Rating: Still very angsty - and not much else going on..
Disclaimer: Same as in the 1st part.
He had to try and centre himself, if Paris was sensitive enough to pick up on the vibes in his room, which the Commander was certain he was, then he would feel it as soon as he entered the door and that would be that session down the drain.
In the following half an hour Chakotay meditated and spent quite a pleasant if brief time with his spirit guide and when he returned he felt a lot more at ease with himself. Later, he promised himself he would look into the reasons why he felt as nervous as he had. It intrigued him but he knew now was not the time to analyse such feelings.
His current mythering were disrupted by the door chime and he called for them to enter. There stood Tom Paris hovering in the doorway looking quite lost and decidedly uneasy. Chakotay beckoned him to enter the room.
“Good evening, Tom,” Chakotay had deliberately used the Lieutenants first name in an attempt to break the constant tension that always seemed to exist between them even these days. If this session was to any good Tom would have to feel at ease in being here and in talking to him.
“Good evening, Commander,” Evidently the pilot was not so forth coming in such an attempt. The young man’s whole body language definitely spoke of someone who would rather be anywhere but there. He hovered just inside the doorway, his whole body tense, his eyes darting everywhere and never meeting the Commander’s once.
“Come and sit down,” Chakotay gestured to the couch in his living area. There was already a jug of water and two glasses sat on the table. He had left all his decorations that normally lived on the table in their original place hoping to create a more natural environment in which to conduct the session. He had done it as much for himself as for Tom finding peace and serenity in his familiar possessions. He hoped Tom would do the same. He paused mentally running over his last thought and questioning it briefly before bringing his concentration back to the nervous young man sat in front of him. Tom hadn’t stopped fidgeting since he had perched himself on the edge of the couch. His fingers danced lightly against his knees which were bobbing as he gently bounced his legs on the balls of his feet. His eyes were again darting around glancing at anything - in particular the door which he hadn’t taken his eyes off for more than ten seconds at the most since he’d arrived - but never once meeting Chakotays.
“Tom,” he said a gentle but commanding tone.
Tom’s head turned to face him and he was meet with a pair of the most intensely brilliant blue eyes that he had ever seen. And the most scared. Then before he could even get his breath back they were gone, hidden behind a perfect mask that dropped down to cover his expression.
But he’d seen it, even if it had been for just one brief moment, he’d seen it. That beautiful face without its mask. Tom Paris unguarded and without his many defences. Oh what a sight!
“Tom, I know you’ve been sent here by the doctor orders and I imagine you’d rather not have to go through this, particularly with me,” Chakotay he smiled gently as he said this. “But I want you to know that I’d really like to help you if I can...if you’d let me.”
Tom studied him silently for a few moments and Chakotay was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable when he eventually replied. “Okay.”
One word only but more was said with the young man’s change on body language as he slowly relaxed into the couch more and his body seemed to lose its tenseness.
Chakotay reached over and poured them both a glass of water. He definitely needed one. The sight of those eyes had completely taken him by surprise and the whole attitude of the man before him spoke of something more than just a normal sleeping problem. the doctor had mentioned recurring bad dreams. He’d dealt with a few cases of nightmares brought on by their current situation in the delta quadrant, of people finding it hard to acclimatise themselves with being so far away from home and all things familiar. These had gradually ceased the longer they had been out here and now after three years most people , although not exactly happy with their predicament, were at least more at ease and adjusted to life as it was.
Tom Paris had never given any indication that he was in any way effected by their sudden trip across the universe. In fact on many occasions he had actually seemed to indicate a certain amount of pleasure at being so far away from the alpha quadrant. May be it was a delayed reaction, but Chakotay was pretty sure that the position he had here on Voyager was something he held very dear to him, even among his many vocalised complaints and smart ass comments. He saw the way the young man flew Voyager, he had seen the look in Tom’s eyes and the expression on his face every time he took the controls. That was the one expression Tom never managed to hide.
“So where would you like to start?”
Tom pursed his lips. Chakotay shifted in his sit and tried again. “Would you like to tell me about why it is you are here. The doctor says that you are unable to sleep at night for longer than a few hours. Why is that and how long has it been this way?”
“I don’t know exactly, a while. Over a month I think. I can get to sleep but I wake up.”
“Why?”
“Dreams.”
“What sort of dreams?”
Tom hesitated. “Nightmares.”
“What happens when you have these dreams?”
“I wake up....feeling kind of panicky. And I can’t get back to sleep, I try but I just kinda lie there.”
“Have you tried taking anything to help you get back to sleep?”
