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WOW Episode #26F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' table.
McLane: Welcome to another edition of "WOW - Women of Wrestling"! And fans, have we got a treat for you today. You've heard of March Madness? Well, it's coming to wrestling. Today, you're going to see the quarterfinals of the WOW Intercontinental Title Tournament, in their entirety. Get out your brackets, because here's where we stand.
Intercontinental Title Tournament Brackets
Marshall: Well, David, this week we'll see Jungle Grrrl, Ice Cold, Caliente,
and Lotus jump into the fray, all wanting that Intercontinental belt. They all
received byes in the first round. As you no doubt remember, Lotus earned hers
by defeating her tag team partner Jade in a singles match.
McLane: Jade didn't seem the least bit happy about that development,
Lee. And after the humiliation Jane Blond dished out to her last week, she must
be... well, despondent, for lack of a better word. After finishing Jade off
with a sleeperhold, Jane dumped Jade's unconscious body into her grandmother's
lap! She just showed no respect for Jade as an opponent.
Marshall: I'm a little worried about Jade, to be honest. Even a few weeks
ago, she seemed dissatisfied with how her career was going. So how must she
feel now, after all this?
McLane: Well, Lee, I certainly hope she decides to stay in WOW, because
she is one of our high flyers and most athletic workers. And the fans have definitely
always been behind her. But ultimately, she has to make the decision for herself
as to whether she wants to be part of WOW or not.
Marshall: In any event, she will not be the first WOW Intercontinental
Title holder, after that loss to Jane. Her partner Lotus is still in the hunt,
though, and our first match today pits Lotus against Jacklyn Hyde.
McLane: As I see it, Lee, this match is Jacklyn's to win or lose. When
she is on her game mentally, Jacklyn's tenacity makes her very, very difficult
to beat. But at other times, Jacklyn just doesn't feel much like fighting. And
we simply don't know which Jacklyn will show up tonight, or any night.
Lotus makes her entrance, smiling and waving to the fans. Jacklyn Hyde then enters, dressed in traditional Asian garb. Her dollie is Asian as well. Jacklyn smiles and waves to the crowd in the same fashion. She hands Lotus a flower of the same name. Lotus, who is somewhere between "puzzled" and "offended", accepts the flower. Jacklyn removes her kimono, revealing a rather normal-looking wrestling outfit (black top, white shorts), rather than her old one-piece.
McLane: Well, Jacklyn seems pretty calm, to be sure ... but we've seen that turn around in a flash before.
McLane: Wow...Jacklyn was in control of that match, but just seemed
to give up at the end!
Marshall: Perhaps Jacklyn felt bad for Lotus, David. After all, Lotus'
only win in WOW is over her own tag team partner, Jade. That would be my guess,
anyway. It's very, very difficult to figure out what Jacklyn is thinking. And
last time you tried to find out, you ended up in a lot of pain!
McLane: Well, that's not going to stop me, Lee... we will talk to Jacklyn
again soon. In fact, I spoke to someone recently who is very nearly as dangerous...
Thug. She had some interesting things to say, so let's roll that if we can.
Cut to pre-taped Thug interview.
McLane: Thug, Selina Majors recently won the three-way bout to determine
the #1 contender. She will be taking on Terri Gold at Spring Vengeance on April
8, with the WOW World Championship at stake. Selina says that Terri cost her
the chance to get back at you and Harley's Angels, and that she will be taking
it out on Terri in that match. How do you feel about your role in this affair?
Thug: Well, McLane... if beating up Terri Gold somehow makes Selina feel
better about losing to me and Harley's Angels time and time again... hell, I'm
all for it. That girl's nuttier than a bar of marzipan right now. So, whatever
makes sense to her. I wouldn't mind seeing Terri take a licking myself. One
of them has to lose, so I'll be happy no matter what. Obviously, Selina has
lost the guts to settle her problems with us face-to-face. Can't hardly blame
her, at that. So our business with her is done. There's one group of lowlifes
that me and Harley's Angels aren't done with, though, and that's Caged Heat.
Especially that new girl, Vendetta. She snuck up on me at WOW: Unleashed and
cost me and my girls the tag team belts. Does she have the guts to take
me on face to face? Or is she gonna hide behind her jailbait friends? If she
has the guts, then she'll take me on in a Hell in a Cell match. If she doesn't
have the guts, then we know where she's going in this federation: nowhere. And
that's all I gotta say about that.
