Dawson's Creek Series: Story #7

The Big Chill

by: Courtney

Oh my life

Is changing everyday

In every possible way

And oh my dreams

It's never quite as it seems

Never quite as it seems

I know I've felt like this before

But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from you

And then I open up and see

The person falling here is me

A different way to be

~ Dreams, the cranberries

Joey pokes her head in between the long, white window sheers and looks inside Dawson's room. He's no where in sight. She shrugs her shoulders slightly and goes on in anyway, figuring she'll just wait for him like she always does.

He's always late on movie night. Technically, though, it's not movie night. It's Wednesday, not Friday. But, Dawson has been depressed since his dad left so Joey figures spending more time with him couldn't hurt. She hates the thought of him sitting up here all alone watching E.T. and bemoaning his miserable existence. Knowing Dawson, that's exactly what he would do, too. He's always had a flair for the dramatic.

Joey flops down on the plaid comforter of the big bed and lays back against the soft pillows. She picks up the remote and flips on the television to see what's on. She figures she might as well pass the time while she waits for Dawson. There's no telling what he's up to, and she knows he has lost track of time as usual.

She scans the channels but all that seems to be on are holiday movies that she has seen a hundred times. One channel is showing Home Alone, which she cannot tolerate. Another is playing a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special but Snoopy in a pilgrim hat is not exactly what she had in mind in the way of entertainment. Then again, what more should she expect on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving? She sighs and turns off the television.

School had let out yesterday for the holiday so she isn't too concerned with Dawson's tardiness. They can stay up all night for all she cares. She really has nothing to get up for. Bessie and Bodi both have to work most of the next day and Alex is staying with Bodi's aunt who lives in the next town over. They plan to drive over there after work to eat dinner and pick him up, but Joey isn't sure she'll be going. She hates leaving Dawson alone like that.

'Alone . . . yeah, I'm sure he could find someone to talk to while I'm gone,' she thinks. She is thinking, of course, about Jen. The more distance Dawson seemed to put in that relationship, the more Jen seemed to try and grow closer to him. She doesn't want to give up. Joey has to admire that. It's never good to go down without a fight. She just hopes Jen's battle to hold onto Dawson ends up being a losing one.

She immediately regrets that thought, knowing how catty and mean it makes her seem. She really shouldn't wish anything bad on Jen. She's a nice enough person. If only Dawson didn't like her so much . . . all Joey seems to be able to do is focus on those two together. Lately, she has been trying to determine if she really wants Dawson as much as she thinks or if she just doesn't want anyone else to have him. She knows in her heart that she really loves him, but the thought of jealousy playing even a small part in these feelings is unsettling.

"Jo, hey. Sorry I'm late," Dawson says as he enters the room.

Joey snaps out of her reverie at the sound of his familiar voice. She sits up and smiles. "That's okay," she replies, "I'm used to it."

Dawson smiles a little in return and moves over to the bed to sit beside her. His smile fades and Joey can tell something is wrong. "What? What is it?" she asks.

Dawson sighs. "My dad . . . I was just talking to him. That's why I was late getting up here. He called to tell me that he won't be coming over tomorrow for dinner."

"On Thanksgiving?" she asks, surprised, even in light of the recent events in the Leery family, that Mitch Leery would miss spending a holiday with his family.

"Yeah, he said it was just too soon. I guess I can understand . . ." Dawson trails off.

"But you're still upset about it. I can understand that," she says. She places a hand on his shoulder and he brings his hand up to cover hers.

"Thank you," he says, almost in a whisper. "You know something?"

She looks at him and sees his serious expression and replies, "What?"

"You are the best friend I'll ever have," he says in the most sincere voice she thinks she has ever heard.

"Thanks Dawson, I feel the same way."

He gives her hand a squeeze and she smiles. "So," he finally says, "how about we watch a movie?"

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" she asks as he gets up and walks over to the bookcase that holds several shelves of movies.

He thumbs through them and begins calling out suggestions. "Jurassic Park?"

"No, I'm not in a dinosaur kind of mood tonight," she says.

"Hook?" he suggests.

"Nah," Joey says as she wrinkles her nose. "I'm not in the mood to see Julia Roberts try to pull off that Tinkerbell role again. Can't we watch a non-Spielberg flick tonight?" she asks.

"Sure, like what?" he asks.

"I don't know, something you don't have to think about too much. Come on, I know you Dawson. You have a least a few sappy chick-flicks over there. Find something good and mushy with no explosions, no mysteries to solve, and no dialogue that requires a copy of Webster's dictionary to decipher it and let's just veg-out."

"Okay, I can handle that," he replies with a grin. "I have the perfect movie, too." He reaches behind some of the movies and pulls out a cassette from the very back. He holds it up so Joey can see what he has: a copy of Four Weddings and A Funeral.

"Perfect," Joey agrees and Dawson goes over to put in the tape then returns to the bed. They turn off the lights and sit together in silence and watch the movie. Before they even get to the funeral, both of them are sound asleep.

"Wake up, Pace. Mom wants you downstairs," Emily Witter says as she tries to rouse her younger brother from his sleep. "Pacey, come on. You know if you don't get up now, Doug will be in here to wake you up and you don't want that."

Pacey groans and rolls out of bed. "What does she want anyway, Em?" he asks as he pulls a pair of jeans on over his boxers and follows his sister downstairs.

Emily shrugs. "She's in the kitchen," she says then goes back upstairs to finish getting ready.

