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People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
-Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
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Heero leaned in again for a taste of Duo's lips. He
wanted to feel that energy for life that Duo had. Heero desired to bask in the grasp of
flesh on flesh… lips on lips… if only for a brief second more, he still needed
to feel it again.
Duo could feel Heero's breath moving in for another fleeting kiss. He didn't understand
it. He couldn't fathom it. Heero was a machine, an unfeeling, uncaring molded piece of
clay. Molded to know only killing and the mission. And Duo knew as well as the next person
that kissing someone, or even wanting to kiss someone, had to be powered by some kind of
feelings… even if those feelings were merely lust.
Heero pressed his lips lightly against Duo's at first, just a satisfactory amount to let
Duo know he was coming back for another. Heero unleashed himself in the next passion play,
allowing his lips to push at Duo's. He wanted the Deathscythe pilot to kiss him back. Why
wouldn't he kiss him back?
Duo, no matter how tempting it was, simply would not allow himself the joy of kissing
Heero back. He could tell Heero wanted him to as the kiss became more ragged, urgent.
Heero was pressing firmly against his lips, trying to get some kind of response. But
something was holding Duo back. What was it?
Heero couldn't understand why he was trying to kiss Duo. He hadn't the slightest idea. He
had seen people do it before. People that care for each other do it. And he cared for Duo,
Duo cared for him, wasn't this the way it was supposed to happen? Was this not what…
friends?… did?
Duo instinctively pushed Heero away. He couldn't take it any longer. Something wasn't
right. Something was terribly wrong.
"He… Heero… do you know what you're doing…?"
"No."
"Then… then why are you doing it?"
Heero didn't know. Heero didn't care. All he knew is that his lips… not just his
lips, but his entire body… was burning to taste Duo again. Heero felt his hips
tightening and a warmth spreading throughout his body. He couldn't withhold himself any
longer and moved in to claim Duo's mouth again.
With a rush of air, Heero was prying against Duo's lips again. Only this time, Duo found
he couldn't hold himself back any longer. He had wanted this for so long, no matter how
wrong it felt… no matter if Heero really didn't know what he was doing.
Duo parted his lips farther and returned the kiss. Heero's lips moved in time to his, and
opened a little farther in mime. Duo took advantage of the motion and darted his tongue
inside for a brief second. It was just enough to get a startled jump out of Heero. Duo
realized somewhere, that obviously Heero hadn't done this much, if any. But he would think
about that later.
/But then, you never feel sorry for what you do, do you?/
Duo's eyes flew open. Did he just hear that voice again? It couldn't have been. The dream
was over, now wasn't the time to think about it. He busied himself with the task at hand.
Shutting his eyes again, he lightly nipped at the corners of Heero's mouth, enticing a
mild moan of pleasure from the Japanese pilot's throat. Duo ran his tongue over Heero's
bottom lip before taking it with his teeth, just barely nibbling it. Heero's hands wrapped
around Duo protectively and opened his mouth further, giving Duo complete entry.
Duo's tongue explored every corner of Heero's mouth with measure, not leaving one inch
untouched. When Heero finally got brave, he dared to swipe his tongue against Duo's,
initiating a sparring match between the two slippery muscles.
/How long will it be, Duo?/
Duo increased his force with the battle between tongues. His kissing soon became more
methodical and less passionate as he struggled to push the voices down, far away.
/Before you destroy him, too?/
Heero noticed the change. He might not know much about this kissing thing, but he could
tell even though he was engaged in a steamy tongue battle with Duo, Duo's mind was
obviously somewhere else.
And then, Hell broke loose… so to speak…
/You kill everything you touch./
Duo gasped and clamped down his teeth right over Heero's lips. Heero jumped back at the
sting. He could detect the coppery taste of blood oozing off his lip and into his mouth,
wailing his taste buds. What had happened? He looked at Duo… or what should have been
Duo. The boy was throwing his back against the headboard with wide gaping eyes. He looked
as though he had seen a ghost, and he was looking right at Heero Yuy. Only, more like
looking through Heero… into nothingness.
