Summary: Tom is having nightmares for reasons he doesn’t know, while Chakotay is gradually coming to terms with his feelings for the young pilot.
Rating: Nothing more than unresolved feelings - as yet! UST. Tom angst.
Disclaimer: The charcters and world belong to Paramount, I don't own them I'm just using 'em for a bit. I'm not making any money of this, its done purely for fun. Story is copyright by me.
Any comments will be gratefully recieved as this is a first time attempt at anything like this (and has not been read by anyone but me!) - to 'yinta@hotmail.com' Be nice :OP
" Oh Harry! Come on, don't be a spoil sport," Lieutenant Paris's voice could be heard whining from inside Ensign Kim's quarters. "It'll be fun. Come on, you don't know what you're missing."
"Tom, I'm just not in the mood for the resort okay. Its been a long day down in engineering and all I want to do is slip into something comfortable preferably a bath and relax for the first time in.....three days practically."
"You can relax down at the resort, Harry, that's what its there for." Tom Paris could be seen stood by the table next to the chair where Ensign Harry Kim had flopped into after dragging himself back from the torturous hands of B'Ellana. His hands were waving emphatically as he made his point. Dressed in a blue shirt that matched his eyes perfectly and tan pants his mood was one of barely contained excitement. Giving the impression of a impatient child waiting to go out to play after a long day at school.
"Come on, you don't have to stay long. Just humor me will you. I've been waiting ages to show off these new additions to the program."
Harry looked at the practically bouncing figure stood next to him, his face one of resigned acceptance. He'd never get rid of Tom, he knew that from past experience. Tom was one of those people who you could never totally say no to and if you did you were racked with guilt for days afterwards.
"Okay, okay. But just for a while."
Tom's grin widened. "I'll wait for you to change into something a bit more appropriate."
Harry opened his mouth to say something along the lines of don't push you're luck but took one look at Tom's happy face and closed it again. Some things just weren't worth changing.
Five minutes later they were walking along deck 6 towards holodeck one. Harry now dressed in a casual beige top and green pants. Tom's arm was casually slung around Harry's shoulder as he filled his friend in on all the juicy gossip of the last two days that he had missed whilst slaving away down in engineering. The doors whooshed open as they approached and Harry was surprised to see the resort empty, even of holocharacters. It was a popular place for the crew now, almost as much as Tom's Sandrine program. To see it empty nowadays was a rare sight indeed.
As he neared the bar in the centre a great yell suddenly went up from all around him and up from behind various pillars, chairs and tropical trees shot his friends and fellow crew members in a unanimous cheer of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!!!!" Everybody was there including the Captain and Commander Chakotay complete with party ribbons. He whirled round with a huge grin on his face and was met by Tom's knowing smile.
"Happy birthday, Harry," Janeway, along with Chakotay, came up to him handing him one of the two glasses of wine she had been carrying. "I hope you don't mind our little surprise but it seemed to good an idea to refuse." She glanced behind him to Tom who just grinned as he took his own glass from a nearby tray.
"I love it, Captain, thank you. I didn't think anybody would remember."
B'Ellana and Neelix came over and congratulated him followed closely by Kes and the Doctor. Several presents and glasses of wine later he was lay on one of the resort lounge chairs with Tom sipping on a tropical concoction Tom had ordered for him and which he wasn't entirely convinced he wanted to know the contents of. Tom was sprawled on the chair next to him his own brightly colored glass sat on the table next to him. From the quick glance harry shot his friend he could see that he had as many drinks as he had had, maybe even more so. Neither of them was on duty tomorrow so could afford to sleep off the worst in the morning.
"You're not mad then, Harry?" came Tom's not quite steady voice. "That I dragged you down here?"
"No. Its a wonderful surprise, Tom. I'm flattered. It makes me realise just how many friends I have here aboard Voyager. That I have a family who cares about me even out here in the delta quadrant. It does make me sad in one way too, makes me remember that my family aren't to celebrate with me." His voice went quiet as he lost himself in past memories and missed the expression that flitted across Tom's face.
"Yeah, Harry." Family sighed Tom inwardly. Lucky Harry had two families to consider himself part of. He had a lovely caring family back home that was probably missing him like crazy and a new close if somewhat unconventional family here aboard Voyager. Tom on the other hand had more of a family here than he had ever had back home. Felt more at home, more at ease and more cared for here that any time in his life. If he were to be honest he would be content if Voyager never got back to the alpha quadrant. But that would be unfair to those people he now considered his family because he knew how much everybody wanted to get back. Tom just contented himself with concentrating on every day as it came and not on the inevitable if they ever did find a wormhole or spatial thingy. His brain was past scientific thought. He would face that if and when it came, though he knew deep down inside that he wouldn't be able to face prison again. No, never again. The Akritirian prison had been bad enough but at least Harry had been there with him. He felt terribly guilty but he had been glad Harry had been there with him. Poor Harry, he wished the kid had been spared that experience. But he knew what was waiting for him in that other prison when he got back and there was no way he was going back to that after being here aboard Voyager, no way.
