So

THE STORY

So... you think you're a real Beatles fan? Think again.... Read the following story, and see if you can pick out all of the Beatle song/ solo work/ movie references. There are names of songs, and fragments of names of songs, and names of people in songs... etc... the list goes on and on. (repeats don't count) Once you think you have all of them, and you have wasted an hour of your time, you can e-mail the answers to:

thebeatlefreak@beatlemail.com.

Happy Hunting! (hopefully you won't get sick of it...)

The top winners will go up in my Hall of Not-Really-But-Kind-Of Fame!

"The annoying long story by Dili which might make no sense, but it might get you into the Hall of Fame with the annoyingly long name"

Wonsaponatime there was a girl named Maggie Mae living in the United States, who wanted to give peace a chance in her home back in the USSR. So she tried to get back there in order to prevent the revolution from happening. All the blue meanies that lived in a town called Pepperland were complaining that the government never gave them their money, and instead the taxman took it all.

At first, Maggie tried to borrow a newspaper taxi from her friend Lucy (who lived in the sky with diamonds). But when the rain came the taxi said “You won’t see me!” and got all soggy and wouldn’t run anymore.

“If I needed someone, it would be now!” Maggie yelled at the people driving busily in the street. Finally, a girl named Martha decided to stop to help Maggie.

“Here, drive my car!” Martha said. Maggie was about to drive away down the long and winding road when Martha yelled “Wait!” and stopped her.

“I want you to give me money! I can’t just give you it for free!” Martha told Maggie.

“But money can’t buy you love,” Maggie said slyly, “why do you need it?”

“Argh, people always ask me why.”

“Just let it be.” Maggie started to drive off.

“You can’t do that!!!! Come back!”

“You won’t see me anymore, so how can you stop me?” Maggie said over her shoulder as she drove off. Martha stood by the side of the road and sighed.

“Yesterday I was rich since the night before I won the lottery. But because I gave it all away, I’m a loser now. I’m so tired of people taking advantage of me! Everyone goes “I, me, mine” and no one thinks about me. I think when I get home I might call the police chief, Mr. Mustard. Or, I’ll cry instead. Maybe happiness is a warm gun.” Martha looked across the universe and a tear ran down her face.

Meanwhile, Maggie had driven for a long, long, long time.

“I dig a pony.” She said, she said. “It would just be the two of us riding across the field. That would be cool. Well, at least something besides this! I’ve been driving through this Norwegian wood for a long time now. All I’ve seen are blackbirds and the cloudy sky. Oh wait, no, here comes the sun! Thank you, sun king! But now, where am I? They were fixing a hole in the road so I had to take a detour. I think I’m here… or there… or everywhere… There was the temple I passed and the pool I came up in… and … I’m lost.”

Suddenly, she saw him standing there by the road side carrying a canary, saying “Don’t pass me by. I need to get to my yellow submarine so I can go down to this octopus’s garden to do my research on marine life.”

“Oh darling, tell me why I should help you.”

“It won’t be long until we get to the dock, plus, baby, I’m a rich man!”

“Hey, jump in! This car can carry the weight.”

“Thank you, girl.”

“Any time at all. But do you want to know a secret? I’m actually lost. My name’s Maggie, what’s yours?”

“You can call me Nowhere Man, or Mother Nature’s son, or whatever you prefer. But don’t worry, before you can say ‘obla-di, obla-da’ we’ll be out of the woods, and I know the way to the dock from there.”

“Dig it. I was getting sick of the woods.” And sure enough, they followed the sun and were out of the woods in any time at all.

“My sweet lord! Hallelujah! Finally, I’m free as a bird in this open space. In the woods, I imagined creatures jumping out at me from all over. But all things must pass, and that did.”

“Aww.. were you afraid of a little rocky raccoon?” The nowhere man teased.

“No. Don’t bother me when I’m driving! But just to let you know, I have a body guard. Hey bulldog!” She yelled over her shoulder, but no reply. She yelled again. From the back seat jumped out a massive bulldog named Maxwell.

“Next time come when I need you.” Maggie growled.

“All you need is love, didn’t you know that? It’s all too much when you have to have a bulldog to protect you.”

“It’s my mother’s idea. She’s over protective.”

“Your mother should know that some time her daughter will be leaving home. She’s a woman now, and she wants to be a day tripper, not locked up in a house.”

“That’s what I tell her. Just from me to you, I’m going to run for my life soon. You gave me the idea. I need to think for myself! In my life I have never met another person who has told me the things you said today. I’m glad all over that I got you into my life.”

“Good. With a little help from your friends you can make it happen. Don’t let me down!”

“What’s your canary for?”

“It sings whenever my true love is here. Look at it, and tell me what you see.”

“I just see a plain bird… what do you see?”

“I see my best friend. Now, I want to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I wanna be your man. I should have known better than to get a ride with you because to know you is to love you. All my loving will be yours only. I’ve got a feeling and I can’t hide my love away any more. Please, love me do! Til there was you, there was nothing to look forward to in a day in the life of this nowhere man. But now, baby, it’s you.”

