Stained Glass Windows
(page six)
by Kirei Tenshi

 

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People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
-Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

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Cobalt eyes stared down cinder black ones as he gripped the shirt tightly in his fist. He’d had all he could take of this "interrogation".. Noticing the small smirk unfolding across Wufei’s lips, Heero suddenly had the faint urge to punch the boy in the face. At least it would wipe off that silly smile.

"Tell me what happened."

He clasped the shirt tighter and lifted the Shenlong pilot higher off the floor. A small shredding noise caught Heero’s ears and he realized he was ripping small holes into Wufei’s tank top with his fingers. Heero brought the boy right up to his face until their noses were barely scraping.

"Why should I tell you."

The Chinese boy’s smile broadened. He had been prepared for the question, almost planning for it.

"I don’t have a reason why you should tell me anything… unless… of course…"

Heero scowled and picked the boy up a little further. The result was a few more tiny ripping sounds.

"Unless what?" He spat out.

"Unless of course you value Duo’s life. What you know could very well give us the upper hand on the situation. Or maybe even put us in control."

Heero raised his eyebrow. He hadn’t thought of this. He knew the boy was right, but what right did Heero have to tell Wufei Duo’s personal business? Heero growled from deep in his throat. Was he really protecting the Deathscythe pilot… or just himself?

He lowered Wufei back to the floor, never releasing Wufei’s eyes from his icy death glare.

"I doubt it."

Yes, he did doubt that the information would be helpful. But still… if there was some chance that it could be useful, he had to tell him. He couldn’t risk it, not with a fellow pilot’s life… not with Duo’s life…

Heero nodded his head once. He had made up his mind, and if he didn’t start talking now, he just might change it.

"Good choice, Yuy."

Heero looked down at the still life on the bed. Those eyes, those wonderful spiritual eyes were still closed tight. Duo's beautiful smile was wiped clean and replaced with a thin straight line. He sighed in ward and contorted his face in disapproval. No, not that "right choice"… but the only choice. He turned back to the other occupant of the room.

"I trust this will be in complete confidence. It will not leave the confines of this room?"

Wufei raised his hand earnestly.

"You have my word."

The Japanese pilot snickered. His "word"? That didn’t mean a damned thing to him.

"Your life." he said coldly and pushed down his eyebrows until they were almost at eye level.

Wufei shivered. He didn’t like the way that sounded. He knew that Heero would stand firm and hold to this bargain, but it didn’t seem he really had another alternative.

"Agreed."

The Wing pilot sighed, out loud this time. This was it, now or never.

"Duo and I… we… we were---"

"Nnnn…. Solo…?"

Both standing pilots quickly turned their heads to the boy cradled on the bed. Duo was wearily rocking his head against the wood and clinching and then loosening his hands. He seemed to be trying to wake from a dream. His breathing was quickening and his eyelids were slightly twitching.

"Nnnn…"

Heero rushed to the side of the bed and sat down beside the ranting pilot. He was trying to speak, but his words were all slurred and blurry. The Wing pilot wanted to hold his hand, caress his cheek, anything to wake and comfort Duo, but he found he could do nothing but gape in awe… or was it fright?

"Mmm… don’t go…"

Heero’s hand stretched out and gripped Duo’s shoulder abrasively, shaking it ever so gently. He wasn’t going anywhere, not now, not ever…

"I’m not going anywhere, Duo, I’m right here."

Duo’s head rolled violently.

"Nnn… don’t… don’t go… Solo."

Heero’s hand jerked away from Duo’s shoulder as though he had been burnt. In fact, his insides felt like they were blazing into an eruption of flames. His breath became short and his chest became tight and rigid. Who was Solo? And why was Duo speaking his name in his sleep?

He looked up to Wufei’s face for some kind of guidance, even help, but Wufei had a similar mask of shock painted on his features as well. Obviously he was as clueless as Heero.

He hesitantly replaced his hand on Duo’s shoulder and jolted it slightly. He wanted Duo to wake up. He wanted Duo to acknowledge his existence. Somewhere inside he even felt a twinge of what could resemble jealousy. Why couldn’t Duo have said his name in his sleep?

"Duo," he shook a little more persistently, "wake up."

Duo’s eyes opened for a brief fleeting second and then rolled back into his head again. His upper body convulsed a little and his fingers rolled into a fist.

"Solo?"

That name again. Who was this damned Solo? Heero felt a jagged blade enter through his chest and grind deeply into his heart. It wasn’t really there, but damned it felt like it. What was this feeling flowing over him? How was Duo doing this to him?

"No. Heero."

Duo slung his head violently to one side and his body shook again, only fainter this time. His fist slowly relaxed back into an open hand and his eyes rolled again. Heero put his other arm on the opposite shoulder and jostled them both a little, aiding in his awakening.