Suddenly Harry giggled, half spluttered in his drink and spent the following few seconds trying desperately not to choke. Tom sat up and reached over to pat Harry on the back. "I'm okay," Harry managed to gasp out between coughs.
"Try not to choke to death on your birthday will you Harry. It bad karma." Tom grinned at him. "What so funny you have to court death anyway?"
Harry chuckled evilly. "I just saw something that set off a rather rude image in my head that's all."
"That's all! Care to share birthday boy?"
"Well lets just say a gesture the Commander made whilst standing next to the Captain looked rather...'dodgy' from where I was sat," Harry managed to explain before his chuckles developed back into full blown hysterics again and he leaned forward burying his face in the material of the chair. Tom just chuckled to himself knowing that was about as good an explanation as he was going to get out of Harry that night. He would have to make do with his own imagination and that certainly wouldn't be a strain. He looked over to where Chakotay was stood next to Captain Janeway as they were both talking to Neelix.
They certainly did look cosy, the Captain and Commander, standing quite close. He watched as Janeway laughed softly at something the Commander said. The smile that lit up Chakotays face was obvious even from where Tom was sat. For some reason that send a shiver of emotion through his body. He started, not quite sure what he had just felt. Maybe it was the drink affecting his judgement or maybe it was loosing up connections in his brain allowing various parts of his mind to talk to each other that normally he didn't allow to communicate. Whatever it was it unnerved him for some reason, not as much as it would have if he were sober though.
The simple fact he had had too many drinks gave him the objectivity and distance he needed to examine and acknowledge the feelings he was experiencing. He sat and watched them interacting and wondered who the pangs of jealousy he was feeling was directed to. Captain Janeway had been the first person to show any faith in him and remained one of the few people he felt he could trust with just about anything. He respected her with such vigour that he was sure he would do anything for her, anything. But the emotions he was having weren't about her, they were about the man stood next to her, and this was surprising. In the first two years, to any untrained eye the tension, animosity and mistrust between the two men had been startlingly obvious.
But Tom had often found himself wanting, needing even, the older man's trust and respect, as much as he wanted Janeways, sometimes more so. The need to prove himself for the man to gain his respect and pride was so intense sometimes.
When he had known the man in the Maquis it had been so strange. He had been at a low point in his life, not the lowest he was to find out but, and the chance to fly again had been too great a opportunity to pass up on. His relationship with Chakotay had been strained from the very start. The tension had been there almost instantly, Tom's attitude pushing the stoic Maquis constantly. Tom smiled at the memory, remembering his behaviour and acknowledging that had he been in Chakotay's place he probably would have throttled him.
Now things were different. The two men got along, they weren't best buddies by any stretch of the imagination, but they were colleagues, friends even.
But now as he gazed at the big man he couldn't seem to take his eyes off his smiling face the twinkling eyes. He was captured by the complete happiness of his expression. Time seemed to stand still as he took in every detail of his face, the way his mouth curled up at the sides, the depth of those dark eyes and the way they crinkled up at the sides as he smiled. Even when those brown eyes turned and met his it took him a few seconds to register the fact and avert his look back to Harry who was still grinning into the cushion.
In the midst of one of Neelix's jokes Chakotay had felt his gaze drawn to his left. He was met with stunning blue eyes staring right back at him. They remained locked for several moments before the owner of those crystal blue eyes suddenly registered they had been caught and dropped away leaving a rather surprised and confused Chakotay. He turned back to Neelix who was half way through another story, his mind still trying to work out what just happened.
Tom reached for his drink taking refuge in more alcohol. His hand was trembling slightly and he stared at it dumbly. Not long later several more of the colorful concoctions had been devoured and Tom sat there trying to convince himself that he was actually sitting still at the same time his head was convincing him that he was infact doing a dodgy version of a seated lambada.
"Tom?" Tom's mind cleared enough to hear Harry. He looked up to find his friend staring at him a concerned expression on his face.
"Erhh," he managed.
"I think you've had enough for tonight," said Harry attempting to put his glass down and almost missing the table entirely. "But then again so have I by the looks of it," he chuckled softly, concentrating on landing the half full vessel on a surface that was stubbornly refusing to stay still. When at last the glass landed without damage Harry got rather unsteadily to his feet and offered a hand to Tom who had already got rid of his glass, not before emptying the remaining contents first though. As he gazed up at the three Harry's looming above him he had to reconsider the wiseness of such a move. Grabbing what he hoped was a solid hand he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As he felt warm flesh close around his hand he attempted to launch himself off the chair and into what he desperately hoped was an upright position.