/You will destroy him, Duo. His soul will join ours. You will wet out his flame as you did
countless others./
Duo's body was rigid. The voices! The voices were overpowering! He couldn't stop them, he
couldn't drown them out any longer! He retreated backwards until his back slammed against
cold unyielding wood. What was wrong with him? His eyes looked to Heero for guidance and
some consolation.
/He can't help you now, Duo./
What he got was absolute horror.
All he could see was the same bloody scene from the church returning to reclaim his
senses. All the familiarities of the room he had been sitting in were gone. He couldn't
feel the bed underneath him any longer, no covers wrapped around him, no abrasive wood
behind his back. The only really familiar thing he could see was the vision of a boy on a
cross. A blood dripping limp body. A body that had been ridiculed with whips and beaten
with stones. A body whose palms were flowing crimson over metal nails and onto Duo's head.
Why was he here again? Why did he have to hear these voices again? Why did he have to see
Heero like this again?
Ignoring the blood tingeing his saliva, Heero grabbed Duo's shoulders and began shaking
him violently. The boy was out of it… far out of it.
"Duo! Duo, snap out of it! It's me, Heero! Duo!!!?"
Duo wasn't aware of the boy shaking him or the fact that the stomach churning vision
before him wasn't real. All he could focus on was the voices. The voices, and those cobalt
blue eyes moist with unshed tears and a face that was screaming for help. A face that was
yelling 'it's all your fault'.. And as Duo felt the blackness engulf him, he knew it was.
Taking one of his hands and gripping the gold cross hanging over his bare chest, he used
his will power and tried to extend his other hand to the boy on the cross before the
darkness was total, but he wasn't fast enough. And all he was aware of as he drifted off
was his own voice, repenting for his sins.
"Duo! Duo snap out of it damnit!"
Heero watched as Duo's eyes slowly drifted into the back of the sockets and his hand
reached up for his golden crucifix dangling over his naked skin. Heero felt terror grasp
his mind as Duo's body went limp and his hand fell from the charm. He panicked as Duo's
lips whispered his last repents before slipping completely away.
"Heero… forgive me…"
* * *
Quatre's mind just wouldn't settle into sleep mode. It
wasn't the raging storm outside, or the fact that he was holding the boy he loved so
deeply tightly in his arms, something he was usually denied unless in the confines of
privacy. No, it was something else. Something was nagging him, almost biting at his
conscious.
Trowa brought his hand up and stroked Quatre's silky blonde hair. Quatre started, having
thought his lover was asleep.
"What troubles you, Little One?"
Quatre sighed. He should have known. He can never hide even a hint of emotion from his
green-eyed savior. Not that he wanted to hide anything from Trowa. But often Quatre
thought that Trowa's own worries were so much more complex than his own. He knew Trowa had
so many more important things on his mind, but never once had Trowa ventured to neglect
Quatre's own feelings and thoughts. He was so giving, so special. Gods he loved him.
"Honestly, I don't know. Something's not right."
"The storm?"
Quatre shook his head. No, he had already eliminated that factor.
"That's not it."
"Are you worried about Duo?"
Quatre's mind wavered a little. Was that it? Was that what was plaguing his thoughts?
Well, possibly that was a little of it. However, there seemed to be more. Something
intangible that he just couldn't put his finger on.
"I guess I am a little."
Trowa placed a feather light kiss on Quatre's lips. The Arabian pilot smiled and leaned
back into his lover's strong embrace, shutting his eyes. Trowa laced his hand in Quatre's
and intertwined their fingers. He looked down at his little angel, the picture of
innocence sprawled across his soft facial features. Trowa smiled and kissed his eyelids.
"Go to sleep, my angel. The storm will pass, and Duo will heal. Besides, I'm sure if
there's anything wrong with Duo, Heero will handle it."
* * *
Wufei tossed angrily on his bed. This wasn't his idea
of "taking a nap". Since when did sleep become so hard to achieve?
'Since you started sleeping with the enemy, Chang.' A voice mocked him in his head.
