by: Courtney
Chapter 3
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything.
All the pictures have all been washed in black
Tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll ever be...yeah...
~ Pearl Jam, Black
The bottle clinks as Doug sets it on the bar. That was his sixth beer. Or was it his seventh? He's lost count. His head is starting to swim. It's been so long since he's wanted to be drunk. Tonight he can think of nothing he'd rather be. He's mildly surprised that six or seven beers have gotten almost to that point. There was a time it would have taken at least twelve. 'Out of practice,' he thinks with a sullen, self-deprecating smirk. He's about to start making up for lost time.
Carol stands in the shower and feels the water rush down her body to her feet. It's starting to get cold. She's been in here a while. She reaches down to turn off the water before is turns icy. It's too bad it couldn't have stayed warm forever. She was enjoying the escape the steam and rush of water was providing. Oh well, nothing lasts forever. She of all people should know that.
She steps from the shower and dries her body with a large, white towel. She slips into her bathrobe and goes back into the bedroom to get dressed for bed. Maybe a good night's sleep will make things better. Doubtful though . . . Doug didn't sound like he was going to change his mind. She can't stand that she hurt him that much. Could he really believe she doesn't love him? That she never did? Her head jerks up, wanting this train of thought to go away. It'll only bring her to tears again. That was what she went in the shower to escape.
Grabbing the first nightgown she finds in the closet and a pair of panties from the dresser drawer, Carol begins to dress. She's just slipped the nightgown over her head when she gets an odd feeling. A chill travels down her spine. The strangest thought overtakes her. It's almost as if she's being watched. She glances to the window but sees it is shut and the curtains are drawn. A look into the hallway tells her it is deserted. Silence permeates the room as she strains to hear something, anything, but her raged breath is all that meets her ears. 'Paranoid,' she chastises herself.
The bed seems to beckon her. Sleep is the only real escape she has these days. She used to feel safest in Doug's arms, but those days are gone. Now she'll have to settle for the safety of sleep. Her eyes have just closed when she hears a rustling in the hallway. Someone *is* here. But, who? A burglar? 'No, you're being ridiculous, Nancy Drew,' she thinks to herself.
Doug. It's the only logical explanation. He came over to work things out. He has a key, after all. She feels her spirits buoy as she slowly rises from the bed. She walks to the doorway and looks out but Doug is not in the hall. "Doug? Is that you?" she asks. If it is him he will surely come out now. He wouldn't want to scare her. She steps further into the hall and looks down the staircase. "Doug, if this is a jo- . . ." The hand covers her mouth and her words are lost. Her eyes are wide with terror as every part of her begins to realize this is *not* Doug.
Carol twists and turns in the strong arms that envelop her. She tries to wiggle free but it's no use. The iron grip she is in is like a vise. There's no escape. Still, she must try. She kicks and claws, trying desperately to get away. Her attacker falls back, seeming to lose his balance for a moment. She feels them fall backwards together but something catches them. A loud crash sounds behind them.
He pulls her through her bedroom and into the bathroom and tosses her to the floor. He flips the light switch and a short spark enters the room then subsides as the bulb bursts. No light, only darkness. He doesn't seem to mind. She looks up and sees the mask and knows she's in trouble. From this moment on, nothing will ever be as it was.
Doug pulls up in front of Carol's house. He gets out of his car and walks unsteadily towards the side entrance. He's had way too many beers. Somehow, though, he managed to get over here. He's not sure why he's there. Something just told him it was the right time to say things face to face. In the back of his mind he knows it's probably just because he's drunk and that's giving him the courage and resolve to face this situation.
He's gotten himself angry on the way here. Telling himself that all he had told Carol earlier was true. 'She doesn't love me, she never did. It's time to tell her once and for all that this is over.' His sober mind would tell him he's a fool but that's what the beer was for, to squelch the voice of reason.
He weaves his way to the house. When he reaches the kitchen door, he notices that it is ajar. The doorframe is split and looks as though it has been pried open. Suddenly, Doug feels a sobering fear begin to rise within him. He stops and listens intently for any noises within. Nothing. Doug slips slowly into the house and begins looking around cautiously.
