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WOW Episode #43F
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Hello, and welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane, and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. We are only one week away from our biggest pay-per-view event ever, "Hard Knocks", on Aug. 26. Check your local cable or satellite listings and get your order in now, because you do not want to miss this one. We have got... uh oh.
Terri Gold's music and video start up.
Ring Announcer: Making her way to the ring... she is the Women of Wrestling Intercontinental Champion... Terri Gold!
Terri (with pyro), accompanied by Selina Majors, proceeds to the ring and angrily grabs the mic from the ring announcer.
Terri: Please... that introduction didn't even come close to doing me justice. Sure, I am the Intercontinental Champion. After I demolished Ice Cold in a Falls Count Anywhere match -- beat her at her own game -- there isn't any doubt about that. [Terri and Selina exchange high fives, while McLane says, "Yeah, but it was two on one! Terri needed Selina Majors' help!"] But I'm so much more than just an Intercontinental champion. In case you've forgotten, I am also the former Tag Team champion... and the former two-time World Champion. Now, no other woman in WOW has even won two different belts. I now have won three. Now I know what you want to say... "How, Terri? How did you become the greatest athlete in the history of women's wrestling? If I try my hardest and never give up, can I reach the same level of success as Terri Gold?" Well, the answer is no... not in a million years. Some people, like Selina and myself, are decreed to be champions. Some people are not. Those are the people we call "fans." Now, the job of those people is to sit their fat asses in these seats, and root for the people who can be champions, and who deserve to be champions. And there is only one deserving champion in this entire federation... the only person who is entitled to your cheers and support... and that's me, Terri Gold, the only champion who represents honesty and fair play.
Jungle Grrrl's video and music interrupt Terri's tirade. The Grrrl strides out and, as usual, gets right to the point.
JG: This is all bull, Terri. You're no champion... not as long as you
keep ducking me. I want you at Hard Knocks.
Terri: How dare you! Haven't you listened to anything I've said? I've
won three different belts now! I'm a four-time champion! I don't duck anybody!
I'd have to duck everyone in that locker room, if I did!
JG: So we're on, then?
Terri (looking around anxiously): Ummm.... (comes up with a line of reasoning
and regains her confidence) I don't think that's necessary! I already beat you
fair and square in that three-way match! And I've also beaten you for the World
title, back when I was champ! How many times do I have to whoop your ass? Don't
you learn? Maybe you should finally learn to read. Read the rulebook,
and see what happens when you're pinned to the mat and the ref counts to 3.
I'm sorry... I just realized I skipped a step. Maybe you should learn to count
first.
Whoop... whoop... pyro... water spit... Acting Commissioner Danger joins JG on the ramp.
Danger: Ahhh, Terri, Terri, Terri. You know, sometimes I actually do believe all this nonsense about how sweet and innocent you are. You're definitely naïve, anyway. Did you seriously think I would give you an Intercontinental Title shot just because you whined at me and threatened to whine at McLane? Whether I'm the Commissioner or not, it's Danger's house, Danger's rules. There isn't anybody -- not Terri Gold, not David McLane, not anybody -- who can manipulate me... I'm the one who calls the shots. And that's why, when I set up your Intercontinental Title match with Ice Cold, I added a stipulation that I "forgot" to tell you about... that your first title defense will be against Jungle Grrrl... in a ladder match. Terri, you were too chicken to face Jungle Grrrl when she was the World champ. Instead, you tried to get your friends to knock her off the perch for you... then you chewed them out when they couldn't do it. Now we'll find out whether you can do it, Terri. It's time for you to back up that big mouth. And the same goes for Riot. You think I didn't want her to be the World Champ? Yeah, I made her earn it... I admit that. But now that she's won it, I couldn't be happier. Because the first thing I'm going to do, now that I'm back from my injury, is to take her World Title... and to let her know what it's like to suffer a career-threatening injury.... first-hand.
Drumbeat, video... the World Champion, Riot, appears.
