Dawson's Creek Series: Story #3
By: Courtney
Little breakdowns
In coastal towns
They come suddenly
Crashing over you
They come easily
I'm falling
Through the skies
And frozen places
Oh no there you go
Looked away and
Missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?
~ Wishful Thinking, Duncan Sheik
Pacey hears the bell ring as the door of Capeside Video swings open. He sets aside the stack of returned videos in his hand and looks around to see Dawson Leery entering the store.
"Hey bro, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying after school to work on the movie? Isn't today rehearsal?" he asks.
Dawson walks behind the counter and picks up his vest and begins putting it on. He rolls his eyes and replies, "Well, it seems the filming was in conflict with Cliff's football commitments so now we have to reschedule. This whole thing is a complete waste of time! It makes a mockery of the film industry."
"I guess this really throws off the shooting schedule, huh?"
"Yeah, as if it matters. I don't think anybody will stay awake through the end anyway," Dawson grumbles.
"A delay in the completion of 'Helmets of Glory' . . . too bad. I'll alert the Academy."
Dawson laughs a little and shakes his head. "So, have you been very busy?"
"Nah," Pacey replies. "I've been here for two hours but it's been pretty dead."
"So, where's Joey?" he asks, trying to sound casual but not doing a very good job.
"As far as I know she's at the Icehouse. I think that's where she said she was headed after school." Pacey, who has gone back to reshelving the videos, looks curiously at Dawson. "Why do you ask anyway?" he wonders.
"Just making conversation," Dawson replies. "I figured she'd be here."
"Hmm, okay . . ." Pacey says but he is suddenly pretty sure he knows why Dawson chose to come on in to work after his rehearsal got cancelled. "So, are you going over to Scott whatever-his-name-is house for that party tonight?" he asks.
Dawson shakes his head. "No, Jen wants to see the new movie at the Rialto."
"Yeah, Joey mentioned that, too. Maybe we could all go together."
"Like a double date? Did you and Joey have a date tonight?" Dawson inquires.
"Oh no, I am not going down this road again with you, man," Pacey says emphatically. "I am *so* not up for an inquisition this afternoon. We are just *friends*! I think we've been over this before."
"Sorry, sorry, forget I asked," Dawson relents.
"Well, do you or not?" Pacey asks.
"Do I what?" Dawson gives him a strange look as he sits on one of the stool beside the front counter.
"Earth to Dawson . . . the movies . . . tonight . . . me, you, Jen, Joey . . . sounding familiar at all?" Pacey responds.
"Oh, sorry . . . uh, yeah, that's cool. I'll have to run it by Jen but I don't think she'll mind." He sits silent for a moment as Pacey kneels down to the S section to put away a returned copy of 'Sabrina'.
"What do you think, Harrison Ford or Humphrey Bogart?"
"What?" Dawson wasn't paying much attention. He was too caught up in his thoughts.
"Sabrina," Pacey explains. "Do you like the new version with Harrison Ford or the old version with Bogie?"
"No contest. How can Harrison Ford compete with Humphrey Bogart?" Dawson replies. "Besides, when was the last time you saw a remake that was as good as the original?"
"True," Pacey says and keeps his eyes on the shelves as he scans the B's to replace another title.
"Do you think Joey will be okay with this?" Dawson asks suddenly.
"With Harrison Ford stealing Bogie's role? I think she'll live," Pacey quips.
"No dufus, that's not what I mean. I mean, do you think she'll be okay with all of us going to the movies together? You don't think it'll make her uncomfortable?"
Pacey sets the few movies he still has left to shelve on the counter beside him and turns to look at Dawson. "Don't worry about Joey. She'll be fine," he assures him. Dawson can't help but dislike the certainty with which Pacey speaks about Joey's feelings. However, to avoid an argument, he doesn't comment on it.
"Well, uh, I guess I'll go call Jen and see what she thinks of all this." Dawson climbs off the stool and starts for the phone.
"You can go if you want. Go see her, I mean. I have this under control," Pacey says.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, unless I forget the alphabet I think I can handle it," Pacey says with a sarcastic smirk.
"Alright, cool. I'll call you after I talk to her."
"Sure, okay," Pacey says. Dawson turns to leave as Pacey goes back to the videos. He shakes his head and laughs a little. This is going to be one *interesting* evening!
