Replay by Tyra

Chapter 22

"I don't know what you're talking about Jer? Why would I be pretending not to remember Brenda?"

"Come off it Jax! Never try to kid a kidder. I can see it in your eyes. You're still crazy over her. So why don't you let me in on it. You know you won't be able to do this alone. When she stops crying, she'll see it in your eyes too!" Jerry leans in and whispers into his ear all breathy and girlish, "And then she'll walk up to you, and bat her long thick eyelashes at you, and her fingers will trail along your cheek, and her dark luscious eyes will reel you in, and her breasts will accidentally brush against your chest, and .. .. .. " Jerry leans away and punches Jax on the shoulder snapping his mind back to the present. "And you fall like a house of cards little brother. Like a house of cards!"

Jax's eyes came back into focus as Jerry's punch startled him out of his daydream. "Very funny Jerry. She doesn't have that kind of power over me."

"You'd like to think that, but she does. She had you bagged last year on Fiji, and you've been a willing captive ever since. There's no fall on this Earth, that could ever shake the memories of her from your head. I've told you before Jax, you're a goner. I should stick a fork in ya Jax, your goose is cooked!' Jerry laughed at his own joke despite Jax's surly expression.

Jax sighs, "All right so I'm faking. But Brenda must never know Jer. I need to distance myself from her."

Jerry sobers as Jax finally begins to tells him the truth, "That's all I wanted to hear Jax. So what has she done to deserve your duplicity? You're usually on the straight and narrow, why this deception?"

"It's not total deception Jer. I had lost my memory for a bit. I think right after the fall and didn't know who I was, let alone anyone else. My mind was still a little muddled as I was coming out of the anesthesia and I was laying here just watching her sleep, wondering who she was. She was so beautiful, so delicate. Then she began to toss and turn in the midst of some horrible nightmare. She shouted out, 'I love you Sonny!' If that doesn't slap anyone back to his senses, I don't know what else would! Sonny Corinthos, Jer. She loves Sonny Corinthos. He's the reason, I'm lying here right now. He took a shot at me, and I lost my footing and fell. What a coward. He had lost to me in hand to hand, so he resorted to using a weapon while my back was turned. How can Brenda love him Jerry? He's a mobster?"

Jerry's smiled oddly before responding, "But it was just a dream Jax. Are you sure she even knows him?"

"Of course she knows him. You told me that the warnings have been coming from him all this time. This just confirms the reasons for his jealously. She still a teenager Jer, maybe she didn't believe that I would wait for her and moved on to someone more convenient, easy, low rent!"

"Jax, I've never know you to be a elitist. This mobster seems to bring out the darker side in you, I like it! So she's seeing Corinthos, why the pretence? Why don't you just dump her, cut her off at the knees. That's what I would do. Let her know exactly what she lost and why. That's the Jacks way."

"Jer, I don't want her know how badly this hurts me. She loves Corinthos, so let her believe that I don't have any memories of her. I don't want her to stick by me because I'm paralyzed. If she thinks I don't remember her, she'll be free to be with the one she loves, even if he's not good enough for her."

"But Jax, Corinthos is going to be in jail for years, maybe life. She won't be spending anytime with him in the near future. She doesn't strike me as a prison bride either."

"I'm no one's consolation prize Jerry, either I come first, or not at all."

"But what if you're wrong Jax? Sometimes a dream is just a dream. Are you prepared to let her go for a few random words while she slept?"

"You weren't here when she spoke Jer. That was no fantasy she was dreaming. Her words were too real, not to have happened. She loves him Jer, I can tell from how she said it. They must have had an awful row. It sounded as if she had betrayed him in some way and she was trying to make him understand that she only did it because she loved him so much. She was heartbroken Jer. It was so real, I know it happened before! She was replaying by way of a dream, but I know it happened. It's real."

"I guess it's best this way then. Even if you're mistaken and she doesn't love Corinthos. We Jacks, don't need women around who will betray our trusts. Loyalty to the family always come first. Someone like her, would never fit in to the life we lead Jax. Whatever you need me to do, I'm in. We'll send her running for home"

Jax looks at Jerry ruefully, "I don't want you to enjoy this Jerry, I just need your help. Don't look so happy about this. I don't want her hurt. Do you understand?"

"Yes Jax, always the good son. Even when you've been done wrong. Noble to the very end."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Brenda has calmed down to periodic hiccups as she finally comes to terms with what has happened. Julia is sitting with her arm around her shoulder rocking her gently.