Pacey sighs and starts into the kitchen. He can already tell this is not going to be a good day. His whole family is going to be there today for dinner. That means his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents . . . not to mention his immediate family. Emily is okay; they usually get along pretty well. She's 19 and has always been the one in the family that tried to look out for Pacey. His other sisters, Maggie, who's 17 and Beth, who's 21, weren't always as tolerant of their little brother when they were growing up. They mostly felt like he was in their way. There must have been something about being exactly in the middle of the family that made Emily the mediator. No one ever seemed to fight with her; she was always the designated go-between in everyone's problems. She was also the only one of his siblings that Pacey really gave much thought to. The others, including and especially his brother, didn't care much about him so he returned the favor.

"Mom?" Pacey calls as he enters the kitchen. His mother sticks her head out of the pantry.

"Just a second, honey," she says.

"Em said you wanted to talk to me," he continues.

"Yes, I do," she says as she comes out of the pantry with a huge bag of flour.

"Here, let me get that," he says and takes the bag from her.

"Thank you sweetheart," she says. She follows him over to the counter where he sets down the bag. "Pacey, I wanted to talk to you about today. There are going to be a lot of people here and I just wanted to try and avoid a fight between you and your brother."

"Mom, you know Doug always starts it . . ." Pacey protests.

"I know, he likes to provoke you. And I know that he and your father and your grandfather tend to badger you about the whole police force thing. I've spoken to your dad and I told him not to bring it up. I just thought that I'd be more likely to count on you to keep the peace than I would with Doug. Can you do this for me, please? Just try to avoid him if that's what it takes but please don't get into it with him today."

Pacey sighs and looks less than thrilled about this situation but he replies, "Yes ma'am."

"Good, I knew I could count on you." She kisses his forehead and ruffles his hair. "Now, how about helping me with dinner?"

"Isn't that women's work? Where are the girls?" he asks, grinning already because he knows his mom is about to smack him upside the head for that remark.

"Pacey Witter, don't tempt me," she says as she waves a wooden spoon at him and grins.

"Just kidding. Yeah, I'll help." He goes to the sink and washes his hands. "Seriously though, where are the girls?"

"Beth and Maggie went to get a few things from the store that I had forgotten. And, Emily's been helping me all morning so I sent her up to get dressed."

"And Deputy Doug? Is he polishing his Streisand records or what?"

"Pacey, don't start," she warns. "Your brother and your father had to work this morning. They'll be home by the time we eat at 3 o'clock."

"Oh good, I'd hate for us to be without Doug's company," Pacey says.

"Now, what did we just talk about?" his mother says.

"Sorry, I know. I'll stop."

"Here, get busy sifting this flour while I check the turkey," she says. She hands Pacey a large bowl and a sifter and leaves him to his work. Even though nothing bad has happened yet, Pacey can't help but be apprehensive about this day. He only hopes that with so many people around, he'll have a chance to get lost in the crowd.

Joey opens her eyes and squints at the light pouring into Dawson's room. She doesn't remember falling asleep but she figures it was sometime before the end of the movie because she can't remember seeing the ending. Looking at the clock, she sees that it is just before 9 am. Dawson is already up, apparently, because he's no where to be seen. Joey decides she might as well join the land of the living, too, and swings her legs over the edge of the bed.

She walks down the hallway towards the bathroom. When she passes by Dawson's parent's room, she hears him inside talking to someone. She feels like a snoop, but she can't help but listen in to see what's going on.

"It's okay, just lie down. You'll be fine," he says.

"But, it's Thanksgiving. What about dinner?" Gayle Leery says.

"Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it," he says. Joey peeks inside the room and sees Mrs. Leery lying in bed with Dawson kneeling down beside her. He kisses her cheek and says, "Get some rest, Mom. Let me know if you need anything."

As Dawson starts back for the door, Joey moves away. He walks out and looks to see her in the hallway. "Good morning," she says. "Is your mom alright?"

"She'll be fine, she's just tired. She gets really sick in the mornings, too. My dad used to tell me how sick she got when she was pregnant with me. Of course, he was always there to help her through it so . . ." Dawson looks down at the floor sadly.

Joey walks over and places her hand on his arm gently. "It'll work out, I just know it will."

"Yeah," Dawson says, but he doesn't sound very convinced.

"Well, I'm gonna grab a quick shower if that's okay?" Joey asks.

"Sure, that's fine. Um, I have to figure out something to do about dinner so I'll go see what we have in the kitchen."

"Okay, I'll be down to help in a few minutes," she says then she turns back towards the bathroom and Dawson starts downstairs towards the kitchen.

"Jennifer, can you hand me the paprika, please?" Mrs. Ryan asks her granddaughter as she stands at the counter in her kitchen preparing things for their dinner.

"Here you go, Grams," Jen says as she hands her a spice bottle. "What can I do to help?"

"Actually, I think everything is under control. Why don't you go upstairs and get ready? Your parents will be here in a few hours."

Jen doesn't need her grandmother to remind her of her parents impending arrival. That is something she is not likely to forget. She isn't looking forward to this at all. It's been over three months since she's seen them and she knows her dad is just as unhappy about this visit as she is. Their relationship just hasn't been the same since that day he found her and Billy . . . but her mother and grandmother had insisted they all get together so Jen was stuck.

"Okay, I'll go get a shower. Call me if you need any help," Jen says and starts upstairs to prepare for the inevitable.

Mitch Leery sits at the desk in his motel room and stares down at the page of figures in front of him. He's been trying to go over all of the paperwork for the restaurant, but he's been looking at this same page for a half an hour now and he can't seem to concentrate on it. All he can think of is the fact that it's Thanksgiving Day . . . and his family is halfway across town, probably being as miserable as he is. If only there were another way . . .

He sighs and looks back at the paperwork. It's no use though. He still can't make himself concentrate on this when there is so much more weighing on his mind. Finally, he snaps the folder shut and puts it aside. Then, he gets up and decides to go out for a while. He figures, at least on Thanksgiving, he should opt for something besides the room service of this lackluster motel he is staying in. Grabbing his keys and a jacket, he turns off the lights and leaves the lonely motel room in hopes of lifting his spirits just a bit.

