Chapter 6
Stefan awoke the next morning, making sure he thought of nothing and nobody. He had to get through the day, and he would not get through it if he was plagued with thoughts of his Lasha. So, he ignored it all and set off to work.
He kept to himself at GH, never looking up and staying out of everyone’s way. He filed paperwork, so that things would be organized for whomever became his successor. He would not give two weeks’s notice; as a matter of fact, he wasn’t planning on telling anyone else he was even leaving, save Laura and Nikolas. Let them discover it on their own accord, and deal with it as they wished. Personally, Stefan didn’t want to deal with it one way or the other.
But, working without being even slightly connected to his work did have it’s advantages. Stefan was out of his office by late afternoon. But, he had nowhere to go. He found himself of the waterfront moments later, rethinking his decision, eyes watching the water.
His resolution was complete. He knew it; there was no way that he was going to change it. And, yet, something still felt unsettled.
Finally, it occurred to him. He had thought he’d simply leave Laura with a curt word of goodbye, as he was certain she would leave him. But, it was now clear to him that he had too much to say to her. And, if this was to be the last time he ever saw her, then he would prefer to tell her all that was in him.
With darkened thoughts, and a heavy heart, he flipped out his cell phone and dialed her number.
Laura answered after two rings. “Hello?”
Stefan hesitated. “Laura,” he got out, surprised it hadn’t gotten stuck in his throat. His voice seemed to echo back to him, faltering and altogether lost. Still, he continued.
There was a pause, like a second of breath in cold winter air, where you briefly saw the ice crystals form and then fall away, the cold lingering in the air. “What is it?” she spoke rudely, shortly, with an obvious desire to be anywhere but on the phone. His
heart was pierced by the ice in her voice. It was as effective as arrows shot by Robin Hood.
He bravely forged onward, unable to stop himself. Maybe he had a death wish. “Would you meet me on the docks?” his voice was still uncertain, but beginning to border on certainty. He had to see her.
“Why?” she was instantly suspicious. “You don’t have any news about my son, do you?”
How like her. Stefan’s emotions were starting to become more apparent in his mind. But, he ignored them and continued, politely. “I have no news on Lucky.”
“Then, why in the world do you want me to meet you?” her voice was bordering on anger, but there was still ice in it. It was an odd tone, filled with undertones of emotion.
Stefan let his emotions get the better of him. “I’d like you to show me that, for once in your life, you could meet me without knowing the reason beforehand.” he almost snapped at her. Then, he took a slow breath, calming. He closed his eyes, briefly. “Please,” he added.
She considered; he would never know why. But, something made her agree. “All right. I’ll be there in a moment.” and she hung up, without a word of goodbye.
Stefan sighed, and slipped the phone back in his pocket. She was killing him; all of this cold hatred. He still prayed she would love him, but he knew his prayers would not be answered. Still, he had to see her one last time. There was something almost perverse inside him that would not let this go.
So, he awaited her.
Redemption
Chapter 7
Ten minutes later, she was on the docks. She took a seat beside him on the bench, as she had a dozen times in recent months. But, she kept distance between them this time. There was no touch, no warmth. There was nothing, even for old time’s sake. It was as if she carried a wall with her wherever she went, and Stefan was deeply saddened by that.
She looked at him, and he couldn’t help but look at her eyes. Pure blue ice, and yet they still shone. She was still gorgeous. She was so beautiful; he just wanted to touch that beauty. His heart ached to touch it; to simply let a finger slide over her ivory cheek and skim across those golden strands. He could recall the warmth of her skin under his caresses; the silk of her hair over his fingers. The feel of her lips on his own; that captivating touch that fed the masses. But, he pushed those memories aside. He could not deal with them right now. He knew he would never touch her again; she might as well have been a mirage. He would have to learn to live with that, just as he would have to learn to live with every broken promise, and every shattered dream.
If she saw the reminiscence in his eyes, she ignored it. “Well, what is it?”
He answered, slowly, as if it pained him to speak. “You’re rather impatient.”
She shook her head, her new blonde ringlets falling away from there summer ponytail. She seemed to be not in the mood for any of this. “I came here on good faith, Stefan. I expect you have something to say to me.”
