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WOW Episode #35F
IN LAST WEEK'S PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT:
We open outside Harley's Angels' pool hall. Charlie Davidson, EZ Rider, and Thug -- all bandaged and bruised from their intensely physical matches at last week's PPV -- are closing up shop.
EZ: Well, I guess that's it. We lost to Law & Order last week...
now we have to close down the pool hall, like we said we would do if they beat
us.
Charlie: No way! Let's see them come in here and try to close it down
themselves! We don't have to do whatever they say just because they're
cops!
Thug: Nah, Charlie, they won fair and square. EZ hit Kristi Order over the
head with a wall clock... Nikki put you through a pool table... it's all in
good fun. (smiles) Hell, the whole place is destroyed anyway.
Charlie: That's true, Thug... but where are we gonna hang out now? Maybe
we can go to Acting Commissioner Danger and get her to see things our way.
Thug: Don't sweat it, Charlie. We all had a bad day last week... you lost
to Law & Order, and I lost my Hardcore title to Tanja. But everyone has
a bad day once in a while. You think we're done raising hell in this federation?
Is that what you think?
EZ and Charlie: Hell, no!!
Thug: Neither do I. We'll just have to live off the streets. Hit and
run tactics. Who knows, maybe we can sell this place and use the money for something.
But for now...
Thug hangs a "For Sale" sign on the pool hall door.
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Hello, fans, and welcome to WOW -- Women of Wrestling! I'm David
McLane, and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. And Lee, first off, let me compliment
you on the spectacular job that you and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan did
calling the action on our Summer Swelter pay-per-view event last week.
Marshall: Hey, I never said Bobby didn't know his stuff. I just wouldn't
trust him with my daughter, that's all.
McLane: And you, the Brain, and everyone else who saw Summer Swelter
were witnesses to a truly spectacular evening of wrestling. All four WOW titles
were on the line... and three of them changed hands. And on top of that, we
had two spectacular grudge matches that were filled with incredible risks and
highlight film maneuevers. One of them was the Poolside Battle Royale, in which
Riot defeated California Wendi and California Bobbi. And the other featured
the women we just saw, Harley's Angels. They lost a Pool Hall Brawl to the rogue
cops in Law & Order. [highlights of the Pool Hall Brawl are shown] And Lee,
it looks like Harley's Angels are adhering to the match stipulations, and will
sell their pool hall.
Marshall: David, Harley's Angels haven't always played fair in the past...
but I guess after a knock-down, drag-out brawl like we saw last week, they are
willing to give Law & Order their due. Or perhaps the Angels have something
else up their sleeve. Who knows?
McLane: Could very well be, Lee. All we know is that, as of right now,
the cops seem to have gotten the best of the biker crew. But right now, let's
talk about someone whose name hasn't come up in a while, and I'm very pleased
to be able to say it again... Jeannie Kim, formerly "Lotus." As you
remember, Lee, Lotus made it to the finals of the Intercontinental Title Tournament...
and at Spring Vengeance, she lost to Jane Blond when her ex-tag team partner
Jade waffled her with a garbage can. [This footage is shown.] After the emotionally
devastating loss, Lotus decided that she was going to take some time off from
WOW.
[Replay the relevant interview from show #28.]
McLane: And now, Jeannie Kim is back, and she's set to take on Farah
the Persian Princess in just a moment.
Marshall: Admittedly, Jeannie was the beneficiary of some good luck during
the Intercontinental Title Tournament... the ongoing feud between Poison and
Ice Cold ended up working to Jeannie's advantage. Nonetheless, the fact that
she made the finals of the tournament means that she was putting together some
good matches. I expect Jeannie to be a little rusty during this bout we're about
to see. But hopefully, she can get back soon to the point she was at before
she left. And after that... who knows?
McLane: Well, let's go to ringside and see how she fares against Farah.
Jeannie and Farah hug after the match is over.