"Okay, where do we start?" Joey asks as she looks through the cabinets in Dawson's kitchen.

"I have no clue. Have you ever made a Thanksgiving dinner?" he asks her.

"What do I look like, Betty Crocker? No, I'm as lost as you are," she says.

"Well, maybe we don't have to make turkey. I think it's a little late to start cooking that one Mom bought. We could cook something else instead," he offers.

"And what do you suggest, Dawson?" She picks up two boxes from the pantry shelf and holds them up. "Hamburger Helper or Chef Boyardee?"

Dawson laughs a little. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We're kind of hopeless unless we plan on making rice crispy treats for dinner."

"Funny how that's all either one of us knows how to cook," she giggles. Dawson laughs, too, but soon his laughter stops. He knows how disappointed his mother is going to be. Ruining this holiday will just be one more thing she blames herself for, and Dawson knows she doesn't need anything else to worry her now.

Joey sees how important this whole dinner thing is to Dawson so she says, "I bet we could buy something for dinner."

"What would be open today?" he asks.

"The Icehouse is open. Bessie and Bodi are both working until 6 o'clock. We can get something there."

"Like what, clam chowder? That's not much of a Thanksgiving feast," he says.

"Dawson, they serve turkey today. Why else would they be open? Bess said they were making everything you can think of for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sure if I called her we could get her to put some stuff together and we can go pick it up by dinner time."

Dawson smiles. "That's not a bad idea, Joey."

She smiles back. "I do what I can, Dawson."

"Well, I should go check on my mom," he says.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go home and change clothes and stuff. I'll call Bessie from there. I'll be back in a little while, okay?"

"Sure," he says. "Oh, and Joey?"

She turns back around. "Yeah?"

"Thank you." She just smiles at him, then turns to go.

"Okay, I think we're just about done. You can go on up and get ready if you want to, Pacey. Thanks for helping me," Mrs. Witter says to her son.

"Sure Mom." He wipes his hands on a dishtowel and then heads out of the kitchen and back upstairs to get ready.

"You guys all done?" Emily asks him when she sees him come back upstairs. He stops in front of her opened door and leans against the doorframe.

"Yep, everything is cooking," he tells her.

"Nice apron, Pace," she giggles. He looks down to see he is still wearing the frilly apron his mom had given him to wear while he rolled pie crust.

"Ha, ha, so funny Em," he says as he takes off the apron.

"Don't let Doug see you in that, you'll never hear the end of it," she giggles.

"Are you kidding? That fruit loop probably has one just like it," he sneers.

"Why is it you and Doug can't get along?" she asks as she picks up some nail polish off of her nightstand and shakes the bottle.

"He always starts it, Em. He thinks he's my father. If he'd stay out of my business, we'd get along much better."

"He's only trying to help," she says as she dabs pink polish onto her toes. "You know how he is, Pacey. Just try not to get in his way and stop doing thing to deliberately piss him off." She looks up just as Pacey is about to offer another argument in his defense. "Don't say it little brother because you know good and well that you do a lot to provoke him."

"Well, he deserves it," Pacey grumbles.

"Still, you could save yourself a lot of trouble if you'd just avoid the confrontations every now and then," she says.

"I know, I know. I just got this speech from Mom so I think I'm set for the day." Emily nods and goes back to painting her toes. "You know," Pacey says as he walks back towards the door, "If Doug would just come to terms with his own sexual inclinations, he'd be a much happier person."

Emily looks at him and smirks, throwing a pillow from the bed in his direction. "Get out of here little brother," she says. Pacey dodges the pillow and just laughs as he walks back to his room to get dressed.

It's around noon when Joey finally climbs back up the ladder to Dawson's window. She had called Bessie over an hour ago to tell her they needed some food and she'd told her they could come pick it up at around 1 o'clock. Joey figured she should come on back over and get Dawson moving so they won't be too late.

She starts into the window but stops when she sees Dawson walk into the room in nothing but a towel. He sees Joey and his face turns bright red. "Jo! Uh . . . I didn't think you'd be here so soon . . . uh . . ." he stammers.

"I'll just go around front," she says and starts to go back out the window.

"No, that's okay. Come on in. I'll just . . . I'll get changed in the bathroom. Just let me grab some clothes." Joey is still sitting by the window, not fully inside the room. "Joey, come on in," he repeats and finally she lifts herself over the windowsill and walks into the room.

She looks the other way as Dawson rummages through the closet for a shirt. In the mirror, she can see his reflection. When she was nine years old she never would have thought her chubby, four foot friend Dawson would grow up to look like this.

"I'll be back in just a minute," he says as he leaves the room with a handful of clothes.

Joey nods and sits on the bed to wait. She can't seem to get the image of him standing there in that towel out of her mind. 'Stop it, Joey! He's got Jen, you're just his friend. You have to get over it already,' she tells herself.

Dawson comes back into the room within a few minutes. "Ready?" he asks.

"Uh, yeah," Joey says. She follows him downstairs, repeating in her mind, 'Only a friend, only a friend.' She's come to hate the fact that that's all she'll ever be to Dawson. Lately, though, she's also come to accept it. She had thought for a split second that night when he told her about his mom that things had changed. He had grabbed her hand while that song was on and everything had seemed so . . . right. But, when they woke up the next morning, nothing had really changed. She had realized her role the previous night had been as the best friend, nothing more. Now she had to accept that; and she was really trying.

"So what did Bessie say?" Dawson asks as they enter the kitchen together.

