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WOW Episode #29F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' table.
McLane: Welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane, and this
is my co-host Lee Marshall. And fans, everything here at WOW has been topsy-turvy
ever since our Spring Vengeance pay-for-view event on April 8. We have a new
WOW World champion, Selina Majors. Selina blamed Terri Gold for her failure
to get revenge on Thug and her gang of Harley's Angels. And Selina has certainly
got her revenge, as at Spring Vengeance, she was able to take the belt from
around Terri's waist.
Marshall: And I think Selina is misguided on that point, David. It certainly
wasn't Terri's fault that Thug defeated Selina in that match Terri refereed.
Terri was doing her job the best she could. She had no choice. It would have
been unfair for her not to count Selina out just because Selina was her friend.
McLane: I totally agree, Lee, but Selina doesn't see it that way. And what's
more, I don't think Selina would even have defeated Terri in that title match
if not for the interference by her pals in Caged Heat. Terri got some measure
of vengeance last week, when she and her tag team partner Beckie the Farmer's
Daughter were able to defeat Caged Heat in a tag team match. But, I interviewed
Terri just a little while ago and found out that she is far from satisfied just
yet.
Cut to pre-taped McLane-Terri Gold interview.
McLane: Terri, it must have felt good for you to beat Caged Heat.
Terri: David, it did feel good. But it doesn't change the fact that Selina
Majors is parading around wearing a belt that belongs to me. Selina,
you were my friend once. I still don't understand what I did to make you so
angry. But believe me, the next time I face you, friendship isn't going to enter
into it. And Caged Heat, you should be ashamed of yourself for interfering in
a WOW title match. Now Beckie and I are going to take your tag team belts too.
Then no one will doubt who the most gifted athlete in WOW is... Terri Gold.
Back to the announcers' desk.
McLane: Strong words from Terri Gold, Lee Marshall.
Marshall: Well, David, Terri is a fierce competitor. You can't expect
her to be silent about being cheated out of the WOW World Championship.
McLane: I suppose you're right, Lee. Well, another big story in WOW since
Spring Vengeance has been the ascension of the Star Stable. It all began when
Lana Star purchased Bronco Billie's ranch from the Disciplinarian. Lana was
then able to strongarm poor Billie into becoming her "personal assistant."
She then hired Jane Blond as her "bodyguard." At Spring Vengeance,
the ranks of the Star Stable really started to swell, as Wendi Wheels and Jade
both joined up. And both have adopted new identities to boot, as Wendi is now
going by "California Wendi", and Jade wants to be known as "Jaded".
In Wendi's first match under her new name, she was able to defeat Hammerin'
Heather Steele. Right now, we'll see if Jaded can start her career as a member
of the Stable off with a win, as she takes on Farah the Persian Princess.
[EnerX commercial]
Marshall: Fans, we just saw Jaded debut a new move to put Farah the
Persian Princess away. That was the octopus hold, or as Jaded calls it, the
"Green Sword of Destiny."
McLane: And Lee Marshall, the Star Stable is continuing to bully its
way to win after win. Farah actually showed pretty well in that match, but Jane
Blond weakened her with a chairshot, and when Jaded put on the Green Sword of
Destiny, it was all over.
Marshall: Trying to beat the Star Stable while playing fair is very difficult,
David, but Farah wouldn't play it any other way.
McLane: In a moment, we'll see another wrestler step up and attempt to
defeat a member of the Stable. Randi Rah Rah is set to take on Bronco Billie.
Marshall: David, clearly Lana Star will not be satisfied until the duo
known as Team Spirit is destroyed. At Spring Vengeance, Lana's personal assistant
Bronco Billie met and defeated Patti Pep... or should I say, Lana was able to
cream Patti with a mirror, at which point Billie pinned her. Now, we see that
Lana has orchestrated a match between Billie and Patti's partner Randi Rah Rah.
Lana has already put Randi out twice with a serious injury, but apparently that's
not good enough for her. For whatever sick reason, Lana continues to try to
torture the two cheerleaders.
McLane: I know Bronco Billie does not want to be in this position, Lee.
She has nothing against Randi Rah Rah, or Patti Pep for that matter. But Billie
has to try her best. Lana owns Billie's ranch, and believe me, if Billie doesn't
toe the line, Lana Star would not hesitate for a second to put her and her family
out of house and home. So, let's go to ringside for the introductions.
Cut to backstage, where Poison, Lana Star, and Jane Blond are conferring.
Poison: Jane, you did great work helping me out last week. Jungle Grrrl
and Ice Cold are no slouches, and to be honest, I was a little worried about
my chances. But with your help, we pulled the match out.
Jane (icily): Your pleasure, I'm sure.
Poison: And Lana, I appreciate your "lending" me Jane for the
match.
Lana (bubbily): No problem! It was soooo much fun! I always enjoy
seeing that fashion victim Ice Cold pinned to the mat! (suddenly far more serious)
Now, Poison, as you may remember, I said before the match that you would owe
us one...
Poison: I know what you're going to say, Lana... but you don't even have
to. I'd love to join the Star Stable.
Lana: That's so super!! Now here's what we'll do. I loooove your hair,
but that outfit... so much black... I'm not really too crazy about the look...
Poison (interrupting): Lana, why don't you worry about your next
tanning appointment or something, and I'll worry about what I wear when
I'm wrestling.
