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WOW Episode #39F
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Hello, and welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane,
and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. And Lee, the world of women's wrestling
is still buzzing about what we saw at the end of last week's show. [Footage
of the incident plays as McLane speaks.] The good news for the Heavy Metal Maniac,
Riot, is that she defeated Selina Majors, thus earning her a shot at the World
Title. But then, look at this... the former World Champion Terri Gold rushes
down the ramp, and KICK! WHAM! Stunner to Riot! Followed by the Perfect 10!
Then Terri ran off without a word of explanation! Lee, what the heck is Terri
Gold thinking?
Marshall: Quite honestly, David, I've been wondering that for a while
now. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want to believe what I
was seeing. But at this point, I think we need to realize that Terri has been
acting strangely for a while now. Remember when Terri interfered in Roxy Powers's
match against Slam Dunk? [Footage of it is replayed.] Roxy didn't even need
her help! Terri was right there to raise her hand in victory... trying to steal
the spotlight away from her friend. But then Roxy lost her title match to Jungle
Grrrl, and Terri chewed her out viciously. In fact, Terri has been doing nothing
but run down her own friends for weeks now. Something is definitely up.
McLane: Well, I dunno what...
Terri Gold's music starts up.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, now making her way to the ring...
she is one half of the Women of Wrestling Tag Team Champions... Terri Gold!
McLane: Well, I guess Terri wants to explain to us what's going on around
here! I certainly hope so, anyway.
Terri grabs the mic.
Terri (mockingly): "What's Terri thinking?" "What's Terri thinking?" Can't you figure it out? It should be perfectly obvious to anyone who knows a damn thing about wrestling. [McLane: "She said 'damn'!"] Obviously, that rules you out, McLane... and Marshall, you're so damn old that if you ever did know anything about wrestling, you've forgotten it twelve times by now. [McLane: "She said it again!"] Let me try to talk down to your level, although it's going to be very difficult. Do you seriously expect me -- the undisputed greatest champion in WOW history -- a world-class gymnast and fitness competitor... do you expect Terri Gold to just sit around while random scrubeenies who aren't fit to lace up my boots get title shots? NO WAY, BUSTER!! That's not how Terri Gold got this far. Terri Gold didn't get abs of steel by sitting around waiting for something to happen! Terri Gold didn't become the first repeat WOW World champion, and the first woman ever to win two different WOW titles, by refusing to stand up for herself! (beat) Oh... and there is one other reason why I didn't feel that Riot had the right to beat Selina Majors.
Selina Majors makes her entrance and comes to the ring.
Terri: Selina Majors is the only person in this entire federation who understands the hell I've had to go through. She feels my pain! Everyone wondered why Selina "went nuts" a while back. And obviously, I did too... at first. But when she talked to me about it... it was like she was speaking my own thoughts. When you're born superior... born a champion... to lose your championship is like taking your child away. Selina is the only one here who understands that.
Selina and Terri hug. Terri's old friends, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter, Roxy Powers, and Tanja, come to the top of the ramp.
Roxy: Not fit to lace up your boots, huh? You've got some nerve. How can you stand up there and talk about how you're such a hard worker, and such a true champion... when you wanted me and Tanja to fight your battles for you! "Go get that belt for me!", you kept saying! Then you have the nerve to say we're not fit to lace up your boots? What does that make you? You know, you've always been a whiner, Terri... ever since you whined with McLane to give you a title shot against Mystery. Let's remind the people of what I'm talking about! Put it on WOWVision!
[From WOW #9:
Terri: "If you don't give me this shot against Mystery, I will never represent
this organization again! What kind of champion would I be if I couldn't get
the belt back for my fans?"
McLane: "Does this thing mean this much to you?"
Terri: "Yes it does, and it means a lot to my fans."
McLane: "Well....I'd be breakin' the contract, but you're the first WOW champion
of all time...means that much."
Terri: "Yes - did you see what they did to me?"
McLane: "Ice Cold ain't gonna like this..."
Terri: "It doesn't matter!"
McLane: "All right, you want it?"
Terri: "Yes."
McLane: "I'll switch the match, I'll do what you need."
Terri: "Thank you."]
Roxy: I admit it... I fell for your whole sack of baloney about being
a role model and doing it for the fans! But now it's clear... you could care
less about the fans, or anyone besides yourself! You're a whiny, sore loser...
and it's finally coming out for the world to see! And here's what it all boils
down to, Terri... the reason why you tried to hide behind other people... the
reason why you couldn't stand up for yourself like a real champion does... is
because there's finally someone who you know you can't beat. I lost to Jungle
Grrrl... I'm not ashamed to say it. But you can't beat Jungle Grrrl either,
Terri. And you know it, and you can't stand it.
