Chapter1
February, 2000
Oh my God, what in the world am I going to do? Lucky is alive, and Mother has him.
And, I can’t get in without risking the both of us.
Laura knew Helena had killed him. She’d known Helena had something to do with her son’s disappearance, even last May. It had never occurred to him that Laura might have been right. He had been so stupid to not see it! He should’ve made the connection long ago, even if Helena had been so secretive, it was scary.
Stefan Cassadine glanced back at the little cabin. He was undecided. The best course of action would be to leave, and return with reinforcements. But, he couldn’t leave Lucky there, now that he knew Lucky was there.
Trying for the window had been, of course, pointless - he should’ve known it would have triggered an alarm. He could not get around the front, either, because of those stupid guards that flocked the area. He had no way to get in, but he could not leave Laura’s son there - not now that he knew.
Then, very slowly, a thought came to Stefan. Lucky would be safe, as long as Helena didn’t worry. if she had wished to kill him, she would’ve already. She hadn’t, which meant that Lucky meant something to Helena; she needed him for something.
So, Stefan could leave Lucky there, knowing Helena could not harm him. He could go back to Port Charles, tell Alexis what was going on, group together somebody to help him get Lucky out of there...and return Laura’s son to his beloved.
He was certain that Laura would understand every movement of his, when he explained it to her, after he got Lucky out. She knew him, after all. And, Stefan trusted her with his heart. She would understand.
And, in all honesty, he could do nothing else at the moment. Except leave, and return when he was more prepared.
So, he made a prayer that Lucky would stay safe, made a silent threat to Helena’s back, and left for Port Charles.
He had no idea how many things would change.
Redemption
Chapter2
Three Months later...
Stefan sat by his desk, in the study at Wyndemere. All around him was exquisite furniture, antiqued and gorgeous. He was literally surrounded by beauty. But, the subtle brilliance of the dark wood and leather furniture was lost on him. He saw none of it. Even the computer was off, because at the moment, he could not bare to touch it. He couldn’t seem to touch anything; it was as if he had developed an unpenetrated shell. He felt very remote; very alone.
He continued to sit near the computer, not noticing the time or anything else, really. He was just so miserable. Everything that had happened in the last few months; all of the hurtful run-ins with Laura and Nikolas; it was just too much. Stefan knew he wasn’t perfect. He knew he wasn’t a selfless man, and that he could hurt people when he was trying to protect those he loved. Regardless, he wasn’t heartless, and he had used to know that. Only now, it seemed as if he was losing that grasp on who he was.
And, he did not like who was starting to become.
He sighed, and rubbed his closed eyes, but the hateful memories would not leave him. Everything that had happened continued to flicker past him, despite his silent protests. The ones of Laura were most painful. He could see her, quite clearly in his mind’s eye, the hurt reflected in her vivid blue eyes, the light shattering in them, when she had discovered what she thought was the truth about Lucky and his “rescue”. Stefan hated the fact that he had hurt her. Never in his life had he actually wanted to be the source of any pain in her life. But, more than that, he hated the idea that when she looked at him, she could not see that he had been hurt as well. Or, if she could perhaps see it, then she simply chose to ignore it. Either way, it left him rather wounded, and he could almost feel the darkness closing in around him.
He didn’t know what he should do to fix all these problems. Going after Helena wasn’t the solution - it just seemed to bring out more tensions. Fighting with Laura didn’t do much good, either. Neither idea would do what he needed it to do; it would fix nothing. But, it occurred to Stefan, something had to be drawn out of the picture to save what was left. Either Helena, or Laura - someone or something had to be taken out of this new battle in the Cassadine-Spencer war. He just didn’t know what.
And, then, with a sudden revelation, it occurred to Stefan exactly what he needed to
take out of the picture - himself..
He should leave Port Charles.
Redemption
Chapter 3
Once Stefan came to that conclusion, that he should leave, it became clear to him that this might be the solution he had been searching for all along. Beyond anything he had ever wanted for himself, the one selfless thing he had always wanted, was to protect him family - Laura, Nikolas, and on most occasions, Alexis. He had assumed that the best thing to protect Laura from was Luke. And, as for Helena; Stefan could keep her well occupied.
