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WOW Episode #36F

IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE:

• Harley's Angels complied with the stipulations of their Summer Swelter match, and put their pool hall up for sale.
• Jeannie Kim (formerly Lotus), who had taken time off to deal with personal issues (most notably the defection of her former Asian Invasion partner Jade), made a successful return to WOW. Jeannie defeated Farah the Persian Princess.
• Riot again called out Acting Commissioner Danger, asking how many more of Danger's challenges she would have to overcome before she got a chance at the WOW World Title. Danger appeared on WOWVision and set up matches for Riot against Vendetta and Selina Majors. Danger promised that, if Riot wins both matches, she will get her shot at the title.
• Farah congratulated Jeannie on her impressive victory, and asked if she would like to tag team together. Jeannie said that, if it was okay with Farah's current partner Paradise, it was okay with her. Farah said that it probably would be, since she suspected Paradise wanted to team with Boom Boom the Volcano anyway. And indeed, that turned out to be the case, and the teams were realigned. Paradise suggested a name for the Farah/Jeannie team: "Genies in a Bottle."
• Hammerin' Heather Steele beat Caliente with the Jackhammer.
• Terri Gold criticized Roxy Powers for her Summer Swelter World Title match loss to Jungle Grrrl. Terri pointed out that herself, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, and Tanja, Warrior Woman had all won belts at Summer Swelter... but Roxy had not. Roxy got angry. Beckie played peacemaker, and wondered why Terri was so preoccupied with the World Title anyway. Terri said that Beckie wouldn't understand that.
• By contrast, Caged Heat, despite losing their tag belts at Summer Swelter, was a supportive and happy unit. Delta Lotta Pain and Loca complimented teammates Vendetta and Selina Majors on their Summer Swelter wins. The Heat promised to put the beatdown on their scheduled opponents, the New Beach Patrol... and then proceeded to do so, Loca making the pin on California Bobbi after administering a neckbreaker.
• Ice Cold, who had earlier accepted an Intercontinental title challenge from Jaded, successfully defended her belt against the Asian Spitfire. For the second time in two weeks, Ice beat a member of the Star Stable despite interference from Poison and other Stable members.

Ohhhhh... WOW!

[Title sequence, etc.]

Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.

McLane: Fans, welcome to WOW -- Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane, and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. And fans, things are heating up when it comes to the WOW World title hunt.
Marshall: Indeed, David. The WOW World belt, once so firmly anchored around the waist of Terri Gold, has been a little busier lately. First, Caged Heat interfered in a match between Terri and Selina Majors, giving Selina the title. Then Jungle Grrrl knocked off Selina on her first title defense. Now, however, I think the belt may have a permanent resting place. Jungle Grrrl is an amazing combination of power, agility, and intelligence. She took care of Roxy Powers at Summer Swelter... much like she has taken care of just about everyone she's faced, in an efficient, no-nonsense manner. Let's face it, she has only lost twice in WOW's entire history.
McLane: Well, I can't disagree with any of that, Lee. But keep in mind that Jungle Grrrl has never fought Riot... and if Riot has her way, that's going to change. Riot's arch-rival, Acting Commissioner Danger, has not exactly made it easy for Riot to progress in the federation during her tenure as Commissioner. But last week, Danger set up a series of matches that provide a possible road to the gold for the Heavy Metal Maniac.

[Replay the skit from last week's episode where this was discussed.]

Marshall: Well, Riot has her shot now, beginning tonight when she takes on Vendetta in that Falls Count Anywhere match. Something tells me that if Riot doesn't take advantage of the opportunity she's been given, Danger is not going to grant her another title shot any time in the foreseeable future.
McLane: That Riot-Vendetta match will be later in our program, and it will be a humdinger, I'm sure. Remember, Vendetta bodyslammed Thug a while back, and gave her all she could handle in a Hell in a Cell match at Spring Vengeance. And just recently at Summer Swelter, Vendetta did the seemingly impossible and outbrawled Jacklyn Hyde. She is tough as nails. And you can never rule out the possibility of Caged Heat showing up and helping their teammate.
Marshall: Vendetta is tough enough in a regular match. But a Falls Count Anywhere match is definitely somewhere where she will feel right at home. Of course, Riot has gotten hardcore a couple of times herself... against Wendi Wheels at WOW Unleashed, and against the New Beach Patrol at Summer Swelter. She lacks Vendetta's brute strength, though. She will have to use more of a "hit and run" strategy.
McLane: Speaking of Jacklyn Hyde, as we were just a few moments ago, tonight's opening match features her. Jacklyn will be taking on Slam Dunk.
Marshall: Slam had a setback at Summer Swelter when she was beaten by Selina Majors. I hate to say it, but she is starting to develop a history of "choking" in big matches. A win here would do her a lot of good.
McLane: Let's go to ringside and see what transpires.