"Mmm… I… I…"

Wufei, having been silent for this entire time, nudged Heero slightly yet firmly with his elbow and leaned down beside the Wing pilot’s ear.

"Don’t force it, Heero. There’s no telling what he’s awakening from… we don’t know what just on inside there… it could have been traumatic."

He nodded once, hearing the words, but not really processing them and agreeing. He didn’t care. He didn’t care what he said, or what had happened, or if the world ended right now. All he cared about was Duo waking up and acknowledging him. All he cared about was Duo saying his name and shining that happy smile and those bright eyes at him again. Selfish? Hell yes, he was being selfish. Somewhere in his conscious mind he heard a voice saying anything that can cause these kinds of feelings inside was very dangerous and should be eliminated. But when he thought of Duo, he thought of nothing but life and beauty. How could he destroy a creature like this? Could it be possible his training was malfunctioning? A fluke?

Duo’s eyes finally rolled open and he inhaled a deep fragile breath. Heero could tell he was straining to make out the faces in the dark by the way he squinted and scrunched his face. Finally, his face fell into some kind of look of understanding and his eyes said the words he didn’t speak. He had been dreaming.

"Are you all right, Maxwell?"

‘I’m all right, Wufei.’ Wait, did he think that, or say that? Duo felt like his brain was pure mush. He licked his dry lips.

"Of course, Wu-man."

Wufei rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest.

"He’s fine."

The long-haired boy just smiled and stuck his tongue out playfully at Wufei, giving him a lazy raspberry.

"Who’s Solo?"

‘Yes, right to the point. Don’t let him settle back into his guise of a mask until you get the answers you want.’ Heero’s mind struck out.

He looked up at the Japanese boy, lost for words. He could feel his face flushing and his lip start to quiver. Duo’s eyes moistened with unshed tears.

Even in the darkness Wufei could see the pale ghostly color Duo’s face had drained to. Something was wrong. Heero had upset him.

"Um, you spoke out loud while you were coming to."

Duo’s eyes darted up to the Chinese boy and then back to Heero. His heart felt like it was being ripped into tiny pieces, each one smaller than the last. He had said Solo’s name unconsciously. What else had he said?

With a sigh, Wufei unfolded his arms and placed his hand on Heero’s arm, guiding his hands off of the other boy. He slightly cocked his head and looked at the startled boy gasping for breath under the covers.

"It’s ok, Duo. You don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready."

The Hell he does! Heero could feel himself growing angry, but whether it was at Duo, or Wufei, or this stranger Solo, he wasn’t sure. He just knew he wanted to let off some steam… that and get s few answers.

Duo regained some color to his face and smiled up at Wufei.

"Thanks, Wu-man."

Wufei waved his hand in a round about gesture.

"I’m going back to bed. If anyone else tries to die while I’m asleep, wake me up."

Duo giggled.

"Even me?"

Wufei pointed his finger at the boy and playfully glared.

"No, not you. You’ve used your ticket for the night." Wufei stalked towards the doorway.

Duo giggled again. He loved it when Wufei tried to be humorous… it was so… humorous!

"Oh, and Maxwell?

"Yeah, Wu-man?" ‘Extra stress on the "Wu-man" just for calling me "Maxwell"…’ he thought while snickering in his head.

"Don’t do that again… you really had me worried."

Shinigami smiled.

"Why, Wufei, you were worried about little ol’ me? How sweet!"

Wufei slightly blushed.

"Yes… well… I… damnit I’m going to bed."

Duo chuckled at the tint of crimson in his face as he exited the room and shut the door behind him. Looking to Heero, he had been oblivious to the death stares he had been receiving this whole time, that is, he was until now.

"Oi, Heero, what’s wrong?"

"Who…" he licked his lips in a catlike fashion, " is Solo?"

I kept the right ones out

And let the wrong ones in

Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins

There were times in my life

When I was goin' insane

Tryin' to walk through the pain

Duo turned his head away and hid his face underneath the fall of his bangs. He didn’t have to answer that question. He didn’t want to answer that question. It was none of his business who Solo was.

"Drop it, Heero."

There was a dead note in Duo’s voice. A pitch that was screaming ‘this isn’t something to be played with’. The tone was icy, it was saying ‘back off’ in not so many words.

Heero stood quickly with flare of anger and turned his back on the Deathscythe pilot. Duo watched as his hands clasped into fists. And even in the dark he could tell Heero’s back muscles had tensed up. He didn’t have to see Heero’s face to know there was a nasty scowl on his features.

"A friend? An ex-lover? Hell, from the way you were saying his name, I would guess he still is a lover."

Duo cringed. He could feel a tiny tear struggling to break out. He wouldn’t cry. Not after all these years; he wouldn’t cry. And certainly not for this bastard.

"Is that it, Duo? Sex? Selling your body to the highest bidder?!"

