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WOW Episode #37F
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Fans, welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane,
and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. And Lee, tonight's main event should be
a heck of a matchup. Jungle Grrrl will be defending the most prestigious title
in women's wrestling -- the WOW World Title -- against Tanja, Warrior Woman.
Marshall: David, Jungle Grrrl last defended her title at Summer Swelter
against Tanja's tag team partner, Roxy Powers. Now she is taking on the other
half of that partnership. Tanja has risen to prominence lately as a member of
the Hardcore division. [highlights of the matches run as McLane speaks] First,
she outbrawled Selina Majors in a memorable hardcore match. Then at Summer Swelter,
Tanja defeated Thug to claim the WOW Hardcore Title. This makes tonight's match
the first time that two WOW titleholders have been pit against each other --
truly a historic moment.
McLane: You're definitely right that Tanja's stock is on the rise, Lee.
Defeating WOW's two hardiest warriors -- Selina Majors and Thug -- in hardcore
matches is extremely impressive. But this match was actually set up by a direct
challenge from Tanja to Jungle Grrrl, which Jungle Grrrl accepted. I spoke to
the current World champ just a little while ago about this upcoming bout.
Cut to pre-taped McLane-Jungle Grrrl interview.
McLane: Jungle Grrrl, since there currently is no clear-cut #1 contender
to your World Title, you did not have to accept Tanja's challenge for a title
match. But you did. Why?
Jungle Grrrl: Bored.
McLane: So... ummm... you just wanted to defend the title?
Jungle Grrrl: Yeah.
McLane: Well, Jungle Grrrl, I think you might be in for more than you
bargained for. Tanja is the Hardcore Champion, and with wins over Selina Majors
and Thug, she's proven she is as tough as nails. Plus, the Warrior Woman claims
that she has hunted down far more difficult prey than you in the past. What's
your response to all that?
Jungle Grrrl (smiling): If she comes against me with bare hands in that
ring... she's not the hunter... she's the hunted.
Cut back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: So Jungle Grrrl, as usual, showing a seemingly unshakable confidence
about tonight's match.
Marshall: I'm not going to deny that she has reason to be confident,
David. But Tanja has a belt around her waist too, and I personally feel she
has a heckuva chance tonight. Tanja gives nothing away to Jungle Grrrl either
in agility, or in toughness.
McLane: Well, we'll find out who is the better woman later in tonight's
program. But first, we have a match scheduled between Genies in a Bottle and
the Daughters of Darkness. This will be the debut of the Genies team, which
consists of Farah the Persian Princess, and Jeannie Kim -- the former Lotus.
Marshall: The Genies are a promising squad, David. They actually had
a good match against each other just a couple of weeks ago, in Jeannie's return
to WOW. Each was impressed by the other, and so they decided to team up. I'll
be very interested to see how they look tonight in their debut.
McLane: The Genies are a marriage of convenience, to an extent. Farah
and her former tag team partner, Paradise, mutually agreed to end their partnership.
And for her part, Jeannie Kim lost her partner when Jaded -- or as she was then
known, Jade -- defected to the Star Stable. By the way, karma may have kicked
Jaded in the butt last week, as her partner, Poison, seemingly turned
on her. I'll be talking to Poison about that later in tonight's program. But
I see we're just about set for the opening match, so let's go to ringside for
the introductions.
[EnerX commercial]
Cut to backstage, where the faction of Terri Gold, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, Roxy Powers, and Tanja is meeting.
Beckie: Good luck tonight, Tanja!
Roxy: I know you can do it, girl!
Terri: Yes, good luck, Tanja... and as the only former WOW World champion
here, perhaps I can give you some advice too. Remember something... even though
this woman is a fraud as our World Champion... she's still very dangerous. You
have to be on your guard at all times... anticipate what the other person is
going to do. That's the secret to coming out on top.
Tanja: Thanks, guys. If I win, it's for all of us.
Terri: Now as for you, Roxy, you have a match scheduled tonight against
Jacklyn Hyde. Now, I know Jacklyn is very tough to put down. She's an idiot,
to be honest, and she's too dumb to even know that she's supposed to be in pain.
But tonight, you've got something to prove. You need to prove to me that you're
not a choker like your pal Slam Dunk. You were almost the WOW World champion,
owner of the most prestigious title in the sport... prove to me you can get
there again.
Roxy: Don't worry, Terri. I'm not gonna give up just because I lost one
match. That's not what Roxy Powers is about. I'm gonna work my way back up to
the top... starting tonight.
Cut to the intros for the Roxy Powers-Jacklyn Hyde matchup. Jacklyn is wearing an outfit very similar to Roxy's old green and yellow job. Roxy looks at her disgustedly.
After the match, David McLane conducts an interview with Poison.
McLane: Poison, last week, you and Jaded had a tag team match against
the Island Girls, Boom Boom and Paradise. After Jaded got pinned for the loss,
you spit venom in her face and walked off. What exactly was going on there?