After he has searched the entire lower floor and found no one, Doug mounts the stairs to the second floor. Something isn't right, he can feel it. A vase in the hallway lies shattered at the top of the stairs. A chill runs down Doug's spine. Any alcohol he had in his system when he arrived has lost its effects.
Doug walks with much trepidation towards Carol's bedroom. He listens at the door, thinking he hears something. "Carol?" he calls out. There is no response and Doug immediately realizes he probably shouldn't have let his presence be known. He pushes open the bedroom door slowly, expecting at any second for someone to come at him from within the room. But, there is no movement, no surprise attack waiting.
Moving very slowly, Doug goes further into the room. He looks this way and that, wondering what will happen next. The room is empty. "Carol?" he calls again, figuring he has already revealed himself to any potential attackers anyway. "Carol?"
Doug's head jerks to attention as a noise comes from the master bathroom. It's barely audible, but he's sure he has heard it. "Carol?" he asks again as he heads towards the noise. The bathroom is dark so he flips the switch but nothing happens. 'The bulb must be blown,' he thinks. "Carol, are you in here?" he asks.
"Doug . . ." says a hoarse whisper from the far corner.
"Carol? Oh my God, Carol!" He runs over to the dark corner where she is lying. It's too dark for him to see that her clothes have been torn nearly off and that she has been badly beaten. He touches her face. "Baby, what happened?" he whispers. "What's wrong?" He feels blood on his hands as he touches her forehead. A cold wave of fear passes through him and a knot forms in his stomach.
"Oh Doug, thank God, thank God . . ." she mumbles quietly. "I knew you'd come, I knew it . . ."
"Carol, oh God, what happened? What's wrong?" He's becoming frantic now. Carol doesn't respond to his questions and this worries him even more. He scoops her up in his arms and carries her into the bedroom.
Laying her gently on the bed, Doug reaches over to turn on the lamp on the nightstand. He turns back around to look at Carol and literally gasps at what he sees. "Oh my . . . Wha . . .?" he stammers in horror as he looks at the condition she is in. Her nightgown has been ripped open in front and is covering very little. Her whole body is covered in bruises that are already turning a dark bluish-black. Her lip is busted and her eyes are blackened so badly that they are swelling shut. A long gash on her forehead is dripping blood down her right temple and into her hair.
Doug is visibly shaken as he looks over her injuries. Whoever did this to Carol beat her up pretty badly. He strokes her cheek to try and comfort her as he continues to exam her for serious injuries. He bites his lip when he notices the excessive bruising around her thighs and groin area. He knows this is almost a sure sign of rape. Tears spring to his eyes but he swallows them back.
"Doug . . ." Carol says in a low voice.
"Yes sweetheart, I'm right here. I'm right here honey." He cradles her in his arms and rocks her gently. She begins to sob softly and Doug strokes her hair and says, "Shh, it's okay, I'm here now. I'm here."
"I was so scared," she says. "I couldn't make him stop . . ."
Doug squeezes his eyes shut as she says this. "I know, I know. It's not your fault, Carol. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault," he soothes her. 'It's not your fault,' he thinks. 'It's mine.'
"We need to get you to the hospital," Doug says.
"No, I can't go there. No, Doug, please," she pleads.
"But you need to be examined . . ." he begins.
"I don't need them to tell me what I already know," she says in a voice filled with sorrow.
"Carol . . ." he begins but he sees the look on her face and stops. He will let this drop . . . for now. He sits back a bit and looks at Carol's clothes. "We should get you changed and cleaned up at least," he says in a voice just short of a whisper. He rises from the bed to get a fresh nightgown from the drawer. Carol clings to him, reluctant to let go. She finally does but her eyes stay on him as he moves about the room as if she if afraid she'll be left alone again at any minute.
Doug grabs a nightgown from the top drawer of Carol's dresser and walks back over to the bed. Carol is lying back against the pillow and Doug gently eases her up. She winces in pain as he raises the torn gown over her head as gently as possible. When the gown is removed, Doug is horrified once again at all the bruises that cover her body. Not a spot on her seems to have escaped that monsters hands.