'Oh, sure, let's blame everything on him. Even the loss of sleep is now his fault.'
'Why not? You're only this way when you're sleeping in your own bed, not his..'
'That's not true.'
'Hello~oo. Anybody in there, Chang? You're losing your mind without him.'
'That is also not true.'
'Please, you're having a conversation with yourself inside your own head.'
'Uh…'
'I rest my case.'
Wufei pulled the pillow over his head in a feeble attempt to block out his utter
stupidity. He could feel his face blushing even in the confinements of his lonely room. He
convinced himself the imaginary conversation was just a result of sleep fatigue, nothing
more.
"Just don't think about him." Wufei said out loud to his pillow.
And just as he thought he was about to drift into sweet slumber, Wufei's door burst open
and slammed against the wall behind it. Wufei jumped off his bed and immediately his body
crouched into a battle stance. He was ready to tangle with the enemy that threatened his
sleep-deprived life. But when his eyes met that enemy, his fists fell to his sides and he
straightened his back and cocked his head in confusion. Standing in his doorframe was a
very out of breath and startled Heero Yuy. He possessed a look about him that made Wufei
think he had just lost his best friend.
"Yuy?"
Heero swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke in a puff of exhausted air. Wufei barely
had time to register what he said before Heero was out of the room again in a flash of
speed. Wufei replayed his command over in his head before dashing out of the room after
Heero.
"Come quickly! It's Duo!"
* * *
Wufei was running down the hall so fast that his feet
wouldn't cooperate with the mental order of "stop" once he reached Duo and
Heero's bedroom. As he turned the corner to enter, his shoulder banged against the
doorframe, wobbling his balance and his face meshed in pain. He ignored the throbbing of
his upper arm and scampered into the dark room. There wasn't any light left in the tiny
room, but Wufei's eyes were already adjusted to the absence there of. He scanned the
premises for the boy he had been chasing after.
Heero was crouched over some sort of limp body on the nearest bed to the door. Wufei's
eyes zoomed in to the sight and with shock he realized that the still life form on the bed
was Duo.
The terror of the view before him took hold of Wufei's bodily functions and he found his
feet stuck to the floor. Duo was lifelessly sprawled out on the bed, one hand draping over
the side with his chin slouched against his chest and his back leaning against the
headboard. A usually emotionless Heero Yuy was sitting on top of Duo's waist, with one leg
on each side of his hips. His face was contorted with… pain?… and something that
resembled fear as he shook Duo's lifeless shoulders roughly, over and over. Small gasps of
air were escaping Heero's mouth. As Wufei's ears sorted out those gasps, he realized they
were in fact tiny words. Pleas of mercy…
"Duo… Duo please…. Please wake up… please Duo… please…"
The last beg sifted off into the air and was barely an audible whisper. As it pinged in
Wufei's ears and reached his inner conscious, suddenly he felt the ability to move his
limbs again. In an instant he was by Duo's side. He lifted the hanging arm and took hold
of the cold wrist. Wufei felt a very steady pulse, it wasn't the least bit faint. Wufei's
eyes went into a deeper charcoal black and widened in surprise. These were not the signs
of a collapsing system.
Wufei reached up and took hold of Heero's wrists, prying them off Duo's shoulders. Heero
looked up into Wufei's eyes but made no attempt to remove his sitting position off of
Duo's lap. Wufei tenderly shook his head at the gaping look on Heero's face.
"He's not dying, Heero. His pulse is very stable, very healthy."
Heero shook his head, not believing the words.
"His skin. His skin is cold."
Wufei bent down and swiped a drop of sweat from Duo's forehead. He rubbed it between his
fingers and bit his lip as if in deep contemplation.
"His fever has finally broken."
Heero looked down at the energy sucked figure underneath him. Duo was fine. Duo wasn't
dying. Then what had happened? Then why hadn't he…
"Why won't he wake up then?"
Wufei reached down and forcefully opened one of Duo's eyelids. The bright amethyst pupil
was rolled back into Duo's head. There wasn't a single sign of Duo reacting to the pushed
opening of his eyes. Wufei shrugged his shoulders casually.