But, if he left... Helena would not stay in the area, even if everyone else remained. She’d want to eliminate her son, first, in order to keep him from investigating where she could not guard. His mother would be forced to follow him. This would allow him to draw her out and keep her occupied somewhere else, away from those in Port Charles. Perhaps he could even destroy her. And, with his mother dead, and Stefan at least an ocean away, maybe the feud could lose it’s point and die away - and free them all.
Laura would never have to choose again between her husband and her first-born son. Nikolas could always come first in her life, where he belonged, with her other children. The ghost of her relationship with Stefan on the island would never again haunt her, simply because the only reminder of it would be removed from the premises.
Nikolas wouldn’t have to keep pushing himself away from the family feud, because there wouldn’t be one. He could enjoy his life, and forget all about Helena’s threat. And, Alexis would be free to do whatever she wanted. Stefan knew she had always prized her freedom above everything; her freedom from the Cassadine shackles, usually.
It honestly seemed to be the best solution. It wasn’t as if Stefan had any pressing engagements in PC, anyhow. He didn’t need to be there, not now. Nobody wanted him there. And, perhaps, it was best to, for once, simply walk away. Before anything was destroyed.
Quickly, the conclusion became a resolution. Stefan’s mind was finally set upon this plan. He only wished, now, that he could get it accomplished much quicker than was actually possible. For, even though he was certain nobody really needed to say anything else to him, he wanted the opportunity to speak on his own behalf.
But, who should he speak to first? And, who would listen to him, anyhow?
Luckily, Stefan didn’t have to make a decision just yet, for his sleek black phone suddenly began to ring off of the hook. Stefan picked it up, hoping against hope that Laura had finally come to her senses.
“Hello?”
“Stefan,” it was not his lover, but his little sister. Stefan was not disappointed, exactly. Still, a part of him feverishly wished that Laura would return to him. Oh well; he had to talk to Alexis, anyhow.
“Yes, Alexis?” despite the fact that he wasn’t completely upset, there was a certain
note of sadness in his voice - which his sister picked up on.
Alexis paused. “Are you okay?”
“Just tired.” came the response.
Alexis seemed satisfied with that answer. “Well, I just called to tell you that I think Helena is on the prowl.”
“Again?”
“She was talking to Chloe, again. And, this time, I saw her with Lucky. I think she’s starting to cover her bases. I can’t believe I’m actually starting to suggest this, but whatever your plan in regarding Helena? I think you should step it up.”
Stefan cleared his throat. “Um, actually, I think I might have a new idea. One that should, with any luck, distance Helena from everyone in Port Charles.”
“What is that?”
Well, it was time to drop the bomb. “I’m going to leave Port Charles.”
His admission was followed by a moment of what seemed to be stunned silence. Stefan was surprised by this; he couldn’t possibly mean that much to Alexis. Curious, he waited for her to respond. And, finally, she did. “You mean, like, on a vacation?”
“Not quite.”
“But, why?”
His answer was simple. “It’s a solution.”
“It’s not a good solution.” she paused. “Never mind - I’ll be there in a minute.”
And, before Stefan could mutter even a word of protest, Alexis disconnected. He was left silent, holding the still buzzing phone in one hand. Quietly, he slipped the phone back into it’s cradle, and settled back into his chair.
He knew he didn’t want to see her, not right now - but he didn’t know quite what else to do. Besides, part of him knew he’d need to talk to her eventually, anyhow. He might as well get it over with.
And, so, he waited.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Alexis arrived at Wyndemere in record time. She entered the study practically running, and almost skidded on the carpet.
Stefan turned his chair to see her, and for the first time in literally weeks, he laughed. “I am not leaving yet.”
She caught her breath. “I know, I know. But, there’s supposed to be a storm coming in this afternoon, and I didn’t wish to be stuck here in the middle of that kind of weather.”
“Okay.” he paused, and regained his serious focus. “What do you want to tell me?”
She paused, and took a seat. “I want to ask again. Why do you want to leave?”
“I read a book once. And, in it, the author wrote ‘So, I am removing myself, and perhaps it will lose it’s point.’.”