"One shrimp sandwich and one chicken Caesar salad," Joey announces as she stands beside the table and hands out food to the waiting customers. After she has delivered the food to the correct people, she smiles and walks back over to the front counter. It's an average Friday evening. The restaurant is about half full now but she knows there will be three times this many people crowded in here within a few hours. Right now, at 5pm, not many people are ready for dinner but come 7 o'clock she'll be running around here like crazy. She decides to sit for a minute and enjoy the peace while it lasts.
"So, did you have a good day at school?" Bessie asks as she comes up and sits on the stool next to her. She is holding Alexander, who has already learned from many a weekend night at the Icehouse to sleep through any kind of noise. He's snuggled up to his mother, blissfully unaware of the many conversations and chattering going on around him.
"Yeah, it was okay," Joey says.
"Any big plans for tonight?" Bessie asks with a slight smile.
"Yeah, I thought my plans included serving umpteen billion plates of chicken Alfredo and smiling happily about it," Joey replies.
"Oh no, you're off tonight. I have Sandy and Trish coming in an hour. You worked every day last weekend. I want you to go out and have some fun tonight."
"Bess, I . . ."
"No buts Joey. You're fifteen years old. I don't want you to spend every waking minute in here serving pasta. Call your friends, go to a party, have some fun. Enjoy it while it lasts kiddo. Growing up happens way too fast," she says as she looks down at little Alex and pats his head.
"I don't have anything to do anyway, Bess. I'll just end up sitting at home watching 'An Affair to Remember' and bemoaning my miserable existence. Do you really want that on your conscience?"
"Joey, do I have to call Dawson Leery myself?"
"Bessie!" Joey hisses, afraid someone will hear her. "This has *nothing* to do with him."
"Oh, I think it has everything to do with him," she replies.
"Yeah, well, whatever. Dawson probably has plans with Jen anyway and I am *not* going to call to see what they're doing. That is just . . . no way. I'd rather stay here and push pasta."
Bessie sighs, "Well, I tried," she says as she gets up. "I'm going to put him down in the back," she says, indicating Alexander. "If you change your mind you're free to go."
"Thanks," Joey replies but her lack of enthusiasm is pretty obvious. It's just another Friday night just like every other night of her life. She sighs as she contemplates this. Aren't things *ever* going to change? She shakes her head, deciding she doesn't want to think about this anymore. Getting up, she heads to the kitchen to wash some dishes and take her mind off of life for a while.
"Jennifer, you have a visitor," Jen hears her grandmother call from downstairs. She figures from the disapproving tone in her voice that this visitor is probably Dawson. She decides she'd better hurry and get down there to save him from a lengthy conversation about sin or whatever her Grams has in store for poor Dawson.
"Thanks Grams, I'll be right down," she calls down the stairs. She goes over to the mirror in her bedroom and checks her appearance. Deciding she doesn't have too many hairs out of place, Jen turns and exits her room and starts downstairs.
She walks into the living room and finds Dawson sitting on the couch by himself. "Hey," she smiles. "I'm glad to see you aren't getting the third degree."
Dawson returns the smile and stands up. "You and me both," he says.
"So, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying after school."
"Ugh, don't even get me started on how Cliff the great has ruined this movie now. I'm telling you, I've seen better made movies starring Pauly Shore."
Jen laughs. "So, this means you're free tonight, then?"
"Yep, actually that's what I came to talk to you about. Uh, Pacey wants us to go to the movies with him and Joey tonight. You said you wanted to see the new film at the Rialto, right?"
"Uh, yeah, sure. Pacey and Joey?" she questions. "Is that something new or what?"
"No, Pacey says it's strictly a friend thing," Dawson says.
Jen nods but doesn't say anything. She knows how the "strictly friends" thing seems to be turning out between Joey and Dawson so she has her doubts but she doesn't voice them. It's not the time for that. "Okay, what time does the movie start?"
"I'm not sure. Either seven or nine but Pacey didn't say how long Joey had to work. How about I go home and call him to find out the details while you get ready, okay?"
"Okay, sure," she smiles.
"Great, I'll call you in about half an hour," he says. He bends down quickly to kiss her. The kiss is light, barely a brush of the lips. God forbid Grams walk in and catch them making out. He pulls back and smiles at her one more time then heads for the door.
Jen watches Dawson leave and wonders if this movie thing is such a good idea. She can't help but remember the last time they all went to the movies together . . . that had been an experience. Still, she knows Joey and Dawson are going to remain friends no matter what. She figures she might as well go ahead and start getting used to it.
"Josephine!" Pacey says cheerfully as he walks up behind Joey and lays a hand on her shoulder. She turns from the table she is clearing to give him a dirty look at the name.