"Oh, we can pick up the food at 1 o'clock," she tells him. She is still lost in thought and Dawson notices her distraction.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Me? Yeah, fine," she lies.

He eyes her suspiciously but decides not to say anything else. He can see that whatever she has on her mind is complicated and he knows that, if they start this discussion now, they will never get to the Icehouse by 1 o'clock.

"Should we go ahead and start down there?" Joey asks, hoping he will agree so that she can avoid the conversation that she feels approaching.

"Yeah," Dawson nods, "let's go."

"Jennifer, they're here!" Jen hears her grandmother call up the stairs.

"Coming Grams!" she calls back. She gives herself one last look in the mirror and heaves a deep sigh. "Please let this be over quickly," she mumbles to her reflection. Then, she turns and heads downstairs.

Bessie is sorting through the orders they still have to fill for the day when she hears someone approach the counter. Her eyes are still on the stack of orders in her hands. Without glancing up, she walks over and asks, "How can I help you today?"

"Can I get a turkey sandwich?" the customer asks.

She recognizes the voice immediately and looks up. Sure enough, the customer is Mitch Leery. She smiles at him, trying to hide her surprise. Somehow she just hadn't expected to see him here. She had spoken to Joey and found out that he wasn't joining his family for Thanksgiving dinner, but somehow she had thought he'd change his mind. Apparently he had not.

"How are you today? How's the baby?" Mitch asks, wanting to keep the subject from his life, though he knows that is inevitable.

"Good, we're good. Alex is great, getting bigger everyday. But, you know how baby's are . . ." She bites her lip, instantly regretting her words.

Mitch tries not to think about what she has said. She didn't mean any harm; he knows that. Still, everything for the past week has reminded him of Gayle and the baby and everything that he is losing. His life seems to be falling apart before his eyes.

"Turkey sandwich?" she asks, trying to change the subject.

"Uh, yes, please," he replies.

"For here or to go?"

"Here," he says. He can't will himself to go back to that lonely motel room just yet.

She nods and tells him it'll be right up. "Have a seat, I'll bring it out to you."

"Thanks," he smiles and turns to find a table in the almost empty restaurant.

"Hey Pace, you ready yet?" Emily asks from the door.

He looks up from his seat by the window. "Yeah," he answers. "Does mom want me or something?"

"No, I just thought I'd see what you're up to. Everyone else is busy getting dressed," she explains.

"Sure, come on in," he says as he waves her inside. She walks in and closes the door behind her.

"What are you looking at?" she asks.

Pacey shrugs, "Just looking."

"Is something wrong?"

He shrugs again but doesn't answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Another shrug.

"Pacey . . ." she begins, but she can't think of what to say. She isn't sure what's going on so it's hard to find the right words. "Does this have something to do with Doug?"

"Doug? No . . ." he says as he continues looking out the window.

"Is this about Daddy and Grandpa? Because you know Mom said she'd keep them off your case today . . ."

"I highly doubt even Mom could keep them off my case but, no, this isn't about them. I've just been . . . thinking."

"A dangerous hobby," she kids. Pacey grins a little but doesn't look away from the window. "What have you been thinking about?" she asks.

"A girl."

"Anyone I know?" Emily asks.

"Yes, actually."

"Does this mystery woman have a name?" Pacey doesn't answer. "Okay," Emily says, deciding to give up on figuring out the identity of this girl just yet. "Well, what have you been thinking about her?"

"I like her," he says.

"So, what's the problem? She has a boyfriend?"

"Not exactly," he says.

"So, ask her out."

"It's not that easy," he says.

"Why? You don't think she likes you?"

"It's hard to say. Sometimes I think she does and other times I'm not so sure. She has a crush on this other guy and I know she really wants him. But, he has a girlfriend. On the one hand, I think she is just setting herself up to be hurt and I want to tell her to forget about him. But then . . . then I see the look in her eyes when the conversation starts in that direction and I just can't bring myself to hurt her."

Emily stares at her little brother for a moment, surprised to hear all of this from him. "You really do like her, huh?" she says.

"Yeah . . ."

"Have you told her?"

"Told her that I like her? No. Like I said, she likes this other guy . . ."

"But you said yourself that this guy is involved with someone else and she's only going to get hurt. Maybe she'd feel differently if she knew how you felt," she says.

"Maybe . . ." Pacey doesn't sound convinced.

"Well, if you ever want to talk about it, you know where I live," she says with a smile. Pacey looks at his sister and gives a small smile in return.

"Thanks Em."

"Anytime," she replies. "Hey, we better get downstairs. I think the troops are arriving," she says as they hear the front door open. Pacey nods and follows his sister out of the room.

"What time is it?" Dawson asks as he and Joey approach the Icehouse.

"Ten minutes to one," she replies.

"Do you think it's ready yet?"

"Should be. If not we'll just wait here for a while," she says. He nods. They start inside the restaurant but, just as they enter, Dawson stops. "What?" Joey asks. She follows his gaze to one corner of the room and she doesn't need an answer. There is Mitch Leery, sitting alone, eating a sandwich and looking miserable.

Dawson stares a moment, then turns and leaves. Joey follows close behind, catching up to him just outside and grabbing his arm.

"Let me go," he says.

"No, turn around," she says. He stays put. "Dawson . . ." He turns slightly to look at her.

"I'm not going back in there," he says.

"What's gotten into you?" she asks.

"Joey, he . . . how can you ask that? You know what he did," he says. He pulls away from her grasp and walks over to a nearby bench. They both sit down. Dawson puts his head in his hands.

Joey can see that this is hard on him. She rubs his back gently with one hand. "It'll be okay . . ."

"No, it won't," he says. "He left her. She needed him and he just left. How can I forgive him? I love him, Jo, but I don't think I can forgive him."