Alexis seemed confused by the quote. “Forgive me, Stefan, I don’t quite understand.”
“I have the feeling that, if I depart, Helena will find a need to follow me. She will want to keep close watch on me, because she doesn’t want me to look where she can’t guard herself. If I can draw her out, and take us both out of the picture, then the feud could die away, or lose it’s point...”
“And, free Laura.” Alexis spoke slowly, grasping one result of this plan.
Stefan looked at her, obvious surprise marked in his eyes. “And, Nikolas.” He amended, softer. “But, it probably does release Laura first - she would no longer have impossible choices between her son and her husband.”
Alexis did notice how he stiffened on the word ‘husband’. She knew it hurt him to understand that Laura had returned to Luke, and this time, it seemed, for good. She wished she could help him from that angle, but she did not know how to comfort him on that level.
She decided to keep going, and paused to put together her strategy. His plan actually looked full-proof, but she could still argue against it.
Finally, she spoke again. “Don’t you worry that someone might protest against this idea?”
He almost laughed, but his eyes remained undeniably dark. It was almost painful to
look at. “Who? Laura and Nikolas obviously don’t want any part in my life. And, as for
everyone else...I think the doctors at GH are threatening an insurrection.”
Alexis’s voice came out slightly softer, as if unsure how he would react. “I might protest.”
Stefan had to pause. He was stunned by her reaction. He couldn’t believe she really meant it. Alexis almost saw the confused hesitation, but he covered it before she could question.. “I would miss you, too.” he answered. “But, certainly you’d be more free if I left, too.”
She answered with a half-smile. “Stefan, if I ever wanted to be free, believe me, I would’ve ditched you a long time ago.”
He really laughed this time. “Well, thank you for that vote of confidence in my abilities, Alexis.” he relaxed once more, although that would be a brief reprieve.
She turned serious, again, her voice edged with concern. “How do you even know this will work?”
He lost his smile, and answered honestly. “I don’t really know. But, from what I know of my mother’s patterns, it seems as if it should work. She would want to eliminate me, before I could create any damage. But, she would have to follow me - and I think I could defeat her.”
Alexis thought, for a brief moment, that she might’ve found a loophole. “Then, you’re not certain?”
Her triumph was short-lived. “With Helena, I’m never certain. But, this seems the safest bet.”
Alexis was silent. She logically understood that he wasn’t thinking straight; that there was more on his mind then he let on. Stefan’s decision had not only come from a desire to get rid of Helena, but also to get himself away from Laura Spencer. Laura had hurt him, almost beyond repair. Alexis knew all of this. She could hear the pain in his voice, but beyond that, the resolution. And, she was slowly starting to learn that she, alone, could not demolish this resolution. She had no way to break it.
She sighed, and tried one more effort . “Is there nothing I can say to make you reconsider?”
He shook his head, and would not meet her eyes. “I don’t think so.”
“Is there anything Laura could say?”
The response was a rueful smile; more a reflex than anything else. There was no warmth in it, not even the slightest flicker. He wouldn’t look at her anymore. “Yes, but I doubt she would ever say it.”
She gave him a moment of respectful silence, and then spoke. “I suppose I should give up.”
“That would be the ideal.” he agreed, looking up again.
Alexis noted that he still would not look directly at her. But, she said nothing. Instead, she glanced at her watch. “I have a date. But, promise me you won’t leave until I’ve had a chance to come up with a rebuttal?”
He laughed, again, but she noted that his smile did not reach his eyes. “I promise.”
She stood, and hugged him. She couldn’t let him just stay there. “Please, don’t make any more rash decisions, either.”
He only nodded, and let himself be hugged. His smile had disappeared, once more. He watched silently as she hesitated, and then walked out the door. He was alone again.
Stefan waited until he was certain she was gone. And, then he sat back in his chair,
and reflected for a moment. He tried to find some problems within his ultimate plan; some difficult yet unseen. But, his resolution remained set.
It made the most sense, from all sides, to leave. He’d already been through it. Only one thing could keep him - and she would not keep him. She might haunt him at night, but in the daylight she would never keep him.
And, with that last thought lingering in his mind, Stefan went to go have dinner.