"I don't know, Heero. It would seem that he's in some kind of mental shock."
"Wouldn't mental shock be harmful to him?" Heero motioned with his right hand
towards the American below him.
"Usually… I would say yes, but Duo doesn't seem to be in any pain nor have any
chances of falling off the brink of life at this moment."
Heero bit his lip. He didn't understand… and Wufei seemed to be just about as
clueless as he.
"What happened before he blacked out?"
Heero jumped a bit and blushed, not obvious to Wufei in the dark. 'Get a hold of yourself,
Heero. Soldiers don't blush.' But another voice also said 'Well, they don't lie either'.
Heero dropped his head sluggishly. 'Then I won't lie. I just won't tell him…
everything.'
"Well?"
* * *
/dream sequence/
Duo found himself standing on a crowded street corner. People were rushing and hustling by
him like he wasn't even there. Duo entertained the thought for a second that maybe they
couldn't see him. That was, until a burly faced teenage boy knocked into his shoulder,
almost sending them both spewing to the ground in a mound of limbs.
The red haired boy glared angrily at Duo, gritting his teeth with intimidation for a few
seconds, as if expecting to get some kind of reaction out of the long haired pilot. Duo
just smiled wickedly. After all, Duo knew Heero Yuy; this boy would have to try much
harder to get a rise out of him.
When the red haired boy realized it wasn't having the desired effect on the braided boy,
he grunted and turned back to the direction he was walking, making sure to knock back into
Duo with extreme force as he went by. The boy mumbled as he passed.
"Why don't cha' watch were you're going, punk."
Duo rolled his eyes at the feeble show of manhood.
"Get bent." Duo retorted before walking in the opposite direction.
Duo took every bit of his surroundings into consideration. There was a certain aura about
it that made it feel familiar. Not just the busy people, or the smell of fresh fruit on a
side stand by the walk way, or the streets jam packed with colorful vehicles spurting
forth avid amounts of air pollution. There was something else that made him feel like he
knew this place… like he belonged here.
Duo was careful to avoid oncoming traffic as he quickly crossed the street. When he got to
the other side, he found himself standing at the gated entrance to some kind of park. He
strolled quietly along the sidewalk that lead inside, tipping his head "hello"
to the ladies that passed and giving a bright smile to a little girl with a rainbow
lollipop. The trees in the park were blooming with cherry blossoms and the air smelled of
spring. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a couple sitting on a stained wood bench. They
were holding hands and the girl was leaning her head on the content boy's shoulder. A
lover's embrace.
"Almost gives you cavities." Duo whispered to himself as the sight went out of
view.
The sun was bearing down and a little bead of sweat quietly slipped off Duo's forehead. Up
ahead he saw a large Oak Tree, enormous with age. Duo stopped in his tracks and looked up
the entire length of the tree. He knew this tree. He remembered this tree. But from where?
He made his way over to the base and with a huff of air sat on one of the gigantic roots.
Duo laced his fingers behind his head and leaned into the embrace of the barky substance.
A sweet sigh of relief escaped from his lips. Yes, he knew this tree.
"Stop! Thief!!! Get back here you little piece of trash! Somebody stop him!"
Duo looked up from under his hanging locks of hair to see a fat old merchant trudging down
the path after a skinny little boy. The boy was smiling wildly as his curly blonde locks
bounced with each leap he took. The little boy's clothes were ragged with rips and dirty
with mud and other unidentifiable stains. He was carrying two bright shiny oranges in his
hands. Duo could tell the boy wasn't much older than six or seven. And from the looks of
the length of space between him and the red faced store keep, this boy was going to get
away clean.
Duo smiled to himself. Of course he wasn't going to intervene. He knew what it was like to
scrap and steal just to make it through the day. He knew what it was like to have to hide
in the alleys and struggle to survive. He knew what it felt like to be beat into
submission for some old drunk to use as a "play thing". Yes, he knew. That
little boy reminded him of the life he had lived on…
"L2…"
"About time you remembered this place, Duo."