Riot: Give me a break, Danger. You did everything you could as Commissioner to screw me and keep me away from the championship. Now you're making excuses because what you found out is that I cannot be defeated. If you had just listened to me and the people here at this arena, you wouldn't have bothered in the first place, because you already would have known... NOTHING CAN STOP THE RIOT! So if it's part of your big master plan to face me in a streetfight for the World Title, then you haven't learned what everyone here seems to know. Do you know how many people have gone up against the Riot in a streetfight and ended up in the hospital... at best? You're not gonna know what to ask the doctor to fix first when I'm done with you. (touching Danger with the baseball bat as she speaks) Your legs... your arms...
Danger suddenly knocks the bat out of Riot's hands. Riot lunges for Danger. Jungle Grrrl pries the two apart and leads Riot backstage, Riot yelling at Danger all the while.
McLane: Riot and Danger continuing to battle with words... and they
can finally get their hands on each other at their World Title streetfight next
week. But this is fantastic, Lee. Terri Gold will be facing Jungle Grrrl for
the Intercontinental Title at Hard Knocks, on Aug. 26, in a ladder match! You
know, Danger is really right. She has shown in her time as Commissioner that
not only is she a dominating wrestler... she has an uncanny mind for getting
the results she wants, and for the business of wrestling. And she has set up
an amazing match here for the Intercontinental Title.
Marshall: You know, David... if Jungle Grrrl wins the Intercontinental
belt, after her reign as World champion... Terri will no longer be able to claim
that she is the only WOW wrestler to win two different belts.
Marshall: Good point, Lee! There is a lot of history between these two incredible
athletes, and the Intercontinental gold on the line makes their matchup all
the more sweet.
[Video package describing the Jungle Grrrl-Terri Gold rivalry. Terri Gold and Jungle Grrrl were once good friends and training partners. However, their friendship was torn apart by the pressures of wrestling competition. Jungle Grrrl beat Terri in their first match. By the time of their rematch, Terri had become the World Champion. Jungle Grrrl challenged Terri to a rematch for the belt... and this time, lost. An angry Grrrl proceeded to destroy all opposition she faced, earning a reputation as perhaps WOW's most talented and focused competitor. Finally, she was named #1 World Title contender, and promptly defeated Selina Majors for Terri's old World Title. Terri was afraid to face JG herself, so she sent Roxy Powers and Tanja to win the belt back for her. Both Roxy and Tanja failed, and Terri turned on her friends, uniting with the similarly vengeful Selina Majors and becoming a full-fledged heel. Terri was inserted into Jungle Grrrl's World Title defense against Riot, making it a three-way match. Terri took JG out with a sledgehammer, but could not put Riot down; Riot became the champ. Undaunted, Terri weaseled her way into an Intercontinental Title match against Ice Cold, and won it with Selina's help. JG now seeks to even the score by taking the Intercontinental belt from Terri at Hard Knocks in a ladder match on Aug. 26.]
Terri and Selina come backstage from the ring, conferring worriedly. Tanja confronts them.
Tanja: Poetic justice, huh, Terri? You embarrassed me in front of the
world because I couldn't beat Jungle Grrrl. Let's see what happens to you!
Selina: Don't you worry about that, child. Jungle Grrrl isn't in your
league... and neither is Terri.
Tanja: What's the matter, Terri? Still don't fight your own battles?
Terri: Oh, I fight my own battles. It was my idea to have that clause
about my first title defense being against Jungle Grrrl. I had to talk Danger
into it, but she finally gave in. (Tanja rolls her eyes) But I don't even bother
with the likes of you. Anyway, I have a match for next week scheduled now. Selina
doesn't, and she would be thrilled to take your Hardcore Title. For both
of us.
Selina: You think you're hardcore, little girl? You probably cry when
you shave your legs. I've shed blood everywhere from here to Tokyo and back
again.
Tanja: All right, Selina... you're on. Let's get hardcore. And Terri...
I want you next.