Duo had enough. The rage, the anger and frustration, all the hurt and pain throughout the years balled up into one little arrow and by God he was going to shoot it at Heero Yuy.

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!"

 

When I lost my grip

And I hit the floor

Yeah, I thought I could leave

But couldn't get out the door

Heero swung around to see the anger and pain on Duo's face. No, he had gone too far. Much too far.

"You didn’t know him! You don’t know him! You don’t know me, damnit! Just shut the fuck up!!! Solo was my savior, not my whore!"

I was so sick and tired

Of livin' a lie

I was wishin’ that I would die

He looked like he was on the verge of tears. Would he cry? Heero didn’t think he could stand to see another soul cry because of him.

Duo lowered his head and raised his fist to his face, watching tiny streaks of blood drip from his hand and sputter onto the white sheet over his lap. He dug his fingernails further into his palm, releasing more blood.

"You didn’t know him… No one knew him. He was a hell of a man. Much more than you’ll ever be, you uncaring bastard!" He opened his hand and watched the blood stream down his arm.

Heero flinched. There was that knife again, plunging deeper into his heart. He felt himself crumbling inside. But no matter how strong the pain was grinding into him, he found he only wanted to do one thing, and that was hold and soothe the enraged boy in front of him.

"Duo, I---"

Duo’s eyes flared and he directed them right at Heero. It was worse than any death glare he had ever given.

"No, you let me finish!"

Heero shivered.

"Solo… was the greatest friend I ever had… he healed my wounds… he… he cared for me… really cared for me. He kept me alive, Heero. When I thought I couldn’t get up and face another day, he was there, pushing me forward."

That one last shot's a permanent vacation

And how high can you fly with broken wings?

Life's a journey not a destination

And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

Heero could feel the hurt from every word Duo spoke. Heero didn't object to this anger and the harsh words he was receiving. He had earned and deserved every bit of it. For some reason, at that moment Heero felt like the lowest person in the universe for making someone so wonderful feel so awful.

"He gave me my name, for God’s sake. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be dead right now."

You have to learn to crawl

Before you learn to walk

But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk

He took this into consideration. What would his life be without Duo Maxwell? He couldn’t imagine such a sad place. He didn’t want to imagine that such a place could even exist.

"Solo was with me when I lived on L2. Solo was… everything to me…"

I was out on the street

Just tryin' to survive

Scratchin' to stay alive

He looked up into Heero’s eyes. Heero could see all the anger seemingly gone, and only sorrow left. He let that last sentence click into place… it didn’t make sense. Finally, he found his voice.

"Was?"

Duo's eyes softened even more and he looked away towards the floor.

"He’s dead."

Heero’s eyes widened in surprise. Dead? Oh no… what had he done? How could he have caused so much pain to the only person that could take his away? He was a beast… an awful monster.

"He was killed back on L2 when I was younger. Along with anyone else I ever gave a damn for."

Duo reached up to his still bare chest and gripped the gold crucifix hanging from his neck, letting the blood on his hand run over and around it.

"I’m sorry."

His eyes met Heero's. Had he just said he was sorry?

"I’m sorry I acted the way I did, Duo."

He had!

 

It's amazing

With the blink of an eye you finally see the light

Duo felt all the anger and sadness slowly seeping away down to the pits of his soul, where he had always kept it locked safely away... until now, that is. But the knife had struck too deep this time, he found he couldn't forget the hurt. All the pain and anguish was tearing at his heart. He couldn't produce his full mask, but he could at least pull off some sort of façade that would make Heero believe he wasn't really hurting on the inside. He turned one of the corners of his lips into a half-smile and shrugged.

"It’s ok, Heero."

Heero ground his teeth. No, it wasn't ok. He had hurt Duo. He could see right through that pitiful front and right down to the pain swelling up inside the boy. No, it wasn't ok at all. He had made a mistake, an awful one, and he was going to fix it somehow... no matter how long it would take... he would show Duo he was indeed sorry. After all, this friendship and caring thing was new to him. Heero knew that this was like a blind man walking down a crowded street, like stumbling through the dark. And God how he hated the dark.

Heero reached down to the hem of his white shirt and lifted it over his head, stripping himself completely of the garment. Shaking his head to let his hair fall back into place, he casually walked over to the other boy still gripping his cross possessively.

He looked up at the approaching boy, at the shirt wound around Heero’s hand and his now bare chest. What was he doing now?

Heero slowly sat down on the bed next to Duo.

"No, it isn’t ok, Duo. I didn’t mean to upset you. I said some awful things without thinking and… and I had no right to do that. You can hate me, if you want."

Duo rolled his eyes.

"No, Heero, that would be taking the easy way out, now wouldn’t it? The world has enough hatred as it is. I don’t think it needs my help. Besides, I think you’ve got something with this apology thing. It’s very becoming on you. Not very often you get to hear Heero Yuy admit to being wrong."

