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WOW Episode #34F
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Fans, welcome to another episode of WOW - Women of Wrestling!
I'm David McLane, and this is my partner Lee Marshall. And fans, we are tuning
up right now for this summer's big Pay-Per-View event -- Summer Swelter, on
June 10. And we're proud to say that legendary announcer Bobby "the Brain"
Heenan will be working that event, along with Lee. We got so many raves about
his work at WOW Unleashed that we had to bring him back!
Marshall: David, it's going to be a dream card at Summer Swelter. Just
look at the matches we have set so far. Hammerin' Heather Steele faces the Disciplinarian...
Law & Order go against Harley's Angels in a "pool hall brawl"...
Air Force takes on Caged Heat for the tag team titles... and Roxy Powers faces
Jungle Grrrl for the World title. There is so much at stake at Summer Swelter...
titles are on the line... and so is pride. Most of these opponents have been
feuding for months now, so you can bet emotions are running incredibly high.
As for Bobby "the Brain" Heenan... well... out of professional courtesy,
I won't comment on that.
McLane: And Lee, Acting Commissioner Danger has informed me that some
more matches have been set, and they will be revealed later today. I can hardly...
The anouncers are interrupted by a drumbeat and a video depicting acts of destruction... Riot raises her bat above her head, gets her pyro, runs to the ring, dives under the bottom rope, and grabs the mic. She's angry.
Riot: I'm the executioner, and I'm out here to proclaim a death sentence on California Wendi and California Bobbi. Those two bimbos combined to get me pinned for the first time ever. So I told the two of them exactly what I was going to do to them as payback. They got scared, and look at what they were stupid enough to do.
WOWVision shows Wendi and Bobbi's attack on Riot from last episode.
Riot: Attacking me from behind? Running off as soon as I got up? They know that they can't handle Riot toe to toe. The only reason Wendi beat me in our match is because that walking flotation device Bobbi interfered. And then they pull a stunt like that? They both need to be taught a basic fact of life... nothing can stop the Riot. I want a match against them at Summer Swelter. I'll take them both on... I don't care. As long as I see them both coming, it won't be a problem. I'll rip them both limb from limb without breaking a sweat. They're not even wrestlers... they're hood ornaments. Danger, can you hear me? I want that match!!
And yup, Acting Commissioner Danger appears on WOWVision to respond to Riot.
Danger: Ohhh, poor baby. Sneak attacked, huh? I'm supposed to have sympathy
for that? Your sneak attack is the reason I've been out for months. I'm
on crutches because of you! You completely tore my ACL!
Riot: You're damn right I did, Danger. And believe me, as soon as you
recover -- if you recover -- we're gonna tangle.
Danger (smiling): For once, you're right about something. I think about
that every day in physical therapy, believe me.
Riot: So if you're gonna take me on, it's only fair that I be allowed
to take Bobbi and Wendi on. You do want to do what's fair... don't you,
(sarcastically) Commissioner?
Danger considers this.
Danger: Tell you what, Riot. I'll give you your match with California
Wendi and Bobbi. But (sarcastically) I was very offended by your comments
about the Star Stable. How dare you criticize our precious Lana Star and her
Stable! There's only one way for you to understand the plight of our poor "hood
ornaments" who are just trying their best to entertain. And that's to become
a "hood ornament" yourself. So Riot, your match against Wendi and
Bobbi will be a poolside battle royale. Bring your swimsuit.
Riot: What?? You can't do this! I'm not gonna fight in a swimsuit! I'm
a natural born wrestler, not a sideshow decoration!
Danger: Fine. You don't get Bobbi and Wendi then. Danger's rules.
Riot: Okay, okay, I'll do the match... just because I want to destroy
them so badly. But Danger, believe me... I know what you're up to. You've been
screwing me ever since you became commissioner. When you get healthy, Danger,
trust me... it won't be for long. After I'm done with you, you'll look back
fondly on the time you were rolling on the ground screaming about your destroyed
knee. I'll break every limb in your body again... and again...
Danger smirks and flicks a switch. The WOWVision goes dead. A muttering Riot exits.
McLane: Holy cow! Well, I guess we have another match set for Summer
Swelter: Riot, California Wendi, and California Bobbi in a poolside battle royale.
Now, Lee what exactly are the rules of a poolside battle royale?
Marshall: To be honest, David, I really don't know. I guess we'll have
to find out next week. For one thing, it sounds like all the competitors have
to wear swimsuits, based on what Danger said.
McLane: Well, the Commissioner never misses a chance to taunt her arch-enemy
Riot, and she sure got her good that time. But Lee, let's take a look now at
what is sure to be the most memorable tag team match of the year -- the battle
between Air Force and defending champions Caged Heat for the WOW Tag Team titles.