McLane: A very nice return to action for Jeannie Kim... she looks better than ever! Fans, we'll be back with more of the Women of Wrestling in a few short moments.
[EnerX commercial]
McLane is about to welcome the viewers back from the break when he is interrupted by a drumbeat and a video depicting acts of mayhem. Riot (with bat) struts her way to the ring, dives under the bottom rope, and grabs the mic.
Riot: Well, Danger, once again, you tried to stack the odds against me at Summer Swelter... and once again, I came through anyway and proved that nothing can stop the Riot. Show 'em what happened.
[WOWVision shows highlights of the Poolside Battle Royale, in which Riot defeated California Bobbi and California Wendi.]
Riot: Two on one... they hit me over the head with a chair and a boom box... but I rolled both of those bimbos all of the way around the pool before I disposed of both of them. Two on one is nothing to the Riot. I've beaten everyone worth beating around here... so Danger... How long is this going to go on? How many times are you going to try to humiliate me, before you realize that it just doesn't work, because I don't lose? How long are you going to be the most biased commissioner in the history of sports, and keep me from getting the title shot that we both know I deserve?
Acting Commissioner Danger appears on WOWVision.
Danger: Well, looky here. Riot is in the ring bragging about herself.
What a shocker.
Riot: Never mind that, Danger. I know you heard everything you said.
So what's the answer? When do I get to fight for the World title?
Danger: Here's how it goes, Riot. You say you've beaten everyone worth
beating... but I think, as you so often do, you've forgotten one very important
thing.
[The ending of Show #25's Three Way Dance, in which Selina Majors gave Riot the Stunner for the pin, appears on WOWVision.]
Danger: Seems to me, Riot, like you need to defeat Selina Majors before
you can say that you've beaten everyone worth beating around here.
Riot (smiling): Oh, I'd love to, Danger. I want you to make that match!
Danger: Oh, I will. And you can warm up for it by taking on Selina's
pal, Vendetta, in a Falls Count Anywhere match.
Riot (somewhat less confident): Oh, so I see. More of the same nonsense.
Danger: You have my word, Riot... if you beat Vendetta and Selina Majors,
your next match will be for the World title.
Riot: It better be, Danger. Otherwise I'm gonna take your gavel and put
it places it was never meant to go.
Danger smirks, and WOWVision goes blank.
Cut to Jeannie Kim and Farah the Persian Princess backstage.
Farah: Jeannie, if I had to lose to someone tonight, I'm glad it was
you. I was so sad when Jade turned on you and you decided to leave for a while.
But you were terrific out there tonight! No matter what I tried, you had the
answer and then some. I have to admit that I didn't know you were that good!
Jeannie: Thanks, Farah! That really means a lot to me. I took advantage
of my time off to train and hone my skills. After tasting what it's like to
be in a title match... I want more of that action!
Farah: In fact, Jeannie, now that you don't have a tag team partner anymore,
I'd love to tag with you.
Jeannie: But what about Paradise? Isn't she your partner?
Farah: Yeah, she is. But she has been hanging out so much with Boom Boom...
and quite honestly, she hasn't been taking her matches too seriously lately
either. I think she'd rather be partners with Boom Boom, and just doesn't want
to tell me because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
Jeannie: Well... okay. If it's all right with Paradise, I'd love to be
partners with you. But only if it's all right with her. I don't want to break
up your team!
Farah: I'll ask her. I'm pretty sure she'll say yes. [Jeannie nods.]
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Lee, we mentioned earlier that there were three title changes
at Summer Swelter, and let's recap those briefly right now. The only champion
to retain her belt was Jungle Grrrl, who defeated Roxy Powers. But Tanja, Warrior
Woman out-brawled Thug for the Hardcore Title; Air Force beat Caged Heat for
the Tag Team Titles; and Ice Cold overcame Jane Blond, and the rest of the Star
Stable, to become Intercontinental champion.