Carol notices Doug's eyes roaming her body and she can see the hurt and anguish he is trying so hard not to let show. She looks away, ashamed. Doug picks up on this immediately. He places his hand gently on her cheek and turns her to face him. "I love you so much, you know that don't you?" he asks, looking so deeply into her eyes it's as if he can see straight to her very soul. She presses her lips together as more tears fill her eyes and nods slightly. "Good," Doug whispers.
He helps her slip into the clean nightgown, and then he sits back down beside her and wraps her in his arms. She curls up next to him, getting as close as she can, holding on for dear life. Her head rests on his chest and he has his arms tightly around her, trying to avoid her bruises. He strokes her arms with one hand and smoothes her hair with the other. "You should let me take you to the hospital," he says again, softly.
"I can't, I just can't face that," she replies.
"Carol . . . you have to do this. He hurt you. He . . . he . . ." the words catch in Doug's throat.
"He raped me," Carol says in a whisper so soft it can barely be heard. Doug nods and continues to stroke her hair. His heart is breaking at the very thought of what happened to Carol tonight. "I can't go there, Doug. I can't."
"I'm just afraid . . . I mean, what if you're hurt? What if . . . Carol, we need to get you examined. There's evidence . . ."
"I know, but . . . that doesn't matter. I don't care. I just can't . . ."
Doug asks gently, "Don't you want them to catch him?"
"To tell you the truth, it doesn't matter. If catching him means facing him again . . . then no, I don't. I mean, it scares me that he's still out there, but . . . as long as I have you I'm safe. I know I am." She closes her eyes and snuggles even closer to him, wanting to be as near to him as possible.
"I'm sorry, Carol," Doug replies weakly.
"Sorry?" she asks.
"Sorry I wasn't here sooner, sorry I let this happen to you. I should have been here . . ."
"No, it's not your fault. Doug, I don't blame you." She looks up at him and touches his cheek. "Please don't do this to yourself. I don't want you to feel responsible for this. I need you right now."
"I'm never leaving you again," Doug says.
Carol smiles and lays her head back on Doug's chest. They sit for another moment in silence; then suddenly Carol begins to cry. "What is it, sweetie?" he asks, his voice filled with concern.
"I just . . . I keep seeing him. I keep closing my eyes and seeing him there. I can't do this, Doug," she cries.
"Shh, it's okay now. I'm here. No one is ever going to hurt you again. I promise you that." Carol continues to cry in Doug's arms. After a moment, Doug gets up.
"Where are you going?" she asks.
"Just to the bathroom to get some things to take care of your cut, okay?" he says gently. She nods but keeps both eyes intently on his every move, as if he's about to leave and then she'll be all alone again.
Doug returns from the bathroom with Carol's first aid kit. He sits back down beside her on the bed and begins. He puts some antiseptic on a piece of cotton and gently cleans the cut on Carol's forehead. She cringes at the sting this causes, but doesn't cry out. She's been through much worse pain tonight.
The cut isn't as deep as it first appeared and Doug decides it won't need stitches. He puts a bandage on it and then continues his examination. "Your lip looks pretty bad. It might need a few stitches," he comments.
"I bit it," she says. "While he was . . ." tears form in her eyes and she struggles to continue. "I bit down as hard as I could. It was the only thing I could think to do to make me forget what was happening." Doug looks at her with a tremendous amount of anguish in his face and carefully wipes away a few tears from her cheeks. "It didn't work," Carol whispers.
Doug nods but doesn't say anything. What can he say? He doesn't have the first clue about what she's feeling right now. He silently continues to look over her injuries. Both of her eyes are black by now. He touches one of them gently and she moves back involuntarily at the pain. "It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you," he assures her.
"I know," she whispers.
Doug smiles slightly, more to reassure her than anything else. "Looks pretty bad," he says quietly, referring to her eyes.
"He packed quite a punch," Carol says with a sarcastic smirk. This is one smile Doug does not return. The very thought of some man punching Carol in the face . . . he can barely keep from screaming he's so angry.
