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WOW Episode #42F
Ohhhhh... WOW!
[Title sequence, etc.]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Hello, and welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane,
and this is my co-host Lee Marshall. Fans, we are only two weeks away from our
"Hard Knocks" pay-per-view event on August 26. And the main event
at Hard Knocks will be the match we have all wanted to see for almost a year
now, Lee. Danger -- who is returning from a career-threatening knee injury --
will tangle with the WOW World Champion, Riot, in a streetfight.
Marshall: Make no mistake, David... the biggest prize in women's wrestling,
the WOW World Championship belt, will be on the line in that match. However,
between these two great warriors, it's probably even more about pride... and
revenge.
[Video package describing the Danger vs. Riot epic. Danger and Riot were once partners, forming a team that seemed destined to win the original Tag Team Tournament. However, in their very first match together, Riot's showboating caused the team to lose. Riot was later named the #1 World Title contender and was granted a title match against Terri Gold. Danger, feeling that she was slighted for the #1 contendership and resenting Riot for her performance as her partner, came out before the Terri-Riot match and put Riot through a table. Danger then beat Terri and became WOW Champion. In the Danger-Terri rematch, Riot returned the favor by tabling Danger and costing her the match. Not content to stop there, Riot then kneecapped Danger in the parking lot, tearing Danger's ACL. The injured Danger was soon named WOW's Acting Commissioner, and proceeded to make Riot's life very difficult. Riot and Danger continued to trade barbs as the Commissioner forced Riot to participate in handicap matches, no-DQ matches, "Lion's Den" matches, and "Poolside Battle Royale" matches. Riot triumphed every time, and Danger eventually granted Riot her long-awaited title shot, against Jungle Grrrl. Despite the last-minute addition of Terri Gold to the match, Riot won yet again and became World Champion. By this time, Danger was ready to wrestle... and to take the World belt off Riot. She set a title match between herself and Riot under streetfight rules, and then resigned as commissioner. After months of waiting, WOW's greatest and most heated feud finally comes to a crescendo on Aug. 26.]
McLane: Unbelievable, Lee. These two powerful women have unbelievable
animosity against each other. When they finally come face to face... things
are definitely going to explode. This is the bout we've all been waiting for.
Marshall: Indeed. Riot feeling that Danger abused her power as Commissioner
to keep her down... Danger feeling that Riot attempted to end her career...
these women are just itching to tear each other apart.
McLane: In all the hoopla about Danger setting that World Title match and
resigning as Commissioner, let's not forget that she also set one more match
before she resigned... and that will be our main event for tonight. Terri Gold
is going to be facing Ice Cold for the Intercontinental title, under "Falls
Count Anywhere" rules.
Marshall: Well, Terri used her usual whining and wheedling to draw this
match out of the then-Commissioner Danger. Terri is nothing if not a scheming
politician. Danger did the best she could to tip the fight to Ice's advantage,
by instituting that Falls Count Anywhere stipulation. That definitely works
to the advantage of a brawler like Ice Cold.
McLane: There's little doubt of that. Ice is positively relentless in
that ring, and Terri will have to leave everything out there if she wants to
take her belt. But for now, Lee, let's kick things off with tonight's first
match, in which we'll see Slam Dunk take on Boom Boom the Volcano.
Marshall: Boom Boom showed us all something in the Television Title Tournament.
She gave the eventual tournament winner, the Disciplinarian, a hell of a time.
Let's see if she can build on that tonight with a win over Slam Dunk, who easily
disposed of Boom Boom the last time they met.
Cut to backstage. A door says "L. Star and Associates. Major Movie Producers." Harley's Angels walk up to the door and knock.
Thug (to the other Angels): Let's see what Lana and her pals have done
with our old bar now that they bought it off us.
EZ: I'm already not liking this...
California Bobbi opens the door. Her partner California Wendi stands behind her.
Bobbi: Like... hi. What can we do for ya?
The camera pans the room. It's decorated (of course) entirely in pink, and has huge pictures of the Star Stable members in heart-shaped frames. Other corny memorabilia -- "Hang in There, Baby!" signs, Mariah Carey posters, and the like -- line the walls.
Charlie: This is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
Wendi: Well, guess what... so are you. That's why we're gonna be huge
movie stars, and you're homeless, dirty rejects. Now, do you have movie business
to conduct?