"Brenda? Do you want to talk about it now? I want to help. Do you want to leave or do you want to go back in to Jax's room. If you want to leave, just wait here for a minute while I tell Jerry, then I'll take you home. Do you have a hotel here in the city or did you fly in from Port Charles? Do we need to pick up an overnight bag?"

"Don't worry about me Julia, I can take care of myself. Why don't you go back in to Jax's room and watch over him for me. He and Jerry need you more than I do. Right now Jax can't walk, and that's a horrible thing to dealing with. Whether he remembers me or not is unimportant, in comparison to what he and his family have to deal with right now. I know Jerry acts like he hasn't a care in the world, but I know deep inside, he loves Jax very much. Not being able to fix things has to be killing him inside. I'm just going to take a walk around the hospital a bit to clear my mind. Why don't you go and keep Jerry company?" As Brenda stands, Julia takes her arm and forces her to sit.

"Brenda, you're my sister and that means you're my first priority. Jax is Jerry's main concern, but you're mine. I wasn't there for you when we were children Bren, but I'm here for you now. Let me help!" Julia takes Brenda by both shoulders to emphasize her point. Looking directly into Brenda's eyes, Julia states, "I need to help you. Don't let what daddy did to us as children, stop you from accepting help when you need it the most."

Brenda sees that a thin film of tears has coated Julia's eyes. She really did care! She was strangely comforted in knowing how much she really care. Over the past year and a half, they had become girlfriends, joking and giggling, working together on projects, coming and going as work and school dictated. But this was the first time she really felt as if she had a sister. Someone who might not spend every waking moment thinking or worrying about you, but someone would drop everything and come running at the first sign of trouble. Brenda knew at that moment that she would do the same for Jules. When did this happen? How had they become sister's in more than name only? Brenda felt a wave of peace and contentment encompassed her as she realized that this terrible event, had helped her to discover a sister she never knew she had!

Brenda takes Julia's hands off her shoulders and rests them in her hands, on her lap. "Julia, I understand what you're trying to tell me, and I love you for it, but I need to be alone for awhile. I need to deal with this myself before I can't open up to anyone about how I feel. This is such a shock, so unexpected. If Jax stopped loving me, or never loved me, that I could deal with. But to be totally forgotten, when he remembers everyone else. What does that tell me? That he never loved me? Was the love I saw in his eyes, all in my mind? Was it just dumb luck that the portion of his brain that was damaged in the fall was the part where I was stored? Or is he faking?"

Julia pulled her hands away in shock. "Faking?!!! You think he's faking? Why?"

Brenda gestures for Julia to be more quite and looks around to make sure no one is listening before she continues. "Jax is temporarily paralyzed, right? He might be pretending to have temporary amnesia to keep me away until he knows for sure if his paralysis is truly temporary."

Julia looked a little confused, "Why would he do that? If it's permanent he would need you now, more than ever?"

"Don't expect him to do what daddy would have done to us under the same circumstances. I know Jax, he probably thinks of himself as a burden. He would never want to be that to anyone. He doesn't want me to have less than he thinks I deserve. He doesn't realize that even at less than 100 percent, he is so far better than any other man I have ever known. I would want him even at 50%! You don't toss away gold even if there's a little flaw on the surface."

"But what are you going to do? You can't prove that he's faking." Julia looked at Brenda apprehensively, "Brenda, .. .. .. I don't like that look in your eyes. What do you have in mind, and how can I help?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jax and Jerry stopped talking as the door swung open and Julia walked back in. She looked very concerned and distracted as she nodded to both of them and sat on the couch in silence.

Jerry left Jax's bedside and sat next to Julia, "Julia, is there anything wrong? Where's Brenda? She looked pretty upset when you left with her? Did you send her home?"

Julia shook her head no, and remained silent. The worried look on her face was causing a finger of fear to creep up Jax's neck. Had his deception caused some kind of disaster? He didn't want Brenda hurt, he just wanted her to distance herself from him. Jerry was experiencing similar fears. In the six months he had been pursuing her, he had seen many sides of Julia's personality but never this side. This one frightened him in two ways. Of course he was concerned for her mood. But what scared him the most, was how much her mood was affecting him! Women's moods were never of a concern to him before. Happy, sad, angry, agitated, it was all the same to him. He couldn't control the crazy emotions of women so he never concerned himself with them. If the atmosphere was fraught with unrest, he would always make himself scare. Life was too short to waste energy trying to figure out a woman. But Julia was different. He had to suppress the urge to put his arm around her to comfort her. He never did that sort of thing. Mostly because women could get so weepy and he hated that. Jerry's brow arched as a thought came to mind! If Julia got weepy and he was supportive, that might be the final gestures that brings her down! Maybe he could sample the favors of the fair Julia with such a gesture. He places his arms around her and she trembles slightly before she begins to softly cry.