"What Pacey?" she asks in a biting tone. It's very apparent she's not in the mood for kidding today. As usual, Pacey pays little attention to this, though.
"Now, is that any way to talk to your new best friend?" he asks with a grin.
"Yeah, whatever, Pace." She starts for the kitchen with an armload of dirty dishes and Pacey follows her.
"I'm serious Joey. You're going to love me after I tell you what I have planned for us tonight."
"What are you babbling about?" she asks as she sets the dishes in the sink and starts back out to wipe down the table. Pacey continues to follow her around the restaurant as he explains himself.
"Tonight, you, me, Dawson, and Jen are all going to the movies together," he says.
Joey drops the rag she is wiping off the table with and spins around quickly to face Pacey. "What!?" she says loudly.
"It's okay Jo, no need to thank me," he replies.
"Thank you? How about I kill you!" she says.
"What? You mean you *don't* want to spend the evening in a dark theatre with our good friend Dawson?" he asks.
"With him and his favorite bottled blonde? No, thanks, I'll skip the festivities," she replies.
"Oh, come on Jo. It'll be better than waiting tables. And you want to see the movie anyway. You told me that the other day. Besides, I can't go with just the two of them. I'll look ridiculous."
"Pacey, I hate to break it to you, but . . ." she starts with a smirk.
"Not one more word, Joey!" he says. "Look, please come with us. You'll have fun, I swear." Joey thinks about this for a moment. She considers the movies, then considers the alternative of being here waiting tables all night. Is there really anything to think about? "I'll buy you some gummy bears," Pacey says with a grin.
Joey giggles. "Well, in that case . . ." She picks up the rag off the table and starts back towards the kitchen. "Let me just go tell Bessie I'm leaving," she says.
"I knew you'd see it my way," Pacey says. Joey turns and gives him a look that says, 'Don't push your luck,' then proceeds to go find her sister and let her know that she has actually made plans for the evening. She can't think of anything that will make Bessie's day more.
Jen stands in front of her closet and examines the contents. She shoves through the hangers until she finally comes across a few shirts she likes. She takes them with her over to the mirror and holds each one up to compare. She chooses a green one and lays the red one aside. As she is pulling the shirt on, Jen thinks to herself how much she wishes choosing her wardrobe were going to be the hardest thing about tonight.
She sighs to herself and hangs the other shirt back in the closet. She's fairly sure this evening will not turn out good. It's one thing for her to see Joey at school and for Dawson to remain friends with her, but . . . Is Jen really ready to face a double date with them both? Even if Joey is with Pacey, it will still be awkward. And it's not really Joey that worries her.
Jen knows that Dawson is not being completely honest with himself about his feelings for Joey. She knows he's telling himself that they are just friends and that he really wants to believe it. But, Jen has a hard time really believing that. She likes Dawson a lot but she also doesn't want to be the one whose heart gets broken when everyone stops kidding themselves and faces their true feelings.
'Oh well,' Jen thinks as she stands before her mirror and brushes her hair. 'Whatever happens, happens. Just don't let it happen tonight.'
The phone at Capeside Video rings about ten times. Dawson is ready to hang up when a voice finally comes on the phone. "Hello?" he hears through a flurry of giggles.
"Pacey?" he questions, honestly not sure.
"Yeah, hey," Pacey says.
"What's going on? What's so funny? And how come it took you so long to answer?"
Pacey tries to control his laughter. "Sorry, me and Joey were just being stupid. It's a long story. Anyway, what's the word on tonight? What did Jen say?"
Dawson hesitates for a moment, not liking the sound of an inside joke between Joey and Pacey that he wouldn't get. Since when is he the third wheel in this relationship? He shakes his head, trying to stop his jealousy from showing in his voice. "Uh, she said that was fine. So, if Joey's off work already I guess we're going to the seven o'clock show?"
"Yeah, fine with me. Joey," he says as he turns towards her. She's sitting on the same stool behind the counter that Dawson was sitting on this afternoon. "How's the seven o'clock show? Sound okay?"
"Sure, that's fine," Dawson hears her say.
"Okay, that's cool, Dawson. Should we meet you two there or what?"
"Actually, we can meet you at the video store. It's about 6:15pm now. We'll be there in, say, twenty minutes?"
"Yeah, okay. Stan's on his dinner break but he should be back soon to take over for me." Stan owns the video store and usually works the evening shifts on the weekends for lack of anything better to do.