Bobbi: Yeah, right! Not unless they're re-making "Night of the Living
Biker Sluts" in Smell-O-Vision! [Wendi and Bobbi laugh.]
EZ goes to attack the two lifeguards. Wendi grabs her arm in midair.
Wendi: I wouldn't do that, EZ. Otherwise we might have to call in Law & Order. Remember what they did to you last time? You were bloody messes after they got through with you. I think you better run along now.
Wendi, looking at the Angels, picks up the phone, implicitly threatening to make the call to the cops. The dejected Angels leave. After the door slams behind them, they confer.
EZ: We just got tossed out of our own bar by a couple of lifeguards!!
How humiliating is that??
Charlie: I wish we had never sold the bar to them, Thug. I'd rather have
gotten nothing at all for it than have those bimbos own it. Look what they did
to it!!
Thug: Well, we can get back at them. I've got just the idea. You know
that money Lana gave us for the bar? Well...
Thug whispers her plan to the other Angels, out of our earshot. They all seem pleased with the plan.
[EnerX commercial]
Cut to backstage. Slam Dunk encounters Roxy Powers.
Slam: Ahhh... Roxy Powerless. How's the career going? Oh... how did
Terri Gold put it... you're a "random scrubeenie" who just got a title
shot for no reason. That sounds about right to me.
Roxy: What about you, Slam! You're jerking the curtain! You had your
chance, and you choked worse than the Portland Trail Blazers do against the
Lakers. (cheap pop) And that's pretty bad. You're just a spoiled, crybaby athlete.
At least I gave it everything I had. Ask Jungle Grrrl if she wants to face me
again.
Slam: She'll have to wait in line... I want you first.
Roxy: What's the point of me fighting you? I've beaten you like a red-headed
stepchild, over and over again.
Slam: Yeah... and you pinned me once... and that was only thanks
to Terri Gold's help. Guess Terri is right again... she carried you. Without
her, you're nothing. Damn, that girl sure knows what she's talking about. At
least when it comes to carrying your lame ass, anyway.
Roxy (angrily): All right, Slam... at Hard Knocks... we're gonna dance.
No outside interference... not that you even have any friends to interfere...
no straps... no funny stuff... just you, me, and a ring. I'll beat you under
those conditions every single time.
Slam: Sounds fair to me.
Slam smiles as Roxy storms off.
Back to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Well, Lee, in a few minutes, we'll see Beckie the Farmer's Daughter
face the Star Stable's Jane Blond.
Marshall: David, all of Terri Gold's former friends have something to
prove after Terri insulted and abandoned them. Beckie perhaps lost the most
from Terri's backstabbing. She and Terri were the tag team champions, and now
through no fault whatsoever of her own, Beckie no longer has that belt. Beckie
is an amazing talent -- perhaps our premier high flyer -- and I think it's time
for her star to shine on its own. I certainly hope that Beckie gives Jane Blond
a "sound thrashing", as Jane herself might put it. Jane and the Star
Stable have unfairly assaulted Beckie on more than one occasion.
McLane: That'll be a bit later in the program. But speaking of the Star
Stable, Lee, we're about to see one of its members -- California Bobbi, of the
Beach Patrol -- in a solo match. She is set to face Randi Rah Rah right now,
so let's go to ringside.
Cut to backstage shortly afterwards. Poison is conferring with Harley's Angels. Thug hands Poison a wad of bills.
Thug: Here ya go.
Poison: My pleasure. In fact, keep this. [Poison hands some of the bills
back] That was even more fun than I thought it would be. [Poison and Thug shake
hands]
[Benny Hill commercial]
Cut to a door with a large star on it. Inside are assembled the members of the Star Stable -- Lana Star, Bronco Billie, Jane Blond, Jaded, California Wendi, and Caliente. (Bobbi, who is recovering from Poison's venom, is absent.)
Lana: That stupid bad breath girl is making my life miserable! First
she totally ditches the Star Stable... then she spits that grody venom in Bobbi's
face? Doesn't she realize that that is the face of a future totally huge movie
star? Who does she think she is? She must be some kind of jealous... person.
Wendi: I don't think it was Poison's idea, Lana. I heard that Harley's
Angels paid her off to interfere in that match.
Lana: Hmm. Well, you and Bobbi take care of the Angels once Bobbi gets
better, 'kay? (turns to Caliente) Now Caliente... not to be, like, nosy or anything,
but can I ask what kind of display of heinosity that was last week? Did you
just decide it'd be fun to hit Jaded with a trash can, or what?