[Video package detailing the Air Force-Caged Heat feud. The team of Air Force -- Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter --originally formed so that Bronco Billie could be liberated from the Star Stable. But the team became truly motivated when Caged Heat got involved in Terri's title defense at Spring Vengeance. Delta Lotta Pain interfered on behalf of the Heat's ally Selina Majors, costing Terri the belt. Air Force then beat Caged Heat in a non-title match, and rolled over another team that had done Terri wrong, the Daughters of Darkness. Although Beckie has expressed discomfort about the gradual abandonment of the team's original mission, Terri has insisted that the team continue to concentrate on the Heat. In any event, the team of Terri and Beckie is one of the most talented that could be assembled... but so are the reigning champs, Caged Heat.]
[EnerX commercial]
Cut to Danger's office. Lana Star and Jane Blond enter.
Danger: Oh, boy. Yes, Lana?
Lana: Like, what are you doing? I so cannot believe you
scheduled that poolside battle royal match!
Danger: Is there some sort of problem?
Lana: Yeah! Wendi and Bobbi don't wanna face Riot! So they shouldn't!
She's just a big bully!
Danger: You don't get it, do you? Even if Riot wins, she loses just by
being in the match to begin with.
Lana: Well, I'm the executive producer of WOW, and I don't want that
match! Stop it! Stopitstopitstopit!
Danger: I don't care what you used to be, Lana. Now that I'm
the Commissioner, it's Danger's house... Danger's rules.
Jane: It's amusing to see someone so impressed with themselves who is
so clearly lower class in every respect. Surely a water-spitting, furniture-breaking,
uncouth louse could have no idea of what a true position of privilege even is.
Danger: You know what? I'm sick of listening to both of you. Jane, you've
got an Intercontinental title match against Ice Cold at Summer Swelter. I hope
that psycho rips you into little bits. Now beat it before I put you through
a table again... or think of something even worse.
Lana and Jane, complaining, exit.
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Fans, you just saw the Commissioner set up a match between Riot, California Wendi, and California Bobbi at Summer Swelter. Let's go back and recall how Riot got entangled in the Star Stable's affairs.
[Video package detailing the Riot-Star Stable feud. In show #31F, Lana and the Star Stable were doing their usual self-promoting bit. Riot interrupted the lovefest and told the Stable that WOW was for wrestlers like herself, not wanna-be actresses. Riot then tried to attack Lana, but was stopped by California Wendi. Later that night, Riot faced Wendi in the ring... and lost after Wendi's partner California Bobbi creamed her with a chair. It was the first time Riot had been pinned in a singles match. Riot issued a very stern warning to Bobbi and Wendi, but later, they sneak attacked her and ran off. Riot demanded revenge at Summer Swelter... but her greatest nemesis, Acting Commissioner Danger, granted her wish in a unique way. Danger decreed that Riot would face Wendi and Bobbi in a "poolside battle royale", thus forcing Riot, at least for one match, to become what she had criticized. Although Riot was not at all thrilled with the match's conditions, she will take any excuse to beat up on the two preening lifeguards.]
Back to McLane and Marshall again.
McLane: Fans, we've just received word of two new matches for Summer
Swelter that have been set by Commissioner Danger. And if you're a fan of hard-hitting
action, you're really gonna love these. First off, we're going to see Jacklyn
Hyde take on Vendetta in a hardcore bout.
Marshall: Ooh, that sounds terrific. [as Marshall speaks, appropriate
clips are shown] Vendetta and Thug had a brutal Hell in the Cell battle at Spring
Vengeance. Vendetta is one of WOW's strongest and fiercest warriors. And Jacklyn
recently fought Ice Cold in a cage match... and took two falls off the
top of the cage! Jacklyn should be right in her element in a hardcore match.
She is not exactly the savviest ring strategist, but she is simply impervious
to pain, and let's face it, she's a very angry individual.
McLane: And that's just the warmup, Lee... because at Summer Swelter,
we'll also witness Tanja, Warrior Woman going against Thug for the Hardcore
Title in a Hell in the Cell match.
Marshall: Well, Tanja earned that with a hardcore match win against perhaps
WOW's single roughest competitor, Selina Majors. [clips of that match are shown
as he speaks] Tanja is proficient with all sorts of weapons. But unlike some
hardcore division contestants, Tanja is also quick and athletic. It will be
a very interesting contrast of styles between her and Thug.
McLane (jokingly): Are you implying that Thug is not a high flyer?
Marshall: Well, David, she may have been one at some point, but she sure
isn't anymore.
McLane: What she is, though, is a wrecking machine.
