Author's Note: Yep you guessed it, this is another P/C story (You don't expect me to write about anyone else now do you?). Consider yourself properly warned. I have yet to decide if this is just a draft or if it's the real thing (I have decided that it's not quit spot on though). Due to a most horrendous case of writer's block, murals, wellies, a six year old who loves to natter at 3 a.m., a boyfriend who's a bit nuts (and enjoys if far too much), a life that's just too strange/insane for words, trips to the back of beyond for no real reason, a slightly wild horse, and too many long distance phone calls to count, it has taken me absoluty forever to write this and by this point I just want to get it done! And if you don't think guys (even the ever so rare good ones) do really dumb things for no good reason then don't read this. O and in case you're wondering...yes this was vaguely inspired by the song, and no I don't own it or Garth. What can I say, music inspires me. Yes I do realise that I make these notes far too long. I just can't help it. :O)
Special Thanks: Ands for the n
Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters but all non-platonic thoughts and deeds herein are mine.
Rating: Umm....I suppose somewhere in the vicinity of PG-13...maybe....
Timeline: Sometime after First Contact....
Quote (I just love these): "Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman." --?
She raised her hand again determined to knock this time, but again her hand fell to her side before she did. *You're being ridiculous,* she scolded herself. She took a deep breath and held it. *Now stop being so childish and just knock on the damn door.* She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and did just that. She let out the breath in what was almost a sigh of relief when there came no answer. She knocked again and when there was still no answer she banged good and loud feeling confident that no one was home. But her relief was now mixed with what she didn't want to admit was disappointment. She picked up her bag and turned to go. Was that reluctance in her step? She looked back over her shoulder at the door and was surprised to see it was opening.
He was pulling on a robe and squinting out into the early morning light. He didn't seem to be seeing her and she thought briefly of simply ducking out of sight, but that was a far too childish thing to do. She was a grown woman after all wasn't she? She forced herself to walk back up the path and stood before him smiling nervously and twisting the strap of her bag in her hands.
He leaned forward squinting as if he couldn't quite make her out. "Beverly?" His voice was rough with sleep.
"Hello Jean-Luc." It was all she could think of to say.
"Beverly...Beverly...Beverly." He repeated her name as if it were a foreign word her couldn't quite remember the meaning of. "Beverly." This time his voice showed recognition. He scratched at the stubble that had formed on his chin over the past few days and smiled. "What are you doing here?"
She shrugged trying to seem nonchalant and said, "Just thought I'd come and see how my favourite Captain is doing. You going to invite me in?"
He suddenly remembered his manners and moved aside. "Yes of course, please come in."
She stepped inside clutching the bag in front of her. "Sorry I woke you," she said while looking around her and taking in the house. It seemed just the place to come to wait for the calm to return and, nervous though she was, she was glad she had come.
"Oh that's all right. I was about to get up anyway," he lied. Truth was he had gotten only a few hours of sleep from that long night and planned on staying in bed until noon. Sleep had become a rare luxury. He stood looking at her thoughtfully as if deciding whether or not he was glad to see her. Beverly shifted uneasily and felt a flood of relief when a smile slowly began to form on his lips. She met his eyes and smiled back. "Breakfast?" they asked in unison and laughed.
Jean-Luc took Beverly's bag and set it down near the stairs wondering if the bag meant she wanted to stay for a while. The thought sent a strange sort of excitement through him. "This way," he said leading her off towards the kitchen.
"Oh Jean-Luc the house is lovely."
He smiled again. "I'll give you the grand tour after breakfast."
"How about I get breakfast ready and you go get cleaned up."
He was about to protest but changed his mind stifling a mischievous grin. "You don't mind?" he asked.
"Not at all."
"All right then. I'll just be ten minutes." He turned and strode out of the kitchen.
Beverly watched him over her shoulder with a thoughtful expression on her face. It was nice seeing him in his robe and bare feet. She turned back to the kitchen, her eyes seeking the replicator. There wasn't one. *So that's what that smile he thought he was hiding was for.* She sighed heavily wondering where to start. She decided the cabinets were as good a place as any and so began rummaging about for a tea kettle.
Ten minutes later Jean-Luc trotted down the stairs smiling happily and feeling like a kid at Christmas. He about broke his neck tripping over Beverly's bag but didn't seem to notice. Beverly was rummaging through the cabinets in search of cups after putting the kettle on the stove when he entered. He chuckled to himself.