Duo smiled, a real smile this time.

Heero unwrapped the shirt from his fist and held out his open hand to Duo.

"Give it to me."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"What?"

"Your hand, give it to me."

Duo looked down to the bloody hand still attached to his cross.

"Oh…"

Smiling, he extended it in Heero's direction, letting the blood-covered cross fall back against his chest and drip down his sternum.

Heero took Duo's hand in his and turned the palm up. He took the white shirt he had peeled off his own body and wiped the blood from Duo's hand, carefully cleaning each finger. He wiped down Duo's arm with his shirt, blotting up the little streaks of crimson. He then moved the now blood-stained shirt to the cross hanging from Duo's neck and cleaned every stain of blood off. Heero saw little rivulets of blood running over Duo's chest and brought the shirt up to clean those off, too.

Duo sighed inwardly. He could get used to this. For a trained killer, Heero’s touch could be surprisingly soft and tender. And when he started wiping his chest, Duo thought he just might melt into a mushy puddle of warm fuzziness. Better not to, though, wouldn't want to stain the bed.

When Duo’s body was clean of all the crimson, Heero took the shirt off his own hand and wrapped it around the open wounds on Duo’s palm.

"Hold this here while I get something to patch those up."

"Sure."

Heero felt around blindly on the nightstand for the flashlight. He clicked it on and entered the bathroom, searching for another strip of gauze to wrap up Duo’s hand. Duo realized he had to stop doing this to himself, if he didn’t, by the end of the night they would be out of wrappings and Duo would be out of blood. But if he kept getting this treatment, Hell, it might be worth it.

* * *

Quatre leaned back further into Trowa’s embrace, his eyes still locked on the stairs on the other side of the living room. The yelling had stopped about two minutes ago. Quatre had found the screaming to be very disturbing, but the silence was purely frightening.

"I’m worried. It’s too quiet."

Trowa squeezed Quatre’s hand once, as if reassuring.

"You don’t think they killed each other, do you?"

Trowa just sighed.

"That’s it, I’m going up there."

Quatre struggled to break the strong embrace his lover had wrapped him in, but Trowa wasn’t loosening one bit. Quatre turned to him with questioning eyes.

"Let them work it out their way."

Quatre sighed loudly. He didn’t like that suggestion in the least. But it was obvious from the Heavyarms pilot’s grip that he wasn’t going anywhere. He looked back up to the stairs, eyes straining even with the aid of the candles. A crack of thunder caused the house to vibrate a little.

‘Will this night ever end?’ Quatre’s mind questioned. The only answer he got was another rumble of thunder booming and shaking the walls.

* * *

"There."

Heero turned the hand back over and released it. Duo brought it up to his face and examined the bandaging with inquiring eyes. Perfect as always, what more could he expect from Heero Yuy?

"Thanks, man." Duo said through a smile.

Heero hadn't moved off the bed after he had finished patching up Duo's hand. And he was looking down at the floor in front of him.

"I meant what I said, Duo. I really am sorry… about everything."

Duo just smiled softly. He was starting to like this new Heero a lot more than the old one. It was a long painstaking process, for the both of them, to get him to come out into the open. But maybe it would be worth it in the end. If not, Duo sure was letting himself in for lots of pain for no reason. This wound tonight had almost been too much. If it hadn't been for Heero's apology, he thought he might even have tried to kill the other boy.

He put his hand on Heero’s shoulder to comfort him.

"Hey, I thought I was the one that was supposed to babble."

Heero turned his eyes back to Duo, the hint of a smile crossing his face.

"Stop wallowing in your mistake, and just learn from it. There are plenty more bumps down the road, Heero. This was just God’s way of preparing you for the next."

"Arigatou."

Duo’s smile widened.

"No problem man."

Without warning, Heero took Duo in his arms and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Duo was shocked at first, the only thing that registered in his mind was that Heero was trying to kill him. But as he felt Heero’s tender yet strong arms squeeze slightly, he realized that he was hugging him. Duo sighed, how unexpected… pleasant… but unexpected. He returned the hug, placing his head on Heero’s shoulder and staring at the wall behind them. Never in a million years would he have thought Heero could actually touch another human like this.

Unknown to Duo, Heero was smiling in Duo’s cascade of unrestrained hair flowing down his back. This was what he had wanted to do ever since the boy went into a raging fit. Just hold and soothe him. Just hold him in his arms…

It's amazing

When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright

Duo sighed out loud and closed his eyes. He knew he could never replace Solo, but maybe with a little time and effort, Heero could become a close second, a very close second.

/I want you to be happy, kid. You do what makes you happy./

Duo’s smile broadened. ‘Thank you for everything, Solo. I will be happy. If not for me, then for you. I owe you that much.’ Duo promised in his head and heart.

It's amazing

And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

 

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