Beckie (emotional): Now it all makes sense, Terri. I kept wondering
why you never wanted to get Bronco Billie out of the Star Stable, like we promised
we would do. But now I see you only care about yourself and about having the
World Title. I guess Billie and I are nothing to you.
Terri (laughing): Gimme a break, Beckie. Can't you see that Bronco Billie
is happy in the Star Stable? Everyone knows it but you! Your entire little
crusade is a lie... I didn't want to tell you, because it was too damn funny!
(mockingly crying) "Oh, we have to save Billie... we have to save Billie..."
You're pathetic... you're nothing but an inbred hick! [Beckie looks on the verge
of tears.] Oh... are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry? Cry about this! Here's
what I think of you and our tag team!
Terri pulls off her tag team belt and starts jumping up and down on it. Beckie, Roxy, and Tanja rush the ring... as do Caged Heat, who zip down the runway with purpose. Terri and Selina briefly try to fight off five aggressors, but see that the odds are against them and flee, yelling at the wrestlers in the ring from the safety of the ramp. Caged Heat and the Beckie/Roxy/Tanja team regard each other warily.
Cut to a door with a large star on it, representing the Star Stable's dressing room. Lana Star unlocks the door, opens it, and immediately sees that the Star Stable belt is missing from atop her dresser.
Lana: Ummm... whoopsie... bit of a problem here, folks... ummm.... heh.
[EnerX commercial]
Cut back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Well, I don't know of any other way to put it, Lee... all hell
has broken loose here tonight. Terri Gold has turned her back on her friends...
desecrated the WOW tag team belt... and apparently has formed some sort of alliance
with Selina Majors.
Marshall: Obviously, Beckie, Roxy, and Tanja must just be devastated
by this stab in the back. Beckie and Roxy are totally right... Terri tried to
encourage them to act on her behalf... and then not only does Terri not
show them any gratitude, she goes on to viciously insult everything about them!
But let's not forget about Caged Heat. It seems like they have lost one of their
allies as well, if Selina and Terri have united. Is that why Caged Heat came
out there just now, David? I'm not totally sure...
Guitar, and "Locaaaaaaaa..." Delta Lotta Pain and Loca (carrying one of the tag team belts) make their entrance, and sit down at the commentators' table with McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Loca! Delta! Just the folks we wanted to talk to. Welcome.
Loca: Wassup.
McLane: We've got a match now between Slam Dunk and Paradise... would
you like to sit in and help Lee out with the color commentary?
Delta: Yeah. We got a lot to say.
Go to ringside, as the bout begins.
During the match, Loca and Delta clarify why they attacked Terri and Selina. They explain that they consider the tag team belts to be theirs, and were very angry when Terri attempted to destroy the belt. They also express their anger at Selina for teaming up with Terri, and make it very clear that Selina is no longer part of their clique.
After the match participants clear out... whoop, whoop...
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, making her way to the ring, the Acting Commissioner of WOW... Danger!
Pyro... water spit... Acting Commissioner Danger (with crutch) limps to the ring.
Danger: Things seem to be a little topsy-turvy around here today, but never fear... that's why the Acting Commish is here. Now, just bear with me for a moment, and we'll get all this straightened out. First off, we've got our champion tag team broken up, and we've got belts all over the place. So Loca, could you come up here and give me that belt, and I'll get the other one from Beckie a little later. [Loca enters the ring and gives Danger the tag team belt. Danger flings an arm around Loca's shoulder.] Well, Loca... I admire you and your partner Delta for protecting the integrity of the WOW Tag Team belt and saving it from destruction. Seriously... you didn't have to do that... it shows that you really care about this organization. And if the champion tag team has broken up, we need to put that title on someone else. So tonight, we're going to crown the next tag team champions. It will be you and Delta against the only other tag team that has performed on your level... Law and Order. Thanks, go sit down now. [Loca, uncharacteristically meekly, does so.] I've got one other thing to say about Terri Gold. I think her actions speak for themselves about what kind of person she is... I'm not gonna go into that. But she is right that it's time for her to get an opportunity to win back the title she held for so long. And -- this is just my opinion, mind you -- Terri is also correct that she is every bit as qualified to be champion -- in fact, probably more so -- than [spits out the word] Riot. Now, I did promise Riot that if she beat Vendetta, and if she beat Selina Majors, she would get a World Title shot. And I'll keep my word. Next week, we will have a three-way elimination match between Riot, Jungle Grrrl, and Terri Gold for the WOW World Title.