Jerry pulls out a hanky and hands it to her, "What's wrong? Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Julia sniffles, then stutters, "It's Bre-- -- Bre -- -- da." She can say not more as she begins to choke on her sobs.

Jax is frantic, they had been gone for hours, and now Julia walks in looking like someone had died! He nearly shouts at Julia, "Where's Brenda! Has something happened!? Jerry can't you make her talk?" If he could walk, he would be shaking her now. He could see her shoulders moving up an down as she was wracked with huge silent sobs.

Jerry was trying his best to comfort her, but he wasn't very good at it. He wished he had more practice at this supportive stuff. He was just totally out of his element. It was usually at this point that he would make with some sarcastic, cutting remark about the frailties of woman and leave. However, in this instance, he had this strange compulsion to stay, to make her feel better. Something was definitely wrong with him! Could he being going soft in his old age?

Julia's face was hidden in Jerry's shoulder. Her shoulders were heaving from her unseen sobs. If the boys had seen her face they would have known that Julia wasn't crying. She was making the sounds but she was actually laughing. Her body heaved from the act of trying to suppress the sounds of laughter. Brenda was right. Jax was faking! The question is why? She couldn't wait until she met Brenda in an hours time with the update. These Jacks boys didn't know who they were dealing with!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The glow of the soon rising sun began to reflect off the reservoir across the street just beyond Central Park East. She loved this time of day. The night was slowly fading into dawn and the city looked all clean and new. She inhaled deeply and was refreshed from the scents of the freshly mowed grass below and the chill in the early morning air. It was hard to believe that her world had crumbled away less than 12 hours ago. Brenda had found a service stairwell and had found her way up to the roof almost an hour ago. She had been sitting on the edge of the roof in silence, with nothing but the traffic below and the music that echoed up from the elevator well as company. She had just been sitting up there thinking and remembering what she had experienced with Jax and how her life had changed from the moment they had met.

She hugged her coat more tightly around her as a breeze began to blow off the reservoir stinging her eyes. Brenda was through with crying. She had shed too many tears already. It was time to dry them and move on. She thought she knew what she had to do, but it was impossible to get rid of every doubt that she might have lost Jax forever. What she was going to do could be humiliating, but she had to take that chance if it meant that she would be with Jax. She loved him too much to give up without a fight. Even if he wasn't faking, at least he wasn't in love with anyone else. He remembered that Miranda was his ex-wife which was a major plus. She could make him fall in love with her again. He already appeared to be attracted to her already. He was very flirtatious with her even though he claimed not to know her. She knew they were meant to be, and she would not go quietly into the night.

The reservoir was changing with the oncoming dawn. The water that had originally looked like a dark cold mirror, began to spring to life. Birds bathing, caused small ripples along the surface, and the darkness was turning into a blinding red-orange glow as the sun began to wake up the city below. She stood and looked down at the street below. It too was beginning to bustle with life. People were rushing along the sidewalks, the cars sped down 5^th Avenue with increasing frequency, it was the beginning of a new day. Yes, a new day, and a new start for old friendships and loves. Jax would love her again whether he wanted to or not! She held her arms out looked up towards the rising sun and slowly spun around embracing this new day.

"Brenda?"

Brenda turned at the whispered question from Julia, and smiled brightly. "Hi Julia! How did it go?"

Julia crossed the distance from the door to Brenda. Brenda couldn't tell from Julia's expression what the outcome had been. She was going to die if Julia waited any longer to speak. She took Julia's arms and shook her slightly, "Come on Jules! Spill! Don't keep me hanging. How did it go?"

A musical laugh began to bubble from Julia as she hugged her sister tightly. "Brenda! How long have you been up here? Your face is frozen! Are you crazy? I found your note in the chapel pew that you came up here. We should get off this roof now and warm you up."

Brenda stamped her foot with impatience bordering on anger, "JULIA !!!!!!"

