Thunder grumbled outside, as faint flickers of far-off
lightning flashed into the morning's dimness. The clouds above were the flat, heavy
gray of a sluggish fall rain, rather than black and roiling like during a violent summer
storm, though they still blanketed everything in darkness as if the sun had neglected to
rise at dawn. Duo stared bleakly out the window, barely noticing the raindrops
trailing down the glass like sympathetic tears. //Why did I have to tell him?
What made me think I should say it...?// Recriminations tumbled over and over again
through his mind, as they had so often lately, memories of a recent sunny day spent gazing
up at a turquoise sky tormenting him.
After realizing what the feelings that had spring to life within him that day meant, he'd
gathered his courage and shared his revelation with Heero. Big mistake. Very
big. He had literally been able to see the fragile bond between the two of them
shatter as Heero withdrew into himself at Duo's words. A closer peal of thunder
rattled the building, shaking him from the memory. He leaned his head against the
window, as if seeking to soothe the bitter ache within on the glass pane's cool, smooth
surface. //God help me, I've ruined it all...//
Behind him, a sigh whispered into the silence. On the couch a short distance away,
Quatre set down his book. He walked up to Duo, concern and sorrow shining in his
pale blue eyes. "I'm so sorry, Duo."
"...hm.... Thanks for the sentiment, but you don't need to be sorry for
me."
"I feel awful, though about what happened between you and Heero." The
blonde Arabian placed a hand on Duo's shoulder, squeezing softly. "It hurts to
see you like this. I wish...I wish I could have done something...."
"You couldn't have done anything," Duo replied, shaking his head.
"And it was my stupid fault anyway. I was the one who got the fool idea to make
a grand confession to him. I was the one who made all the assumptions and tried to
push him into something he didn't want."
"Oh, Duo," sadness echoed in Quatre's voice. "You didn't push...you
just let him know you cared for him."
Duo turned away from the rain-spattered window, leaning heavily against the wall.
"I shouldn't have. It was the wrong thing to do." He interrupted as
Quatre started to protest, "I read too much into things that had happened between us
recently, and saw a connection that wasn't really there. He wasn't expecting to have
all my emotions dumped on him...and now I've driven him away I'd hoped...that I'd find out
he felt the same way, loved me back, but all I did was destroy our friendship."
"I don't think it's destroyed, Duo...."
"It sure seems like it is, the way he's been avoiding me since then." He
let out a deep breath, sagging as if under a great weight. "I just wish...I
just want him to tell me if I've pissed him off by what I said. I want him to say it
if he hates me and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I want him to tell
me if I've ruined our friendship...not leave me hanging like this, trying to use his
actions to figure out what's going on in his head!" He
blinked hard against the sudden press of tears. "I just wanna know for
sure...wondering, guessing like this is tearing me up inside."
Quatre embraced him gently, offering peace and comfort to his wounded friend. "I wish
I could make it easier for you somehow."
"Thanks. I do appreciate it. Nice to know someone still likes me around
here."
"Duo," Quatre pulled back slightly, voice just a bit chiding.
"I'm your friend, your comrade. I know Trowa and Wufei are, too. And we
always will be, no matter what happens."
"Hm...." Duo gave a weak smile. "I'm glad to hear that...though
it really doesn't fix my immediate problem." He stepped away, turning to look
out the window again. "There's only one way to do that, isn't there?
Guess I'll have to see if he's willing stick around long enough for me to say a few
things."
The blonde nibbled at his lower lip. "If you're up to it...."
"I have to be. I can't let this go on any longer. At least for my own
peace of mind, I gotta know for sure...." The hiss of the rain on the trees and
grass briefly filled the room as Duo exited through the front door.
Absently rubbing the spot on his chest over his heart, Quatre whispered, "Good
luck."
* * *
A chilling rain fell steadily, dripping off the ends of
his bangs, as Duo trudged across the yard to the nearby abandoned barn. Dampness
from the sodden grass coated his boots, soaking through the lower portions of his pant
legs. Slipping through the huge but dilapidated building's open door, Duo shook the worst
of the water off and pushed the wet hair back from his face. The Gundams fit
surprisingly well inside the old barn, and he could see Wing standing in its usual spot on
the other side of the cavernous room. Noting that the hatch to Wing's cockpit was
open, Duo jogged over to the mobile suit, surmising without much doubt that Heero was
inside. Almost instantly, the Japanese pilot poked his head out from the cockpit,
expression shuttered and unreadable as he gazed down upon Duo.
"I need to talk to you 'bout something," Duo shouted up at him, thunder rumbling
soft and low in the background.