[EnerX commercial]
McLane: Strong words from Thug there, Lee Marshall, as she challenged
Vendetta to a Hell in a Cell match.
Marshall: We'll have to see how Vendetta and Caged Heat feel about that
one, David. If it happens, that should be a heck of a match. Those are two of
WOW's strongest women. It'll be power against power.
McLane: For now, though, we need to go to ringside, where Ice Cold is
taking on Tanja, Warrior Woman in another Intercontinental Title Tournament
match.
McLane: Well, Lee, Ice Cold left no dirty trick unused there. Hair-pulling,
eye-raking, chokeholds...
Marshall: She is a woman possessed, David. She just wants to get at her
old tag-team partner, Poison. And with no friends left in WOW, she has nothing
to lose. That makes her dangerous.
McLane: So we now have a match set for the semifinals... Lotus against
Ice Cold. Moving to the other side of the bracket [the bracket is shown at this
point], we'll be seeing Jane Blond against Caliente. What's your thoughts on
that one?
Marshall: Well, we've all seen what Jane did to Beckie the Farmer's Daughter
and to Jade. She displayed a brutality that, honestly, disturbed me. But, Jane
has also wrestled quite a bit recently, while Caliente has had a lot of time
to rest up for this match. Caliente is a well-trained athlete in any event.
I think that if she can last long enough to wear Jane Blond out, she can take
the match.
Cut to Acting Commissioner Danger's office. Danger (in business suit) is looking through papers, etc. Caged Heat enters. Surprisingly, instead of their usual brash selves, they seem nervous.
Danger: Hey! Caged Heat! What can I do for ya, girls?
Delta: Oh, man... that's a strange thing to hear. I've never been called
into the commish's office without getting bawled out, or fined, or threatened
with a report to my P.O...
Danger: It's a new regime, my friend. You don't have to worry about that
midget penguin McLane anymore. Now, tell me what's up.
Vendetta: Danger, that fat bastard Thug wants to step to me in a Hell
in a Cell match. I'm down with that. Can you hook it up?
Danger: Sure, no problem. In fact, that sounds like one helluva match...
I would even call it a good enough one to crown the first WOW Hardcore Champion
at Spring Vengeance on April 8.
Vendetta: Really??
Danger: Yeah, I think so. I had other plans for the first hardcore champion,
I gotta admit ... but unfortunately, my knee isn't healing as fast as I hoped.
(smiles)
Loca: Yo, thanks a lot, dawg! We won't forget this!
Danger: My pleasure. Just... stay out of trouble. (smiles)
[Benny Hill commercial]
When we return from commercial, Jane Blond is making her entrance. She lays on the top rope for a few seconds, drops into the ring, and grabs the mic.
Jane: You know, it's a sad day when a totally untalented wrestler can get over with you people by swishing her skirt and putting all of her tawdry wares on display. I thought you peasants were paying money to see the ancient art of grappling, as perfected of course by the English. But obviously, appreciating a real wrestling match is beyond your feeble abilities. You'd rather see a dance routine that would make a fourth-form instructor embarrassed of her class. Let me tell you something, back in London, I had people like Caliente as house servants...
An outraged Caliente doesn't let Jane continue, as she rushes down the ramp and jumps into the ring.
Jane kicks the unconscious Caliente, and then spits on her. She puts on her sunglasses and exits the arena to huge boos.
As Jane enters the backstage area, she is immediately approached by Lana Star.
Lana: I've been watching for you a while, Jane. I've been really impressed
by your attitude lately. And your sophistication and class speak for themselves.
(Jane smiles, eating it up) I've been looking for one of those cool English
butlers...
Jane (angrily): How dare you!
Lana (quickly backtracking): I mean... I've been looking for a bodyguard!
Someone who can protect myself and my associate Bronco Billie from that cornball
Terri Gold and that hick Beckie. (Jane considers this) ...and let's face it,
Jane, I can get you where you need to be. I have pull behind the scenes here
at WOW. With me and Billie on your side, winning the Intercontinental title
will be a snap. From there, the next step is the World Championship!
Jane: I must admit that I admire your cunning, Lana. Very well. You shall
have a bodyguard.