"That bastard doesn't know how lucky he is that he got out of here before I got here," Doug says quietly. Carol doesn't respond, but she knows what would have happened. Doug would have killed him, literally. There is absolutely no doubt in her mind.
"Well, I guess that's about all I can do here," Doug says after he has cleaned all of Carol's wounds. "We really do need to get you to the hospital." he says again, hoping she'll change her mind.
"No Doug, I can't," she replies quietly. "I don't want anyone to know about this."
"Carol, this isn't your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of." She closes her eyes as more tears run down her cheeks. He knows that it's easy for him to say that. But it has to be a hell of a lot harder for Carol to believe it. "How about this? I'll take you to St. Phillips. No one will know you there. I'd just feel really better if you'd let me take you . . . please?"
Carol sighs deeply. She sits silently for a moment. Finally, she says, "Alright. But promise me something. Swear you'll stay with me, the whole time."
Doug pulls her close to him. "You've have my solemn word on that," he assures her.
It's nearly 2am when Doug pulls up in front of St. Phillips. It was a forty-five minute drive just to get here. He looks to his right at Carol. She's curled up in the seat looking positively terrified. He reaches out for her hand and squeezes it reassuringly. She manages a weak smile. "You can do this," he tells her. She hopes so.
Doug walks around the car and opens her door. He helps her out of the car and puts his arm around her to help her to the door. They walk into the ER and see that it is a slow night. Very few people are milling around. And no one looks familiar. This relieves Carol. "Can I help you?" asks a young woman from behind them.
Doug turns to see who has spoken. The woman is young, probably 25 or so, and about 5'6. She has light brown hair to her shoulders. She gives them a bright smile, and then she notices the shape Carol is in and her look changes to one of concern. "Um, yeah, I'm doc . . . I mean, I'm Doug Ross. This is Carol. She needs a doctor."
"Well, you've found one," she says.
"Oh, sorry, I uh . . ." Doug begins.
"That's okay. Dr. Ryan Nichols," the woman extends her hand and Doug shakes it. "Let's get her into an exam room," she says, indicating Carol. She points to an empty room. "I'll be in in just a moment," she says. Doug nods and proceeds to the room she pointed to.
He helps Carol up onto the table and says, "She seems nice." Carol nods slightly but looks very uneasy. Doug pats her hand. "I'll be right back, okay?"
"What? Where are you going?" she asks frantically.
"Just outside the door. Don't worry, I'll be 10 feet away. You are perfectly safe." Carol doesn't believe in perfectly safe, not anymore. She doesn't want him to go, but she nods anyway. Doug kisses her cheek then proceeds out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. Dr. Nichols is just about to enter the room.
"Sir, is everything okay?" she asks.
"No . . . can I have a word with you?"
"Um, sure. But I think your friend needs to be examined immediately so we should make this quick."
"She's what I want to talk to you about," Doug explains in a low voice. "This is a delicate situation, doctor. That woman, Carol Hathaway, is my girlfriend. She's also the head nurse at Cook County's ER." He lowers his voice even more. "She was raped tonight. She doesn't want anyone to know about this, so I'd really appreciate all of your discretion."
"That goes without saying, doctor," she replies. He looks a little surprised at her calling him doctor. "I've heard your name around," she explains. "I knew you worked at County. I figured there must be some reason you came this far for treatment. Don't worry," she smiles, "Your girlfriend will get the very best care. She's in good hands."
"I'm very happy to hear that. I appreciate this, Dr. Nichols."
"Please, Ryan," she responds.
"Doug," he says.
She smiles and nods. "Shall we go in?"
"Yes, yes, of course," he says and follows Ryan back inside.
Ryan smiles at Carol as they walk back in. "Hi, I'm Ryan," she say.
Carol manages a small smile; "I'm Carol."
"So, Carol, do you want to tell me what happened?" Carol's eyes take on a fearful look and she glances to Doug. "Would you like for the two of us to be alone for this?" Ryan asks.
"No, no, I want Doug to stay," Carol insists.