Duo looked up at the smiling teenager above him with shock.
"Solo?!"
* * *
Heero stared up at Wufei, uncertain of what he should
say to the Chinese warrior. How could he possibly tell him that he and Duo had been
exploring the inner recesses of each other's mouths before Duo went cold cocked? He
couldn't. Not for his own sake, but for Duo's. For Duo's protection.
Wufei was losing patience with the Japanese boy. He folded his arms over his chest and
made a motion with his head that said "speak, Yuy, or I'll make you".
"He was staring out into space… or through it, rather. His eyes were locked on
something in front of him that wasn't there."
Heero paused. He wasn't sure if he quite remembered everything that Duo had done. Well,
besides the things he had done with his mouth, that is.
"Continue."
"He threw his back against the headboard and never stopped staring out into space.
When his eyes started rolling back into his head, he reached up and gripped his cross.
Before he was completely gone, he whispered something."
Wufei's eyes narrowed. Obviously Heero was waiting for him to ask what it was he said.
This story just wasn't making too much sense.
"And…?"
"He said… 'Heero, forgive me.'…."
Wufei was a little startled by this revelation. What could have made Duo say such a thing
to the stone faced boy?
"What was he asking forgiveness for?"
"I don't know." Heero spat out. And honestly, he really didn't know.
"What did he do to you, Heero?"
Heero was taken aback by the question. What did he mean "do" to him? Duo hadn't
done a thing to him before he blacked out. Well, except for that… but he knew that
wasn't what Wufei was talking about. Wufei was thinking more along the lines of Duo having
done something awful to the Wing pilot.
"Nothing."
Wufei raised his eyebrow. He didn't believe Heero. Or did he? He knew Heero didn't lie, so
obviously he was telling the truth. But maybe… maybe not the whole truth…
"You're hiding something."
Heero's eyes locked on Wufei's with an icy death glare. Heero's face turned into a scowl
of disapproval and anger. Wufei didn't even blink. After all, Duo's life could be on the
line here.
"You are hiding something."
He knew the Wing pilot wouldn't answer 'no' to that question, that would be lying. The
perfect soldier never lied. And just as he suspected, Heero kept his eyes locked into
Wufei's with an intent to kill. Now Wufei was positive there was more to this story than
Heero was letting on.
He ignored Heero's cold eyes and lifted the boy off of Duo by grasping his shoulders.
Without letting go, he made Heero stand on the floor and look him in the eye.
Heero could feel his palms getting sweaty.
"What happened before his eyes went blank, Heero?"
Heero gritted his teeth and snarled. He didn't have to tell this baka anything. It was his
own damned business and none of Wufei's. Heero broke free from his grasp and grabbed Wufei
by his shirt, lifting the boy off the ground. Wufei merely smiled.
"Tell me what happened, Heero."
* * *
"Solo?!"
"Ah, so you remember me, eh?"
Duo ran his fingers through his bangs nervously.
"Hai… how could I forget you, man."
Duo's head drooped down to his chest. He saw the glint of gold out of the corner of his
eye and brought his hand up to hold his crucifix.
"Solo… you're dead…"
Solo jumped back and Duo looked up into his face. He gripped his chest where his heart
would be and dropped to his knees melodramatically. Then he raised his arms to the Heavens
and acted as though he was talking to God himself.
"No! Say it ain't so! Say it ain't so!"
Solo brought his arms down and messed up Duo's hair playfully.
"You're still a smart one, you know that, kid?"
Duo chuckled and released his cross, batting away Solo's hand.
"And you're still a smart-ass."
Solo smiled warmly at Duo and sat down on a root beside him.
"Yeah, well, stick with what you're good at, eh kid?"
Duo snorted.
"Not like you, though. Yep, you're moving on up, huh? A Gundam pilot and all now.
World renowned for you're battles against the evil OZ."
Solo punctuated "evil OZ" by moving his fingers in an implied scary monster
flick motion.