"That was a dirty trick Jean-Luc," she said not bothering to turn and look at him.
"You seemed so eager, I didn't want to disappoint you," he teased.
She threw him a dirty look over her shoulder feigning anger.
It only made him chuckle more. He came up behind her and placed a hand on the back of her arm pulling it out of the cabinet. She hoped he didn't notice the little shiver that ran through her. "Why don't you go sit down and I'll get everything," he said. He was so close Beverly could feel his breath on her ear. That little shiver ran through her again. She turned and found his mouth mere centimetres from hers. Absently she reached up and brushed her fingers across his lips. Closing her eyes she leaned forward and kissed him. If she had been thinking she never would have done it, but she hadn't been.
He didn't move but just stood there with her lips pressed against his and trying to decide whether or not he was actually awake. The time he took for this was long enough for Beverly to gather up her sensibilities. She pulled suddenly away from him with a startled expression in her eyes. She looked away from him. "I...I'm sorry," she whispered.
He looked at her blankly. "Sorry?"
She shifted uneasily trying to find some way to explain. The kettle gave a sudden shrill whistle causing them both to jump. Jean-Luc went to remove it from the stove and Beverly heaved a great sigh of relief. They busied themselves with making tea, scrounging around for croissants, and trying to pretend nothing had happened.
Breakfast passed with awkwardness.
"So how've you been?" she asked trying not to sound to obvious. After all that had happened she was more than a little worried about him.
He looked at her as though seeing right through her.
*He knows me too well,* she thought sipping her tea.
*She knows me too well,* Jean-Luc thought. He fixed his eyes on some point over her shoulder and said, "A little raged around the edges," He shifted his gaze to her, "but I'm all right. What about you?"
Beverly took a moment to contemplate this. She was exhausted and at the moment feeling a little nervous. A strange sort of restlessness had settled over her. She supposed that was caused by loneliness. She wasn't quite sure what to do with herself anymore. This leave was supposed to be so she could relax before things got back to normal, but she couldn't relax. She was always feeling that something was missing. Somehow she was sure that Jean-Luc could help her find what that was. She couldn't say any of this to him though so she just shrugged and said, "I've been all right."
They found themselves drowning in a quicksand of polite conversation and were glad when breakfast was finally over. They cleared away the dishes and Jean-Luc began the tour of the house. He pointed out each detail and Beverly laughed as he spoke about his childhood. "I must of knocked that damn vase over a thousand times, but it never broke."
"Why were you running through the house anyway?"
"Robert. He would chase after me hollering and threatening to beat me bloody." He didn't bother to try and hide the sadness in his eyes. "I never thought I miss him so much." Beverly placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He turned and smiled into her eyes. She quickly looked away fearing what would happen if she didn't. She thought she heard him sigh. "I can see why Marie didn't want to stay," he said softly, "there's a great deal of memories in this house." He was quiet for a while. "How long can you stay?" he asked wanting to change the subject.
Beverly had been expecting this question and had thought of several perfectly logical ways to answer, but they all escaped her at the moment. "How long will you have me?" she asked finally.
He smiled broadly. "As long as you can stand me."
She smiled back and again felt relieved.
"Come on," he said, "Let's find you a room."
Part II
Breakfast the next morning was much easier than it had been the day before. Conversation was easy to find and it began to feel like old times. "I've been thinking about going camping," Jean-Luc was saying.
Beverly raised her eyebrow.
"There's a lake a few hours away," he continued. "I was thinking of taking a horse and riding out. Would you like to go?"
"Horses? I haven't ridded since I was a child."
"I'm sure there's a nice quite mount out in the barn."
Beverly appeared to be thinking it over. "When do we leave?" she asked smiling.
That night Beverly lay awake in bed trying to figure out just what she was doing there in a spare bedroom in Jean-Luc Picard's house. The answer was obvious enough but she refused to let herself see it. She tried to convince herself she was there out of simple concern for her best friend, but deep down she knew that wasn't entirely true. She lay very still as she thought. To move would have been to reveal the emptiness of the bed, but as long as she lay still she could imagine anything.
She was feeling that restlessness again and knew that sleep was far off. Pulling on a robe she slipped quietly downstairs. She found herself wandering around in the silence and suddenly realised she was looking for something...no...someone. But there was no one there. *That's because he's upstairs thinking you want nothing more from him than breakfast and a shoulder to cry on when things get too rough,* she told herself. She sat down in the dark kitchen. She felt very alone.