Marshall: No doubt about it. That'll be some bout for the WOW Hardcore Title.
Cut to Boom Boom and Paradise backstage, about to fight their match. They joke, laugh, and play "pattycake" with each other as they walk to the ring side by side.
McLane: Umm, yikes. Folks, we cannot tell a lie... that was a real train
wreck of a match.
Marshall: Well, David, I think that's what you get when two friends fight
each other, and neither of them wants to beat the other. I don't mean to be
a conspiracy theorist, but that double countout definitely seemed to be mutually
agreed upon.
McLane: I suppose so. Well, let's put that behind ourselves as quickly
as possible... go to commercial, please.
[Benny Hill commercial]
[Video package detailing Ice Cold vs. the world. At WOW Unleashed, Ice was abandoned by her partner Poison, and Ice's head was then shaved. Poison later explained that after their team lost a handicap match to Lana Star, it was clear that Ice was no longer of any use to her. Ice got revenge by interfering in Poison's Intercontinental Title semifinal match, costing her a chance at the belt. Poison returned the favor against Ice later that evening. The two finally met in the ring at Spring Vengeance. Ice could not control her temper and got DQ'ed for hitting Poison with the ring bell. Ice then teamed with Jungle Grrrl against Poison and Jane Blond... and lost again. Poison then joined the Star Stable. Ice tried to confront Poison in the Stable's dressing room... and got beat down. Her behavior continued to become more paranoid and erratic, although she did manage to beat Jacklyn Hyde in a bitterly fought cage match. Ice finally got a break when Acting Commissioner Danger, displeased with Jane Blond and the Star Stable, punished them by setting up an Intercontinental match between Jane and "that psycho" Ice Cold, to be fought at next week's Summer Swelter event.]
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Lee, Commissioner Danger has finalized the Summer Swelter card
with two more matches. The first match sees the Star Stable tag team of Jaded
and Poison take on the Daughters of Darkness. And here's an interesting one...
Slam Dunk against Selina Majors.
Marshall: That's a big one for both contestants, David. It wasn't all
that long ago that Slam and Selina, along with Riot, were the top three contenders
for the World Title. But Slam just can't seem to get past Roxy Powers, and Selina
has lost recently to both Roxy and Tanja. So both Slam and Selina really need
a win if they want to turn it around and get back to the World Title contender
level.
McLane: Lee, speaking of someone who would like to turn things around
with a win, Tamie Sheffield -- formerly known as Sandy -- is just about set
to take on Bronco Billie here on our program.
Marshall: Yup... Tamie has given up the swimsuit and lifeguarding, and
has re-dedicated herself to wrestling. Last week, she did her best to establish
herself as a solo performer. But she was up against a tough opponent in Jaded.
Tamie also may have been distracted by the recent defection of her partner Summer
to the Star Stable. Maybe she can finally get it going here against Bronco Billie.
I really hate to root against either one of them. Billie continues to be forced
into the Star Stable against her will. Lana Star owns Billie's ranch, and if
Billie goes against Lana, Lana will foreclose on the ranch. The poor girl.
Tamie (in normal two-piece wrestling gear) comes to the ring to cheers, and the match begins.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to Lana Star, Jane Blond, and Bronco Billie in the Star Stable dressing room.
Lana: So you won again, Billie!
Billie: I guess I did.
Lana: Just like you beat Patti Pep and Randi Rah Rah since you joined us!
Isn't being in the Star Stable so totally awesome?
Billie, seemingly deep in thought, doesn't answer.
[Video package detailing the careers of Jungle Grrrl and Roxy Powers. Jungle Grrrl beat Terri Gold in her first WOW outing... but proved unable to repeat the feat when Terri's World Championship was on the line. JG took her frustrations out on her succeeding opponents, going on a lengthy win streak and showing off her unique combination of incredible athleticism and strength. Eventually, she was given a shot at World Champion Selina Majors. Selina trash-talked JG before the match, but JG responded in the ring, achieving the win that finally got her to her championship goal. Can anyone defeat this force of nature? Her challenger is Roxy Powers. The "Total Athlete" reached WOW's top level via her feud with Slam Dunk. After two inconclusive battles, Roxy beat the previously undefeated Slam in a strap match. Roxy, a friend of Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, then got involved in their feud with Caged Heat. Roxy defeated the huge Vendetta, and then overcame the interference of the Heat to beat Selina Majors. This qualified her for a #1 contender's match against her old enemy Slam Dunk. Roxy again defeated Slam, thanks in part to the seemingly unsolicited help of Terri Gold, and now gets the opportunity to win the greatest prize in women's wrestling.]
The announcers recap the Summer Swelter card and hype it some more as we finish up:
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)