"Sorry Bren." Julia began to laugh again, "You were right! He's faking! He was practically pulling his hair out during my performance. You know I think I might have missed my calling. I had them both in the palm of my hand. Men are so gullible! I know Jax still remembers you Bren., You should have seen him. It was priceless! If he could walk, he would be haunting the halls looking for you now!"

Brenda's smile dimmed with concern. "Julia, you didn't make it sound worst than I ask you to, did you? I don't want Jax to worry himself to distraction. He needs to focus his energy on getting better."

"Don't worry so much about Jax. You're seeing him this afternoon anyway, he won't be suffering for long. Don't forget that he's lying to you Bren. We still don't know why. Why shouldn't we make both of them twist in the wind a little. Who do they think they are? You should have seen Jerry! He was trying so hard to comfort me, but he didn't have a clue how to go about it. He was so awkward! He was kind of sweet actually. I didn't think he had it in him. I didn't think Jerry was much more than blustering flirtatious fun. Maybe I misjudged him?"

"Julia , don't lose focus on my situation here. I know you find Jerry fascinating, but don't let your crush mess up our plans."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not even attracted to Jerry!"

"Oh Please Julia, you have it so bad for him. I can see you mooning over him from across the room!"

"You are completely mistaken Brenda."

"Ha! Now I know I'm right! You always get all proper with me, when I've figured out something about you that you, don't want anyone to know. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to Jerry, Julia. I've told you that I'm completely nuts over Jax. Why can't you be equally honest with me about Jerry?"

"Because your wrong Bren. There's nothing between us but friendship."

"Come off it Julia. If you felt nothing for Jerry, he would never had gotten you close to that beach by the lagoon in Fiji. You have been following each other from city to city around the world for how long now? It's been months Julia! The two of you have been performing this weird mating dance for six months! Neither of you want the other to get the upper hand so you both pretend like you don't care, but you do, deeply! Why don't both of you grow up and admit you care about each other."

Julia is angered by Brenda's dead on analysis of her feelings and strikes back, "At least he's not pretending he doesn't know me Bren!" As soon as those hurtful words passes her lips she wanted to reel them back in. She couldn't believe that she had been so cruel. She saw the look on Brenda's face and wanted to die of shame. "Oh Bren, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that. You're right. I am extremely attracted to Jerry, but I don't want to be another of his conquest. I don't have the same confidence that you do about his feelings for me. Please forgive me Bren, I didn't mean to strike out at you like that. It was very childish of me. Please forgive me."

"Stop apologizing Julia. It's partially my fault. I shouldn't have thrown your feelings in your face like that. I know that you don't like to lower your walls and speak of your feelings. I pushed you in a corner and you struck back." Brenda looks at Julia and holds her thumb and index finger a fraction of an inch apart, "It's just that the two of you are this close to having something real .. .. .. precious .. .. .. rare. Don't lose it because you're afraid of being hurt or embarrassed. The only real losers in love, are those that never get into the game. You'll never have what you don't try to reach for Julia."

Julia pulled Brenda into a crushing hug. "You know sometimes I can't believe that you're the younger sister. When did you become so wise Bren? It wasn't that long ago that you were hell bent on destroying yourself, and everyone around you. You've been a completely different person since you moved in with me. You seem so old sometimes, like you lived life before and you know all the right things to do this time." Realizing that she's gotten much too serious, she teases Brenda, "I guess I'm being silly. You've probably changed because I've been such a good influence on you."

Brenda pulls away slightly, laughing, "Let's stop this mutual appreciation society Jules, before I start to cry again. Did you speak with the administrator of this place? Did he OK your request?"

"Yes. He agreed to my request. I don't see how he could refuse, Barrett Industries has made several donations to this hospital. He was more than agreeable with my suggestion. Besides, it's not costing the hospital anything. If anything this will help the hospital out. We should get going though. You need to get some rest before we come back here later today. It's going to a be long day for us."

Brenda looked quizzically at her, "Us? I thought it was just me?"

Julia pulls Brenda towards the door leading back down to the hospital. "It is just you. But I'm not going to let the Jacks boys gang up against you. I'll distract Jerry as you make your move towards Jax. They won't know what's hit them until it too late!"

Brenda's laughter reverberated back to the roof as they descended, "I can't wait to get started! The Jacks boys are going down Jules, they're going down hard!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

* Song Credits - Album "Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me" Song "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying" performed by Gloria Estefan

~ to be continued ~