Poison: McLane, let me give you a little hint about how Poison's mind
works... I do what's good for me, period. For a while there, the Star Stable
were winning every match they fought. And they kept going on about how they
had "connections" and how they were going to take the WOW World Title.
And that's my goal, McLane... and I don't care how I get there, either. So I
joined up with the team I thought could boost me to the top. But now, I think
we can all see that the Star Stable is more interested in looking pretty and
making movies than it is in doing what it takes to win belts. Anyone who would
fall for their lies now is a total sucker.
Suddenly, Poison is clocked from behind with a chair by Caliente. Poison falls, and Caliente continues to work her over.
McLane: Caliente??? What the heck are you doing? Can we get some security over here??
[Benny Hill commercial]
Cut to a door with a large star on it. Behind it, obviously, is the Star Stable dressing room where the Stable members -- Lana Star, Bronco Billie, Jane Blond, Jaded, California Bobbi, and California Wendi -- are assembled. The leader, Lana, speaks.
Lana: So, okay... I know we're all a little bummed out about the fact that we haven't been winning too many matches lately. And I suppose that some of you might even be bummed out that that dye job Poison decided to totally bail on us... although I can't imagine why anyone would even want that freakazoid around. Anyway... I've got plenty of good news for everyone that is going to make us all feel totally terrific. Just like WOW's biggest stars should feel! Okay? So let me tell you about all this super cool stuff. [pause] I promised myself that I would memorize the list of super cool stuff. But I guess I didn't. So... umm... can I have the list of super cool stuff? [Bronco Billie gives her the list.] Thanks, Billie. You are so totally the best personal assistant ever. [Lana puts on reading glasses] Okay. Here we go. Item #1: We have a new member! So forget about that idiot Poison, okay, because this girl is like soooo much better... Caliente!
Lana opens the door, and Caliente enters.
Lana: Caliente just passed our initiation test by showing that defect
Poison what we do to defectors!
Caliente (to the group): Amigas, I am so happy to be working with you.
Can you imagine having to try to get somewhere working with bums like Farah,
Boom Boom, and Paradise? And then they all think they're too good to tag team
with Caliente??? I'm gonna show them what's up... and all those other goody-goodies
too. You chicks are so much better than those lamers.
Lana: Very cool, Caliente. Or should I say... mucho cool! Hahahahaha!!!
[No one laughs.] Riiiight. Well, anyway, item #3...
Jane: Two.
Lana: Yeah, okay... item #2 is like... y'know how Jane lost the Intercontinental
title to stupid Ice Cold, and now we don't have any belts anymore? Well, being
the genius I am, I figured out a solution to that problem. May I present to
you... the Star Stable belt. [Lana takes the garish golden belt out of a box]
Ta-daaaa!
Jane: So who gets the belt?
Lana: I was thinking me, actually... [Everyone looks displeased] No?
Okay, we'll have some kind of tournament or something I guess. But that leads
me to item #3, which is that we're finally going to start filming our movie
next week so we can become huge movie stars. And to that end, item #4, which
is... y'know that bar or whatever that Harley's Angels used to have, but they
had to sell it when they lost a match? Well, I bought it, and it's gonna be
my Executive Producer office where we can plan all the movie stuff and... stuff.
[beat] Only problem is that Harley's Angels got a little mad, and they got the
Commissioner to give them a match against me and Jane tonight. But that's not
a problem, right, Jane?
Jane: Certainly not.
Lana: Okay. So that's it for this week's announcements, and let's all
be like David Cassidy and get happy, ok? The Star Stable may have had a bad
couple of weeks, but we're still the coolest group ever.
The Star Stable members break up into smaller groups and talk, and they do indeed seem pleased. Lana pulls Billie aside.
Lana: I really meant what I said about you being an awesome personal
assistant. I don't know why the Disciplinarian didn't want you helping her.
You've worked hard for me!
Billie: It's the least I can do, Lana. Ever since I came into the Star Stable,
I have been winning matches. And it is pretty awesome to have a movie
filmed on your ranch.
Lana: Maybe the Star Stable isn't so bad after all, huh, Billie? [Billie
smiles.] Well, me and Jane have to take care of those stinky Harley's Angels
girls now. Gotta jet.
Cut to ringside for the introductions.
Lana & Jane vs. Harley's match
After the match, Thug tries to do the Last Call on the unconscious Lana. Billie quickly drags Lana out of the ring, and the three Star Stable members make their escape.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to the intros for the World Title match between Tanja, Warrior Woman and defending champ Jungle Grrrl.
JG poses in her no-nonsense way with the belt, while Terri yells at Tanja.
McLane: And so Jungle Grrrl has successfully defended her title again. Can anyone knock her off her perch? Fans, tune in next week for more WOW - Women of Wrestling action!
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
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