Morning came far too soon and Jean-Luc was far too ebullient and awake for Beverly's taste. It had been a rough night for her and she disliked the fact that he seemed to have gotten such a good night's sleep. She glared at him as he hummed happily while he swung the saddles and packs onto the horses. He grinned in return. Beverly gave him a mock look of disgust but, his happiness was contagious and she soon found herself smiling and humming right along with him.
They left the newly built barn just as the sun began to make its appearance. They stood silently for a while and watched as the burning gold disk slowly climbed up from behind the vines. Then they mounted their horses and headed out across the country. They took a path through the vineyards then across the fields and over the foothills, the trees dotting the hills becoming thicker as the rode on. They rode mostly in silence. It wasn't awkward. It was just riding together on a hot day and being quiet.
When they arrived at the lake it was late afternoon. Both were hot and tired and sore but were happy nonetheless. When the horses had been taken care of they set up camp near the water's edge. It didn't take long. They had both agreed that sleeping under the stars would be better than a tent and so all there was to do was to set out the sleeping bags near the ring of stones Jean-Luc made for the fire.
Beverly spread out a blanket on the ground and they had a picnic lunch before taking a walk around the lake. It seemed a place lost in time, forgotten by everyone but them. They walked until the sky began to darken gathering wood along the way. Jean-Luc started the fire and they sat watching the sun disappear behind the trees surrounding them. Neither felt like bothering with making dinner so they ate what was leftover from lunch. A full moon was rising and they sat near the water to watch. The silence was broken only by the water lapping against the sand and the distant sound of crickets and the horses cropping grass.
"I'm glad you came," Jean-Luc said quietly. They were the first words spoken in a long while.
"I'm glad you were here to come to." She reached out and took his hand. It felt like the right thing to do.
"I always will be." His voice was so low she could barely make out what he was saying.
"Jean-Luc...," she started, not knowing where she was going. She sighed, annoyed with herself for not being able to find the right words. "It's just such a waste of time!" Her voice sounded exasperated and a little desperate.
"What is?" he asked quietly.
"Keeping up this disguise...this...this charade. I haven't the energy anymore."
He looked at her carefully trying to decide if she was saying what he thought she was. She was looking back at him and he decided she was. "You don't have to keep it up Beverly."
"I know I just..." She sighed. Her eyes pleaded with him for understanding and she got it.
"Take your time. We can go as slow as you like." She gave him a relieved smile and kissed his cheek. "Besides," he teased, "you weren't fooling anyone."
She pulled a face at him. "And you were?"
It felt good to laugh.
They were silent again, glad to have gotten over such a large obstacle. Now things wouldn't feel tense and pressured. They could just let things happen. They were silent for a very long time.
The moon was high now and making a path across the water. "It's so smooth," Beverly breathed, "like we could walk on it."
"Shall we try?" asked Jean-Luc. There was an uncharacteristic playful sparkle in his eyes that she had never seen before. Before she could answer he was pulling her towards the lake.
They stood grinning like children on the edge of the water. Jean-Luc looked over at Beverly with his eyes shining. Even if it was a side of him she had never seen before she had always known it existed hidden somewhere deep inside him. She was filled with a strange sort of exhilaration that he felt comfortable enough to share it with her. She grinned back. They closed their eyes and she felt him reach out for her hand. Their fingers locked and they stuck their legs out. They stepped forward...and found themselves ankle deep in the cool water. They opened their eyes, looked at each other, and burst out laughing.
When the laughter subsided Beverly found he was watching her. She tried to look away but his eyes followed hers. The moon shone in his eyes and she couldn't help but smile a little. He leaned forward to kiss her, watching her carefully. She pulled back, but there was a small smile pulling at her lips. She leaned forward but again pulled back before their lips met. Her nervous smile broadened. Jean-Luc smiled as well. She wasn't sure why but that small gesture further endeared him to her. This time she didn't pull back but instead leaned into him. His knees felt suddenly weak and he stepped back to steady himself as the kiss deepened. Something caught his foot and he began to fall back. Beverly grabbed hold of him in an effort to keep him on his feet and only managed to fall on top of him. They lay in the water laughing until tears formed in their eyes. But they were laughing more at themselves and their foolish behaviour than they were at having fallen.