For a long moment, the other boy didn't respond, and Duo thought Heero might just turn
around and return to his Gundam. Then he gave a sharp nod and lowered himself to the
ground where Duo stood. Still holding on to the lift cable, Heero stared silently at
him, a tense yet somehow expectant silence hovering between the two. Finally, Duo
cleared his throat, taking a nervous deep breath. "Look...I know I shouldn't be
bugging you again, but I just can't take this any more. I want you to tell me what
you think of me so I can quit wondering...just say it, okay?"
"Say what?"
"That you hate me. That you're disgusted with me for making that big emotional
display."
A hint of confusion flickered ever so briefly in the Japanese boy's cobalt eyes.
"I don't hate you."
"No? Well it sure seems like it, the way you've been avoiding me since
then."
"I don't," Heero protested, more forcefully this time.
"Then why?" Duo's brow furrowed in consternation. "The way you've
been acting, hiding out in here all the time and always disappearing when I'm around, I
mean...I figured you don't want to have anything to do me any more. I thought I'd
ruined our friendship."
"No!" Duo started at the vehemence of Heero's response. "Don't
ever think that. You are one of the *few* people I consider a friend."
Heero let go of the cable, moving until he stood only a short distance away from
him. "I never meant to act like I was avoiding you. I didn't know how to
respond... how to act.... I have been trained to not have emotions--but not what to
do if they are offered to me."
A great weight gradually lifted from his heart at Heero's words... only to be replaced by
a rush embarrassment. Wearily, he rubbed a hand across his face, brushing the wet
bangs away from his eyes. "Ah, hell... I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry,
Heero. I didn't mean to make your life difficult."
"Don't apologize. It took courage to say what you did." He paused,
pondering something for a moment. "You're lucky...to be able to understand your
emotions, and to act on them."
Duo shook his head slightly, giving a careless shrug. "Not lucky...or at least,
it doesn't feel that way. Guess luck's in the eye of the beholder, eh?" He took
a deep breath and released it, allowing the last remnants of anger and anxiety drain away.
"Anyway, as far as how to act now, I kinda hope we can just let things go back
to normal, the way they were before...."
"Hn," Heero nodded, still looking thoughtful.
"Right. Good." Without thinking about it, Duo held out his right
hand. "Friends?"
The other boy immediately reached out to clasp and shake Duo's hand firmly. "Hai.
Friends."
Duo stepped back as Heero released his hand. "Thanks." Looking
behind him through the crack in the barn door, he noted that the rain was letting up.
"Well, I'm gonna leave you to your work and go back to the house. See ya back
there?" Since he was still a bit uncertain, it came out as more of a question
than a statement.
"Hai...," Heero nodded.
"Cool," Relieved, Duo gave a grin, meaning it for the first time in a while.
Waving, he turned to leave, nearly to the door when the sound of Heero's voice halted him.
"Duo...wait."
"Eh? What's up?" Pausing, he turned back and regarded the other
pilot quizzically.
Heero stood where Duo had left him, staring at the ground, hands clenching in an
uncharacteristic, almost-nervous gesture. "There's something.... You
deserve to know. The reason I didn't know how to respond when you told me,
was...I...." He trailed off, then seemed to brace himself, as if having to
force the words past some sort of barrier. "I...feel things...for you. I
don't understand what...I only know it's different than what I feel for Quatre, Trowa, or
Wufei. More than what I feel for them."
Turbulent cobalt eyes looked up to meet Duo's stunned gaze. "I've been
pretending the emotions don't exist... but I can't do that now. I have to figure out
what is is I'm feeling, and what to do about it." Heero abruptly spun on
his heel and grabbed Wing's cable, raising himself back up to the Gundam's cockpit.
Glancing briefly over his shoulder at Duo, he disappeared back inside.
Mind and body frozen in shock, Duo stood motionless, eyes wide and mouth agape. His
stomach lurched, flipping like he was doing barrel rolls in Deathscythe. The breath he'd
been unconsciously holding came out in a great whoosh. //...he feels...for me?//
Legs moving of their own accord, he stumbled back outside. //Oh my god...oh my
god...oh my god....// The thought repeated inside his mind like a mantra, eventually
whispering past his lips as he echoed the words out loud. He forced himself to stop
as he reached the house, struggling to bring
his whirling thoughts and racing heart under control.
No longer noticing the cold rain that still sprinkled down on him, he leaned against the
building and peered out through the dim grayness at the barn. Feelings...Heero had
feelings for him...! //Holy freaking cow...I never
thought....// A strange warmth flared to life in his chest, faint hope blossoming
amidst his shock and disbelief. Duo found himself beginning to hesitantly smile.
Heero might not know what it was he was feeling yet--okay, perhaps he never
would--but there was *something* there...something that was more than just friendship.
At the least, it was a start.... //I guess that's good enough...for now....//
But there were more immediate issues to deal with--like reassuring a certain small blonde
friend that all was something resembling well... though omitting *certain* bits of
information. Glancing one last time at the barn with a wry smile, Duo turned and
reentered the safehouse.
* * *