He appraised her, up and down, hoping to find... something. But, the fire in her heart would not melt the ice in her eyes, and he saw nothing. “You have no desire to be here, do you?”
“None at all.” she agreed, without dispute.
He smiled, mirthlessly, as his eyes slid to the waters of the lake. “It’s ironic.” he said, not exactly to her. “When we came here, Nikolas and I were united that we would hate you. Now, it is you and Nikolas who hate me.” he sounded slightly lost by that. “Things change.” he sighed.
She was startled, despite her best efforts. Her displeasure fell away. What had he meant when he mentioned Nikolas? “Nikolas?” she asked, not quite looking at him.
He looked back at her, his eyes reflecting nothing. There was such darkness in them; Laura began to believe she had only imagined that light she had once seen. “Oh, hasn’t he told you? Our son has followed in your footsteps, Laura. He refuses to have anything to do with me. He takes everything about his family as if it is nothing more than official duty.”
Laura couldn’t respond to that very well. No matter how much she believed she hated him, she still didn’t want to see him completely alone. “You’re his father.” she offered.
“No, Laura. Listen to him when he talks. I’m his uncle.” he sounded condemned, as if nothing could lift him from this. Nikolas was a major loss for him - the boy had always been his son, even if he had never really been his father.
She decided to change subjects before she began to actually feel sorry for him. “Why have you asked me here? Did you have a reason?”
He looked up at that, and again his eyes frightened her; those black voids. “Yes. I have a plan to get rid of Helena.” his voice held no emotion, again.
“How?”
“I am planning on drawing her out of Port Charles, and controlling her from there. Perhaps even vanquishing her, since she won’t have a cover.”
“But, how would you draw her out?”
He took a breath, curious how she would respond. “I am going to leave Port Charles, first.”
Redemption
Chapter 8
Laura didn’t respond right away to his suggestion of leaving Port Charles. She just stared. Stefan wasn’t quite sure upon which way he should take it. On one hand, she wasn’t jumping up and down for joy, which was a good sign. But, she also wasn’t on her hands and knees, begging him to say. So, he simply waited for her to speak.
Finally, she did. “I don’t understand.”
“Basically, I would leave. My mother would worry that I could get something on her, since she couldn’t keep watch. She would follow me, away from Port Charles. And, away from that cover that Port Charles provides, I might finally be able to defeat her.” he answered, patiently, trying to remain unattached. He could not let his emotions ring true in his voice; he could not let her hear his pain.
“So, you would come back?”
“I wasn’t planning on it.” he answered, slowly.
Again, there was that pause. He didn’t understand it. Why would she care at all? Finally, she spoke. “Why have you come up with this idea so suddenly, and not before?”
“I used to have something that kept me here. But, now that I don’t... I can do this.”
“But, why are you doing this now?”
“So many people have been hurt by her over the years. I just want to keep her away from Alexis and Nikolas.”
She paused. “Then, why are you telling me?”
“I want you to be there for Nikolas, in case I cannot be.”
“Of course.” she answered. “He’s my son; I will always be around if he needs me. But, that was decided long ago. Why else are you telling me, Stefan.”
He cleared his throat, and tried to answer her simply. He would not look into her eyes. ”Forgive me if I might sound slightly egotistical; I’m sorry. But, I believe that I could free you. You won’t have to choose any more between your son and...your husband.” he seemed to have trouble on the word ‘husband’ and her heart almost went out to him - almost. But, she wouldn’t allow it.
Laura was just too stunned. She couldn’t say anything.
Stefan waited through the awkward pause, and then glanced at his watch. “Well, I have things to organize at home... my travel plans, my luggage. I should go.” he stood, took her hand, and kissed it softly. It still touched her like nothing ever had in her life. “I hope you are glad to be informed.”
As he moved to leave, he paused before her, his eyes searching her. He seemed prone to take her back in his arms, where she fit perfectly, and caress her with kisses. And, if he had, Laura was not in the mind at the moment, too confused by his sudden change in plans, to stop him.
But, instead, he shook his head, very softly, and walked away. He left her alone. And, she could not move, staring at Wyndemere with quiet wonder.
