Liam Montgomery Abney was conceived on February 13, 1999. One day before Valentine's Day. Three weeks later, a pregnancy test confirmed it: there was a beautiful, living baby inside of me. My husband, James, and I were not yet married, but had been together for almost four years. We were going through a very difficult time in our lives and I wasn't sure if we were going to make it. When I told him, he was at first shocked, but soon grew to love our child. Every day he would sing to him or kiss my slowly growing belly. It was the most touching thing I had ever seen. I knew our baby was loved.
One of our favorite activities became looking at baby clothes and toys. Every time we saw a baby, it brought a smile to our faces. We were so excited about bringing little Liam into the world. Everything started out well. I gained a little weight, had a few bouts of morning and evening sickness, and was eagerly anticipating our first meeting with our midwife. However, two days before our appointment, I began to have cramping and some bleeding. I had this awful sinking feeling. I thought to myself, "This can't be happening." James rushed me to the ER, where we had to wait forever for anyone to see us. The doctors and nurses didn't seem too worried, so I began to relax. After a few routine tests and questions, they did a Doppler to see if they could hear a heartbeat. Nothing. However, it was not unusual at this stage of pregnancy (exactly twelve weeks). Then they did an ultrasound. I saw Liam's tiny little body, so perfect and sweet, but still no heartbeat. I began to worry. Something was not right. Then the final test. A vaginal ultrasound confirmed my worst fears. No heartbeat. Our baby had died.
That night, I went home to wait to miscarry. James and I just held each other all night. I don't know how we got through that first night. The worst was yet to come, however. The next evening, it happened. However, the bleeding was a lot more than I expected, and I went to the hospital again. I had already lost the baby by the time I arrived, and most of it was over. But the doctors wanted to monitor me and gave me an injection to slow the bleeding. It was the hardest thing in the world to feel my child inside of me dying and knowing that there was nothing I could do. By the time it was over, I had lost a lot of blood and had to stay the night in the hospital, hooked up to an IV, instead of holding my baby in my arms. I felt so empty inside.
Liam was our wonderful little miracle. And in an instant he was gone.
I thought I had died inside. James and I split up two weeks later. I
felt like I had been abandoned by everyone I loved. I thought God had
forgotten about me and I was convinced I would never be happy again. God
had other plans. Slowly, I began to realize how much I needed God and He
began to put the pieces back together again, and this time I was going to let
Him complete the puzzle. I still had my bad days, and it took awhile for
me to let go of the pain in my heart and accept God's forgiveness. A few
months after Liam died, James and I were reunited and the following year, on
June 3, we were married. Without Liam, I don't think we ever would have
been able to work things out. God gave us a wonderful blessing for twelve
wonderful weeks, during a time in our lives when we were very far from
Him. Our lives are a testimony to God's miraculous ability to work
all things together for good. It is because of this that we can say the
Lord is good and His mercy endures forever. We are so thankful that we
were able to have our son, even for a brief time and we eagerly await the day
when we will see him in Heaven with Jesus.
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