"That's fine," Ryan assures her. "He's welcomed to stay. Whatever makes you the most comfortable." Doug moves to Carol's side and grasps her hand. She breathes deeply, seeming more at ease now that he is within her reach.
"Honey, you've got to tell Ryan what happened," Doug says softly.
Carol is trembling and her lips start to quiver. "I . . ." she begins, "I, uh . . . I was raped," she finally manages to say in a very quiet voice.
"Do you know who it was?" Ryan asks.
"No, I don't think so. I couldn't see his face. He was wearing a mask."
"Where were you?"
"At home. In my bedroom. He broke in I guess. I was just getting out of the shower when . . ." she chokes back a sob.
"It's okay," Doug says softly, rubbing her arm.
"Was he wearing a condom? Do you know?" Ryan asks.
Carol swallows hard, "I don't think so. I can't be sure, but I don't think so."
"Well, I'm going to need to examine you," Ryan says gently. "Are you ready to do this?"
Carol tries to hold back her tears and gives Doug a helpless look. "You'll be fine," he says. "I'll be right here with you the whole time. It has to be done."
Carol nods at Doug then nods at Ryan, who turns to leave the room. She returns moments later with a rape kit. "Okay, here's what we're going to do . . ." Ryan begins.
"I know the drill," Carol says.
"Oh? Okay . . ." she says.
"She's a rape councilor," Doug explains.
"I see," Ryan responds. "Well, if you feel uncomfortable at anytime or if you want to stop, just say so, okay?" Carol nods. "Good, let's get this over with."
Carol removes her sweatpants and sweatshirt and Doug helps her into a gown while Ryan sets up the things she will need for the exam. "I'm scared," Carol whispers to Doug as they wait for Ryan to be ready to begin.
"I know you are. It's okay to be scared. But I'm right here. It'll all be over soon," he assures her. Her eyes are shining with tears as she nods slowly, wanting to believe him. It doesn't seem like it, though. It doesn't seem like this will ever be over.
"Okay, everything is ready," Ryan informs them. Carol lies back on the table and Doug sits beside her, holding tight to her hand. Ryan takes all of the external swabs first. Carol is biting her lip, knowing what's coming next. "Okay, now I'm going to start the internal exam. Remember what I said, tell me if you want to stop, okay?" Carol nods.
As soon as Ryan begins, Carol squeezes her eyes shut and tears drip down the sides of her face. Doug lifts her hand to his lips and kisses it. Carol is holding onto the bed rail with all her might.
"Relax," Ryan instructs softly. "Good," she says. She continues.
The exam seems to go on forever but it is actually over within about 10 minutes. Ryan tells Carol she can sit up and she goes to remove her gloves and wash up again. She walks back over with a pair of fresh gloves on and sews up Carol's lip then looks at her eyes to be sure they are okay.
Ryan finishes then sits in a chair alongside Doug and Carol to explain what she has found. "You have some minor tearing. That's going to take a few weeks to completely heal. You're actually pretty lucky though, I've seen much worse." Ryan looks down for a moment then her eyes meet Carol's again. "He didn't have on a condom. That's good because we have samples so they'll be a much better chance he'll be caught, but . . . it's bad because he could have infected you with any disease he may have. Since we can't be sure, you'll need to be tested for everything possible." Carol nods, she expected that.
"Now, there's something else I need to ask," Ryan says. Are you taking any kind of birth control?" Carol's eyes grow wide. She had been taking the pill but . . . when she and Doug got into the fight, well it just seemed like a waste of time. She'd stopped taking it several weeks ago.
"No," Carol says quietly.
Doug feels his throat tighten. It's the first time this possibility has crossed his mind. If Carol is . . . that would be so awful. He closes his eyes for a moment then opens them again.
"Well, you can take some birth control pills now and that might help prevent something from happening, but of course you know that won't be a sure thing. If you don't have your period within three weeks come back to see me. We'll discuss what to do from there." Carol nods again. She's getting very overwhelmed and Ryan can tell this. "Do you want to contact the police about this? It's up to you. I would suggest that you do, but it's ultimately your decision."
