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WOW Episode #27F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' table.
McLane: Fans, welcome to another edition of "WOW - Women of Wrestling", and I gotta tell you, everyone here is gonna get their money's worth tonight. You thought the Final Four was over? Well, think again, because tonight, we've got the Final Four of the WOW Intercontinental Title Tournament! Lotus will take on Ice Cold, and Poison goes up against Jane Blond. Let's put up the brackets and see how we got to this point.
Intercontinental Title Tournament Brackets
Marshall: We saw two rather large upsets last week, David. One was Lotus
defeating Jacklyn Hyde. Lotus had only won one match prior to that one, and
that was against a winless opponent -- her tag team partner, Jade. That is two
in a row for Lotus now, though, which should help her confidence a lot as she
finds herself in the Intercontinental Title Tournament semifinals. The other
big upset was Poison over Jungle Grrrl. I doubt Poison would have won that one
had she not spit venom in Jungle Grrrl's eyes. But she did, and got away with
it.
McLane: Well, Lee, I can't say I approve of Poison's actions there. On
the other hand, I don't see how Jungle Grrrl can complain. She has always advocated
the "law of the jungle." Poison did what she had to do to win, and
I think ultimately, Jungle Grrrl respects that kind of atittude.
Marshall: We'll see about that. Poison better hope you're right, because
you do not want to be on Jungle Grrrl's bad side. And we'll see in just
a few moments if Poison can advance to the Intercontinental title match... a
match I know Jungle Grrrl desperately wanted to be in. But David, let's talk
for a moment about the biggest prize of all, the WOW World Championship. On
April 8, at Spring Vengeance, you will see Terri Gold defend the most prestigious
title in women's wrestling against her former friend and now sworn enemy, Selina
"the Real Deal" Majors.
[Video package chronicling the Terri-Selina feud. Terri and Selina were once good friends. Terri helped Selina out against the repeated attacks of Harley's Angels that left the Real Deal repeatedly brutalized and hospitalized. Selina invited Terri to be the guest referee in her steel cage match against Thug at WOW: Unleashed. However, something went terribly wrong. After losing the match, Selina, blaming Terri's refereeing for the loss, turned on the champion and beat her savagely. Later, as Terri was defending her title against Thug, Selina ran in and laid both of them out with a trashcan lid. The Real Deal then defeated Riot and Slam Dunk in a triple threat match. That earned her the #1 contender spot and the right to this title shot at Spring Vengeance. After that match, Selina explained that she blamed Terri for her failure to get revenge against Harley's Angels, and thus, Terri was now her target.]
McLane: Lee, I'm not sure Terri has faced a challenge like this before.
I mean, Terri has defended her title against fearsome competition like Danger
and Jungle Grrrl... but never has it been quite this personal... and never has
she faced such an experienced opponent. However, Terri is a lot tougher than
she looks, both physically and mentally. It should be a match for the ages.
Marshall: I couldn't agree more, David. Now, after this break, let's
see who will be in the Intercontinental title match at Spring Vengeance. Will
it be Poison, or Jane Blond? Stay tuned!
[EnerX commercial]
Jane Blond comes to ringside, lays on the top rope a bit, drops into the ring, and grabs the mic.
Jane: "Poison", huh? What an appropriate name for a piece of filth such as yourself. I've administered many poisons myself in my day, but never one as disgusting or dirty as you. Your lack of respect for your betters, such as myself and my associate Lana Star, is shocking. You seem like a troubled soul, Poison. I think you'll find my Kick of Death to be sweet relief... at least, until you wake up from it.
Poison, scowling, makes her entrance, and the bout begins.
After the match, Jane moves to thank Ice Cold, but she is already gone. Jane shrugs, spits on Poison, puts on her sunglasses, and exits.
McLane: Holy cow!! Ice Cold's interference has just cost Poison her
chance at the Intercontinental title!
Marshall: David, Ice Cold had said earlier that she wanted to face Poison
in the finals of the Intercontinental Title Tournament, but I guess that was
all a lot of tough talk. Or perhaps she changed her mind, after seeing Poison
get the better of Jane Blond for much of that match.
McLane: Either way, Lee, dare I say that revenge is a dish best served...
cold? Ice Cold has cost Poison her dreams of Intercontinental title glory. And
later on in this program, we'll see whether Ice can move into a position to
take that belt herself, when she takes on Lotus in the other tournament semifinal
final. But let's talk now about the other belt that will be awarded for the
first time at Spring Vengeance on April 8: the Hardcore belt. That belt will
go to the winner of a Hell in a Cell match between Thug, of Harley's Angels,
and Vendetta, of Caged Heat.
Marshall: David, there's a good chance this arena will have to be declared
a disaster area when those two are through. I'm not sure there are two stronger,
or meaner, women in the federation. Believe me, there is a lot of bad blood
between these two competitors and the tag teams they represent, Caged Heat and
Harley's Angels.