"Okay, I'll see you guys soon then," Dawson says and hangs up the phone. He's beginning to think this evening was a bad idea. All of that time watching Joey and Pacey together . . . he can't pretend that doesn't bother him. Still, he has to get over it. It's not fair for him to do this. They are all just friends. And if Joey and Pacey decide to be more, well, what can he do about it?
He sighs and flops down on the bed. Maybe he does have to live with this and maybe he does have to grin and bear it while his is slowly squeezed out of the picture . . . but that doesn't mean he has to like it.
"So, are they meeting us there?" Joey asks as she slips off the stool and goes over to one of the walls of movies to thumb through the titles.
"No, they're coming here. They should be here pretty soon," Pacey replies.
"Oh," she says as she stares absently at the tapes in front of her.
"You're okay with this aren't you?" he asks.
"Should I be?"
"Well . . ."
"No, forget I said that. Yes, I should be and I am. Dawson is my friend, that's it. He's Jen's boyfriend. I can respect that. I'll be just fine. We'll all have a great time."
Pacey watches her and he can see that she's as unconvinced by her words as he is. This hurts her, whether she wants to admit it or not. She doesn't want to be in love with Dawson . . . but sometimes feelings aren't so easily controlled.
He steps towards her and places his hand on her shoulder gently. "I know how you feel . . ."
"I really hope that you don't," she says miserably without turning around. She keeps staring at the movies as tears fill her eyes but she fights to push them back.
"I wish I didn't, but I do. I know what it's like to want someone so much and know that they are out of your reach," he says.
She turns to look at him. "Miss Jacobs wasn't exactly out of your reach. She just left before you were ready," Joey says.
"I wasn't talking about her," he says softly as he looks at Joey.
She freezes, not sure what to make of this. She searches her mind but can't think of what to say. She feels Pacey draw closer and she is sure he is going to kiss her. At first, this causes a panic to rise within her. But, then, she realizes she might just want this, too. After all, he's been so great to her lately . . .
"Pacey," she says in a whisper. She prepares for the kiss she is sure is inevitable, blocking all thoughts from her head except the anticipation she is surprised to feel rise within her.
The moment is shattered, however, by the sound of the bell ringing to alert them that the door to the video store is opening. "Hey guys, I'm back," Stan calls as he walks behind the counter. Pacey and Joey separate quickly. He looks at the two of them strangely. "Am I interrupting?"
"No, no, we were just . . ." Pacey stammers.
"We were looking for a copy of . . ." Joey begins.
"The Truth about Cats and Dogs," Pacey says as he grabs a movie nearby and quickly reads the title.
"Hmm, sounds like you two need to know more about the birds and the bees," he comments.
Pacey laughs nervously. "Get out of here, Stan. You're nuts," says, trying to sound convincing.
"Sure, whatever," Stan replies.
"Well, Dawson and Jen should be here soon. I'm just going to wait out front for them," Joey says as she turns quickly to leave, wanting to get away from what has suddenly become an awkward situation.
"Yeah, right behind you," Pacey says.
"Hey, play safe," Stan says quietly to Pacey.
"You really should get out more," Pacey says with a smirk.
Stan arches his eyebrows at Pacey as if to let him know that he is not fooled by his sarcasm. Pacey turns to follow Joey, glad to get away from these questions he can't possibly begin to explain even to himself. Stan watches them go with a knowing look.
Jen hears the doorbell ring and dashes down the stairs to beat her grandmother to it. "I got it Grams," she calls. She opens the door to reveal just the person she had been expecting: Dawson Leery.
"You look nice," he smiles.
"Thanks, you too," she replies. "I'm leaving. See you later, Grams," she calls over her shoulder as she starts out.
"Don't be out too late, Jennifer," she hears as she pulls the door shut. Jen just rolls her eyes.
"She likes to keep a tight leash. Never can tell what I might try to pull," she says sarcastically.
Dawson smiles and reaches down to take her hand as they walk off the porch together. "She just cares about you," he says.
"Well, there is a thing as suffocating a person with too much caring," she replies.
"I think you'll come to appreciate it one day," he says.
"Maybe . . ." she says. "So, enough about her. Let's change the subject."
"Okay, what would you like to talk about?" he asks as they walk together down the quiet street towards the center of town.
"I don't know . . . how's the movie coming?"
"You mean mine or that masterpiece by the Scorcesi of the gridiron?" he cracks.
Jen can't help but laugh. "I meant yours. Did you enter it in the contest?"
"Yeah, but I haven't heard anything yet. They don't usually tell you anything until a few weeks after the entry deadline at least. And that'd be the soonest."
"Well, you're really good at filmmaking. You have a passion for it that shows in your work. I think you'll do great," she says.