“I knew there was an instant karma between us and I love you too, but I also knew that if I fell in love with you, it would be a hard day’s night. I think you like me too much. And the ring? Where is the engagement ring?”

“I kind of lost it… We can work it out though! I don’t have another girl. The night before, I broke up with her. It was just a ‘Hello, goodbye’ kind of relationship.”

“I feel fine about dating you, I’m happy just to dance with you, and I wanna hold your hand, but I don’t like the idea of being with you 8 days a week. I’m just a working class hero, and all I want is to become a paperback writer. Maybe I’ll be ready to marry when I’m 64. I’m not right for you.”

“Honey, don’t…”

“I don’t want to be locked up in chains. I want to do things for no one but myself. I want to go flying to distant places, and have a magical mystery tour, go visit strawberry fields in London. You told me I should live and let die, live my life to the fullest.”

“But honey pie, at least why don’t we do it in the road?” he started.

“You pig, that’s wild honey pie to you!” She dropped him off on Penny Lane and zoomed off.

“You left me here like a fool on the hill, but I’ll be back, I know you live on Blue Jay Way! And who needs you? I can call up Michelle, or Anna, or long tall Sally, or Julia, or Eleanor Rigby, or Sexy Sadie, or Lovely Rita…” He stood there twisting and shouting like an angry dark horse.

She left him behind in misery.

“Hey… there’s a place I can always go for advice… my sister!” He ran to the nearest computer and got on the AIM.

NowhereMan3: Dear Prudence, I met this awesome girl. She came into my life suddenly as if she came in through the bathroom window. But then she dumped me. It’s like I woke up from a wonderful dream, a golden slumber.

Auto response from Prudence342: Goodnight. If you really need me though, keep sending me messages. I’m only sleeping.

NowhereMan3: Argh, Prudence!

NowhereMan3: Wake up! Open up your eyes!

NowhereMan3: I’m gonna go talk to my other, nicer, sister, Polythene Pam then, even though she doesn’t give good advice about girls…

NowhereMan3: Come on…

Prudence342: Okay, I’m here…

NowhereMan3: Good morning, good morning!!!

Prudence342: No, it’s not a good morning… My eyes are all bleary like I’m looking through a glass onion. Tell me yer blues…

NowhereMan3: Well, my mind is all helter skelter now, but I think I can tell it.

So Nowhere Man blabs on and on, and the story is almost as long as the continuing story of Bungalow Bill (which, keep in mind, is continuing).

Prudence342: Whoa there, you just told me the whole ballad of John and Yoko…

NowhereMan3: Sorry…

Prudence342: But from what I can tell, she loves you. Just try to act naturally around her, and when you have a chance, say the words – I love you.

NowhereMan3: And I love her, I really do! But she wouldn’t listen to me. She just gave me a taste of honey and then left. I was this close to getting her.

Prudence342: Why did she leave?

NowhereMan3: Well… I kind of asked her if she wanted to do it in the road…

Prudence342: Geez… Boys… Well, you’re gonna lose that girl if you don’t watch out.

NowhereMan3: I know, I better take the train – the one after 909 - if I want to catch up with her.

Prudence342: Just don’t sit there and cry, baby cry and eat savoy truffles all day long.

NowhereMan3: I know J

So he hopped on the train, went to her hotel (which he just happened to know…) and left her a note at the front desk.

You make me dizzy Miss Maggie,

I’m sorry. I am the walrus, a giant brute, and I really regret saying the things I did. I can hardly express my mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness. For the love of Lady Madonna, please accept my apology!!! I can change. I will change. Tomorrow never knows. Even my guitar is gently weeping! I really do miss you. It’s for you that I’m blue.

Love, the Nowhere Man

You know my name, look up the number.

PS – I love you.

That night, he hung out at the bar all together with Mr. Kite, and a guy named Sgt. Pepper. They drank and listened to rock and roll music. It was loud enough to make Beethoven roll over in his grave. But the Nowhere Man’s mind was on something else. Finally, they drank a toast to her majesty, the queen, and separated to go to bed.

Just when he was about to sleep, he just saw a face in the corner of the room. It was Maggie.

“Maggie! But I’m looking through you!!!”

“I know. I died from being attacked by blue meanies. But don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better.”

“How?! You’re dead!!”

“Well, I’ll always be within you, and without you. Now I’m yours forever.”

“It is getting better…” The canary in the corner started to chirp.

“And your bird can sing now!”

“Yeah, even though it’s only a northern song…”

“Well, I’m not exactly the real thing, am I? So it’s even.”

“Hmm… well everybody’s got something to hide and I thought it was except me, but now I know that I have to hide the fact that my true love is a ghost.”

“At least we’re clean.”

“Or are we?”

THE END

No stealing my work otherwise I'm coming after you!