"I . . ." Carol says, beginning to cry.
"You should," Doug tells her.
"Tomorrow, please?" Carol says in a pleading voice.
"I don't see anything wrong with that," Ryan says. "It's late anyway," she turns to Doug. "You should get her home so she can get some sleep. I'm assuming you'll be staying with her?"
"Yes," he says.
"Good, I don't want you to be alone right now," Ryan tells Carol. "Well, I guess that's all for now. I've taken some blood so we can start on the tests and you'll need to come back in a few days so we can run some more, okay?"
Carol nods. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Ryan says. She gets up from the chair. "I'm really sorry this happened to you, Carol. I'll do everything in my power to help the police catch this animal."
"Thank you," Carol says, biting her lip.
Ryan nods and turns to go. Doug catches her arm. "Ryan, I don't know how to thank you," he says.
"Be there for her. That's the most important thing right now," she says. Doug nods and gives her a small smile then turns back to Carol to help her get dressed.
At almost 5am, Doug and Carol arrive at his apartment. She didn't want to go back to the house and he understands why. He helps her inside and into the bedroom. Turning to her, Doug says, "You know what I think you need?"
"What?" she asks.
"You need to take a nice long bath and then get a good night's sleep," he tells her.
"I don't think I'll ever sleep again," she replies.
"Well, let's start with the bath then," he says. Carol agrees and let's Doug help her up from the bed. He holds tight to her hand and keeps his arm securely around her as they make their way down the hall to the bathroom.
Once they are there, Doug turns on the water. He turns back to Carol and smiles a little at her as he touches her cheek. "Do you want to be alone?" he asks. "I can wait right outside . . ."
"No," Carol says quickly, grasping his hand. "I want you to stay, please."
"Of course, I'll be right here," he assures her. She nods slowly, becoming a little less frantic. "The water's ready," Doug informs her.
"Okay," she says. She starts to lift her sweatshirt and winces in pain at the struggle even this seemingly simple task causes.
"Here, let me help," Doug offers. Carol releases the shirt and willingly lets Doug undress her. She's never felt so helpless in all her life, so dependent, but she doesn't even care. Having him there to help her is the most comforting thing she can imagine. And Doug is glad he's able to take care of her, especially since he already feels terrible because he couldn't prevent all of this to begin with.
Finally, Carol is undressed and Doug helps her into the tub. She sinks down into the warm water and Doug kneels down beside the tub to stay with her. "Just relax," he instructs. She lies back a little but her eyes remain wide open. "Carol, relax," Doug says again. She looks afraid to close her eyes, as if the moment she lets her guard down it will all happen again. "I'm right here, honey, it's okay," Doug says. He reaches up and very gently touches her eyelids to ease them closed. As she sits in the water with her eyes closed, Doug squeezes her hand reassuringly, letting her know he is right there.
Carol is obviously very uncomfortable at first. She is actually shaking as she lies there. Doug continues holding her hand and speaking softly to her, trying his best to comfort and calm her. "You're safe Carol . . . forever. I swear to you on my life," he tells her.
Her eyes open and she says, "I know, I'm always safe with you. It's just . . . I'm really trying not to be scared, Doug. I know I'm not in any danger with you here. I just . . ." she stops and takes a deep breath as a few tears spring forth.
Doug sits up slightly to pull her into his arms. "It's okay. Hey, don't you think I understand that you're scared? God, I completely understand! After what happened . . . just tonight . . . Carol, you're the strongest person I know. Fear doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human."
Carol pulls back from his arms and touches his cheek. He reaches up to place his hand on top of hers. "I love you," she whispers.
"I love you, more than you could even imagine," he replies. She smiles slightly even as more tears come forth. Doug reaches behind her to pick up a washcloth. "Turn around," he tells her as he picks up the bar of soap and begins lathering up the washcloth. Carol does as he says and Doug begins to wash her back. He is especially gentle, trying his best to avoid her multitude of injuries. "Does this hurt?" Doug asks.
"No, it's fine," she says. He continues, running the cloth down her arms and over her shoulders. When he is finished, he begins rinsing her back. Finally, after about half an hour, the bath is over.