He squeezes her hand gently and smiles. "Thanks, it's good to know you have faith in me."
"I always have," she smiles back.
He starts to say something else but looks up to see that they are only a block from the video store. This conversation will just have to wait. They walk on in silence, neither sure if they are drawing closer or just trying to make drifting apart a little easier.
"Hey Jo, wait," Pacey says as he follows her out the door of Capeside Video just as she is having a seat on the bench out front.
"Sorry, you didn't have to leave," she says. "I just didn't really know what to say in there . . ."
"Yeah, I felt the same way," he admits as he sits beside her. "Did we almost just . . ."
"Yeah, I think we did," she replies.
"What do you think about that?" he wonders.
"I don't know, what do you think?" she asks back.
"I don't know either."
"We're quite a team," she laughs.
"Yeah . . ." he laughs back.
"Pacey, I don't know if I'm ready to . . ." she begins.
"Me either," he replies before she can finish.
"So, what does this mean? What do we do now?"
"We . . . I don't know. I guess we just keep being friends like we always have been. We're both just lonely. I think friendship is probably the best bet though."
"Yeah, me too," she says.
"Okay, great," he smiles at her. He's not sure he really believes he only wants to be her friend though. For about two seconds in that video store today he definitely wanted to be more. But, Pacey knows now is not the time for this conversation. "There they are," he says as he looks up to see Dawson and Jen approaching. "We'd better go." He holds his hand out to Joey to help her up.
"Hey guys," Jen says as they walk closer.
"Hey, how's it going?" Pacey asks.
"It's going. And we'd better get going if we're going to make that seven o'clock showing," Dawson replies as he glances at his watch. The others nod and they all walk together towards the center of town.
When they reach the theatre, Dawson and Pacey stand in line to get the tickets and Jen and Joey stand to the side to wait for them. "So," Jen says, "you and Pacey seem to be getting along well lately."
"We're just friends," Joey says quickly, maybe a bit too quickly.
"I never said anything," Jen says.
"I know . . . I . . . never mind. Yeah, Pacey's a nice guy."
"Yeah, he is," Jen agrees. "You know," she continues, "he's jealous of you two."
"Who?" Joey asks, looking up quickly at Jen.
"Dawson," she says quietly. "He doesn't like you having someone to lean on besides him."
"What? No, Dawson's fine with it. He's got you. Besides, Pacey and I have always been friends. It's not like it's new or something," Joey says, but it is obvious she is trying hard to convince herself of all of this, too.
"Okay," Jen says, very clearly not convinced. Joey gives her a skeptical look and starts to say something else but Dawson and Pacey arrive with the tickets and she decides to save this conversation for later.
The theatre is dark and quiet as the couple in the movie move closer to one another. The whole movie they've been dancing around their feelings for each other and now they are finally starting to see what was there all along. Dawson is sitting in the aisle seat with Jen beside him. His arm is draped across her shoulder but his eyes aren't on the screen. They are where they have been for most of the last hour and a half: on Joey and Pacey. Pacey is sitting beside Jen and Joey is beside him. Pacey's arm is perched atop her seat but Dawson continues to check and see if it has moved down any further.
Pacey whispers something to Joey and she giggles quietly. Jen looks over at Dawson and follows his eyes. He's been watching them all night. She turns back towards the screen, trying to ignore it. 'He's just worried about Joey getting hurt,' she tells herself. 'They're just friends.' If only it was so easy convince herself of this.
"So, where to now?" Pacey asks when they walk out of the theatre together.
"I think we'll just head home," Dawson says.
"Home? At barely nine o'clock on a Friday night?" Pacey replies.
"Excuse me for not being a party animal," Dawson quips.
"Hey, it's okay. He and Jen want to go. We can go see if Bessie and Bodi need some help at the restaurant," Joey tells Pacey.
"Yeah, okay," Pacey says. "Well, see you guys," he says and starts walking in the direction of the Icehouse with Joey.
Dawson stands with Jen and watches them walk away. "Ready?" Jen asks to break his trance.
"Huh? Oh, yeah," he says and they start to walk off the other way.
"Dawson . . ." she starts as they walk.
"Hmm?"
"You know, you can't not have her but still keep her from everyone else."
"What?" he stops her and looks at her. "Jen, you think I . . . No, it's nothing like that," he says.
"You mean you weren't watching Joey and Pacey like a hawk the whole time we were in the theatre tonight? You aren't even the least bit jealous? Come on, don't fool yourself Dawson," she replies.