"World renowned… hmph… I'm nothing more than a cold blooded killer… a
murderer…"
Solo whacked Duo on the back of the head.
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"You were being an idiot. Figured I'd knock some sense into you."
Solo saw the pitiful attempt of a smile on Duo's face. Duo dropped his head to his chest
and sighed. Solo curved his index finger and used it to tilt Duo's face up so he could
look him in the eyes.
"Listen to me, kid," there was a serious note in his voice, you could definitely
tell the difference between it and the previous tone. "You're fightin' for the
colonies. You're fightin' for their freedom. You're doin' battle for what you believe in,
and I'm proud of ya. Sister Helen's proud of ya. Father Maxwell's proud of ya. You're
putting your ass on the line for the greater good, kid, and that takes guts. And doing a
Hell of a good job at it, I might add."
Duo smiled. Leave it to Solo to make him forget his problems. It was always like that when
they were younger. Duo, the little devil of a kid, and Solo, a teenager just trying to
stay alive. They were inseparable.
"Arigatou, Solo. Good to see you're still good for something."
Solo acted like he had been stabbed in the heart again.
"Ack! Two in one day, kid? You trying to kill me?"
Duo smacked him on the arm and smiled playfully.
"You can't kill the dead, baka. And my name's Duo, not "kid"."
Solo wrapped his arm around Duo's shoulders. The embrace was warm and heart felt. His
hands were strong, yet tender. This was something Duo had yearned for. Something Duo had
missed all these years. Solo leaned in and whispered in Duo's ear.
"I know that, Duo. I'm the one that gave you that name."
Duo smiled and nodded his head. Solo leaned back to get a full view of Duo, his arm never
leaving Duo's shoulders.
"My, my, kid, how you've grown."
Duo looked up into Solo's eyes and smiled.
"Not the little street rat you used to be, huh? Yep, a real handsome guy, now. Glad
to see you still kept your braid, though."
Solo gave a slight tug on Duo's rope with the hand wrapped around him.
"Heh, and you haven't changed a bit. Still look like the same ol' Solo." Indeed
Solo looked just as the day he had left. And now since Duo had gotten older, they were the
same age. 'Still a little taller than I am.' Duo thought to himself.
Solo shrugged his shoulders.
"Yeah, well it's kind of hard to age when you're dead, y'know?"
Duo's head crooned downward and his eyes clasped shut. Yes, he knew Solo was dead, but he
didn't want to have to be reminded of it. It hurt him when Solo died… and it still
hurt him.
Solo instantly saw the blanket of sorrow cover Duo's body. He just sighed and moved his
arm down around Duo's waist. He leaned over and propped his head on Duo's shoulder
tenderly.
"Don't be sad, Duo. I'm not. I'm in a better place now. No more sickness, no more
hunger, no more pain." Solo leaned in and whispered in Duo's ear again. "I'm
free."
The breath on his neck made Duo shiver and a surge run up his spine. Solo could always
make him feel like this, alive and full of energy. Duo didn't know a single person now
that could make him fly like that… except maybe…
"Solo?"
"Yeah, kid?"
His breath was still on his neck, warm and moist.
"What do you think about Heero?"
Solo snorted and moved his face so Duo could see it. He had a sour expression rolled out.
"Kinda… cranky, ain't he?"
"How so?" Duo twirled the tip of his braid over his fingertips.
"I dunno… in an uncaring, unfeeling, fire breathing, ice glaring, blood
curdling, eat shit and die kinda way."
Duo punched him in the arm.
"Ack! Just foolin' with ya, kid."
Duo pouted his lips.
"You know I believe in you, right Duo?"
Duo leaned into his embrace and rested his head in the crook of Solo's neck.
"I know."
"And I'll always be right here with you."
Duo sighed and snuggled closer.
"Hai."
"I want you to be happy, kid. You do what makes you happy."
Duo looked up into Solo's eyes.
"Thank you, Solo."
Solo smiled warmly and placed a peck on Duo's forehead.
"You're welcome, Duo."
-end dream sequence-
* * *