We didn't say anything on the way. I was too afraid to talk. I still half-expected Will to be mad at me. Which was ridiculous since she was holding my hand and smiling at me constantly as we walked along. She held Tara's hand too, so we were walking along hand in hand in hand. We must've looked like a traveling Red Rover team or something.

When we got to their room, Tara took our coats and sat down on the blue loveseat. Will sat me down on the bed and plopped down next to me. She took my face in her hands and moved so that she was only a few inches away and we were staring into each other's eyes.

"Buffy, you need to listen very carefully to what I'm about to say, okay?"

I nodded as best I could. Her hands were still holding my face and I couldn't move much, but she must have gotten the idea because she smiled and went on.

"I love Xander. I love him so very much. Sometimes I'd swear I love him so much that there's no room for anything else inside of me." I flicked my eyes over towards Tara, but she was smiling. Okay, I was confused. I looked back into Willow's eyes. She was smiling too. "Tara knows this, Buffy. We had this discussion a long time ago. She also knows that I don't love Xander the way I love her. And she knows that there's *always* room for more love inside a person. I love Tara just as much as I love Xander, and just as much as I love you, and even though that much love should make me burst, it's okay. It's love, there's no limit."

She sighed and let go of my face, then pulled back a little ways. But she was still looking right into my eyes. "It's weird between me and Xander, Buffy. You know that. It's not just friendship, it hasn't been since we were four years old. I love him so much that I'd die without him. But I'm not *in* love with him, not that way. And he's not in love with me. We've known that since we became friends again after the Fluke. We just don't work that way, too many people get hurt."

She looked at me, her eyes uncertain. "Do you understand?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Will."

She was still nervous. "Do you believe me?"

"Of course I do." I wanted to cry at the relief in her eyes, and I could barely breathe as she threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight.

"I'm so glad, Buffy. I couldn't live with myself if I kept you two apart."

I smiled and hugged her back. "Well, you're not going to. I don't think anything couldn't keep me away from Xander at this point."

She pulled away and smirked at me. "Ooh. You've got it bad, huh?"

I had to blush at that. "Yeah, I think so. I was checking out his... well, his ass on the dance floor tonight." I ducked my head.

Willow made a piffle sound. "And? So was I. The boy has a nice butt, nothing wrong with taking a peek now and then."

"Yeah, it is pretty nice." We both looked at Tara, and her face turned scarlet. "What? I'm n-not allowed to notice?"

Willow laughed. "Yeah, I guess I can't exactly get mad at you for checking him out when I do the same thing."

I thought about pretending to be mad, but no way could I have pulled it off. Instead, I turned to Willow. "So we know it's okay for me to want Xander. Now what?" I admit it, I was completely lost.

Will stood up and walked over to sit down next to Tara before answering. "I'm not sure, actually. I mean, you're pretty much in the same boat I was in in high school, huh? You want him but he doesn't know it." Her face brightened. "Oh!! And I'm you! I'm the hot babe friend who gets to be supportive and sympathetic. This is gonna be so cool!" She looked like a kid at Christmas. Or Chanukkah, I suppose. That makes more sense.

I had to smile along with her, but I still didn't know what to do. "As I remember, Will, in addition to being hot, supportive and sympathetic, I didn't stint on the advice to the lovelorn. So gimme."

Willow leaned back into the couch and smiled when Tara scooted over to cuddle against her. "I'm not sure what to say. Actually, I am. I seem to recall a certain blonde friend of mine saying 'Tell him how you feel!' over and over and over again."

I put my head in my hands and groaned. "I was hoping you'd forget about that part." I looked up into her smile. "But obviously not. I just don't know if I can tell him, Will. I'm scared."

Her face softened. "Of course you're scared, Buffy. That's only natural. But you can't let it stop you. You don't think I was scared when I realized I was falling in love with Tara?" Tara's smile at that lit up the whole room, and Willow paused to give her a quick kiss and put her arm around her shoulder before continuing. "But I didn't let it stop me. If I had, I wouldn't have Tara, and if you do you won't have Xander."

"You're right, you're right, I know you're right. But I'm still scared." I let out a short, bitter laugh. "God, this is embarassing. I can face down a nest full of vampires without breaking a sweat, but the idea of admitting how I feel to Xander has me scared to death."

Willow smiled at me, concern and humor in her eyes. "Believe me, Buffy, the prospect of Xanderlovin' is more than enough to bring a strong woman to her knees." Tara and I both gave her a look, and she blushed. "Okay, not the best image to use, but you know what I mean. It's okay for you to be scared."