"You can't place all the blame on him, Dawson," she reminds him.

He looks up at her, then back at the ground. "I know, I'm not sure I can forgive her either," he admits.

"You can't hate them both," she says.

"I don't hate either of them. It's just . . . I'm angry. I'm angry at them for . . . for screwing up my life." He looks back up at Joey and grins, but it's a painful grin. "How's that for selfish?" he asks.

"Dawson . . ."

"No, don't try to make me feel better. I really don't deserve that," he says.

"Don't do this," she says.

"Do what?" he asks.

"Shut me out." When he looks up at her again, he sees the pain in her eyes. His inability to talk to her is hurting her, and that's the last thing he wants to do.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"It's okay," she says.

"What am I going to do?" he asks her.

She thinks for a moment, then gets up from the bench. "Get up," she instructs.

"What?"

"Get up," she repeats.

He complies. She takes his hand and starts back towards the Icehouse. "Joey, I'm not going in there," he says.

"Yes, you are," she says. She gives him a look and he sighs and follows her. They enter the restaurant and Joey whispers, "I'll get the food. You go talk to him."

Dawson hesitates but another glance from Joey urges him on. He walks over to the table where his father is sitting and Mitch looks up.

"Dawson . . . hi son," Mitch says. He looks very happy to see Dawson. Some of the loneliness that shadows his face melts away. "Have a seat," he offers. Dawson sits. "What are you doing here?" Mitch asks.

"Mom was sick, we came to get dinner," he replies.

Mitch nods. He looks down at his half-eaten sandwich. "She had a hard time those first few months with you," he says.

Dawson nods. "She's having a hard time now," he says. They both know he is not only referring to the morning sickness.

"So am I, son," he says.

"I know," Dawson replies.

Mitch looks up at Dawson. "You have to know I don't want it to be this way," he says.

"I know, Dad. But you can't just give up on her. Doesn't she deserve a second chance?" Mitch looks back at his sandwich but doesn't answer. "Do you still love her?" Dawson asks quietly.

Mitch looks up quickly. "I . . . I . . . yes, of course," he says.

Dawson nods, he's glad to hear this. "Please think about that before you let this tear all of us apart," he says. He gets up from the table. "Happy Thanksgiving, Dad," he says.

Mitch looks up at his son, his face filled with confusion, sadness, and uncertainty. "Happy Thanksgiving, Dawson," he replies.

Dawson walks over to the counter where Joey and Bessie are watching from across the room. Joey already has the bag that contains their dinner, though she doesn't imagine anyone at the Leery house will be very hungry tonight.

"Are you okay, kiddo?" Bessie asks as Dawson approaches.

"Yeah, fine, thanks," he says, trying to conjure up a smile.

"Ready?" Joey asks.

"Yeah," he says.

She nods and says goodbye to her sister, then they leave the restaurant. Dawson's dad watches as his son leaves, unsure of whether he should follow. He doesn't. He stays where he is, still unsure of what he will do about the mess his life is in.

As Jen walks down the stairs, a feeling of dread has settled in her stomach and threatens to make her sick. She can hardly propel herself forward as she thinks of the impending confrontation with her father. 'He hates me,' she thinks. 'What am I doing? Go back upstairs.'

But, she can't. She has promised her mother and grandmother that she would do this and so she will. She reaches the bottom of the stairs and hears her parents in the kitchen with her grandmother.

"Jennifer? Is that you?" Grams calls from the kitchen.

"Yeah . . . yes ma'am," she says as she rounds the corner and enters the kitchen. She forces a smile and waits to see what will happen.

Her mother and father are standing in the kitchen and they both turn to face their daughter. She sees a smile on her mother's face and Jen feels a sudden longing for her mom. She has missed her. She wants to run over and hug her but she waits. She waits for her father's reaction.

Mark Lindley stands in the kitchen and stares at his only daughter. She's watching him watching her and everyone else in the room seems to be looking back and forth between the two of them. Finally, Mark says, "Hello Jen."

"Hi Dad," she replies. They continue to stare at one another, trying to decide what comes next.

Finally, Diane Lindley breaks the silence. "Jen, you look great," she says with a smile and walks over to hug her daughter.

As much as Jen was dreading this visit, she has to admit that it feels good to be back in her mother's arms. "I've missed you," she says softly.

"Me too, baby," Diane whispers. She pulls back to look at her daughter. "How have you been?"

"Good," Jen says.

"How's school?" her mom asks.

"It's going pretty good. I like the school, there are a lot of nice people there." Diane smiles and nods. She's glad Jen seems happy here. She has felt guilty since her daughter left. She hadn't wanted her to go, but was in Jen's best interest.

"Well, dinner is almost ready. Is everyone hungry?" Mrs. Ryan asks.

"Ready when you are, Mom," Diane says.

"Okay, it'll be ready soon. Jennifer, why don't you go set the table?" Jen nods.

"I'm going to go see Daddy, you go help Jen, Mark," Diane says. He hesitates a moment, then nods his agreement.

When the two have left to set the table, Diane looks at her mother, who winks at her. They both smile, then Mrs. Ryan goes back to her dinner preparations and Diane starts down the hall to her father's room.

"You okay?" Joey asks Dawson after they are a safe distance from the Icehouse. It's been a few minutes since they left and he has yet to say a word.

"Fine," he replies.

"Yeah, fine . . . you sound fine," she says, rolling her eyes. He doesn't respond. "Fine, don't talk," she says with a shrug of her shoulders. He still remains silent. Joey shakes her head and they keep walking.

Mitch sits silently in the restaurant after Dawson and Joey have left. He's no longer sure what to do. At first it had seemed so simple. His wife cheated on him, he couldn't stay. But, things hadn't been as simple as he had imagined. The problem was, he still loved Gayle. He had loved her for most of his life. There was no way to wipe away the last twenty years and pretend that love had never existed.