Jean-Luc began to get up, but Beverly pushed him back down. He looked up into her eyes questioningly and was answered by a promising smile. Her mouth moved onto his, her tongue exploring where she had always dreamed of letting it. He lay still savouring the moment for a while and then began kissing back.
It was a long time before Beverly stood and pulled him to his feet. She lead him over to where the fire was still burning and pulled him to her again. Everything was happening so fast, he felt a little weak. He lowered his forehead and pressed it against her sweet-smelling hair. Resting his wrists on her shoulders he began running the softest of fingertips down the back of her neck. Her hands began fumbling with his wet shirt as they kissed again. He stepped back from her just long enough to pull the shirt off and toss it out of the way. Beverly ran her hands up his chest and over his broad shoulders. He leaned into her kissing her hungrily. Her fingers now began pulling at his waistband. He smiled against her lips and moved his body away from hers without breaking the kiss. She reached for his waistband again and again he moved away.
"Jean-Luc, " she groaned breaking the kiss. He was laughing slightly. "It isn't nice to tease."
He pressed his mouth against hers again still laughing. "I love you Beverly."
She stepped back to get a good look at him. She smiled. "I love you right back Jean-Luc." She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him feeling finally at peace with herself.
Hours later the fire was nothing more than red embers glowing in the ring of stones. Beverly lay with her back pressed against Jean-Luc's chest and his arms folded around her. She gently caressed his arms as they watched the dying fire. "I've had dreams about this," she said softly.
"Were they good dreams?" he asked nuzzling the back of her neck.
"Not a patch on the real thing."
It wasn't until around noon that they finally crawled out of the sleeping bag. After eating they took a walk around the lake again. A little rowboat was hidden in the tall grass. While Jean-Luc pulled it to the lake Beverly hunted about for the ores. Jean-Luc paddled out to the middle of the lake while Beverly lay on her back looking up at the sky. "It's a lovely change from a twenty-four hour night," she commented, watching the clouds.
"Enjoy it while you can. We'll have to go back soon."
Beverly sighed. "I'm not ready to go back. I want to stay here with you."
"I'm not ready to go back either, but we've still got a few more days."
"I wish we could stay right here forever."
He smiled. "And what would you do with all your time?"
"Oh I dunno......You ever made love in a rowboat?"
Part III
***3 days later***
"Are you ready?"
Beverly glanced about and shrugged. "I guess so," she answered, reluctantly moving to take her place beside Jean-Luc.
He reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "Beverly, you knew we only had a few days left."
"I know," she sighed "It's just that I'm going to miss this place." She looked around the house. Even though she had only been there a few days it had already begun to feel like home.
"Well then I guess we'll just have to come more often from now on."
She turned and smiled at him. "Yes, I suppose we will."
Jean-Luc gave her a quick kiss before tapping his combadge. "Captain Picard to Enterprise, two to beam up." He gave the house a final look then said, "Energise."
The familiar blue light enveloped them and they were soon standing in a transporter room. Will and Deanna were there to greet them.
"Welcome back Captain, Doctor."
"It's good to be back Number One."
The two men headed out the doors catching up on ship's business. Beverly made a move to follow them, but Deanna stepped in front of her blocking her path.
"Well?" Deanna asked excitedly.
"Well what?" Beverly asked in her most innocent voice. She stepped around her friend and headed for her quarters.
"Beverly you know perfectly well what. I know something happened, you're positively glowing. You can't hide anything from me."
"Whatever could I be hiding?" Her voice absolutely dripped with innocence.
"Beverly! Details, I want details."
They had stopped outside Beverly's quarters. "I'm just so tired," she yawned. "Maybe tomorrow." It was rare that she got to torture Deanna like this and she wanted to make it last. She slipped into her quarters before Deanna could protest. She needed time to think.
She dropped her bag on the floor and flopped down on the couch wondering if that last several days had actually happened. Things seemed to be moving so fast. Was she really starting an intimate relationship with Jean-Luc or was it just a fling with delusions of grandeur? Had he really given her back that small part of herself that had been missing for so long? She began to drift into sleep as her optimistic side battled with her pessimistic side for supremacy.
Beverly awoke with a start at the feel of something on her lips. Jean-Luc was kneeling beside the couch, his lips brushing against hers. "Sorry," he said softly, "I didn't mean to wake you."
"Liar," she replied pulling him onto the couch on top of her.
"If you'd like I could leave," he suggested between kisses.
"You wouldn't dare," she breathed. It was the last coherent sentence spoken that night.