[Video package detailing the Caged Heat-Harley's Angels feud. As part of the epic Selina-Angels feud, the Angels took Selina to the Heat's cell, and commenced the beatdown. Caged Heat, sympathizing with someone who -- like them -- had been unjustly incarcerated, saved Selina. Then the Heat attacked the Angels during the Thug-Selina lumberjack match. At WOW: Unleashed, Vendetta bodyslammed Thug and subjected her to a three-woman beating, as the Heat defeated the Angels and became WOW's first ever tag team champs. Thug then challenged Vendetta to a Hell in a Cell match. Vendetta went to Acting Commissioner Danger to accept the challenge. Danger said that not only would she schedule the match, she would make it for the Hardcore Title at Spring Vengeance.]
[Benny Hill commercial]
Cut to Acting Commissioner Danger's office. Danger (in business suit) is doing paperwork in the cramped, messy office. A knock at the door... it's Jacklyn Hyde (in her new black-and-white two-piece).
Jacklyn: Commissioner, you must undo the terrible wrong done in my match
against Lotus! Uphold the cause of fairness! Move every 'zig'... for great justice!!
Danger: Umm, Jacklyn, what the heck are you talking about? Lotus went over
you clean. If anything, it was your fault. You had that match all wrapped up,
and just gave it away.
Jacklyn: No! That's impossible! I am the incarnation of the goddess
of love, Aphrodite. And you, Danger -- you must show the wisdom of Athena and
balance the scales of fairness! Shazam!!
Danger: (sarcastically) Wow, you've sure talked me into it, Jacklyn. Why
don't you take on Jungle Grrrl at Spring Vengeance on April 8? That sound fair?
Jacklyn: Perfect! Thank you, my weapon-wielding goddess. [Jacklyn exits]
Danger: Hmmm... now where'd I put those health insurance forms?
Cut to backstage. Riot is practicing her martial arts kicks and punches on a dummy. The dummy is dressed in all black, sports a black headband, and has "DANGER" written across its stomach. The Disciplinarian enters.
Disciplinarian: Pffft. How long have you been practicing martial arts,
Riot?
Riot: What's it to you?
Disciplinarian: Nothing, really. I could teach you how to do it right,
but it seems like it would be a total waste of time.
Riot: Hey, when it comes to taking people out, I'm the teacher,
not you. Just ask our Acting Commissioner.
Riot walks over and stands menacingly over the much shorter Disciplinarian.
Riot: In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd think you're asking for
a lesson right now.
Disciplinarian: You'd love that, wouldn't you, Riot? You'll take people
out, sure... when they're fighting someone else, when they're walking home...
anywhere but in the ring. You know your skills don't measure up when it's face-to-face.
Riot (enraged): Fine. We'll do it at Spring Vengeance, on April 8. And
you better be there.
Disciplinarian: I'm never late to class, Riot. But bad girls like you
need some discipline. That means getting to class on time... and then staying
late for detention.
Disciplinarian struts away, while Riot repeats "you need to stay for detention" under her breath in a silly, mocking voice.
Cut to ringside, where Lotus is taking on Ice Cold in the Intercontinental Title Tournament semifinal.
Poison finishes the job by spitting venom in Ice Cold's face. As Ice rolls around on the floor in agony, Poison laughs and struts away.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to Danger's office again. Knock on the door... it's Beckie the Farmer's Daughter.
Danger: What can I do for you, Beckie?
Beckie: Danger, you have to schedule a match between me and Lana Star!
And if I win, Lana has to release Bronco Billie! It's not fair! As long as Lana
owns Billie's ranch, she's got Billie under her thumb!
Danger: That's not something I have the power to do, Beckie. Lana's economic
affairs are her own... I can't make her give up Billie's ranch. I'd be happy
to schedule a match between you and Lana, though.
Beckie (disappointed): Okay.
Danger (smiling): I'm not sure it's possible to beat any sense into that
vacant blond head, but I hope you do.
Beckie (returning the smile): Thanks.
The announcers recap the matches set for Spring Vengeance: Terri Gold-Selina Majors (World Championship); Lotus-Jane Blond (Intercontinental Championship); Vendetta-Thug (Hardcore Championship); Beckie-Lana Star; Jungle Grrrl-Jacklyn Hyde; Beach Patrol-Steele Wheels; Riot-Disciplinarian. David McLane then informs us that Acting Commissioner Danger has added some more matches to fill out the card. Roxy Powers will fight Jade; Slam Dunk will take on Randi Rah Rah; and in light of today's events, Ice Cold will go one-on-one with Poison. Plus, there will be at least two "surprise" matches! The announcers hype Spring Vengeance some more before they wrap up.
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)