He stares at the remainder of his sandwich and he knows he can't eat another bite. He's lost his appetite. Thoughts of Gayle during her pregnancy with Dawson keep replaying in his mind. He can't even count the number of night he had sat up with her while she was sick. He had rubbed her back and smoothed her damp hair away and assured her that everything would be alright, that soon they would have the most wonderful baby in the world and their lives would be perfect . . . and they were, for a while.

For so long, he felt like he had the perfect life. He had a beautiful wife that he loved more than anything in the world. He had a smart and ambitious son who lived up to all Mitch had imagined for his son and more. He had a great house in a great town and great friends and a great job . . . everything had been perfect. Then things changed. Gayle told him about Bob. His wife wasn't the woman he thought she was. His son changed. Dawson was different now, he had been since everything with Bob came out. They didn't talk as much. He still lived in the great house, in the great town with the great friends . . . but life wasn't so great anymore.

"Anything else I can get for you?" he hears Bessie asks. This brings him from his thoughts. He smiles slightly and says no. "Are you going to be alright?" she asks.

Mitch looks up at her. He must look a mess. He feels like it. He thinks about her question and asks himself the same thing. Finally, he says, "Yes, I'll be fine, thank you."

Bessie smiles reassuringly, hoping he's right. She takes the plate from in front of him and starts back to the kitchen. She looks back to see him getting up to leave. He puts money on the table for his food, probably twice as much as the meal actually cost, then gets up and walks out of the Icehouse. Bessie has never seen sadness quite so obvious in a person's demeanor as it is with Mitch Leery. She hopes things work out.

"Mom?" Dawson calls as he and Joey enter the house. No answer. "She must still be asleep," Dawson says as they head into the kitchen with the food for dinner.

They set everything on the counter and Dawson starts getting plates out of one of the cabinets. "Are we eating without her?" Joey asks.

"No, I just thought we could set the table and then whenever she gets up we'll all eat together. Is that okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, fine," she says.

He nods and goes back to the plates. He takes silverware out of the drawer and goes in to set the dining room table as Joey takes a seat at the kitchen counter and waits for him to return. He hasn't said more than two words since they left the Icehouse and frankly she is starting to worry.

Dawson returns to the kitchen and sits on the stool beside her. "So, what now?" he asks.

"We could talk . . ." she begins.

"If you mean about my dad, I'd rather not," he replies.

"Okay . . ." Joey isn't sure what to do next. She can't force him to talk, she can't force him to feel better, and she can't really help if all he does is sit around and refuse to tell her what's on his mind.

"How about we go upstairs and watch a movie?" Dawson asks.

"Um, sure." She can't think of anything better to do now anyway. He gets up and starts for the stairs and Joey follows.

Gayle hears Dawson and Joey walking upstairs but she stays silent. She's not ready to face them yet. This whole day has been a nightmare. As she lies in bed, as she has for most of this Thanksgiving Day, she feels like bursting into tears all over again. But, she can't do that. She keeps telling herself she brought all of this upon herself and now she must deal with the situation she has created.

She misses Mitch. For the twenty-some years she has known Mitch Leery, Gayle has never wanted for comfort or friendship. He has always been there. Now, though she realizes it is her own fault he's not there, she still misses him more than she ever dreamed she could.

Her hand goes to her stomach and she begins to think about the months that lie in front of her. It seems impossible to contemplate going through all of this alone. But, she may have to and, if it comes down to it, she will.

This child is hers. No matter what happens, no matter who the father is, she knows she will love this baby because it is her baby. She will love the baby the same way she has always loved Dawson. She just hopes she doesn't turn out to be the only person who accepts this child after all that has happened. It would be awful if her family took out her mistakes on this baby. Tears creep into her eyes at this thought but she pushes them back. She knows her family better than that. Dawson would never hate this baby, even if his parents end up divorced because of it.

Gayle smiles slightly. She wonders how she ended up with such a wonderful son. He had been in and out of her room all morning, checking on her and taking care of her. She knows she doesn't deserve him, but she is still grateful to have him.

Her smile fades as her mind drifts again, this time to a phone call she had received an hour ago. It was the station. They were wondering when she'd be back at work. Gayle had told them over a week ago that she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be back until further notice. They had asked surprisingly few questions, but eventually they would want a better explanation if she didn't return to work.

It wouldn't be so hard to go back now, at least. This afternoon when she had talked to Lynn, one of the producers at the station, she had told her of a job offer that Bob had received this week. Apparently, he would be moving to a station in Miami within a month. Gayle had to admit she was relieved. She blamed herself for the affair a hundred times more than she blamed Bob, but it was still difficult to work with him everyday. It was better that he was leaving.

Bob's exit would also provide Gayle with an out as far as telling him about her pregnancy went. With him not working there anymore, he would probably only hear about the pregnancy in passing and never really have full details on when she was due or anything that would make him suspicious that he might be the father of the baby. She is glad of that; she hadn't wanted to tell him. As ruthless and cold-hearted as that makes her sound, Gayle is well aware that Bob would be grateful for the oblivion if he were aware of the situation. He has never wanted a family. That is the main reason his relationships seem confined to married women. He's married to his career; he has no time for anything else. That's the way he wants it and she can respect that. She knows he wouldn't want to take part in the life of this child if it does turn out to be his, so she has no intention of ever informing him of the possibility.

Still, it's hard. Gayle sighs and gets up from the bed to walk over to the bedroom window. The creek sparkles in the low light of the late afternoon sun. To Gayle, the whole scene looks rather sad. It's probably her perspective, but she can't help but think the whole world is aware of the emotional turmoil raging within her at this very moment. In a way, that's comforting. It makes her feel just a little bit less lonely. But, it's disheartening, too. It makes her feel Mitch's absence that much more.