The two wrestlers are introduced. Jacklyn shows up in basketball gear, except carrying a pumpkin instead of a basketball. She tries to dribble the pumpkin... but of course, it breaks the first time it hits the ground. Jacklyn is horrified. A disgusted Slam drags Jacklyn into the ring by her hair, and the match begins

Jacklyn-Slam match

Marshall: Whew, what a match! Both women taking a lot of punishment there. Jacklyn took both the airplane spin and the chokeslam before she would go down. And for her part, Slam survived a splash, a neckbreaker, and a brutal shot with a folding chair.

Slam (in Boston Celtics gear, as usual) gets on the mic and brags.

Slam: McLane, you're bringing shame to the game. First you have me fight two cheerleaders who weigh about a buck-fifty combined... then you have me fight someone who tries to dribble a pumpkin?!? HELLO??? What are you afraid of, McLane? Afraid that if Slam Dunk is your champ, it won't be good for business? That's what the NBA thought about Allen Iverson, too... and just like him, I'm the Most Valuable Player, so you better get used to it. I'll clown Shaq and Kobe... you heard me... I WILL CLOWN THEM. They ain't nothin', and neither are these jokers you keep scheduling me to fight. All you vertically challenged haters need to recognize the prodigy... Slam Dunk. And I'm out.

Slam abruptly drops the mic and exits.

[EnerX commercial]

Cut to a backstage meeting of the faction of tag team champs Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, hardcore champ Tanja, and Roxy Powers. Terri and Roxy, who got into an argument last week, regard each other warily.

Terri: Well, what are we gonna do here?
Beckie: We could try to get Bronco Billie out of the Star Stable...
Terri (cutting her off): I thought we already decided that wasn't a top priority. (beat) You know... as a group.
Beckie: That's true, we did decide that.
Terri: I'm just trying to summarize what we all agreed on. We decided that our top priority was to get revenge against Caged Heat, and get the tag team and world titles back. Roxy got her shot at the World title, and she failed. I don't want to play the blame game and talk about whose fault it was... but, for whatever reason, she lost. So who else here is gonna step up to that big, bad Jungle Grrrl? Anyone brave enough to do it?
Tanja: I'll do it, Terri. I've hunted down much tougher prey in my day. It shouldn't be a problem.
Terri: There ya go! There is a woman who has the guts and pride to win a WOW title... to become a multi-title winner, even. You go get Jungle Grrl, Tanja. Give her what she deserves for toting around our belt.

Cut back to the announcers' desk.

McLane: Well, Lee, we're just about set here to see Lana Star and Bronco Billie take on Law & Order.
Marshall: This will be a tough one for the Star Stable team, Lee. Law & Order have been running wild through WOW's tag team ranks. If they can beat Harley's Angels in a pool hall brawl, I have a hard time seeing how Lana and Billie have much of a shot. I mean, Lana and Billie are pretty wily, but let's face it, they are not exactly impervious to pain.
McLane: I suspect that Lana's plan to win this match involves hitting someone with a mirror, Lee.
Marshall: Even that might not work against two tough women like Law & Order! Kristi Order was hit over the head with a wall clock during the pool hall brawl at Summer Swelter... and still won the match!
McLane: Very true... but I assure you Lana will try to think of something. Let's find out.

Lana/Billie vs. L&O match

After the match, Nikki tries to handcuff Billie to the ringpost so that the traditional post-victory billyclub beatdown can be delivered. Lana quickly gets in Kristi's face to distract her as Jane Blond climbs to the top rope. Jane hits Kristi with the Kick of Death, leaving her laid out. Jane and Lana then advance on Nikki. Nikki clocks Lana in the stomach with her billyclub, doubling her up, and takes the opportunity to hightail it, dragging Kristi with her. Billie gasps in relief, while she is tended to by Lana and Jane.

[Hooked on Phonics commercial]

Cut to a door with a large star that says "Star Stable" on it. Inside, of course, is the Stable -- Lana Star, Bronco Billie, Jane Blond, Jaded, Poison, California Wendi, and California Bobbi.