She was lost by what he had told her. He was leaving? He was going to leave Nikolas and herself behind, to vanquish Helena. He was going to risk life and limb... to free her?
Confused, she tried to grope through how this would free her. But, he was right; it would. Besides Stefan, Helena had always been the deciding factor between whether she spent time with Nikolas or Luke. Luke could never believe Nikolas was innocent; he was a Cassadine, after all. But, with Stefan gone and Helena at least cornered, Luke would have nothing to argue with. She would be free.
It seemed like a good thing, from that side. But, Laura knew of another side to it. And, that was the idea that Stefan could get himself killed by this act. Sure, it was for the greater good, she supposed. But, she did not want Nikolas’s father to martyr himself.
And, there was something else. Laura stayed glued to that bench, the sun setting in front of her, allowing it to come to her. It finally did; a quiet revelation that shocked her just the same.
She still loved him. Or, at least that was what her innermost being told her. That the reason any of this effected her was because a part of her still cared for him, and always would.
Laura quickly dismissed the idea as trivial. She couldn’t love him; he didn’t deserve her affection. He was a cruel, calculating, cold Cassadine, just like the rest of them. He had stolen her son and lied to her, letting her believe that her little boy was dead. She couldn’t love a man like that - she wouldn’t. All she felt was the pity she would feel for any person who had lost everything.
She stood, and stepped away from the bench, mind focused on her new belief of what she’d had with Stefan Cassadine. And, with head held almost triumphantly high, she walked away.
It never occurred to her to wonder why she kept having to make excuses for her feelings.
Redemption
Chapter 9
Stefan walked through Wyndemere, ignoring the chilling emptiness of the mansion. Or, at least trying to ignore it - it tended to center itself inside of his mind, no matter what he tried. Once he was out of Port Charles, he was going to buy himself a little house, somewhere out in the country. Where the walls wouldn’t echo unattainable or insubstantial dreams. Where he could hide from the memories of what had been, and what could never be.
But, he couldn’t hide from them right now. Instead, he quickened his pace to his bedroom, and launched himself into packing luggage; anything to escape the thoughts that might plague him. Any menial task to keep him away of thoughts of his son - or, of course, Laura Spencer.
Almost frantically, although trying to control it all, he shut the door of his room, in the hopes of maybe protecting himself. He opened his dresser drawers, and began to systematically empty them into the suitcase perched atop his bed. After a few minutes, his hand became used to touching the soft cloth of bundled shirts and socks. It was almost soothing in a way, because it was all so mundane. He was finally able to push all those haunting thoughts towards the back of his mind; to settle into the routine. The next time he reached into the drawer came with less effort. Imagine his surprise when his hand knocked upon a hard little object, nestled in with the laundry, hidden from view.
The frown on his lips deepened as he pulled out the tiny object. It was an exquisite rose colored box, covered in velvet. Tiny and solid, but still soft to the touch. With slow movements and held breath, Stefan undid the clasp and gently opened the little box. And, when he saw what was in the box, he paled, from either the dreams or the memories, and had to take a seat on the bed.
Laying nestled amid waves of peach colored silk was a flawless gold ring; a solitary diamond set at the front. It was a gorgeous diamond engagement ring that would grace any woman’s hand with ease. It was completely alien to such surroundings as Wyndemere; it was far too romantic for such a dismal setting.
But, it would have looked absolutely perfect on a certain woman’s hand. Stefan had known this when he had bought it for her.
Yes, it was the ring he had bought for his Lasha, around the same time the new house was being built. He’d had such notions then! He smiled wistfully at the thought, as he semiconsciously lifted the ring from the box, and rolled the slender ring around in his fingers. After his conversation with Laura, when he had explained the idea of the house to her, his heart had brimmed with hope for a future with her - he was the closest he’d ever been. He had known she would’ve probably declined right then and there, but had believed that if he gave her enough time, she would follow him willingly. And, while doing business in Europe, he had been struck by the ring sitting in the window display of a London jewelry store - it was simple, and yet it’s beauty somehow made it incomparable. He hadn’t been able to just leave it there.