Redemption
Chapter4
Alexis made it to her date in record time, but Ned Ashton was still waiting for her at the PC Grill. She made it to her seat, her hair tumbling out of the makeshift braid it had once been in, and offered her lover an embarrassed smile.
“Sorry I’m late.”
He leaned across the table, and kissed her parted lips. His eyes were lit, but she could not give him the attention he deserved. “You’re worth waiting for.” he paused,leaning back into his chair, and appraised her up and down. He saw the distance in her amber eyes, and pounced upon them. “Did something happen?”
She sighed, and took a sip from her water glass. Her eyes grew serious once more. “I promise you, Ned. You don’t want to know.”
He wouldn’t let it go. “If it’s troubling you, Alexis, then I want to know.” He responded, the concern in his voice growing.
Alexis looked up, and into his kind brown eyes. And, she instantly knew she loved him too much to keep any truth from him. “It’s my brother.”
Ned refrained from sighing just yet. Perhaps there was a problem there that he couldn’t see - perhaps Stefan Cassadine was dead, for example. “What about him?”
“He’s leaving town.”
Ned frowned, but didn’t know quite what to say about that. Was he supposed to be upset by that prospect? He could only worry about why this was affecting her. “Alexis,”
She interrupted him. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
He shook his head, letting her see his understanding. He wanted her to see it. “No. I just don’t understand why you let him bother you. I don’t understand what he does to you, and why you keep going back to him.”
They’d had this argument often enough, over the years. But, Alexis was willing to go over it a thousand times, if she could make him understand why she stayed connected to a brother that seemed to hold little but contempt towards her. “He’s my brother.” she answered.
“So?” Ned responded, ready to defend her. “He treats you like dirt, unless he wants something from you. All family ties are broken by that.”
She had an answer to that. And, he had to, at least, let her get to her point. “But, he wasn’t always like that.” she explained. “When I was younger, on that island fortress, he was my protector. I know he cared a great deal for me. When I came back, he was different. A lot of things have happened to him over the years, and that’s why he does the things he does. I know it’s not a good reason, but it is one. And, now I’m worried that what took him to being the person who he is now may get him killed.”
Ned decided not to argue against her, at the moment. “Why is that?”
“He’s going to leave town. He’s come up with this idea that he can leave. That this will draw Helena out of Port Charles, and he can kill her.” she answered, her tone calmer.
He shrugged, not quite seeing the problem. “I have no qualms with your brother killing Helena.”
“Neither do I.” she responded. “But, Helena could kill him quite easily with this plan. I just don’t think he cares any more. And, that scares me.”
“Why? Stefan is an adult, Alexis. He knows his choices.” Ned still couldn’t see what his fiance’ was trying to get at. “Why does it scare you, Alexis?”
“Because he’s my older brother! But, he’s no longer in control.” she paused. She calmed herself, but the strength in her voice remained. “He’s lost so much this year, between Nikolas and Laura. When Laura left the island that first time, he retreated into a shell that I didn’t know. But, they were back together... and he was starting to become the brother I used to know. He lost her again, and now he’s losing himself.”
She took another breath, and struggled to stay calm. “He was my only family. When we were little, my happiness was more important to him than his own. Now, I have you, and my life is perfect. But, I cannot bear to see his shattering.” she stopped, and took another sip from her water glass.
From across the table, Ned could hear her take a trembling breath. He had to watch her; she was so strong and yet vulnerable. He still did not understand why she clung to her brother the way she did, not after all of the pain he knew Stefan had caused her. But, he knew that he would have no luck turning her away from him - that Alexis was going to continue trying to keep her brother in Port Charles. Ned could no longer argue with her; he wished to cause her no more pain.
He took her hand, and squeezed it tightly, hoping to comfort and calm her with it. He offered her an adorable smile. “You know, this was not supposed to be what our date was about.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be. This is important to you. I still don’t condone it, but I understand it’s important to you, so I won’t try to turn you away from it.”
She smiled at that. “Thank you.”
“Perhaps you’d like to join me at my home, away from the crowd, where we could be alone?” his eyes were suggestive, his smile still warm.
