourself, to what will make you the happiest. Don’t be so worried about Oz. He’ll hurt for a while, but he’ll get over it and move on. But if you walk away from Xander, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” Buffy predicts as she stands up. “Will, I hate to leave you like this, but I promised Giles I’d stop by for his lecture of the day. Don’t make this decision rashly, but think with your heart instead of your head.”
“I am thinking with my heart,” I reply softly, “and that’s why I’m hurting so much. My heart says I can’t hurt either one of them, but I have to.”
“Hurt the one that you can forgive yourself for hurting,” Buffy advises me before she leaves.
I spend the rest of the day thinking about her words. She’s so smart. She knows just as well as I do that I need to be with Xander. Then again, like he said, we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. Why should I walk away from Oz right now? Who says I have to be with Xander all my life, and that I can’t spend time with other guys first? Even as I reason with myself why I shouldn’t go to Xander, I know in my heart that if I choose anyone else, I’ll never be happy.
The phone rings, startling me. “Willow?” a frosty voice bites out.
“Cordelia?” I sputter in surprise.
“I know, Harmony warned me about calling one of you losers. Said it would be bad for my rep,” she responds snottily. Then her voice softens, almost reluctantly. “Okay, here’s the deal. I hate your guts, I hope you know. You broke up the most wonderful relationship I’ve ever had. I truly love Xander. I did then, and I still do. But I’m not stupid. He loves you more than he ever could have imagined loving me. So, here’s what I have to say. Please put him out of his misery. You know him, better than I ever did, and so you know he deserves the world. He deserves to be happy. You can make him happy. Dump Oz and go to Xander. Let him know you love him and forgive him for screwing that slut, Faith. Oh, yes, I know about that and I wanted to kill him as much as you probably did, but he’s only male, after all. Give him another chance, because more than anything, I want him to be happy. Please, put your pride aside and give him the world. I’ll hunt you down and hurt you if you do anything to make him unhappy,” she concludes, her threat sounding almost comical, one that I would have made to her if I ever would have had the guts.
“Cordelia,” I begin.
“Yeah?” she asks, curiously, reluctantly.
“Thank you. I know how much this had to have hurt you, and I appreciate what you’re doing for Xander.”
“I don’t think you could know how much it hurt me when he chose you over me. You’ve never had to worry about being replaced, but for me it was a daily battle, controlling my fear that he would wake up to how much he loves you and then throw me over for you. You may not have thought you had his love, but you had him, and that’s more than I ever had,” she admits quietly.
“Cordy, I’m so sorry that I did this to you,” I choke out. “After Xander slept with Faith it felt like my heart was being ripped open and crushed to death. I did that to you, and I can’t ever convey to you how much I regret it.”
“Forget it. It was going to happen sooner or later,” she dismisses, although I can tell that she’s grateful to hear my words. “You can make it up to me by going to him and telling him you forgive him for doing Faith, and that you’ll love him forever.”
“Okay, Cordy, I will,” I promise. We say our good-byes and I hang up the phone. Then I pick it up again and dial a familiar number. “We need to talk,” I say to the boy who answers the phone. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”