"Matchmaker, Part 12"

Carrie's office was saturated with unearthly silence as she held Mike in her arms. Her neck was wet with his tears and her hands were stroking his head. She could feel his heartbeat and hear his still somewhat ragged breathing. She felt both empty and full at the same time, as if a part of her soul was fulfilled as she held him like this, but another part of her, the more primitive elements within her, felt like there was something lacking.

She knew exactly what was causing this feeling of hollowness. Somehow, she had always known. She was in love with him.

The complexities of such an admission like that were too much for Carrie to handle at the moment, so she concentrated on the simple things, like the dream she had just had. She marvelled at the way her mind had put together those miniscule clues and threads of knowledge that had been locked away in her subconscious and constructed a definite whole that made more sense to her than anything in her life ever had.

The thoughts flew fast and thick at Carrie as she began to sort through the dream. The pieces of the puzzle fell into place effortlessly as she considered each one. It was Mike who she had kissed that night in the cabin. Mike had had the best reasons in the world to ask her if she should give herself more time to think before she married Austin. What had Debra said to her that day in Rome before Mike joined the conversation? You'd be surprised if you knew who the married woman was who Mike loved. . .

Carrie blushed with shame as she realized how blind she had been to those looks in his eyes, betraying what was in his heart when every word he ever said when he was trying to help her improve her marriage. Her many problems with Austin and Sami had disabled her ability to see what had been in front of her face, and she had used him so horribly. . . To think that every time she'd burdened him with her problems, he'd been fighting his feelings for her!

Carrie wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole, but that wasn't very likely at the moment. Holding Mike in her arms felt too good. She decided to be selfish for a moment and not think about anything but the wonderful feeling she was experiencing by holding him.

Mike, on the other hand, was thinking about two very importat things: he was in Carrie's arms and he was in a very, very sorry state. He took a deep breath and prepared to let go of her.

Carrie felt his body weight begin to shift and she fought the urge she had to pull him back to her. But she let him sit up while keeping an arm around his shoulders.

"Carrie," he began, his voice a little raw, "I'm sorry for inflicting my troubles on you-"

"Stop right there, Mike Horton!" she said, taking a hold of his chin and turning him to look at her, "Don't you even start with that! How many times have I come crying to you when something went wrong with Austin? How many times have you been there to support me and listen to me vent my anger? You're my best friend, Mike, and if you apologize for any of this, I'm going to have to kick you good and hard!"

Mike chuckled. He couldn't help it. She was so cute as she sat there next to him, fully intending to carry through with her threat. He reached over and tweaked her nose. "Okay, Ms. Brady, if you say so."

Carrie's face tensed for a moment. "Ms. Brady." How odd to hear Mike call her that.

Mike didn't see her facial expression because he was rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I have the urge to say that I'll think about this tomorrow, rather than deal with it today."

Carrie glanced at her watch. "The wedding's not for another five hours. We have time to talk."

"Okay."

The both of them looked a little worse for wear. Mike's face was tear-stained and Carrie's clothing was rumpled. They blinked, breathed and swallowed as they tried to think of something to say. They sat there for the better part of a minute. Then they looked at each other and started laughing ruefully.

"Guess I'm not much one for conversation, am I?" Mike said, shaking his head.

Not paying much attention to his words, Carrie was concentrating on his lips and wondering if she kissed him again, like they did on the Fourth of July, would it feel the same as the kiss she dreamed? Oh, hell, truth be told she wanted to kiss him and the consequences be damned!

"Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to us last August in Los Angeles?"

Mike's eyes widened imperceptibly. "What?" Oh, God, don't tell me that she remembers!

Carrie took his hand in hers. "You said that there had been something you'd been wanting to tell me for quite some time. What was it?" Mike tried to pull his hand away, but she gripped it as if it was her lifeline. "Mike, don't pull away, I need to know! What did you need to tell me?"

Mike looked into her eyes, trying to find a clue as to why she was demanding this of him. She's so beautiful, and so loving. I can't just up and say "I love you" out of the blue! It would ruin our relationship and then it's "good-bye, Carrie" and "hello, misery." I'm such a coward.

He chose his words with care but stumbled over them anyway. "I wanted to tell you. . . that you didn't have to marry Austin, that you had a choice-"

The sudden, impatient ringing of her telephone made Carrie wish she could hurl the thing out the window. She left a thankful Mike on the couch as she went to pick it up.

"Salem University Hospital, Carrie Brady speaking."

"Carrie?"

"Aunt Gus? Where are you?"

"Hey, sweet pea, I'm over at the Horton's, because Mike and Mrs. H. were kind enough to put me up for a few nights. I'm helping the ladies get dressed, and I'm trying to decide what to wear to this shindig. How are you?"

"Fine! I've got Mike here with me. Do you want to say hello?"

"No, that's okay. Carrie, can you do something for me?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Don't let him out of that room without making him talk a little bit about Robin and Jeremy. You know how he gets, bottling up all that emotion and then silently implodes? Just don't let him do that this time. It's important."