It worked - kind of. He hadn't accounted for any over compensation and with a flash of panic felt himself reach a standing position....and keep going. Luckily Harry's lounge chair was in the right position to break the fall and prevent a painful trip to sickbay to repair any broken teeth.
Chakotay heard the crash and turned to see Tom sprawled out across one of the resort chairs. Obviously not an intentional position as his head was virtually in a plant pot, and Harry was stood next to him practically doubled over with laughter. He smiled and turned to Janeway.
"I think I'd better go help over there or two of your bridge officers aren't going to make it home in one piece tonight."
Janeway turned and chuckled at the sight of her two officers in hysterics. It had been a long time since she had seen any of the crew so happy, especially Tom and it warmed her heart. He was still lying prone over the chair his eyes screwed up in laughter, completely unable to move position he was laughing so hard.
Chakotay walked over grinning. "I can see you've had a good birthday, Harry." He smiled warmly at the ensign who just nodded hopelessly. "And for no charge I'll take you and Tom back to your quarters, what do you say?" Harry nodded again, obviously unable to trust himself with words quite yet.
Chakotay leaned down and gripping Tom around the middle and shoulder he managed to lift the Lieutenant into a standing position offering support should he feel the need to head downwards again. He was surprised at how light the Lieutenant was.
Manuvering himself between the two men he slid his one arm so it was still around Tom's waist, absently noting its slimness, and put the other around the shoulders of Harry who seemed more able to move under his own steam than Tom. With a nod to Harry they made their way towards the door of the holodeck an headed out into the corridor.
It was pretty amusing trying to get them to their quarters without either of them hitting anything. Tom was pretty unstable and needed quite a lot of steering to keep him going in a straight line, whilst Harry who seemed quite steady had to be reminded occasionally that solid walls could not actually be walked through. The conversation was pretty fumbled and by the time they reached Harry's quarters Harry was practically asleep. Leaning Tom against the wall and making sure he was secure he helped Harry inside and made sure he hit the bed and nothing else before going back to retrieve Tom and carry on to Tom's quarters.
When they were there he led Tom inside ordering the computer for half illumination knowing how unpleasant bright light was when you were drunk. He half dragged, half cajoled the young man towards the bedroom. Unlike Harry, Tom was still wide awake and mumbling something incoherent. He tried to hear but Tom's voice was too quiet.
"What are you saying down there Tom, you insulting me or something?" he said jokingly. Tom lifted his head and attempted to focus.
"Nah," he slurred. "Just commenting on how strange this is."
"What's so strange?"
"You. Helping me back to my quarters," he drawled. ""Three years ago you wouldn't have deemed to be any where near me let alone have you arms round me helping put me into bed." He sniggered suddenly, causing Chakotay to look at him questioningly.
"What's so funny now?"
"Just a private joke Commander. But I can guarantee you're not the first."
"First what?" Chakotay asked patiently.
"First man to get me into bed," he slurred. At that moment they reached the bed and Tom's tentative balance gave one last shudder and gave up, sending him crashing onto the bed. Unfortunately because of his slower reflexes Tom's hands didn't let go of Chakotay's shirt in time and the Commander felt himself being pulled down on top of the Lieutenant.
Chakotay found himself looking into startled blue eyes only inches from his. He could feel warm breath on his lips. For an instant felt himself captivated by the incredible depth in those brilliant blue eyes before he felt Tom start to struggle underneath him. He started to shift then realised that Tom wasn't just wriggling out from underneath him, he was struggling in an almost panicked way. His arms were flaying out wildly pushing against Chakotays shoulders almost frantically, letting loose a frightened whimper from somewhere in the back of his throat. Chakotay rolled off him immediately and as soon as he was free Tom scuttled away up the bed to lie curled in a protective ball at the head of the bed, his arms up over his head as if to protect himself from something.
Chakotay sat on the bed and stared, not quite believing what he was seeing. Slowly he reached up to put his hand on Tom's shoulder. Tom jumped, and tried to push himself even further against the head rest.
"Tom," Chakotay called gently. "Its okay, its only me. Nobody's going to hurt you."
The whimpering stopped, and Chakotay risked putting his hand back on his shoulder. This time thankfully Tom didn't flinch. They stayed like that for a while before Tom's gasping breaths seemed to even out and Chakotay, leaning over found Tom had fallen asleep.
Grabbing the covers which were still where Tom must have flung them that morning when he got up, Chakotay gently pulled them up over the sleeping Lieutenant. Absently brushing a stray lock of hair off the young man's forehead he watched him silently for a few moments wondering what on earth had just occurred. Ordering the computer to turn off the lights he made his way to the door. As it whooshed close behind him he stopped and looked back a thoughtful and puzzled expression marring his features.
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