"Jen . . . I don't want Joey. I want you. Joey's just . . . she's my best friend. And I know Pacey. I know he and Joey aren't right for each other. I just have to watch out for her. She's like my sister or something. I feel responsible."
Jen looks at him skeptically but finally nods. "Okay, if you say so," she says.
"I do," he smiles as they start walking again. He laces his fingers through hers and says, "Hey, what do you say we make a detour before going home?"
"Detour?" she asks.
"Yeah, you want to?"
"Sure, I'm up for some adventure," she says. Dawson smiles, leans down to kiss her gently, and walks her towards his intended destination.
"Are we really going to the Icehouse?" Pacey asks when they are out of Jen and Dawson's earshot.
"Of course, where else would we be going?" Joey asks.
"I don't know . . . just wondered," Pacey replies.
Joey looks at him for a second as they walk towards the restaurant. She's not sure what's going on with them. She gets the feeling Pacey may want to be more than friends . . . but does she want that? She can't be sure. He's a great guy and they have fun together but . . . he's *Pacey*. She shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts as they continue walking.
They walk up in front of the Icehouse together and see that it is still pretty busy. Joey turns to Pacey. "On second thought, maybe we don't want to help out. It looks like a madhouse in there."
"Yeah," he agrees. "So, where to?"
"I don't know. Maybe we should just call it a night," she says.
"Okay, if you want to. I'll walk you home," he says.
"Oh . . . okay," she says. They turn and start walking in the direction of her house. As they get further away from the restaurant and the noises of the town, the night seems to grow very silent. The only sounds Joey hears are the crickets and frogs chirping to one another in the nearby water. But, the air is also heavy with sounds that can't be heard. Words hang in the air between she and Pacey, unspoken but none the less there. She knows they'll have to get these words out in the open eventually and figure out where they both stand . . . she's just not sure if tonight is the night or not.
"How did I know we'd end up here?" Jen asks as she and Dawson approach the ruins together.
"Well, maybe I'm predictable," he says.
"No, just incredibly romantic," she replies.
Dawson blushes. "So, shall we sit?" he asks.
"Sure," Jen replies and they sit together on the marble steps in front of what was once a beautiful garden. The crumbling fountain before them stands testament to what this place once was: a gift of love from a man to his wife. He'd practically moved heaven and earth to bring her just a little piece of happiness during her final days. The irony was, if their love was so strong that he'd go to these lengths just to see her smile, she probably would have been just as happy without all the flowers and marble and fountains. In the end, she probably only needed him.
"It's so beautiful and sad here," Jen says.
"Yeah," Dawson replies. "It almost feels like traveling back in time, doesn't it?"
"Um hmm," Jen murmurs.
Dawson leans down to kiss her. She responds instantly, returning the kiss. He leans her back against the steps and moves his hands along her sides. As the kisses grow deeper, Jen feels Dawson begin tugging her shirt free from her jeans.
"Dawson, wait . . ." she says against his lips.
"Jen . . ." he says in a persuading tone as he continues kissing her.
"No, Dawson, we can't," she says more forcefully as she pulls free from his embrace. "It's . . . it's just not right."
"What? Why? Tell me Jen, what is it? What am I doing that's so wrong?"
Jen looks at him in the eyes and a sad expression crosses her face. She hasn't wanted to admit it, but she knows why she's reluctant to let Dawson go any farther than an innocent kiss. "Because . . . because when you look at me, I see her in your eyes," she finally says.
"See who . . . Joey?" he asks incredulously.
"Yes," Jen says softly, looking down at her hands as a few tears make their way down her pale cheeks.
"Jen . . ." he says quietly and touches her shoulder.
She pulls back. "No, don't," she says. "I . . . I need to go." She gets up quickly and starts away. He starts to follow her but she turns back around to face him and says, "Please, just let me go."
He watches helplessly as she leaves. He wants to follow her and explain things. But, then he has to wonder what there is to explain. He's so confused about his relationship with Joey right now that he couldn't possibly justify it to anyone else. Finally, Dawson sinks back down to the steps and lays his head in his hands. He sighs, hoping that he'll figure out the answers soon before it all drives him crazy.
"Well, here we are," Pacey says as he and Joey stand on her front porch.
"Yep . . ." she says. "Uh, would you like to come in for a while?" she asks.
"Well . . . sure, okay," he says. He follows her inside and they sit together in the living room. "So . . ." he begins.
"So . . ." she repeats.
"The movie was good," Pacey says.
"Yeah . . ." she agrees. "Pacey, look . . ." she starts.