Poison: What the hell is going on out there, Lana! We used to have the Intercontinental Title and an undefeated record! All of a sudden, we have no belts, and we're losing match after match!
Lana: First of all, like, calm down, ok, Bad Breath Girl? Now, I admit that we have hit a bit of a slump lately. But the important thing is that we still look damn good! I mean, look at us (sweeping hand gesture). Although I wish you would change that ratty outfit, Poison. Something like what Jane is wearing would really be perfect for you.
Poison (angered): I don't want to change my outfit, Lana. I thought we were going to be an unstoppable force as a stable. I thought you said you had connections that would get us the World title. Now we don't even have the Intercontinental anymore, never mind the World! That idiot Ice Cold is kicking our asses all by herself!
Lana: And I so totally do have connections! Just, like, chill out! You're so stuck on this "win, win, win" kick... it's like a total drag. But listen, girls, check out what else I've been working on... we're gonna start filming our movie really soon! On Bronco Billie's ranch! We'll be total zillionaire movie stars! (pinches Poison's cheek) Are you ready for your closeup, Poison?
Poison: I'm ready for my match, Lana. Even if I'm the only one here who is.

Cut to Lee Marshall and David McLane.

McLane: Lee, we have a major announcement to make. Jungle Grrrl has accepted a challenge from Tanja, Warrior Woman for the WOW World Title. That match will take place next week.
Marshall: Holy cow! The up-and-coming hardcore champ! That's very exciting news. David, what happens to the Hardcore title if Tanja wins?
McLane: That would be up to Acting Commissioner Danger, Lee. We'll try to get a ruling on that. But for now, we need to go to ringside, where Jaded and Poison are taking on the Island Girls, Boom Boom and Paradise. This is the Island Girls' debut match as a team... as you remember, Boom Boom was formerly Caliente's partner, and Paradise partnered with Farah. Since they have yet to work together, I'm not necessarily expecting a win here. Let's just see how they fare.

Jaded & Poison vs. Island Girls match

After the match, Poison helps her partner to her feet... and then spits venom in her face! Jaded drops to the floor, clawing at her eyes, as Poison stalks out.

As Boom Boom goes backstage after the win, she is confronted by Caliente.

Boom Boom: Caliente, is something wrong?
Caliente: You damn right something's wrong, ese! You go and dump me as a partner for Paradise without telling me? I have to find this out through backstage gossip? What happened, amiga? You scared of Caliente?
Boom Boom: You're right, Cal... I should have told you... you shouldn't have to find out that way. You do understand it, though... right?
Caliente: I don't understand nothing, man.
Boom Boom (getting a little agitated): Don't be mad, Cal. I mean, let's be realistic... our partnership wasn't doing all that well.
Caliente: Yeah... that's because I get tired carrying your fat ass around. [Boom Boom is shocked] Who got pinned by Beach Patrol? It wasn't Caliente! You and your friend Boom Boom, giggling and gossiping all the time, throwing matches to each other... oh, you think I don't know? You think this is a game, amiga? It ain't no game!!! You better run off with your little friend and work on some moves, because the other team isn't gonna help you win every time, ok? And lose some weight, for Crissake... have a little self-respect.

A visibly distraught Boom Boom storms out.

[Benny Hill commercial]

Cut to Loca, Delta Lotta Pain, Vendetta, and Selina Majors in their backstage (prison-decor) area.

Loca: Yo, Vendetta, good luck against Riot. She pretty tough... but I know you can beat her.
Vendetta: Thanks, Loca.
Selina: And if you can't... I've got next shot. I gotta tell you, Vendetta, I do hope you win... but I wouldn't exactly mind going one-on-one with Riot either.
Delta: All I know is, one of us has got that crazy [beep] locked down. We a team till the end. What time is it??
All: HARD TIME!!
Delta: That's right... Caged Heat for life, baby. Go get her, girl.

Cut to ringside for the introductions and match.

Vendetta vs. Riot match

McLane: Good Lord... Riot and Vendetta literally fighting it out in the streets of Los Angeles... and Riot finally emerges victorious!!
Marshall: What a match, David! Both wrestlers poured their heart and soul into that one!
McLane: But can Riot defeat Selina Majors and get a shot at the WOW World Title? And if she does, will her opponent be Jungle Grrrl, or Tanja? The only way to find out is to tune in to WOW - Women of Wrestling next week! See you then!

[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]

ZeusPro

WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)

Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)

Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)

David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)

An excellent ZeusPro resources page