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WOW Episode #38F
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Hello, and welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane,
and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. And fans, if you missed our program last
week, you missed a spectacular display by Jungle Grrrl. [highlights are played
as McLane speaks] The reigning WOW World champion took out the hardcore champion,
Tanja, in a high-flying performance. This is the latest in Jungle Grrrl's string
of conquests... she has also beaten Tanja's tag team partner, the Total Athlete,
Roxy Powers... and she has beaten the former WOW champion, Selina Majors. Lee,
can anyone wrest that title belt from around Jungle Grrrl's waist?
Marshall: If anyone does, David, it will be the toughest thing they ever
did. Anyone who has seen Jungle Grrrl wrestle has noted her amazing strength,
her feline agility, and her devastating moveset. But what strikes me most about
Jungle Grrrl is her mental approach. She wastes no time and effort on posturing
or show business. She just takes her opponents apart with skill and precision.
She doesn't think she can be beat... and there isn't much evidence to the contrary.
McLane: I can't argue at all with any of what you just said. But there
is another woman in WOW who has that same combination of confidence and ability...
Riot. And if Riot can beat Selina Majors tonight, Acting Commissioner Danger
has promised her a World Title match.
Marshall: Riot is looking for the torch to be passed tonight, David,
from a past champion to a future one. Selina has not only been the WOW champion...
she has been the champ of federations all over the world. Selina has a lot of
pride, to say the least, and she is going to do everything she can to get back
into that World Title picture. And she doesn't limit herself to what's allowed
in the rulebook, either!
McLane: And furthermore, Lee, in a three-way dance a couple of months
ago, Selina pinned Riot clean... a claim no one else can make. She certainly
is as tough an opponent as Riot could hope to face. I spoke to the Heavy Metal
Maniac prior to tonight's broadcast, and here's what she had to say.
Cut to pre-taped Riot-McLane interview.
McLane: Riot, Selina Majors is the former WOW champion, and she has
beaten you before. Are you concerned about tonight's match?
Riot: McLane, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that I don't respect what
Selina Majors has accomplished in this business. Anyone who doesn't get along
with that whiny, simpering loser Terri Gold can't be all bad. If me, Caged Heat,
and Selina were to hang out... we'd be cool. But in that ring tonight... Selina
Majors is a dead woman. And Danger... as I pound that old woman into an unconscious,
bloody wreck... I'm going to imagine her with your face. And every time
I hit her... think of me hitting you, only ten times harder. Because that's
exactly what I'm going to do to you, if you ever dare to step back into that
ring... beat you into a bloody pulp. You've tried to play little political games
for months now, trying to stop me from becoming the champion. Haven't you figured
out what everyone else in this building knows... that NOTHING... CAN STOP THE
RIOT?? Not Selina Majors... not you, McLane... and not Danger. I am a natural
born wrestler, and I will be the champion.
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Strong words there from Riot... both for her opponent tonight,
Selina Majors, and for her nemesis, the Acting Commissioner, Danger. But for
now, we kick things off with a match between Farah and Misery.
Marshall: David, Misery could really use a win here. Her and her partner,
Mystery, have gone nowhere but backwards since Mystery made such a dramatic
debut here in WOW, stealing the belt of the then-champion Terri Gold. And for
her part, Farah is trying to make a mark outside of the tag team scene. Let's
see what transpires.
Cut to ringside for the introductions.
Cut to Acting Commissioner Danger's office. Danger, obviously agitated, is doing paperwork when Poison enters. Poison, who just received a beating from Caliente last week, is bandaged and obviously injured.
Danger: Hey! Poison! How are you feeling?
Poison: Could be better, Commish. Caliente got me pretty good. But I'll
live.
Danger: That's just like that Star Stable brat pack... to attack you
from behind. At least you got out of there, though. You should have talked to
me before you got involved with them. I could have told you that they wouldn't
do you any good. And they certainly have no pull with me, I assure you of that.
Poison: Funny you should mention the Star Stable, Danger, because they're
who I'd like to talk to you about. As you probably know, they're not here this
week... they went to Bronco Billie's ranch to film their movie.
Danger (sarcastically): Yeah, and I really miss 'em too.
Poison: Well, here's the interesting thing. That genius Lana Star left
something behind that you might be interested in. It's on top of her dresser.
Danger: Thanks for letting me know that, Poison. I sure hope I accidentally
run across it and accidentally find out what it is. [Danger winks; Poison
grins back.]
[EnerX commercial]
Cut to Bronco Billie's ranch, where the Star Stable is filming their movie. The first thing we see is the camera lovingly lingering on California Wendi and California Bobbi (in swimsuits). Cut back to a wider angle, and we see Lana Star slap the cameraman in the back of the head.
Lana: No, no, no! This is my scene!
Cameraman: Again?
Lana: Yes, again. Now make sure that the camera captures all of
my loveliness. Use a wide-angle lens if you have to. And... action!
Jaded and Jane Blond, in ninja costumes, come at Lana.
Jaded: First, my people captured your spy plane... and now we will capture
America's top secret agent! Prepare to be boarded, Lana Star! [Pause. Jane is
standing there looking sullen.]
Lana: Say it!
Jane (very halfheartedly): Cheerio, old chum. How would you like to dine
on my big breakfast of blood pudding... followed by an extra large helping of
pain? Pip pip!