"I know. I just don't know how to get past the fraidy-cat stage."

"I don't either. Tara?" Tara shook her head, and Willow sighed. "Okay, we don't worry about that right now. Next question?"

I blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you must have other questions about going out with Xander, right? I mean, come on, there's got to be something else you're worried about."

I thought about it. There was one thing, but I knew there would be some mondo teasing if I asked. I comforted myself with the fact that there would be mondo teasing in any case, and spit it out.

"Well, I do have on question. I mean, after we go out and have a wonderful time, and I don't get anything green and yucky stuck in my teeth or sit in gum or anything stupid like that, and no demons or vampires or end of the world types mess things up, and he takes me home and walks me to my door and all, can I... I mean, do I...?"

I looked over at Willow and Tara. They were both smiling like they knew what I was about to say. Tara's smile was sweet and understanding, Will's was the smile of one who was about to do some mondo teasing. I sighed in defeat and just asked.

"Can I kiss him?"

Willow smirked at me. "A bit anxious are we?" I nodded uncertainly. She sighed and waved her hand airily. "Well, I suppose you could rush into it like that if you must. I mean, I waited thirteen years for our first kiss, but I guess you're not as patient as me."

I snorted derisively. "Will, Job wasn't as patient as you. I guess I just don't have your strength of character."

She nodded sadly. "Few do, really." She sighed. "But I suppose it's for the best. Not many can handle the myriad responsibilities of perfection."

That started Tara on a coughing fit that she swore was pure coincidence. She's really loosened up since she and Will started going out, and she's got a pretty wicked sense of humor when you get to know her. I was glad she was there, even though she wasn't saying much. Not that she ever says much, of course, but I was glad she was there to help, and I was glad me and Will weren't talking about Xander behind her back. Besides, I was hoping she'd keep Willow in line on the teasing front. Never happen, but a girl can dream.

Willow stopped glaring at Tara and turned back to me. "Anyway, as I was saying before someone so rudely interrupted me," that earned her a poke in the ribs from Tara and she giggled before going on, "you can kiss Xander on the first date if you feel you must. Nice girls don't do that sort of thing, but it's your decision." Once again she sighed and shook her head at the depths of my iniquity and not-nice-girliness.

I was getting into the spirit of things, though I must confess to a touch of indignation as well. "So you're saying if I kiss him I won't be a nice girl anymore?"

Willow and Tara both nodded in the affirmative. Tara chimed in with a smile and, "I'm pretty sure it'd make you a hussy, actually."

"A woman of loose morals, that's what you are." Will was enjoying herself far too much. I had to take her down a peg.

"So what if I were to date a werewolf and then a witch. What would that make me?"

Tara choked back a giggle as Willow's eyes narrowed. "That, my dear Ms. Summers, would make you a twenty- first century kind of gal who is unconcerned with labels and definitions. And besides, I don't kiss on the first date so your point is moot. As for any other points you may have, they're probably all moot too."

Tara cleared her throat and waited until we turned to her. "But Willow, you kissed me before our first real date. And I don't think you ever went on a real date with Xander. Wouldn't that make you a hussy?" Then she blinked her eyes in such a convincing display of mock innocence that I was tempted to believe it.

Not Will though, not even close. "Quiet, you! Those are both completely different circumstances for reasons that will become clear to me if I keep talking and stalling long enough to think of them." She paused a beat, then smiled. "Actually, with you it was just me being dumb. We'd been dating for awhile, I just didn't know it at first. Same with Xander, kinda. I'm not the brightest girl when it comes to these things. I swear, I don't know why you put up with me."

That was definitely an 'Awwww!' moment, and Tara pulled Will into a fierce hug. Willow pulled away and looked at her with the worst fake angry expression I've ever seen. "Don't think this gets you off the hook for implying I'm a hussy, you little vixen! Punishment you deserve and punishment there shall be!" Tara just looked at her with big puppy-dog eyes and did that little lip-quivering act of hers that's just too cute for words. Will caved even quicker than usual. "Damn those lips! And the eyes! I am helpless before your onslaught, I must bow to your will." She snuggled in closer to Tara and gave her a kiss, then the two of them beamed over at me with that satisfied smugness that would be annoying on anyone but them.

I laughed and shook my head. "Sickeningly cute as this is, it doesn't get me any closer to an answer. Do I kiss Xander or not?"

Will just shook her head at me. "Buffy, you've got to decide that for yourself. I can tell you that I'm pretty sure Xander wouldn't lose all respect for you if you did. And he is a pretty damn good kisser." That got her another poke in the ribs from her one true love. She poked Tara back indignantly. "Hey! I'm just reporting the facts as I know them. Xander is a good kisser, and let none dispute it!"