Caliente: You told me to start getting more involved! I did exactly what
you said, man! "Next time, hit her with a trash can or something."
That's exactly what you said!
Lana (sighing): I meant the Disciplinarian... not your own teammate!
Like, duhhhhh! [taps head]
Caliente: I know that!! Damn! She got out of the way, that's all.
Lana: Okay, okay, okay... whatever. Here's what you need to do. You need
to figure out how to undo that mistake and bring me that belt back. I want it
back! It's my belt! I bought it! Danger stole it from me!
Jaded: How are we supposed to do that?
Lana: I don't know. That's your problem. [beat; everyone looks at each other,
obviously having no idea how to go about doing that] Okay, I'll handle it.
Cut to ringside for the Beckie the Farmer's Daughter-Jane Blond match. Jane is introduced first. She lies on the top rope for a bit, drops into the ring, and grabs the mic.
Jane: Ah, Beckie, Beckie, Beckie... you are a particularly spectacular example of the abject failure of the American school system. How many times must my compatriots in the Star Stable and I roughhouse you before you finally learn something? First there was this... [WOWVision plays the finish of their match in show #23F, in which Jane attacked Beckie after a loss.] Then there was this... [WOWVision plays the Beckie-Lana Star match from Spring Vengeance, in which Lana beat Beckie with a mirror shot.] And finally, this... [WOWVision plays the finish of the Jane-Beckie match in show #32F, a three-on-one Star Stable beatdown.] And yet, you continue to say [mock-pleadingly] "Thank you, Miss Jane... may I have another?" I'm more than happy to continue to oblige... for as long as it takes for you to get it through your head that opposing the Star Stable is both futile... and dangerous.
A fired-up Beckie runs to the ring and immediately attacks Jane.
Jane leans over the unconscious Beckie and yells angrily in her ear. The commentators wail about the injustice of Jane's foreign-object-assisted win.
Cut to Caged Heat's "prison decor" locker room.
Loca: Damn! Those cops are making me angry! Coming out and interfering
in our matches? Don't they know anything?
Delta: I don't think they do, Loca. I think we have us an APB for an
asswhipping.
Vendetta: Damn right. No one goes up against the Heat and survives. Let's
beat 'em down with their own nightsticks!
Loca: No cop's gonna hold us down. Caged Heat in effect. [they all clasp
hands]
Cut to Lana Star, Jaded, and Caliente entering the ring.
Lana: Hi, fans! It's so wonderful to be here and share our beauty with you all! Now observe, if you will, these visions of loveliness... Jaded and Caliente! That ever-so-lame Disciplinarian beat both of these women during the TV Title Tournament. Aren't you totally bummed about that? Of course you are! These are the women that you want to be your TV Title Champions! That's why I'm out here... I'm challenging the Disciplinarian to defend her title at Hard Knocks on Aug. 26.
The Disciplinarian appears on the ramp.
Disciplinarian: You idiot... the Television Title is only defended on
free television. That's why it's a television title. [shakes her head
disgustedly]
Lana: Umm... gimme a sec here.
Lana, Jaded, and Caliente have a frantic conference.
Lana: Okay, how about a non-title match between you and one --
or both -- of these lovely ladies?
Disciplinarian (sneering): What's in it for me?
Lana: Ummm... 'nother sec, ok?
Another frantic conference.
Lana: Well, I've carefully considered that question, and... what's in
it for you is that you can name the stipulation of your choice.
Disciplinarian (without pause): Fine. It'll be a School House Brawl at
my school. I'll take them both on... classes are getting bigger this year, so
it'll be good practice. Jaded and Caliente... it's back to school time... and
the school is Hard Knocks.
Back to McLane and Marshall.
McLane: A School House Brawl at Hard Knocks between the Disciplinarian,
Jaded, and Caliente! Very unique, Lee!
Marshall: An interesting matchup! Should be a fun one.
McLane: Fans, stay tuned for tonight's main event... Terri Gold challenges
Ice Cold for the Intercontinental Championship!
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Ice-Terri match (Intercontinental Title)
Terri and Selina celebrate the win. The announcers lambaste their cheating ways.
The announcers then run through the Hard Knocks card so far, with more matches to be announced next week.
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
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