[EnerX commercial]
McLane: Well, fans, let's get ready for tonight's first match. The blue-collar
worker, Hammerin' Heather Steele, will be facing the very unpredictable Jacklyn
Hyde.
Marshall: This is a fine matchup, David. Heather has wrestled quite well
lately, showing how much strength -- and how much heart -- she has packed into
that small frame. I was disappointed that Heather didn't fare better in the
TV Title Tournament, but still, she is a force to be reckoned with, especially
with that new Jackhammer finisher. For her part, Jacklyn has become a serious
contender for the Hardcore Title, although she has not done as well in contests
held under normal rules. Heather needs to control the pace and keep this a straight
wrestling match. If it becomes a brawl, then Jacklyn will be in her element,
and I don't think Heather can outbrawl Jacklyn... especially if she gets Jacklyn
mad.
McLane: Well, let's see how it plays out, as we go to ringside for the
introductions.
A smiling Jacklyn, wearing overalls, proceeds to the ring. A quizzical Heather soon follows, and the match begins.
Cut to Poison backstage, counting her money and working on her finances. Ice Cold enters.
Ice: Counting your blood money, Poison? Is it all there?
Poison: And this is your problem because...?
Ice: This is a new low for you, Poison. I always knew you didn't care
about anyone besides yourself. That was obvious when you left me to get my head
shaved at WOW Unleashed. But to accept money to interfere in matches? That's
just disgusting.
Poison: Hey, if you don't watch out for yourself, no one else will. That's
my philosophy. So I made a deal with Harley's Angels to take out California
Bobbi. I'm happy, they're happy, everyone besides a couple of bimbo lifeguards
is happy. What's the problem?
Ice: Yeah... and you sold them out too, the Star Stable. You have absolutely
no loyalty to anything or anyone.
Poison: It was convenient for me to be with them at the time. Now it's
not. Now could you please leave me alone? Unless you wanna be at the top of
the new hit list.
Ice Cold responds by DDT'ing Poison onto the hard floor. Poison jumps Ice, and they battle until refs show up to pull them apart.
[Caged Heat/Law & Order video package. Caged Heat was WOW's dominant tag team for months. But when Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter got together as a team, suddenly the Heat had competition. The Terri/Beckie team, "Air Force", soon dethroned the Heat as champs. Meanwhile, a new tag team was serving notice to opponents in dramatic fashion. Law & Order reeled off a string of impressive victories, often punctuated by post-match billystick beatdowns. When Terri turned on Beckie, the tag team titles were vacated. Caged Heat and Law & Order clearly were the only two reasonable contenders for the belt, and a title match between the two teams was quickly arranged. Caged Heat won the bout and the belts, but the angry cops attacked them after the bell. The policewomen then cost the Heat a non-title match against the Genies in a Bottle team. Caged Heat vow to get the fuzz off their back once and for all when they face off again at Hard Knocks on Aug. 26.]
[Benny Hill commercial]
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: Lee, we've just had another match added to the Hard Knocks card...
Poison and Ice Cold will be continuing their feud.
Marshall: Two cold-blooded brawlers there, David. Last time they met,
at Spring Vengeance, Ice let her emotions get the better of her and got disqualified.
Ice will need to keep herself calm, which is difficult for her. But she still
has to watch out for both the Poison Paralyzer, and the deadly venom spit!
McLane: Speaking of long-running feuds, Roxy Powers will be battling
Slam Dunk at Hard Knocks as well.
Marshall: There's no doubt that that match is critical for both competitors,
David. And that's a direct result of where those two have been... plus the fact
that each of them always seems to find the other in their way.
[Roxy/Slam video package. No one knows exactly why Roxy Powers and Slam Dunk don't get along. Roxy has always said that she just can't stand Slam's obnoxious, bragging mouth. In any event, the two wrestlers' fates have been intertwined for as long as WOW has been around. Roxy called Slam out for a match at WOW Unleashed. An indecisive finish set up a later strap match won by Roxy. Roxy continued to move up in the ranks, eventually earning a World Title shot (and beating Slam again along the way.) Slam began to earn a reputation as a choker, and was no longer a World Title contender. After Jungle Grrrl beat Roxy for the World Title, and Terri Gold turned on Roxy with some harsh words, Roxy's mettle was also being questioned. So the Roxy-Slam re-match at Hard Knocks on Aug. 26 is very important to both competitors. Both want to be catapulted towards the top of the WOW ladder by a win. And both will enjoy the other's loss as much as their own win.]