She hesitated, but Ned already saw the answer in those perfect eyes. “I don’t
know...”
“We can be alone for one night, and you can leave all problems regarding you dysfunctional family until morning. You won’t be able to fix anything tonight, anyhow.” he continued, warmly.
Finally, she nodded. “All right.” she said slowly, slightly uncertain still but growing to
the idea.
He stood, a gentleman, and offered her his hand. Graciously, she excepted it. Together, they left the PC Grill. As Alexis followed him out the door and to his home, she warmed to the suggestion. She wanted to be with him. She knew she loved him forever.
Once inside, he took her into his arms. And, as she started to lose herself in his embrace, she silently promised herself to fix her problems with Stefan tomorrow.
And, happily, she succumbed to her lover.
Redemption
Chapter 5
Late night fell. And, Stefan, lying alone in his empty bed, was a prisoner of his memories. She haunted his dreams - his Lasha. He saw her grow in front of him, everyday they had ever spent together relived in his mind’s eye.
He could see her as he had that first night on the island, strong and free. Her hair lifted about her, held by the wind off of the water; her eyes large and hopeful, such a wild blue - the color of the sky over a tropical jungle. Her eyes had always told him everything that he needed to know. She had seen him, and she had trusted him to hide her from Stavros. And, he had obeyed, already a servant to her beauty.
Images continued to flicker through his mind; a movie on auto pilot. He was powerless to stop them. And, yet, despite his pain, there was something in him that didn’t want to stop them. That kept the finger on the play button, so to speak.
He remembered her when she had told him she was pregnant with Nikolas. How brilliant her eyes had been, already beautiful with the glow of a pregnant woman. They were pure liquid, spreading joy wherever she went - such golden light had sparkled from those sea blue depths! A thrill of exhilaration had run through him; unknown and yet delightful. He had loved her more that day than ever before, but he never spoke it. He hadn’t know her feelings for him; had only hoped for his dreams to be fulfilled. She had told him that she was going to have someone that she could love forever, and he had been warmed by that prospect; that there would be a Cassadine that she would always love.
He recalled her the day she had discovered that Luke was still alive. Her eyes had shown him her conflict; should she see him or stay with her son? His first thought had been of the child, but he could never have denied her happiness - so he told her that he would protect Nikolas, with the promise that she would return to them. The promise had been broken. He had protected Nikolas, but she had never returned.
And, Stefan supposed that might’ve been what had killed his spirit. The idea that he had loved her, but she refused to return to him. A knife through his spine would have been far less threatening. And, after that betrayal, he had never been the same. He had only been his old self around Nikolas, and even that hadn’t been complete. He wasn’t capable of being complete without her.
The tables had only turned when he came to Port Charles. So many things had happened between them in his four years in town; they were almost too numerous to mention.
But, with startling detail, he did recall their first kiss, and their first date - to Carmen, no less. The first time she had told him ‘I love you’, after he had learned that Nikolas was not his son and had been so fragile, he would’ve seriously killed himself had she not been there. The first time they had made love, back in Port Charles. In those instances, she had looked over him with complete compassion. He had always been consumed by her beauty. But this idea, requited love, was a new thing. The light in her eyes; the beauty in her voice and the charm in her being - they had overpowered him. And, he had experienced all of it with great pleasure.
Then came the betrayal - or what she thought was a betrayal. When Laura had turned to him, after he had come to tell her all that he knew about Lucky, and slapped him across the face. The ice in her had begun to form. The memory of it all still stung him, as though she was still there. And, then, the idea that she could allow Luke to lock him in a closet, even though Stefan, himself, was unarmed...these thing had shattered him.
Every time he saw her, he felt his heart break again. Finally, he had simply built a wall. He would not allow her to hurt him; he refused to feel any pain. And, sometimes he succeeded.
But, mostly, he didn’t.
He was leaving. The only thing that had kept him there, right after the betrayal started, was Nikolas. But, now Stefan was certain Nikolas was happy being an independent adult and did not need his father nearby, nor did he want him there.