Marshall: Some very emotional moments there, David. Terri Gold, who is
half of Air Force, has been looking for revenge against Caged Heat for a long
time, ever since Caged Heat cost her the World Title. And Ice Cold has carried
an obsessive hatred against the Star Stable for months now... ever since Lana
Star shaved her head at Spring Vengeance, while Poison walked away. She showed
last week just how much winning that belt meant to her. [replay footage of Ice
crying after winning the belt]
McLane: Well, Ice Cold may not have that title around her waist for long,
Lee... I've received word just now that she has accepted a challenge from Jaded
tonight, with that newly won Intercontinental belt on the line.
Marshall: Wow... well, not knowing more than what you just told me,
David, that sounds like a decision made more with the heart than with the head.
The Star Stable threw everything they had at Ice the last time out. She was
able to win last week against those uneven odds... but can she do it twice in
a row?? Ice may be letting her hatred for the Stable cloud her thinking.
McLane: Well, we'll try to speak to her later in the program and get
some more information on how this came about. But in a few moments, Lee, we
have a match coming up between Hammerin' Heather Steele and Caliente. At Summer
Swelter, Heather defeated the Disciplinarian... and busted out a new finisher,
the Jackhammer.
Marshall: That was a big win for Heather. The Disciplinarian tried to
get into Heather's head with her usual onslaught of insults, and beat her in
their first meeting. But Heather persevered and beat Ms. D twice in a row. We'll
see if she can keep the mini-winning streak going tonight.
Cut to Boom Boom the Volcano and Paradise gossiping and talking together. Farah enters and interrupts.
Farah: Umm... I'm not sure how to put this, so I guess I'll just say
it. Do you guys wanna tag team together? I mean, I'd be happy to keep teaming
with you, Paradise, but it just seems like the two of you would make a perfect
team.
Boom Boom and Paradise: Yeah!!!
Paradise: Who are you going to team with now, Farah?
Farah: Jeannie Kim.
Paradise: Awesome! You can be Genies in a Bottle! She's Jeannie... and
[gesturing at Farah's clothing] you've got that genie type of thing going too!
Farah: That's pretty good, Paradise! Even though we won't be tag teaming
together anymore, you're still always be #1 in my book.
Paradise and Farah hug.
Cut to ringside for the Heather-Caliente match.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to Terri Gold, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, Roxy Powers, and Tanja, Warrior Woman (the latter of whom is obviously beat up from her Hell in the Cell match with Thug) backstage. Terri and Beckie wear the Tag Team belts, Tanja the Hardcore belt.
Terri: Well, all four of us had title matches at Summer Swelter. Three
of us have belts now. What happened to yours, Roxy?
Roxy (angered): What kind of question is that, Terri! You saw what happened!
Jungle Grrrl was the better woman out there that night. I'm not ashamed to say
it. What she can do out there is simply unbelievable. I don't think there's
anyone better in WOW right now. I've never seen anyone do quite what she can
do.
Terri (sarcastic): Well, I'm glad to see you're so impressed, Roxy. But
considering that I beat Jungle Grrrl with the WOW World title on the
line, you can see why I am not so impressed. Maybe I should have interfered
for you again, like I did when you fought Slam Dunk. Maybe that's the only way
you can win a big match.
Roxy (moving towards Terri): Well, don't beat around the bush, Terri.
What are you trying to say?
Beckie (coming between them): Whoa, whoa, whoa! Both of you calm
down! This is supposed to be a time for celebration. Terri, you and I are the
Tag Team champs now, and Tanja is the Hardcore champ. Roxy did the best she
could. There will be other chances. In the meantime, we finally got Caged Heat
back for what they did to you, Terri. You should be happy!
Terri: I am happy that we got back at Caged Heat... they cheated
that belt right off me and gave it to Selina Majors. Selina didn't deserve that
World Title. And neither does Jungle Grrrl.