Tara snorted. "Maybe we should just shout it from the rooftops?" She wasn't mad though, just teasing. Then she got a thoughtful expression. "Actually, I think he'd like that too much..."

I laughed, my mind made up. "Okay, that's it. I'm gonna kiss him." Then a horrible thought occurred to me. "That's assuming he wants to kiss me. Oh God, what if he doesn't want to kiss me? What if he has a horrible time? What if he never wants to speak to me again?!"

It wasn't until Will came over and grabbed my shoulders that I realized I was hyperventilating. "Breathe, Buffy! And don't be an idiot. He's your best friend and he's always loved spending time with you, so of course he's going to have a good time. And he loves you, so no matter what happens, you'll still be friends. As to whether he'll want to kiss you, there I can't help you as much." I looked at her in panic until I saw the laughter in her eyes. "I mean, Xander has always been kinda dumb. But come to think of it, I don't think even he's dumb enough not to want to kiss a hot chick if the opportunity presents itself."

Tara cleared her throat again and we both turned to her. She was looking at me, not Will, and her face was a mixture of humor and worry. "Um, not that I want to interrupt the bonding - and I definitely agree that you're a kissable hot chick, Buffy - but aren't you jumping the gun a little?" I blushed a little at the kissable part, but mostly I was just confused. Tara must have seen it in my eyes, because she answered the question before I could ask it. "Well, I just mean that you haven't dealt with the fraidy-cat stuff. You haven't even asked Xander out yet."

*Oh shit.* As God is my witness, I'd forgotten that. It hadn't even occurred to me that he might say no. But now it did. You better believe it did. *Why would he want to go out with me? I've spent most of the time I've known him making fun of him and telling him I only see him as a friend. And the Spring Fling! God, I broke his heart and then he saved my life. I don't deserve him! And 'Xander-shaped friend?' What the hell was that?!*

"Actually, he told me later that he was flattered." My head whipped up to look at Willow. I hadn't even realized I was talking out loud.

"What..." I licked my lips. "What do you mean?"

She smiled and sat down next to me. "The 'one of the girls' thing annoyed him at the time, yeah. But right after that we found out you were sick and he just forgot about it until later. He's good at that, putting his pain aside to help the people he cares about." She frowned. "Too good, really. Anyway, he walked me home when you and Giles were taking care of Amy after it was all over, remember?" I nodded my head numbly. I didn't remember, but if she said so I'd take her word for it. "And he was smiling a bit. I knew it was mostly because you were okay, we were all okay, but that wasn't all of it."

"How did you know?" This from Tara. I could tell from her smile she already knew the answer.

"He's my Xander. We've been living inside one another for almost 15 years now. I know him better than I know myself. It feels good." Her smile lit up the room, and I knew that's why Tara had asked. Have I mentioned that I like Tara? Willow went on. "I asked him what the smile was for, but he didn't want to tell me. After a few minutes of interrogation," she stopped to flex her tickle-finger, "he gave up the goods. He told me that in a weird way it felt good that you saw him as one of the girls. It meant you trusted him. Then he shrugged a bit and I dropped it. I knew it hurt him when you said that, but he wasn't lying about it feeling good too. It means a lot to him how much you trust him, it always has." She looked over to me. "Does that make sense?"

"I guess so, but I still have no idea how to ask him out."

Will nodded her head decisively. "We'll have to get a guy's take on it. Which unfortunately means we don't have a whole lot of options. I mean, normally we'd ask Xander stuff like this. I don't suppose you'd want to ask Spike...?" She pushed on as soon as she saw the look in my eyes. "Okay, no Spike. I don't know, Buffy. The only other guy we can ask is Giles."

I just looked at her for a second, trying to imagine how that conversation might go. But he really was our only hope. "Well," I said to cheer myself up, "he seemed to be doing okay with Olivia until those Gentlemen guys showed up..."

Willow nodded. "Yep. And hey, he has good taste in women, what with Olivia and your mom..." She trailed off as she noticed the glares both Tara and I were sending at her. "Not that I ever noticed either of them. Not ever. Hey! You know who else has never thought of your mom like that? Xander. Nope, not even once! Not even when she was trying to smother him in kisses along with the rest of the women in Sunnydale!"

She was about to go on but I cut her off. "Will, you *really* need to stop talking now. Let's go see Giles."

She nodded, happy to be off the subject. "Right. To the Watcher-Cave!"