Turning from the window, Gayle walks over to the bathroom. She examines her tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes and all of the sudden she begins to realize how selfish she is being. This situation is of her won creation; she has no right to wallow in self-pity because of it. She thinks of her son and what this whole thing has been doing to him and her heart sinks. This must have been the worst Thanksgiving in history for him.

Summoning all her strength, Gayle makes a fast decision. She has to pull herself together. She owes it to Dawson, to Mitch, to this baby . . . and to herself. She needs to face up to her mistakes and get on with her life. It's the only way she is going to get through this.

"Pacey, pass the potatoes, please," his aunt Meredith says. Pacey obliges with a smile. He's been trying to remain quiet during dinner. He wants to avoid any confrontation with his brother, father, and grandfather, for his mother's sake.

John Witter keeps glancing at his son. The look on his face tells Pacey he wants to start up another conversation about his wasted life, but Pacey tries to avoid the gaze. He only has to make it through dinner, and then he can be done with this.

As the minutes tick slowly by, Pacey is oblivious to the friendly chatter going on around him. His aunts, uncles, cousins, and immediate family talk on and on about what they have all been doing lately. Pacey remains silent. When a question is asked to him, he gives the shortest response possible, remaining polite but trying to avoid any long answers. No one seems to notice. There are so many people there; it is easy to get lost in the sea of conversation.

Emily sits across from her younger brother and occasionally smiles at him, knowing he is probably more than ready to bolt from the table. She hates how he is treated by her father at times and she wishes there were some way they could just see eye to eye for once. Emily knows Pacey is not the 'bad seed' her father often makes him out to be, but she doesn't know how to make him see that. She just hopes time will heal the rift between them and that, one day, her family can all get along without all of this pretense.

Pacey returns his sister's smile, knowing she of all people understands what he is going through. Emily always understands. He wishes she weren't so far away at college for the better part of the year. There are many times while she is away that Pacey could use his sister's support. That was part of the reason he was so drawn to Joey now. She is a lot like Emily. She understands. Emily has always said she liked Joey. Pacey wonders if maybe he should have went ahead and told her the girl he was talking about this morning was Joey Potter. Maybe Emily would have had some advice for him.

He's not sure advice would help him now, though. Pacey knows he loves Joey, but maybe it's not the love he thinks it is. Maybe the way he feels about Joey is closer to sisterly than anything else. After all, he knows she loves Dawson. Still, it hurts him to see her continually snubbed by his absent friend, Dawson. How he could be so self-aware and yet never notice what was right in front of his face, Pacey was sure he'd never understand. But, maybe it was none of his business.

The clatter of dishes around him draws Pacey from his thoughts and he looks to see everyone getting up. It seems dinner is over. He has barely finished half his food but he isn't all that hungry anyway. He gets up and starts for the kitchen with his plate. As he is walking back into the dining room, his father and grandfather approach him. He inwardly groans and prepares for the impending lecture he knows is inevitable.

"Pacey . . ." his dad starts.

"I know, you want to talk about my life, right? How screwed up it is? How I never take anything seriously? Should we start with my grades or my career ambitions?"

"Let's start with your attitude!" his father says angrily, but holding his voice down so he doesn't attract a lot of attention. "Don't take that tone with me, young man."

"Yes sir, I apologize," Pacey concedes. He knows he is fighting a losing battle anyway.

"Now, as I was saying . . ." his father says. And so it begins. The lecture he knew he couldn't avoid. It's the same speech he always gets, only with a few word variations and an updated report of his failing grades. But, it's basically the same. Pacey sits attentively and listens while the two elder Witter men drone on about responsibility and pride and the family name. As all the familiar talk swirls in a monotonous buzz around him, Pacey finds himself cursing the pilgrims for coming up with this God-awful holiday.

Joey sits idly on the bed as she and Dawson watch Halloween on video. "You know, I think we are about a month late on this one," she comments.

"I'm in the mood to see someone having a worse holiday than me," Dawson says sullenly as Michael Myers rips through another victim on the screen.

Joey rolls her eyes. "Self pity is really unattractive Dawson."

He looks at her and pouts for a moment, displeased that she is starting to go from sympathetic to annoyed with his unhappiness. Finally, he realizes she is right and gets up to turn off the television. "Sorry, I guess I'm ruining your holiday, too, huh?" he says as he sits back down alongside her on the bed.

She smiles a little and says, "No, that's okay. I understand. I just think you are making things worse by feeling sorry for yourself."

He nods, "Yeah, you're right."

Joey touches his arm lightly and says, "But you know I will always be here for you, right?"

He looks at her and smiles. She is the one thing in his life he never has to question. "Yes, of course I do," he says.

"Good," Joey smiles.

Silence falls back over the two of them as they are both engulfed by thought. Dawson is wondering if he should profess his changing feelings to his best friend. In the weeks since the night she was sick, Dawson has found himself thinking of her in a different way. He is slowly beginning to realize how deeply he cares for Joey and how important she is to him. Even though Jen is still technically his girlfriend, Dawson's thoughts always seem to be on the girl he has known most of his life; his best friend.

Joey can see that Dawson is thinking about something. She wonders what it is. A nagging voice in her head tells her it is probably Jen. She knows he must miss her. She's been busy with her family coming to town all day so he hasn't seen her. Joey feels a pang of disappointment as she realizes once again that Dawson is nothing more than her best friend. It's always been that way, but she still can't quite get used to it. She is trying to get over him, though. And every time he gets that far away look in his eyes and she knows he must be thinking of Jen, it seems to be a little easier to let him go.