"Will do, Aunt Gus. See you later."

"Bye, sweet pea!"

Carrie hung up and turned around to see Mike opening up a plain white envelope. He pulled out a few official-looking documents and a piece of folded pale blue stationery.

"What is it?" Carrie asked, sitting down next to him.

"It's a letter from Robin," Mike replied, massaging his forehead. "It says that she's sending Jeremy to stay with me because she's afraid of Miriam trying to get to him."

"Who's Miriam?"

Mike took a deep breath. "Remember when I came back from Israel, how I'd been trying to get away from a bad situation?"

I can remember lots of things, Mike, like the way you look without your shirt on. . . "Yes."

"Miriam Jacobs Cohen was the 'bad situation.' She tricked me into running weapons for her and made me believe that I was really dealing with medical supplies. She's Robin's sister, and she wants control of Jeremy."

"Why?"

"His grandfather, Robin's father, Eli, has cut Miriam out of the will. Jeremy's going to inherit a fortune that makes Bill Gates look like a Depression-era apple salesman."

"Oh my God." Carrie was shocked. She had no idea. But her mind swayed to more practical matters. "Even with all of this going on, won't it be great for you to see Jeremy again? You haven't seen him in almost five years."

Mike's expression became thoughtful. "I really miss him. He's growing up so fast. He'll be ten years old soon. I've missed so much already."

"Why didn't you have him come visit Salem before? Or go visit him?"

"I made a promise to myself to be fair to Robin. She and I ended things badly, and I felt like it was my fault. I loved her, but she stopped feeling the same about me. She just couldn't get over the fact that I wasn't Jewish. Add Gus and Debra Thomas to the mix and you've got one Mike Horton looking like a Don Juan of the Middle East and a very unhappy Robin Jacobs."

Carrie's eyebrows flew up. "What do you mean about Gus and Debra Thomas? Were you ever. . ."

"No, not like that, Carrie!" Mike said, seeing that she'd misinterpreted his words, "Gus and Debra are ISA--I should clarify that-Debra was ISA, Gus still is. They helped me bust Miriam."

Carrie digested this information slowly. "Then why did you have to leave Israel?"

"Miriam was after me for awhile, during the time Robin and I weren't doing so well. She's was almost psychotic, chasing after me and doing anything to get my attention. Telling her to go away wasn't an option at the time, because she wouldn't listen. Gus and Debra thought it would be the best way to persuade Miriam to stop pestering me if one of them got in bed with me and pretended like we were. . . you know."

Carrie nodded. It was all very convoluted, but it made sense.

Mike went on. "Well, Debra and Gus flipped a coin for it and Gus lost. The plan would have worked if Robin hadn't seen me and Gus in bed together."

Carrie's gut twisted at the thought of them together. "You didn't. . ."

Mike looked at her like she was nuts. "Of course not! Gus is the big sister I never had. And she's not my type. She's got too much of the devil in her."

For some reason, Carrie felt extraordinarily pleased at that statement.

"So what now, Mike?"

"Now, I'm going home to take a shower and get ready to see the mother of my nephew get married." Mike placed his hands on his knees and attempted to stand. Carrie grabbed him and sat him back down.

"Mike," Carrie said in that warning tone of voice that indicated she wasn't done talking to him.

"What?"

"Gus instructed me that you can't leave unless you talk to me about your feelings about this."

Mike hesitated for a moment. "I'm really a mess inside, Carrie. I want to see my son more than anything else in the world, but not like this. Do you understand?"

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Yes. It's something that you really, really want, but when you finally have it, the price seems too high."

Mike closed his eyes as he laid his hand on hers. She understands more than she could ever know. God, I love you, Carrie. "I need to get going."

"All right." She let him up and he walked to the door. "Mike, wait!"

He turned around and Carrie could feel her blood rush to her face and other places as she admired for a split second how truly wonderful he was. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Anything, you know that."

"Would you sit with me in the church? The Bradys don't know that I'm coming."

"What about the Reeds?"

Carrie realized that she hadn't even thought about that possibility. "I'm having problems with Austin right now, as well as Kate. I just want to be with someone who won't make me angry when they say, 'I told you so.'"

Mike leaned over and kissed Carrie's forehead. "Consider it done, Princess. I'll see you at four."

"Four it is," she replied.

He closed the door gently as he left.

Carrie sat there for a few minutes, hugging her arms.

I used to have to worst crush on Mike Horton when I was a little girl, she thought to herself. I can't believe that after all these years, after all the battling with Sami, after all Austin and I have done to be together, that I'm willing to throw it all away for the chance to love and be loved by Mike Horton.

Is it worth it? she asked herself.

She thought of the way he'd kissed her on the Fourth of July. And the way she'd responded. And she thought back to that dream she'd had in the cabin, and of the niggling little doubt that had been lurking in her mind for the past year that it had been too real to be a fantasy. And finally she thought of every single occasion that Mike had made her feel special, feel good, feel loved.

Is it worth it?

Carrie smiled to herself as the answer to that question almost slapped her upside the head.

YES.

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