He had been planning on waiting long enough, until he was certain she would understand his actions. When he was positive that she returned his love, and cared about him as deeply as he cared for her. And, then, he would’ve given it to her. It wasn’t any Cassadine heirloom that looked pretty but had little meaning, considering how much he despised his family. Instead, although it had no history, it was a symbol of his love for her - unending. And, yes, he knew it was hopelessly romantic, clichéd and old-fashioned. But, the ring had still meant that to him. He had hoped it would signify to Laura a new beginning for them all.
But, of course, now Laura was never going to see that ring. It was nothing more than an expensive piece of junk, worth less than tinfoil. Stefan could not bear to look at it, simply because he knew Laura would never look at it. He knew she wouldn’t want it, just as she had denied him any recent apologies or explanations. And, it bothered him more than ever that she was unattainable, and that he still wanted her. He was hopelessly in the clutches of a woman who obviously couldn’t care less.
After a moment of trying to turn away from the hopeless glitter of the ring, It came to him that perhaps the only way to free himself from her grasp was to free himself from those stupid, childish dreams. And, those dreams were symbolized by the ring he held in his hands. The engagement ring, never given and never used, was key.
He quickly placed the ring back into the box, and did the clasp. He walked outside, the jewel box safely concealed in his palm. He clutched it so tightly; it made a mark on his hand. But, he would not let his hand relax, for fear it would drop. In silence, he walked all the way to the water’s edge. He looked up at the sky briefly, as if questioning some unknown god overhead - was this right? Still questioning, he turned to the calm blue waters for a moment, as if trying to see something in them. Finally, he shook his head, seeing nothing. He looked up, and launched his arm, ready to throw the tiny box into the lake and never see it again.
But, when the time came to release it, he could not let it go. If the ring were symbolic of all of his hopes for the future, then Stefan Cassadine could not simply throw those hopes away. Something in him kept him grounded in the same place - he couldn’t go forward without her. And, there was no way to go back. He was sentenced, it would seem, to never be happy.
As Stefan placed the box into his trouser pocket, his back to the water, he decided he should at least resign himself to his fate.
With that thought, he moved back towards his home.
Redemption
Chapter 10
This week, it seemed, insomnia was visiting many people in Port Charles. The night before, both Stefan Cassadine and Laura Spencer had slept restlessly - partners in sleeplessness, if not in love.
Tonight, the spirit was visiting the hotel room of Miss Alexis Davis.
Alexis tossed once more under her bed covers, and glanced at the alarm clock lying by her bed. It was 2:15 in the morning, and she had yet to sleep. Her bed felt empty; Ned was in Chicago for a business meeting. She couldn’t exactly call him over. And, the bed felt terribly large and lonely without him beside her.
And, like it or not, her mind continued to dwell on the problem she was having with her brother. It was her dilemma of the week.
Logically, Alexis knew that her brother was a capable adult. She couldn’t make him stay in Port Charles if he was determined to leave. And, a part of her knew she shouldn’t keep him. Hell, a few months ago, she would’ve packed his bags for him. Something between them had changed since then, though - probably when he had trusted her enough to tell her the secret about Lucky. Now, she didn’t want him to leave.
More than that, she was worried about his motives for leaving. She knew Helena; The Black Widow (as Luke Spencer so eloquently put it) was definitely near the top of the list. The thought of destroying the woman who had destroyed his chances for happiness had topped his list for quite a few months, now. But, this was the first time he would put himself at serious risk to rid the world of Helena.
Port Charles wasn’t just a cover for Helena, although it fulfilled that role rather nicely with the PCPD continually botching up any charges against her. It was also a cover for Stefan. His position at GH meant that nobody would hurt him. And, if anyone tried, he had always been protected by Laura, Nikolas or his own little sister.
If he left, he would lose all of that - while Helena still had leverage everywhere else. He could seriously get himself killed. The Stefan of a few months ago would never have ran himself into a such a risk.
But, now Stefan would. And, Alexis let the blame fall squarely on Laura Spencer’s shoulders.