"Feel better?" Doug asks as he holds a towel out for her.
"A little," she admits as she allows him to wrap the towel around her. In the process, he also wraps his arms around her and pulls her to him. He strokes her hair for a moment then pulls back and kisses her forehead.
"Let's get you to bed," he says. He leads her back down the hall to the bedroom and she sits on the bed as he finds her some clean clothes of his to wear. He ends up with one of his shirts and some sweatpants she had left there. She gets into them, with Doug's help, and then he pulls back the covers and she crawls underneath.
As Doug tucks the blanket up around her, she asks, "You're sleeping in here, aren't you?" Her voice reveals her overwhelming fear once again.
"Yes," he says quietly, then kisses her cheek. "I just want to be sure everything is locked up tight, okay?" She seems to think about this for a moment, not wanting him to leave even for a minute. But, finally, she nods and he goes into the living room to make sure the apartment is secure.
He makes sure the door is locked. Then, he proceeds to check every window to be sure they are all locked. He's just about to head back when he hears Carol's screams.
"No! No, get away!" she's screaming.
He bolts back to the bedroom, reaching her side in mere seconds. "What? Carol, honey, what's wrong?" he asks. He immediately realizes that she has fallen asleep and she's obviously having a bad dream. She's in no danger but the terror in her voice is unlike anything that Doug ever recalls hearing generated from a nightmare. "Sweetheart, wake up," he coaxes, shaking her gently.
"What? Who . . ." her eyes fly open and they are wild with sheer terror. Doug is taken aback by this look. "I . . . he . . . oh God!" she cries. "He was here . . . I couldn't make him stop," she moans.
Doug puts his arms around her and pulls her to him so that her head is resting on his shoulder. "You're safe now, no one is here but us," Doug assures her.
"But he was here," Carol insists, pulling back to look at Doug. He doesn't know what to do. She's still half dreaming, but he also realizes that this isn't really just a dream. It's a memory. What happened to Carol tonight . . . it's unimaginable. He pulls her close again and holds her as her body is racked with sobs.
After Carol has calmed down a bit, Doug gets up and takes off his shoes off and changes from his jeans to a pair of sweatpants. He goes back over and gets in bed beside Carol and she moves instantly to his arms. He holds her securely to him and rocks her gently to sleep. Before long, he too is sleeping soundly, trying to escape the horrors of this day.
It is almost 7am when Doug is jerked from his sleep. Carol jolts up in bed, waking him immediately. He sits up. Carol is sitting there with a mixture of sweat and tears pouring down her face. "Oh God, oh God, oh God . . ." she is mumbling quietly.
"Carol?" he says gently. He touches her arm and she jumps and pulls back from him. "It's okay sweetheart, it's me, Doug. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe now," he assures her. She looks very unconvinced. "It was just a dream . . ." Doug says.
"No, it wasn't . . . it was more than just a dream . . ." she tells him as more tears stream down her face. Doug moves to put his arms around her and she stiffens at his touch, but then after a moment she calms down, beginning to realize where she is, and lets him hold her. "I was so scared," she cries.
"I know, honey, I know," Doug soothes. "Are you sure you want to talk about this?" he asks.
"Yes, I need to tell someone. Are you sure you want to hear it?"
No, he's not but if it will make her feel better he'll try anything. "I'm always here for you," he says.
Carol nods and continues. "He broke in while I was taking a shower I guess. After I talked to you I was pretty upset and I was crying. I finally calmed down and I thought the best way to get myself together would be to take a shower then get some sleep. As I was getting dressed, though, I got the weirdest feeling. It was like someone was watching me. I looked around but no one was there. I figured it was just my imagination . . ." she stops for a moment, trying to regain control.
"I was sitting in bed when I heard something in the hallway. I got up, not knowing what it could be. I think in the back of my mind, I thought it was you. I thought you had come over to try and talk things out after all. At least, that's what I was hoping. So, I got up and walked out into the hallway. But, again, no one was there. I was beginning to get scared so I turned to go back to my room and . . ."