She woke up hours later to an empty bed. Pulling on a robe she walked out into the living area thinking maybe he had gotten up to get breakfast, but he wasn't there.
"Computer, location of Captain Picard," she grumbled.
"Captain Picard is in his quarters," replied the ever emotionless voice.
*Maybe he had something really important to do,* she told herself, but the voice in her head didn't sound as convinced as she would have liked. *I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason for why he didn't stay,* she argued with herself trying to dissolve the sick feeling in her stomach. *You're overreacting. Stop being so silly.* She forced the doubts to the back of her mind and headed for the shower hoping that the hot water would wash her fears away.
She didn't see Jean-Luc at all that day. When she had gone to his quarters for breakfast she found he had already left for the bridge. Confused, she had wandered to sickbay and busied herself with reports that should have been done weeks ago. She found it hard to concentrated though and when she had asked Jean-Luc if he would like to join her for lunch he had told her he simply didn't have time. The doubts she had pushed to the back of her mind came racing forward. Was he avoiding her? *Don't be silly,* countered the voice in her head. *Why would he be avoiding you?* But the voice didn't sound as sure as the words.
It was poker night so after having a quick dinner alone Beverly headed for Will's quarters. She felt relieved to find Jean-Luc was already there when she arrived. She flashed a smile at him and took the chair beside him. Jean-Luc was discussing the next mission with Will and Data and didn't seem to notice her. Once again Beverly fought back the doubts. She hated feeling uncertain and insecure. She hated feeling vulnerable, and mostly she hated that he was making her feel all these things.
Geordi and Deanna arrived after a few minutes and the game began. Deanna watched Beverly carefully feeling the tangle of emotions she was feeling.
"Doctor, I believe it is your bet," Data said politely.
Beverly had been staring at Jean-Luc's hands and hadn't realised they had gotten around to her. She was forever staring at his hands. "Thank-you Data," she mumbled feeling a slight flush on her cheeks. *Why does he have this effect on me?* she groaned to herself.
The game wore on but Beverly couldn't keep her mind on it. Her eyes kept drifting to Jean-Luc. He glanced over at her and she smiled, but he didn't smile back. Beverly was beginning to feel more than a little annoyed. *What the hell is wrong with him?*
Jean-Luc eyed Riker from across the table. "You're bluffing. Let's see what you've got." He laid out his full house for all to see.
Will grinned and placed his cards on the table with far more gusto than necessary. Straight Flush. He grinned triumphantly reaching for the chips at the centre of the table. "Sorry Captain," he laughed.
"Oh," Jean-Luc groaned, "I thought I had him." He should have known better, his mind wasn't really on the game.
Beverly reached out under the table and patted his thigh comfortingly giving him a sympathetic look. He pulled uneasily away from her touch and gave her a look that she thought might be a warning. Beverly raised an eyebrow at him and he looked away shifting in his chair which seemed to have suddenly become very uncomfortable.
"Another hand?" Asked Will grinning.
"Not for me Number One. You've embarrassed me enough for one evening. I think I'll just go get some sleep." His eyes were on Beverly who was staring sullenly at the table. "You a....you look a little tired yourself Doctor. Shall I walk you to your quarters?"
Beverly looked up at him. *He ignores me all day and now this? Just who does he think he is?* She stood. "Yes Captain, thank-you." *Now I can give him a piece of my mind.* She strode out into the corridor and he followed calling his goodnights over his shoulder as surprised glances were exchanged around the table.
They walked in silence to Beverly's quarters. He followed her in. Sensing her anger he reached out for her hand as she stalked past him and turned her to face him. "Is something wrong?" he asked pulling her to him and brushing his lips against her cheek.
She pulled away from him. "Is something wrong?" she repeated. "Is something wrong?"
He looked at her not knowing what to say. *Oh god what did I do now?*
Normally the look of utter bewilderment on his face would have made her angrier, but the look of innocence in his eyes tugged at her heart. He really had no idea why she was mad. But she still felt justified in her anger. "Jean-Luc you...." She allowed the words to drift away as his lips began making a distracting trail down her neck. "You're making this very hard," she groaned.
"What?" he inquired nuzzling her neck.
"Being mad at you."
"Mad at me?" he asked, his lips brushing her cheek. "Why are you mad at me?"
"I don't remember," she answered weakly. He pressed his lips against hers and she remembered very little for the rest of the night.
(follow the link below to read the rest of the story)
Part I