Poison exits. Lana gives Jane an exasperated look. Jane is impassive.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Lee Marshall, the next match we've got on tap figures to be
a doozy. Last week, Roxy Powers and Tanja, Warrior Woman provided an interesting
sideshow to the featured tag team match when they tangled with Caged Heat's
escorts Vendetta and Selina Majors. This week, that battle will be taken into
the ring, as Roxy takes on Vendetta in a singles bout.
Marshall: These are two powerful, powerful women, David. We saw that
Vendetta can withstand incredible pain when she took on Thug in that Hell in
the Cell match at Spring Vengeance that quickly has become a classic. And Roxy
is the Total Athlete who has taken care of Slam Dunk and came darn close to
beating Jungle Grrrl. I can't pick a winner for this one, but by all rights,
it should be a tremendous bout.
Cut to Summer's locker room. Summer is lying down and seems to be in a lot of pain. Sandy enters, and Summer sits up.
Sandy: How are you, Summer?
Summer: Gee, Sandy, Law & Order worked me over with their nightsticks
like I was a side of beef. How do you think I am?
Sandy: I tried to help you, Summer...
Summer (interrupting): Yeah, good job. Nicky Law knocked you across the
ring like you were nothing. Then you ran off!
Sandy: Well, what did you expect me to do, Summer? Take a beating?
Summer: That's what I did, Sandy.
Sandy sighs.
Sandy: What do you want from me, Summer? I tried my best.
Summer: Maybe your best isn't good enough, Sandy. We're not playing games
here in WOW, you know. People get hurt. I know I have. Maybe you should
start taking this wrestling thing more seriously than beach volleyball.
Sandy: I take it very seriously, Summer. You know that... we train
together.
Summer: Well, then maybe I should find a partner who will stick by me
when I need them.
Sandy: Look, Summer. Think about what you're saying. You and I have been
best friends forever. You know I will stick by you and do whatever I
can to help you. You're just upset now because you got hurt. I'll leave you
alone now. Once you're feeling a little better, I think you'll realize that
we're meant to be a team.
[Benny Hill commercial]
McLane: Fans, we're coming up very soon on what should be a memorable
bout between Riot and the Disciplinarian in a "Lion's Den" match.
Marshall: That's putting it mildly, David. In this Lion's Den match,
the Disciplinarian and Riot will battle in a caged pit. The referee will stand
on a platform suspended above the pit. The objective is to determine which wrestler
is the better martial artist. I think there's little doubt that the winner here
can confidently make that claim!
McLane: While we're setting up for that match, let's see what Selina
Majors and Jungle Grrrl have to say about their upcoming bout for the WOW belt.
Cut to McLane-Selina Majors interview.
McLane: Selina, congratulations on your WOW World Championship title
win.
Selina: McLane, don't kiss my butt. I know you wanted your precious Terri
Gold to keep the title. There's no point coming out here and trying to act otherwise.
McLane (self-righteously): Selina, that's not true at all. But now that
you mention it, some would question the methodology by which you beat Terri.
After all, Caged Heat interfered on your behalf.
Selina: I earned that title, McLane. I've been the champion in
federations all over the world, more times than you've changed your tuxedo,
not that that's saying much. Then I get here to WOW, and those damn Harley's
Angels took out my knee twice. Do you know how difficult it is to recover from
knee surgery? Do you? If you don't, then you better not say I don't deserve
that belt.
McLane: In any event, Selina, Jungle Grrrl has been named the #1 contender,
and you will face her for the title next week. Your thoughts?
Selina: Well, first of all, that whole thing smells to high heaven to
me. Danger can just make anyone the #1 contender she feels like? I had to beat
two women to become the #1 contender.
McLane: First of all, Selina, it was Danger who set up that #1 contender
match for you, and personally, I think she only threw you in the match in the
first place to give Riot a hard time. Secondly, Jungle Grrrl has the best won-lost
record of any wrestler in WOW, by a good margin.
Selina: That may or may not be true...
McLane (interrupting): It is true.
Selina: ... as I was saying, that may or may not be true, but it still
don't seem right to me. Now, that said, I can't see anyone who don't know how
to use a toilet being able to beat Selina Majors. That Jungle Grrrl don't impress
me. Let me tell you something else I got in my favor... I got friends, and she
don't. Let me rephrase that... she might have a friend who's an elephant, or
somethin'. But I figure even you got sense enough to stop an elephant at the
door, McLane. Unless it's wearing a tuxedo... then you might think it's Marshall.
Cut to McLane-Jungle Grrrl interview.
McLane: Jungle Grrrl, first of all, last week, we saw you team with
Ice Cold against Poison and Jane Blond. Your team lost that match. Do you plan
to tag team with Ice Cold in the future?
JG: No.
McLane: Well... okay, I guess that answers that. Now Jungle Grrrl, you
were named the #1 contender by Acting Commissioner Danger. Riot complained that
she was passed over for that position. Now honestly speaking, do you think she
has a case?
JG: No.
McLane: Umm... right. Now, I know you've been waiting for this title
shot for a long time. But do you wish it was Terri Gold as your opponent, rather
than Selina Majors? After all, Terri and you have a long history, and she is
also the only wrestler ever to have defeated you.
JG: I don't care who it is.
McLane (hesitates, then awkwardly): Umm... anything else to add?
JG just glares at McLane.
Cut to the introductions to the "Lion's Den" match.
Riot celebrates with the bat and the announcers marvel about the intensity of the match we've just seen as we fade out.
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)