Beckie: What does Jungle Grrrl have to do with anything? So she has the
World Title. Meanwhile, we don't even seem to worry anymore about poor Bronco
Billie being stuck in the Star Stable... which was supposed to be the reason
we started this team! Why are you so obsessed with Jungle Grrrl and the World
Title, Terri? I don't even understand why it's so important to you!
Terri: No... no, I suppose you wouldn't understand that.
Cut to Caged Heat's (appropriately decorated) locker room. The Heat and Selina Majors are there.
Delta: That's my girl... Selina Majors!!! The big winner last week,
against Slam Dunk!
Loca: You right back in the hunt, baby. That's a big win. You'll be World
Champ again in no time! That title's all yours!
Delta: And Vendetta... gettin' hardcore and taking down that nut Jacklyn
Hyde. That girl is just plain crazy. Umm... no offense, Loca.
Loca: Hey, I may be crazy... or at least I may plead insanity sometimes,
you know what I'm sayin'... [Loca and Delta slap five] ...but I ain't crazy
enough to go against my girl Vendetta! You gotta be totally out your mind to
do that! She can't be beat!
Selina: I can't believe you guys are so happy! You just lost your Tag
Team titles!
Delta: It ain't no thang, Selina. Two of us lost... but two of us won.
That ain't all that bad. And tonight, we get to put the lockdown on those Beach
Patrol bimbos.
Loca: Didn't we fight them before?
Delta: These are different chicks now, Loca.
Loca: Still red swimsuits?
Delta: Yeah.
Loca: Aiight. I'm like a bull, baby... I'm takin' out anything red. Caged
Heat in effect. Let's do this. [They all slap five.]
Cut to ringside for the Beach Patrol-Caged Heat match. The two teams enter (accompanied by Lana Star and Vendetta, respectively) and jaw at each other. Lana takes the mic.
Lana: Ohmahgod... I cannot believe you are wearing bright orange. That is sooooo... well, I was gonna say last year... but now that I think about it... that is sooooo... never!! Now these girls... [waves her hand towards Beach Patrol, who pose appropriately] ... this is what a woman is supposed to look like. Look at the impeccable hair care... the winning smiles... [the BP smile] ...the superb fashion sense! These are two wrestlers who are definitely going places.
Delta grabs the mic from a surprised Lana.
Delta: We ain't here for a fashion show... we here to cause some mayhem. And what time is it? HARD TIME! Let's go, Loca.
The bell rings, and the bout begins.
[Benny Hill commercial]
Cut to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Well, fans, we're just about set for Ice Cold's Intercontinental title defense against Jaded. I was able to speak to Ice Cold just a few moments ago, and here's what she had to say.
Cut to pre-taped McLane-Ice Cold interview.
McLane: Ice, whose idea was this match tonight against Jaded?
Ice: It was her idea, McLane. But I'm not gonna back down from anyone
in the Star Stable. If they want a fight with me, they've got it. I'd love to
take each of them on and rip each of them to shreds. I can never make them feel
the pain I've felt... but I can try.
McLane: Ice... quite honestly, after you won the Intercontinental belt,
we were all hoping that you might calm down a bit...
Ice: That'll never happen, McLane! That's why I keep shaving my head...
so that I never forget what Lana Star, Poison, and the rest of the Star
Stable did to me. You don't know what it's like, McLane... to finally get to
the point, after years of neglect and misery, that you can put your trust in
another human being... and then to see that person abandon you at the first
sign of adversity. I was knocked unconscious and humiliated in front of the
entire world, while all of you stood around and watched. How can you expect
me to forget all that?
McLane: Ice, I know that you're emotional right now, but think about
it for a second... do you really want to go through with this match?
Ice: I'm going through with it, McLane... and I'm gonna win it. [She stalks
away.]
Cut to ringside for the introductions.
Jaded-Ice Cold match (Intercontinental title)
Poison, for the second time in two weeks, watches in shock as a triumphant Ice Cold cradles the Intercontinental belt.
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
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Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
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