They shake on it.
Pan to elsewhere in the backstage area, where the faces -- Terri Gold, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, Hammerin' Heather Steele, Wendi Wheels, Summer, and Sandy -- are hanging out.
Terri: Heather, you've had some great matches lately! You beat that
cheating Lana Star, and you darn near beat Slam Dunk! It would make things a
lot better around here if we could shut those two up.
Heather: Thanks, Terri! That means a lot, coming from you. You've got
talent I could never hope to have. I'm just trying my best, that's all.
Wendi: Yeah, you've been tearing up the league, Heather. As a
matter of fact, I'd love to tag team with you.
Terri: Heather, that sounds like a really great idea! You two can help
out me and Beckie. Remember, not only do we have to get Bronco Billie away from
Lana Star... Selina Majors is also running around looking to take me out however
she can. And her friends are Caged Heat. We could use all the help we
can get!
Heather: Ok, let's do it, Wendi! We'll be partners.
Sandy: Your first match can be against me and Summer! Just, like, a warmup!
(Summer nods and agrees with Sandy.)
The faces discuss their plans eagerly as we fade to commercial.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
McLane: So, Jane Blond defeats Caliente, showing a lack of mercy that
is becoming her trademark. But who will be Jane's opponent in the semifinals?
We're about to find out, as Poison takes on Jungle Grrrl for that honor. What
do you think, Lee?
Marshall: Normally, David, you would say Jungle Grrrl without a second
thought. I mean, who else in WOW has Jungle Grrrl's collection of powerful,
athletic, devastating moves? Quite possibly, no one. But, after what
Poison did to Paradise in the first round of the Intercontinental Title Tournament,
you can't rule her out. Poison disposed of that poor girl like she was month-old
trash. And Jungle Grrrl did look mortal a couple of weeks ago against Roxy Powers.
She ultimately won, but Roxy gave her all she could handle.
McLane: Let's go to ringside for the introductions.
As Jungle Grrrl rolls on the floor rubbing frantically at her eyes... snow starts falling in the arena! Ice Cold appears and starts yelling at Poison.
Ice: First of all, I don't want this snow anymore, McLane, it's getting
ridiculous. Ice Cold is not about frilly little snowflakes ... she's about revenge
now. Things are working out just like I want them to, Poison. If you can beat
Jane Blond -- and you damn well better believe I'm going to beat Lotus -- it's
you versus me with the title on the line. That's when I take out my shame, and
my anger, on your hide.
Poison (sarcastically): Wow, Dairy Queen, that was some "chilling"
speech. You're a little obsessive, you know that? Me personally, I could care
less who I face for the Intercontinental belt. It could be Lotus, it
could be Dairy Queen, it could be the Queen of the May... I'm coming out with
that belt, no matter who I have to beat. You see, I've learned there's only
one person who's gonna look out for me... and that's me. So I'm making a full-time
job of it. Yeah, I tried teaming with you. It seemed to make sense at the time.
But when the two of us together couldn't beat Lana Star... well, that's just
a tiny little clue that I wasn't going to accomplish my goals in that
team. As of that moment, you were of no use to me. What did I care if you
got your head shaved? And for God's sake, you've been whining about it for weeks,
like you got your face ripped off. You need to just get over it. And if you
can't do that, (turn, butt slap) KISS IT!
After Poison whirls around to do the butt slap, she sees an unwelcome sight... a very angry Jungle Grrrl staring her right in the face. JG paces around Poison several times, like a big cat stalking her prey, staring at her all the while. JG then vaults over the top rope and exits.
McLane: Whew! Jungle Grrrl clearly not happy with Poison there. But
whether you like her style or not, Poison has made it to the next round of the
Intercontinental Title Tournament, where she'll face Jane Blond. And at Spring
Vengeance, on April 8, the first Intercontinental Champion will be crowned.
And the first WOW Hardcore Champion will also be crowned -- will it be Vendetta,
or Thug? You'll also see Terri Gold take on Selina Majors for the WOW World
Championship, and the team of Steele Wheels -- Hammerin' Heather Steele and
Wendi Wheels -- will debut against the Beach Patrol. More matches are sure to
be announced, so make sure you don't miss WOW next week, and remember, Spring
Vengeance is April 8!
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)