So, now, the only thing that would keep him there was if Laura told him that she loved him, again, despite all odds - as true love was supposed to be. After all, Laura had loved Luke Spencer after he had raped her, and that was an unspeakable act. Surely, if her love for him had been as real as his love for her, then she would have at least really thought about all that had happened before she executed him. She would still love him.
But, even if she did, she would not say it. He knew it. He did not understand why she refused to believe in him, but she didn’t. And, Stefan would have to learn to accept that - it would be easier, at least, if he would not be around her. Besides, if everything did work out, then Helena could be vanquished, and he could free her - as a final act of devotion.
If his mind had not been set beforehand, now it was certain. As far as he could tell, this was the only way. It was the only way to save them all, and hurt the minimal amount of people.
That idea echoed hollow through his mind, as the last memory of his Lasha faded into darkness. It brought him little peace, but it was the only real thing that he could grasp. And, although he was uncertain, it was the only thing he had to believe in. So, he made himself believe in it.
And, finally, he succumbed to a deep and yet unsatisfying slumber.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In Port Charles, another denizen was having a restless sleep. Only this time, it was Laura Spencer.
No matter what she tried, she could not sleep. Leslie Lu was slumbering down the hall, safely enclosed under a thin summer quilt. All the windows and doors were locked, and Laura knew she was physically safe, too. She was tucked underneath her comforter; her pillow was fluffed and her sheets were cool. She was safe and protected from all outside predators.
But, she was not safe from her nightmares. And, those were what kept her tossing and turning.
She was rejected. Lucky wanted no part in her life, because she had condoned all of Luke’s actions. Luke had moved on to a better gamble with the younger, and evidentially prettier, Felecia. And, the one man who might have still wanted her, Stefan, had been the one she had rejected, and was out of her life.
The poor woman had never felt so alone in her life.
Her mind lingered on Stefan; the cold way he turned from her, now. Even if she could forgive him for what he had done to her son, she could not touch that darkness that seemed to envelop her ex-lover. When he spoke to her, his voice was cold and clipped; he seemed to hate her as much as he hated the rest of the Spencer clan. And, his eyes, which had once been pure gold to her, shot her frozen glares. He had no right to hate her - he had kidnapped her son. And, yet, the thought that he actually hated her still sent shivers down her spine.
Best to think of Luke and Lucky, and the future that might be there, than examine memories of a time with a man that she refused to love!
Then again, Luke didn’t want her back. That was clear. She could not get back what she’d had with Luke, for he preferred to play with Felecia. And, Luke was an adult. She couldn’t make him come back to her, not at this second, anyhow. The only thing left that she could do was focus on Lucky, whom she refused to give up on.
But something tugged at the back of her mind when she thought of all of her recent encounters with Lucky. Something that had to do with Stefan. Slowly, tiredly, Laura let it come to her. And, that was when it hit her.
Every single time she had met up with Lucky, he had talked of being held captive. He had talked of Faison capturing him, and Helena saving him, in that order. It occurred to Laura, curled up tightly under her quilt, that Lucky had never once mentioned Stefan. Right or wrong, good or bad, kidnapped or saved - Lucky had never said a word either way.
Why hadn’t he? He had spoken of Faison in enough detail. Why not his other captors? Or, if Stefan had brainwashed her son, as Helena seemingly had, then why hadn’t he spoken of Stefan as his savior? Why hadn’t he said anything?
Certainly, it wasn’t that Lucky had any great affection towards Stefan. And, obviously he wasn’t trying to make his mother feel better, even if he knew that she had dated Stefan for awhile. Laura just couldn’t figure it out.
Then, a possible reason occurred to her dulled mind. Perhaps Lucky wanted to protect Nikolas, and knew that he had to protect Nikolas’s father in order to do so. And, that was why he never mentioned Stefan - in hopes of not hurting Nikolas.
Laura was satisfied with that answer. But, she was not happy with her life.
She moved her arms across the bed, and touched nothing. There was nobody there; nobody to hold her tightly and tell her it would be okay. Nobody to kiss away her tears when she thought about Lucky, or keep her safe from any predator.
Laura Vining Baldwin Spencer Cassadine Spencer was, finally, for once in her life, alone.
And, as that thought rang through her, her shoulders started to shiver.
She wept silently.
Index