At the same time, he says, "Joey, listen . . ."
They both laugh. "You first," she says.
"No, go ahead," he says.
"Well, it's just, about what happened earlier . . ."
"You mean at the video store," he replies.
"Yeah . . . I'm not sure what was going on. I mean, you're a good friend and I've had a lot of fun hanging out with you these past few weeks. We have a lot in common and we know each other really well . . ."
"But?" Pacey says, knowing what's coming next.
"But . . . I'm in love with Dawson," she admits. "I hate myself for that and I don't want to be but I can't help it. I'm just afraid that if we moved past friendship I'd just be substituting you for him. I'd hate to do that to you, Pace."
"Yeah, I guess I feel the same way," he says. "I'm probably just trying to find someone to take Tamara's place."
Joey moves closer to him and touches his shoulder. "You know, if you ever want to talk . . ."
"Believe me, I know who to turn to," he tells her with a smile. She returns the smile and they sit together in silence for a while, finally feeling like one thing in their lives is certain. They can always count on each other.
"Hey, you're home early," Pacey says to Dawson as he climbs into his bedroom window.
"Oh, hey Pace," Dawson says miserably from the bed.
"What is it now?" Pacey asks.
"Nothing," Dawson says but it's obviously a lot more than nothing.
"Yeah, right. Spill it," he says as he climbs into the room and sits in a chair beside the bed.
"It's Jen . . . she and I went to the ruins after you and Joey left tonight. Things were going great. We were kissing and . . . then Jen just pulled away all of the sudden. She got up and left."
"Did she say why?" Pacey asks.
"Yeah . . ."
"So? Why?"
"She said . . . she said that when I'm with her . . . that she sees Joey in my eyes. She thinks I think about Joey when I'm with her," he says.
"So, do you?" Pacey asks.
"No! I don't know . . . maybe," Dawson says. "What am I going to do?" he says as he rolls over and buries his head in the pillow.
"You need to figure out what you really want. Then let everyone know what, or who, that is," Pacey says.
"I want Jen," he says.
"You don't seem so sure of that," Pacey says.
"Of course I am. I'm sure," Dawson replies but he doesn't sound very sure.
"Okay, then you need to tell her that. And, you need to tell Joey. You need to get all of this cleared up once and for all, make sure everyone knows where they stand," Pacey says.
Dawson nods but doesn't say anything. Can he really tell Joey that he's sure all they have is friendship? He wants to be with Jen but, in a way, he wants to be with Joey, too. Why does life have to be so damned complicated?
"Well, I better get home. Sleep on it, Dawson. Figure out what you feel for both of them. And, whatever you do, be truthful with yourself," Pacey says. With that, he ducks his head out the window and he is gone.
Dawson lies back against the pillows, thinking about what his friend has said. There has to be an answer to his problems. The only trouble is finding it.
"Hey Jen," Joey says as she walks up to her locker on Monday morning.
Jen turns around, surprised to see Joey actually smiling at her. "Joey, uh, hey. What's up?" she asks curiously, wondering why she's being so nice.
"Nothing. Just thought I'd say hey," she says.
"Oh, okay. Hey, have you seen Dawson?" Jen asks.
"No, I figured he'd be with you. I haven't seen him all day."
"Hmm, that's weird. I hope he's okay."
"I'm sure he is," Joey replies.
Jen gathers her books together and they start walking down the hall together. "Joey, I'm sorry if this seems rude but I just have to ask. Why are you being so nice to me?"
Joey looks at her for a second, wondering how to answer. Finally, she sighs. "Actually, the truth is that I just thought a lot about it this weekend and I realized that we should be friends. Neither of us have any other girl friends and you seem nice enough so . . ."
"And what about Dawson? You don't see that as a slight stumbling block on our road to friendship?" Jen asks.
"Well, I thought about that. But, I guess I realized that Dawson can only be with one of us. And, I'm just glad he didn't choose someone like Abby or Nellie."
Jen laughs at the thought of Dawson with either of those girls. "They'd eat him alive for sure," she agrees.
Joey laughs, too. "See, I knew we could get along," she says. Jen smiles, glad that they've found some common ground. She's still not sure that Dawson has made his final decision but she's not going to let him stand in the way of her friendship with Joey.
"They had lunch together," Pacey says to Dawson as they walk down the hall together after fifth period.
"Lunch? Joey and Jen?" Dawson asks incredulously.
"Yep. Where were you anyway?" he asks.
"I had some stuff to do," Dawson says.