McLane: So that should be a terrific battle. And now, Lee, we've got
a match scheduled between Tamie Sheffield -- formerly Sandy of the Beach Patrol
-- and Farah the Persian Princess.
Marshall: This should be a good showcase for both these wrestlers. Farah
in particular has been doing quite well, both as a solo performer, and as part
of a tag team with her partner Jeannie Kim. Sandy has re-dedicated herself to
her craft since her old partner Summer left, and it has definitely shown in
the ring, but it has yet to translate into a lot of wins. David, both wrestlers
here use submission maneuvers as their finishers. Farah must avoid Sandy's Surfboard,
while Sandy must be on the lookout for the Persian Carpet.
McLane: Okay, let's go to ringside for the introductions.
["School House Brawl" hype video package. The WOW Television Title belt was originally the "Star Stable" belt. Lana Star had bought it to combat the dissension within her ranks caused by the Stable's lack of championship gold. When the Stable went away to film their movie, they left the belt behind. Acting Commissioner Danger "accidentally" ran across it, re-named it the WOW Television Title belt, and quickly started up a tournament to give it away. Lana impressed upon her charges the important of winning her belt back. But there was a problem... the Disciplinarian. Ms. D beat Caliente in the tournament, and then went over Jaded when a fired-up Caliente got a little too fired up and hit her own stablemate with a trash can. A very angry Lana challenged Ms. D to a PPV rematch against either Jaded or Caliente, and was informed that the TV Title is only defended on free TV. She settled for this three-way match on the Disciplinarian's home turf... her schoolhouse. For at least two of these three contestants, it will truly be the School of Hard Knocks on Aug. 26.]
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
[Video package describing the Danger vs. Riot epic. Danger and Riot were once
partners, forming a team that seemed destined to win the original Tag Team Tournament.
However, in their very first match together, Riot's showboating caused the team
to lose. Riot was later named the #1 World Title contender and was granted a
title match against Terri Gold. Danger, feeling that she was slighted for the
#1 contendership and resenting Riot for her performance as her partner, came
out before the Terri-Riot match and put Riot through a table. Danger then beat
Terri and became WOW Champion. In the Danger-Terri rematch, Riot returned the
favor by tabling Danger and costing her the match. Not content to stop
there, Riot then kneecapped Danger in the parking lot, tearing Danger's ACL.
The injured Danger was soon named WOW's Acting Commissioner, and proceeded to
make Riot's life very difficult. Riot and Danger continued to trade barbs as
the Commissioner forced Riot to participate in handicap matches, no-DQ matches,
"Lion's Den" matches, and "Poolside Battle Royale" matches.
Riot triumphed every time, and Danger eventually granted Riot her long-awaited
title shot, against Jungle Grrrl. Despite the last-minute addition of Terri
Gold to the match, Riot won yet again and became World Champion. By this time,
Danger was ready to wrestle... and to take the World belt off Riot. She set
a title match between herself and Riot under streetfight rules, and then resigned
as commissioner. After months of waiting, WOW's greatest and most heated feud
finally comes to a crescendo on Aug. 26.]
McLane: Oh man, Lee... I cannot wait for Danger and Riot to finally
face off against each other.
Marshall: I'm sure everyone feels the same, David. Heck, Danger has been
out so long, I'd love to see her wrestle anybody. But to take on Riot
for the World Title? That is a dream match if there ever was one.
McLane: And that's just one match on a fantastic card, Lee. Let's recap
what we've got for you at Hard Knocks:
So order Hard Knocks now... you don't want to miss a minute of this action! See you there next week!
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
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