Danger gives a big smile and leaves. The announcers go nuts about the possibilities of a three-way duel between the triumverate of superstars.
[Benny Hill commercial]
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: The excitement isn't letting up here for a second, Lee. We've
got two TV Title tournament matches coming up right now. Last week, we saw Jeannie
Kim and Boom Boom advance to the next round of the tournament. This week, we'll
see two Star Stable members in action... Jaded will tangle with Hammerin' Heather
Steele a little later in our program... and in just a moment, Caliente takes
on the Disciplinarian. And Lee, the Star Stable is complaining pretty vociferously
about the fact that they did not have time to adequately prepare for these matches.
Marshall (sarcastically): Boo hoo. Maybe if they would spend more time
around the wrestling facilities, rather than ditching this show to go film a
movie, they would be a lot more prepared.
McLane (laughing): That's exactly how I feel, Lee. And with Hammerin'
Heather and Disciplinarian -- perhaps the two most meticulous wrestlers in WOW,
in terms of pre-match preparation-- as their opponents, the Star Stable members
are no doubt wishing that they had not gotten themselves into this predicament.
But I can't see how they can blame anyone besides themselves.
Cut to ringside. Caliente enters the ring first. She has switched to an all-red costume, matching her Stable compatriots California Bobbi, California Wendi, and Jaded. She grabs the mic.
Caliente: Can I get a proper welcome for your returning movie star queen? [crowd boos] J-Lo thinks she's so multi-talented, but can she wrestle? Or can she dance like this? [Caliente dances; more boos] Okay, fine... I don't care whether you like it or not, man... the Latina superwoman is here to prove that the Latino people will take what's theirs, and we don't care how. [McLane: "What kind of warped statement is that??"] We don't listen to no teachers either... as my opponent is about to find out.
Caliente dances a bit as The Disciplinarian enters, but Ms. D quickly puts an end to the dancing by locking up, and the match begins.
Cut to Danger's office. She hears a knock on the door and yelling. She looks out the keyhole. We see that the Star Stable and Riot are clamoring to come in. Danger smiles, locks the door, and sits back down, idly going through paperwork as the ruckus continues.
Cut to ringside for the Jaded-Hammerin' Heather Steele bout.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut backstage to Caged Heat, in their "prison decor" locker room.
Delta: All right, baby. Selina left us, but you know what... that only
makes us stronger. Now we down to people we know we can trust... just the three
of us. We've all been through the same things... institutionalized unjustly...
spending night after night locked behind bars... dreaming of something better.
Tonight, we're gonna show the people that we're not just numbers in someone
else's system... we are somebody.
Loca: The cops couldn't keep us down before, baby... they sure as hell
ain't gonna do it now. Caged Heat... the original and future tag team champions.
Let's make it happen.
Vendetta: What time is it?
All: HARD TIME!!!
The Caged Heat members slap hands and head to the ring. Cut to ringside. Law and Order are introduced first. Nikki Law makes a short speech.
Law: What a joke this is... that you're even considering making a pair of incarcerated felons your tag team champions. The fact that this match is even being held is ridiculous, and quite frankly, we feel we deserve a little more respect... we don't feel like we should have to fight it. [Law looks over at McLane, who vigorously shakes his head "no."] Well, have no fear, citizens... Kristi and myself will make sure that those two specimens of street scum never deface the tag team belts with their dirty hands again. The safety of your gold will be secure in the hands of Law and Order... two names you can trust.
Caged Heat storm the ring, and the battle is on.
The ref hands over the tag team belts to Caged Heat. Nikki and Kristi grab the belts away from Delta and Loca, and clobber the victorious prisoners. The cops repeatedly kick the downed Delta and Loca. But Vendetta jumps to her friends' aid and clears the two policewomen out of the ring with relative ease. Law and Order leave, yelling at the Heat.
McLane: Caged Heat have re-claimed their tag team title... and Law and
Order showing a total lack of class that Caged Heat is not likely to forget.
Fans, we're out of time for this week. Make sure not to miss next week's three-way
elimination match between Jungle Grrrl, Riot, and Terri Gold for the WOW World
Championship. It's all here, on WOW - Women of Wrestling!
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
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