Alexis had never liked Laura. She didn’t like the fact that the woman had abandoned Alexis’s nephew, Nikolas, and left him on an island inhabited by Helena. And, then she didn’t like the idea that her brother, whom she had idolized when she was a little girl, continually sacrificed himself on the altar of Laura Spencer. Laura had almost never put Stefan first, even though Stefan had placed her on a pedestal for ages. It was always Luke who came first in those first years; Laura’s husband came before everything. And, now that Stefan had fallen out of favor again, Luke was back in Laura’s mind.
Alexis also didn’t understand Laura. Why the woman was constantly going after Luke Spencer was a point far beyond Alexis’s range of thought. The man had raped her after all; that should have been a crime that could not be forgiven. But, Laura had fallen for her rapist, instead of Alexis’s brother. That was just a point that she couldn’t grasp, despite trying every so often.
Alexis knew that her brother was far from perfect. He could be selfish, cold, calculating... he was a Cassadine, after all, and gifted with these abilities. But, she was certain her brother loved Laura. She understood that, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Stefan Cassadine would forever love Laura Spencer, regardless of what he said or how much he tried to distance himself from loving her. He couldn’t deny his feelings forever. And, his feelings would always lead him back to her, just as they had time and time again.
So, instead he was going to launch himself into ridding the world of Helena. And, risk himself in the process. Alexis didn’t underestimate Helena. If Stefan’s mother felt threatened enough by her son, she would kill him. Alexis knew this. Helena was no ordinary mother, obviously. The only reason she hadn’t killed Stefan yet was because she enjoyed the thrill of the fight, the matching of wits, and plans, and who could get to the other one first; Helena Cassadine was a master competitor as well as a snake and a shark. She didn’t kill her enemies as long as she could continue matching wits with them. This was probably also why Luke Spencer had never felt a bullet from Helena’s gun.
But, Stefan leaving changed all of that. Stefan was right. Helena would follow him. She would also try to kill him. And, certainly, she was masterful enough to be able to kill him. The woman had killed so many these years; Alexis doubted she would even pause to consider it. Once Stefan became too powerful for Helena to control, Helena wouldn’t hesitate to kill him, or at least maim him. Anything to put the man out of commission.
Alexis wanted to protect her brother. She wanted him to stay alive. Despite everything he had done to her, she still loved him. Despite it all, she still wanted to defend him. She just wasn’t sure how to, anymore.
If Stefan was certain this was what he really wanted to do, then there would be no stopping him. Between his son’s rejection and Laura’s, Alexis knew that it was becoming too painful for him to simply walk around town. All of it was killing his soul; everything good in him was being gutted out. Even if he didn’t voice his true reason for leaving to anyone, Alexis knew it for certain. Surely, he would never want to stay.
But, perhaps a part of him did.
Alexis was suddenly struck with a thought. Stefan was stuck. He wanted Laura, although she was unattainable. And, Alexis was sure a part of him still wanted to be near her, despite his pain - just to be near her. He was like a moth attracted to the flame, regardless of the burn it caused whenever he flew near it. He would continue to fly near it, or get himself killed somewhere else.
Therefore, the only way off of this path of self-destruction was Laura. If the Spencer angel told Stefan that she truly did love him, despite anything, but because of everything, then Alexis was certain it would change everything. Stefan would stay. And, yes, Helena would also stay - but, Alexis, for one, was willing to risk that if it would save her brother. Her brother was most important.
If Laura would take him back, he’d probably stay. And, if he stayed, he could work things out with Nikolas; fix everything and perhaps actually enjoy the last half of his life.
Now, of course, there was no such thing as a real life storybook ending. Jax and Brenda had been a prince with his princess, until his princess had died. Lois and Ned had once been THE item in Port Charles. And, Luke and Laura had once been the ultimate fairy tale ending. None of those had lasted. But, even if Stefan only had a chance to continue his life with his beloved, she knew he would still take it.
Perhaps all Alexis had to do to keep her brother from leaving was convince Laura that she still loved him, too.
That was certainly the only resolution Alexis could make at the moment, anyhow. It wasn’t as if she had tons of options.
Throwing herself back on the bed, Alexis decided she would visit Laura Spencer the next day.
And, with that thought, she was finally able to sleep.
Index