Dawson is just about to speak when they both hear his mother call them from downstairs. "She's up?" Joey asks.

Dawson shrugs. "I guess so. I didn't hear her," he says.

They both get up to head downstairs, leaving each of their thoughts for another time.

Jen twists the dishtowel in her hands as she waits for her mother to hand her another plate. She had insisted on helping her mom with the dishes while her father and grandmother went to sit down for a while. The last thing Jen needed today was time alone with her dad.

"You know he loves you, don't you?" her mother asks. Jen is quiet for a moment. The question seems very out of the blue.

"Huh?" she says. She heard every word her mother said but she isn't sure what to say.

"Your father," Diane says.

"Yes, I know," Jen says finally.

"This is hard for him," she says.

"It's hard for me, too," Jen replies.

"I know sweetie." Diane smiles softly at her daughter. Jen tries to return the smile but has a hard time holding back tears. "It'll get better in time," she assures her.

"I hope so," Jen whispers, "I really hope so."

"Mom, what's going on?" Dawson asks as he and Joey come into the kitchen. Gayle Leery is just pulling the reheated turkey out of the oven.

"Just getting things ready for dinner," she says with a smile. Dawson and Joey both notice this and exchange odd looks. "You kids did a great job with all this. I owe you a big thank you. I'm sorry I haven't made this day very pleasant for either of you. It was wrong for me to act that way and I'm sorry."

"Mom . . . it's okay," Dawson says.

"We understand," Joey says in agreement.

"That doesn't make is okay, though. Sitting around in bed all day isn't going to help me," she replies.

"So, you're feeling better then?" Dawson inquires.

"Yes, better . . . still a little queasy but with you that lasted three full months nonstop so I'll make it."

"I'm glad to hear that," he grins.

"So, are we ready to eat?" she asks.

"Yep," Dawson and Joey both say simultaneously. All three of them laugh.

"Okay, let's go-" Gayle starts but she is cut off by the sound of the doorbell. "Who could that be?" she wonders aloud.

Dawson doesn't respond be he inwardly hopes it's his father. They all walk to the front door and Gayle opens it to find Pacey stand before them.

"Happy Thanksgiving," he smiles weakly.

"You too, buddy . . . come on in," Dawson says and they all move aside for Pacey to enter. "What's going on? I thought you guys were having a big family dinner today," Dawson says.

"We were . . . we did," he replies.

"And it went so well that you came over here to hide out?" Joey questions.

"Basically," he smiles.

"Well, did you eat at home?" Gayle asks.

"No ma'am, I tend to lose my appetite when my father starts on his tirades about my lack of motivation," he says.

"Well, you're in luck because we have a veritable feast and plenty of food to go around. You can just join us for dinner," she says.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude . . ."

"You already have," Dawson grins.

"Dawson! Hush . . . he is always welcomed here. Pacey, don't pay him any attention," Gayle Leery says.

"Thanks, Mrs. Leery," Pacey replies.

They all turn to head into the dining room when, for the second time, the doorbell interrupts them. "I'll get it, you guys go sit down," Joey says. They nod and head in to the table as she heads for the door. Joey opens the door to reveal just about the last person she expected. "Uh . . . hi Jen," she says.

"Hi Joey," Jen smiles.

"What's up?" Joey asks.

"Um . . . well, I was just going to see what you and Dawson were doing . . . my parents are still here and frankly that whole scene is getting to me . . ."

"We were just about to sit down to eat," Joey replies.

"Oh . . . well, I'll leave you alone then," Jen says. She turns to start back towards her grandmother's house.

"Joey watches her for a moment, letting her get halfway across the yard before she realizes she can't let her go. As much as Joey dislikes the way Jen has moved in on her life, she knows that she only has herself to blame for never telling Dawson how she felt when she had a chance. She can't blame Jen. "Jen, wait . . ." she calls.

Jen turns around and looks back to the front door. She doesn't say anything but waits to hear what Joey has to say.

"I . . . I'm sure there is room at the table for one more," she finally says. Joey offers a smile and Jen smiles back and walks back to the door and inside.

They make their way to the dining room where everyone is already seated and waiting for Joey. "Um, think we can squeeze in one more?" Joey asks.

They all look up to see Jen and she is immediately welcomed. There are two empty chairs, one beside Dawson and one beside Pacey. Joey looks at Jen and says, "I'll sit over here." She motions to the seat beside Pacey. Jen smiles thankfully at Joey. She needs to be side Dawson and hold his hand now. She needs to feel like someone loves her just a little.

The dinner progresses and they all enjoy themselves. There is, however, an odd, unspoken circle of thought that surrounds them all. Joey is watching Dawson and Jen and trying not to be jealous as he holds Jen's hand instead of hers. Jen is watching Joey watching Dawson and she sees the connection between the two of them more than ever before. She knows that her time with him is ending and that, soon enough, she will no longer be the girl holding his hand. Dawson is trying not to stare at Joey. He wishes more than anything that he were holding her hand instead of Jen's. He wants to be in Pacey's place more than Joey could imagine.

Pacey sees Joey watching Dawson and Jen, Jen watching Joey and Dawson, and Dawson watching Joey and himself and he knows that there is a lot going on. Joey may not notice Dawson's furtive glances, but Pacey is well aware of them. He knows that the girl beside him wishes she could switch places with Jen and he knows that, someday, she will. He just hopes he doesn't end up sitting all by himself when that happens.

Meanwhile, as all of this goes on, Gayle is at the head of the table watching the kids and glancing every once in a while at the empty seat opposite her. She wishes Mitch were with them. She only hopes that someday he will find it in his heart to forgive her so they can all be a family again.

August 3, 1998

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