Tom shifted and glanced away looking decidedly guilty. “Tom? Tom, you have to be honest with me or we’re not going to get anywhere.”
“I just feel as though all of these is pointless. Its just a few bad dreams that’s all. The doc is treating it as though I’ve had a major breakdown or something.”
“The doc is being thorough that’s all. He’s making sure you *don’t* end up having a breakdown. Tom, from what he’s told me you haven’t been sleeping properly for a long time. That alone going to take its toll on you. Besides which he also noted that you’re under nourished and under weight.”
Chakotay looked meaningfully at Tom and Tom looked away sighing.
“I replicated some sedative which worked for a few nights but then it stooped working so....so I replicated something a bit stronger and then that stopped working so....”
“You replicated something a bit stronger,” Chakotay finished for him. “The Heotrancylin.”
Tom nodded.
“You realise that drug isn’t used very often?”
Tom nodded again.
“The reason being that it can be very addictive and the side effects haven’t all been properly eradicated. Doctors only use it in certain situations when it has been proven to be the best alternative or when there *is* no alternative.”
“I know,” Tom shifted nervously in his seat. “I was getting....”
Chakotay looked at him evenly. “I was getting desperate,” Tom finished.
“That should tell you how bad you are getting and why you need to talk this through,” Chakotay’s voice was gentle and his expression soft. Tom stared at him for a moment not quite sure what to think. It was strange this show of compassion towards him. Sure they weren’t exactly enemies now but they were still far from best buddies. Yet something about it was strangely familiar and comforting. His first instinct was to run, now, as fast as he could. Before he could start to get used to it, before he could learn to miss it........
Tom just swallowed and nodded for what felt like the hundredth time, Chakotay must think him a nut.
“Do you know what you’re dreams are about?” Chakotay decided it was time to start looking into the reason behind the problem now that he had got Tom to acknowledge there was a problem. A problem large enough to warrant his time. Self confidence seemed to be a problem for the young man as much as he seemed to exude it normally and Chakotay was beginning to suspect that it was just an image. That a lot of things about Tom Paris were just an image and it made the Commander wonder what exactly the real Tom Paris was.
“I.....,” Tom faltered again, his mind working quickly to come up with something. “I...sometimes I can remember certain images, feelings, but I tend to forget them.”
“Forget them or ignore them?”
Tom looked at Chakotay startled and then ducked his head before quietly saying. “Ignore them.”
“Tom, repressing images from dreams or nightmares is a natural thing to do, sort of a self preservation thing. Anything that we see or experience that we can’t deal with we repress into our subconscious.”
“So you’re telling me that this something I’ve experienced that was so terrible that I’ve repressed it and can’t remember it.”
“No, I’m saying that dreams can represent a number of things, one of them being experiences that we have had.....trouble dealing with.”
“Great.” *This should be good. Wonder what we *have* managed to store away without knowing? Should be a perverbial pandora's box in there.......*
Chakotay bend forward and picked up his glass of water. Tom suddenly realising it was there picked his own up. An awkward silence followed. Taking the opportunity Tom lent back and took in the surrounding for the first time. It was a quite a large room but that was to be expected of quarters belonging to the first officer. The decoration made it warm and friendly, lots of browns and hues, several wall hangings and rugs and a few items that Tom couldn’t identify.
Chakotay watched Tom as his eyes roamed around the room and he suddenly felt nervous for some reason. It wasn’t as if he was being judged, but something made he want Tom to like what he was seeing. He had never been inside Tom’s quarters so didn’t know what Tom liked or had in the way of decoration or belongings. This train of thought made his mind wander back to when Tom had first come aboard Voyager. He had just been let out of the penal colony to help Voyager find Chakotay and his ship. What belongings would he bring with him? What would he *have* to bring with him?
He suddenly felt eyes on him and turned to see Tom staring at him. As soon as their eyes locked Tom broke away and looked at his glass before draining it and setting it back onto the table.
“So, what next?” Tom’s voice broke the stillness that had descended on the room.
“We need to figure out what these dreams are and why you are having them. Only then can we begin to try and treat them.”
“How do we figure them out?” Tom looked at little uneasy at this.
“Well we can either use hypnosis or you can try and find your spirit guide. Both methods have been used to try and interpret dreams and visions.”
Tom thought for a moment or two before looking Chakotay straight in the eye. “Would you help me find my spirit guide?”
Chakotay smiled in spite of himself. “Of course I would.”
“Then I’ll try that.” Tom said with a ghost of a grin around his own mouth.
More to come soon!