"It's okay, I'm here," Doug offers in an assuring voice.
"And . . . that's when he grabbed me. He came out of nowhere. I just felt this hand cover my mouth and pull me backwards. I tried to scream but . . . no one could hear. I was kicking and flailing my arms but it didn't help. He almost lost his balance once. We tumbled back and bumped into a table. I heard something break but he stayed on his feet.
"He dragged me back to the bedroom. When he turned me around, I saw the mask. I couldn't see his face, just his eyes. They were blue, like ice. It scared me. When I saw those eyes somehow I knew what was coming. I knew what he was there to do." She sobs harder and Doug holds her tight.
"He made me go into the bathroom. He had a knife. We went in . . . I was so scared. He flipped the switch to turn on the light and the bulb blew. I thought for a second, for some reason, this might make him change his mind. Something wasn't going according to plan . . . But it made no difference. He knew what he was there to do . . .
"He threw me down on the floor and I think that's when I hit my head. He got down on top of me and he was holding my wrists so tight that my fingers were getting numb. I tried to kick him, punch him, but that only made him angrier. He hit me over and over . . . punched me in the face . . . I thought I was going to die." Her voice gets very quiet and she says, "I was almost wishing I would." Doug hugs her closer.
"Finally, I couldn't fight anymore. I knew what he was going to do. I couldn't stop him. And I had no strength left to try. I just gave up. He ripped the front of my nightgown and started touching me . . ." she's crying even more as she begins to relive this. "I felt him take off my panties. I wanted to scream, I wanted to do something, anything, to make him stop, but there was nothing left to do. I finally begged him but it didn't do any good. He seemed to like that," Carol shakes her head in disbelief.
"It hurt so bad," she says. "I felt like I was being ripped in half. He was holding me down and I could feel his fingers digging into my skin." She is trembling at the memory now, but she continues, "I could feel him inside me . . . I wanted to die. I started praying that I would die." Hearing this, Doug has to work very hard to hold back his tears.
"Then all of the sudden it was over. He got up and just left. I thought he would come back in and kill me but he just left me there. I don't know how long I was in there . . . maybe 10 minutes . . . then I heard you. I've never been so happy to hear another person's voice in my whole life," Carol cries.
Doug holds her as close as he can and rocks her gently in his arms. "I am so sorry," he says softly. He is unable to hold back his emotions any longer and a few tears spill onto his cheeks. "I should have been there . . . I should have been there . . ."
"And I should never have done anything to make you leave. We can't blame each other, Doug. I can't do that. If I blame you, who do I have left?" she pulls back now to look at him and sees the tears on his cheeks. She wipes them away and Doug smiles sadly.
He pulls her close and holds her head to his chest. She closes her eyes and allows herself to finally feel safe. "I'm never letting you go," Doug says. "Never again . . ."
At 10 o'clock the next morning, Doug's phone rings. He picks it up quickly, not wanting to wake Carol. She's curled up in his arms. It had taken her forever to get to sleep. He doesn't want to disturb her now. He puts the phone to his ear and hisses, "Hello?"
"Doug? Is that you? Why are you whispering?" Mark Greene asks.
"I . . . never mind, it's . . . it's nothing. Look, what's going on?" Doug whispers back.
"Well, work is going on for most of us," Mark replies.
"Damn! I'm sorry, Mark," Doug replies. "I completely forgot to call you."
"Well, are you coming in or not?"
"No, I don't think I can," Doug responds, still whispering.
"Something really weird is going on with you. Are you sure everything is okay?" Mark asks.
"No, it's not. But it will be. I have to go, alright?"
"Yeah, alright. Listen, if you need anything . . ."
"I know where to find you. Thanks buddy," Doug says. They say goodbye and Doug hangs up the phone. He looks down at Carol. Her eyes are still very swollen and bruised and her lip looks even worse this morning. She has her arms wrapped tightly around him and her head is resting on his bare chest. Her cheeks are still tear-stained and red. He smoothes her soft, black curls with his hand gently, then closes his eyes and drifts back into his unpleasant dreams.
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Created by Courtney Stovall © 1998
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