"You mean you were too chicken to face both of them this morning. You stayed home trying to avoid them then felt all guilty for not being at school. It's your Opie complex."
"Gee, I thought I was Richie Cunningham. I must be regressing," Dawson replies.
"Either way," Pacey says. "You're just a do-gooder. You always will be. Be careful my friend. You know where they say nice guys finish."
"Yeah, trust me, been there done that," Dawson says.
"Poor pitiful Dawson," Pacey laments. "Two beautiful woman want him and whatever is he to do?"
"Shut up, you're just jealous anyway," Dawson says.
"Hey, you know me. I'm always looking for action. But, I think you can have this lover's triangle for yourself. I'm moving on to bigger and better things."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dawson asks.
Pacey raises his eyebrows and grins mischievously at his friend before saying, "Co-eds."
Dawson can't help but laugh. "You are *way* too much."
"That's what they tell me my friend, that's what they tell me," he replies. Dawson continues laughing as they make their way to class.
Jen is standing outside after school talking to Cliff. He's leering at her as usual but she's trying to just be friendly. She's actually waiting for Dawson but she doesn't want to be rude to Cliff. Finally, she spots Dawson and smiles. "Sorry Cliff, I have to go. See you later," she says and dashes off, leaving Cliff standing alone and not looking too happy.
"Dawson, hey," she says as she approaches him.
"Hey," he replies, not sounding too enthusiastic.
"I haven't seen you all day," she says.
"Yeah, it's been a long day," he says. He starts walking away from the school and Jen follows him.
"Are you mad at me about Friday?" she asks.
"Mad? No, why should I be mad. I sort of figured you were mad," he says.
"Not mad, Dawson, more like confused. I really do like you. I just want to know that the feeling is mutual. And I want you to be honest with me about your feelings."
"I'm really trying," he says.
"I know. Let's just not rush into anything, okay?" she says.
"Yeah, okay," he replies. Maybe they can make things work out after all. At least he'll get a chance to try.
Dawson sits in his room pouring over his US history homework. He's been sitting here for hours but he can't seem to concentrate. He's reading a question about Manifest Destiny for about the tenth time when he hears something at the window. He looks over and is surprised to see Joey coming into the room.
"Jo . . . hey . . ."
"Hey," she smiles. "What are you doing?"
"Attempting homework but not making much progress," he tells her. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I was just in the neighborhood," she smiles. "Actually, I haven't talked to you much lately. I wanted to see how you were doing."
He smiles a little. "Fine, I'm fine."
"You and Jen are okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Why would you ask?"
"Pacey mentioned that Jen might be a little . . . put off by me. I really didn't want that, Dawson. I never meant for that to happen. I'm sorry if I screwed things up for you."
"No, you didn't," he assures her. "Actually, we're doing better. I think we'll be okay."
"That's good," Joey says.
"Really? You really feel that way?" Dawson asks, sounding unsure of what she is saying.
"Yeah . . . I mean, things have been weird with us lately. I'm ready to get back to normal. You and Jen seem to have fun together and care about each other a lot. I'm just glad to see you have someone who makes you happy. And I plan to find someone of my own so . . ."
"Anyone I know?" Dawson asks, almost afraid of the answer.
"No, not Pacey so get your mind out of the gutter. Pace and me are just friends. We figured that out pretty quick."
"Well, I hate to say it, but I'm happy to hear that," Dawson admits.
"I know you are," Joey smiles. "I swear, you're always looking over my shoulder, you know that," she teases.
"Someone has to watch out for you Jo. You tend to forget to look before you leap sometimes," he says.
"Yeah, like that day in detention . . . someday I'll learn to keep my big mouth shut."
"No, I think it's good you said all that stuff. Now we can get past it. We can keep being friends without having any secrets between us."
Joey nods at this and tries to believe what Dawson is saying and what she has been telling him. She does want him to be happy. And, if Jen makes him happy, then so be it. She can live with that. Whether she'll really be able to find someone else and get over him is debatable though. She doesn't see it happening but she knows she has to try. And she can't just keep things up with Dawson the way they have been or their friendship is going to suffer. So, Joey knows that, at least for now, she has to sacrifice her own feelings in order to preserve her relationship with her very best friend.
"So, how about we watch a movie?" she says.
"Sure, what movie do you want to watch?"
She smiles, remembering her conversation with Pacey in the tree house a few weeks back. "How about 'Pretty in Pink'?"
Dawson nods, not really knowing the story, which is probably a good thing. They sit down on the bed and watch the movie and it feels almost like old times . . . almost.
March 21, 1998
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