Lana: You wish, chumps! I will destroy the both of you and your entire
evil organization! Feel my wrath! Hiiiiii-YAAAA!! [Lana gives both Jaded and
Jane extremely fake, Miss Piggy-esque karate chops. They both fall down, although
Jane does a terrible job of selling.] Cut! Perfect! Print it!
Cameraman: Ummm... are you sure we should print that?
Lana: Why, you didn't think it was good?
Billie (enthusiastically): I thought it was great!
Lana: My assistant executive producer thinks it was great, nerd boy.
So what's your excuse?
Cameraman (stuttering): Oh, yeah, it was good... but it wasn't
great. I think if we do it one more time, it can be great.
Lana: Okay, fine, whatever. Let's try this again, girls. Mr. Scorsese here
thinks it wasn't totally perfect.
Cut back to backstage at WOW. Danger walks past the door to the Star Stable's dressing room.
Danger (to herself, very exaggerated): Oh, golly! I better check into the Star Stable's dressing room and make sure that everything is alright! [She enters the dressing room.] Hmm! It seems a little messy! I bet Lana would really appreciate if I cleaned up a bit. She'll be so happy when she comes back! [Of course, Danger "cleans off" the top of Lana's dresser, and encounters the Star Stable belt.] Wow! What is this thing I have stumbled across totally unexpectedly and at random! It appears to be some sort of championship belt! I had better take it into the Acting Commissioner's office for safekeeping.
Cut to the Acting Commish's office a few minutes later. Danger hangs the belt on the wall.
Danger: I think I'll call it... the WOW TV Title. And I think we'll start up the tournament to give it away right now...while those jackasses are prancing around their stupid ranch pretending to be movie stars.
[Benny Hill commercial]
Cut back to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' desk, in a state of shock.
McLane: Well, fans, during that commercial break, we had a bombshell
dropped on us! Acting Commissioner Danger has commissioned a new title... the
TV title! We don't know much of anything about it, to be honest... we were just
told about this development literally moments ago. All we know is that a tournament
will be held to determine the title's first holder... and that tournament begins
tonight! Talk about your pleasant surprises, Lee!
Marshall: I don't know what to say, David... except that this new belt
is going to give another target for our athletes here in WOW to shoot for. Especially
for those wrestlers who are trying to prove that they belong on a wider stage,
this is a chance to make an impact. And here are two combatants who definitely
both fit into that category... Jeannie Kim, and Paradise.
McLane: Jeannie has had some good performances since she broke up with
her former partner Jaded and dropped the "Lotus" moniker. And remember
that she made it to the finals of the Intercontinental title tournament. I'd
think she has to be favored here, Lee.
Marshall: Not necessarily, David. I was speaking to Riot the other day,
and she told me that she felt Paradise was the most underrated worker in the
company... and Riot knows wrestling talent! I'll call this one even. Let's see
what happens.
Cut to ringside for the introductions.
Jeannie and Paradise shake hands after the match.
McLane: That's always nice to see. So Jeannie Kim will advance to the
next round of the TV Title Tournament. To face who? We have no idea, fans. Only
Danger knows... hopefully, she will tell us soon. But nonetheless, we press
onward with another TV Title Tournament match. This match is going to pit Tamie
Sheffield -- formerly Sandy, of the Beach Patrol -- against Boom Boom the Volcano.
Marshall: Both of these wrestlers are real crowd favorites, David. It'll
be interesting to see who the fans end up going for.
Cut to ringside for the introductions.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to Caged Heat's lockerroom, where the Heat is conferring with their ally Selina Majors.
Selina: So if I get into trouble tonight, will you three... y'know...
pitch in?
The three members of Caged Heat exchange uncomfortable glances.
Delta: Well, Selina... it was one thing when you were going against
Terri Gold. We were happy to help you against that weak-ass jabroni. But against
Riot... it's a little different. I mean, you're still our girl, but...
Loca: And Selina... we didn't help out Vendetta when she faced
Riot... and you're both our girls, equally.
Vendetta: You don't need our help, Selina. You beat her before... and
you have more belts than she has hair extensions! What has Riot ever done? Beat
up some lifeguards? You can whup her ass by yourself, no problem. [The other
signify their agreement.]
Delta: Tell ya what. Vendetta's the toughest girl we've got. Why doesn't
she accompany you to the ring, and if Riot's livin' foul, Vendetta will put
her ass down.
Loca: That's right. If she hits you with a chair... Vendetta hits her
with a piano or somethin'.
Delta: Caged Heat strikes back with vengeance, baby!! [The three CH members
celebrate.]
Selina (noncommitally): Okay, then.
Back to the ring. Selina (with Vendetta) and Riot make their entrances. The ring announcer is announcing the rules when... whoop, whoop... Danger appears on WOWVision.
Danger: Oh, and by the way... there will be no countouts or disqualifications allowed in this match. Have fun with Selina and her friends, Riot.
Riot is furious, but there is little she can do now, as the match gets under way.
A celebrating Riot yells at the camera, making it clear that Jungle Grrrl and Danger are her next targets.
McLane: Riot wins! Riot has triumphed over every challenge that Danger has thrown at her! And now she is going for the World Title against Jungle Grrrl! An incredible dream match!
Suddenly, Terri Gold sprints down the ramp and makes a beeline for the Heavy Metal Maniac. Kick... wham... stunner! Followed by a "Perfect 10" moonsault! Terri runs off, leaving Riot lying.
McLane: Oh my! What a shocker! Terri Gold! Attacking Riot out of nowhere! What the heck was that about! We're out of time here... tune in next week to WOW - Women of Wrestling and find out!
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WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
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