"In & Out"
a Gundam Wing Fanfic

by the Princess

**Warning--foul language, shounen-ai, characters frequently OOC...**

~Part 1~

Day three

>Trowa<

6:56 a.m.

I woke up to the sounds of screams and arguement, and wasn't a bit surprised. After all that had happened on TV two nights ago, the others had been unalbe to talk without an arguement over who was more queer breaking out. What surprised me was that I heard Hiro's voice among the arguers; he'd spent both of the past two days on the roof, shooting paparazzi from a distance. He must have finally gotten hungry enough to come down.

I sat up in my bed, running my fingers through my hair, not having any choice but to wake up. My chances of getting anymore sleep were nil. It'd been like this ever since that baka Noin had made those acccusations, with no one able to relax.

I grinned weakly. Zechs had called yesterday, telling us that he'd interrogated Noin about her behavior. Apparently, the flashing lights of camera bulbs had a dizzying effect on her, leading her to do very stupid things. It worked along the same principle as people who got epilectic seizures from watching a certain episode of Pokemon, except it had caused her to accuse each of us pilots and Zechs of being flamboyant homosexuals. Things were justifiably tense between us all. Due to my characteristic silence, I had yet to be involved in their debate on sexuality, but if I didn't act normal, then it wouldn't stay that way. Four more days remained before Noin (according to Zechs) would make a formal retraction, and the last thing I wanted in that length of time was to be harrassed about which way I swung.

<Not that I'm gay,> I thought, <of course I'm not. I'm perfectly heterosexual. I just don't see a point in arguing about it.>

I decided to wait until they cleared the kitchen before I got breakfast, so I went to my computer and signed on the Internet. I was a regular reader of the fanfiction people wrote for Gundam Wing, so I did my typical search for gundam+wing+fanfics...and my eyes grew wide in shock.

From the last time I had signed on, about four days ago, a total of 1,350 new fanfiction websites had been created.

Curious as to their nature, I clicked on the first one available, and I nearly gagged at the lewd picture of Duo and Hiro that greeted me. The two were curled up together and doing things to each other that I did not even want to consider. I tried to squelch a growing sense of panic as I scrolled down to the fanfic section, helpless as Lot's wife, and clicked on the first story listed.

"Saiaku," I murmured as labels such as NC-17, LEMON and YAOI smacked me in the face. I could feel a furious blush rise in my cheeks, which embarrassed me even more, as I read all about the author's belief about Quatre's and my relationship.

This was not good at all.

>Quatre<

I had been watching Hiro, Duo and Wufei argue over manliness for some time when Trowa came in the room. I was in a rarely serious mood, probably to counteract the idioticy all around me. I was slowly eating my breakfast of poached eggs and wishing that they would drop it; it was moot, after all. >Methinks the boys protest too much,< I thought, then glanced at Trowa and wondered what in the world could make him look so distressed. He was sweatdropping and just as white as snow, except in his cheeks, where a hot flush was burning.

"Pansy-ass faggot!" Duo declared, pointing his spoon at Wufei as though it were a weapon. "You and your gay-looking little ponytail!"

"What're you talking about?!" Wufei pointed his finger at Duo accusingly. "*You've* got a girly braid! What kind of pussy hairstyle is that?!"

"Quatre," Trowa asked me quietly, "can I ask you to come with me to my bedroom without you taking it the wrong way?"

"You definitely can," I replied, gladly abandoning my breakfast to escape the other brawling pilots. "I just don't understand it. Whatever people think of our sexuality doesn't affect our fighting abilities at all. As long as *we* know we're straight, I don't see why everyone is so upset."

"They're feeling threatened," Trowa replied simply. "They probably think that because one woman accused them of being gay, that they have to fiercely defend their masculinity or they'll suddenly become gay."

"But that's stupid. Why in the world would they think that?"

"They're stupid."

We entered his bedroom. He went and sat down at his computer, and gestured for me to sit next to him. Once I had, he said: "This is how people have been responding to the news that Noin delivered."

I looked at the screen, and read what had been written there. I could feel my eyes bugging out of my head as I absorbed the story. I felt a strong burning start in my cheeks, and a deep sense of disgust was boiling in my heart. I was dead certain that my stomach had packed its bags and hitched to Timbuctoo. "What is this--" I stammered.

"That," Trowa said softly, "is a pornographic story involving you, me and a box of--"

"I can *see* that! But why would someone do this?"

"It appears that these yaoi fanfiction websites have sprouted like mushrooms on the Internet in the past three days."

"*You*? And *me*? Kittane!!" I said, revolted. "Oh, no offense."

"None taken." He was so cool about it; I fleetingly thought: >Jeez, maybe he's unoffended because he enjoys it, maybe he's gay--<, but then I remembered that Trowa was always deadpan. "I commiserate. This fanfic is actually the mildest one I've come across."

Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said: "You call that mild?"

"Compared to others, yes. There are things floating around on these websites which would humble Bill Clinton. I've found Duo and Hiro--that's a popular one, can you believe it?--, Duo and Wufei, Hiro and I, Duo and I, Duo and you, Wufei and I, Wufei and Zechs, and Wufei and Zechs and Trieze."

I was unable to think of a logical thing to say, so I blurted out: "Kuso, Duo and Wufei sure get around, don't they?"

Ignoring that, he said: "The whole thing is ludicrous. I can't even imagine any of these couplings happening, can you?"

I closed my eyes, and found, to my disgust, that I could indeed picture much of what he'd outlined. And what I imagined scared me more than anything I'd ever encountered while safe inside Sandrock.

"Are you all right?" He looked a little concerned, and I didn't blame him; all the heat had drained from my face, and I knew I'd gone fish-pale. I must have looked like the Devil had stretched a hand up from Hell and given me a hard goose. "Quatre?"

"Hai! I'm fine! You were saying?"

"...I'm sorry if this horrified you, but I thought that you were best able to handle something like this. Can't you imagine what the others would do if they knew that XXX yaoi sites were being launched in droves on the Internet?"

I found I could picture this scenario, too. "Hai. Hiro would shoot the messanger, Wufei'd probably gut me on his quest against 'faggotry', and then the two of them would kill each other trying to decide who got to kill Duo."

Seeming amused, he asked: "And what would become of Duo?"

I thought fast. "Food poisoning. He'd try to cook for himself and catch E.bola or something."

He smiled. Turning back to the computer, he said: "This complicates the situation, though. We can't just ignore these yaoi sites and hope they'll go away, or that Noin's retraction will set the record straight."

"Nice pun."

"Thank you. What should we do? It's not wise to tell the others, but we can't hide it forever--"

"OUTCASTS OF SODOM!!"

"We can't even hide it for two seconds," I said dryly as Wufei burst into the room, waving his sword. "Urusai yo, you damn Chinese."

"I have caught you discussing your homosexuality!" he declared, wagging the sword around a little to prove his point. "Justice against all fags!"

"Urusai yo," I repeated. "You should probably put that down before you take off the top of your head."

"Silence, homo! I will--"

"Wufei, would you like to see what we were discussing?" Trowa suddenly interrupted. He had a weird look in his eyes, which--to my horror--appeared to be mirth and good cheer. "You really wanna see it?"

"Yes! What is it?"

"Give me a minute," Trowa said, typing a few search commands into the computer. I read the options he'd selected, and was barely able to keep from gasping in fear:

yaoi+fanfics+AND+duo+AND+wufei

>Trowa<

I had snapped.

Whatever was in me, it had snapped.

I was sick of listening to Wufei and the other three weasel-faced fuckers whine about Noin and Zechs and buttfucking and bullshit. I was sick of hearing them bitch about it until the wee small hours in the morning. I was definitely fucking sick of all of these fucking "allegations", but I was mostly sick of having to look at that fucking Chinaman's fucking retarded face.

I knew that I was setting off one nasty bomb, but didn't give a diddly-shit. I could feel the maliciously jolly look radiating from my face like heat, and the corners of my mouth were twisted into a very, very, very small smile. I knew that it was scaring Wufei, maybe even Quatre, but they were just going to have to deal.

I was mad as fucking Hell, and I wasn't gonna fucking take it anymore.

Probably not what Charlton Heston had in mind.

If the little psychotic dipshizzle wanted to look, let him look.

We all know what happened to Lot's wife for looking back at Sodom as it burned in flaming shit.

I found the site I wanted, and accessed the first triple-X story I saw. I glanced up at Wufei, smiling in my little vicious way, and said: "There you go."

Quatre, bless his heart, snapped out of his own funk and tried to warn the baka. "Wait--" he started, then cried out as Wufei--he was strong for a short little spider monkey--picked up the chair he was in and dumped him out of it. Wufei plunked himself down in the chair, and gave me his best Maji Mukatsuku And I'm A Warrior Bringing Justice Against Fags Like You Look. I quickly rolled my chair away before he kicked the crap out of me, and watched with untold amusement as he settled down in front of the computer.

Quatre tried one last time from his new upside-down position on the floor. "No, Wufei, you fool!"he cried. "DON'T LOOK AT THAT SCREEN!!!!"

What happened next was priceless. As he absorbed the words describing his and Duo's adventures with some *friendly* forest animals, his eyes steadily grew to the size of two CD's and the pupils shrank down to pinpoints. He developed a disturbing tic which racked the right side of his face, and he started shaking uncontrollably. "IIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" he shrieked, trying to deny what lay before him...

...And then, the floodgates opened.

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Disclaimer

The Gundam boys and anything pertaining to Gundam Wing belong to the creators of the show, not to me, no matter how hard I wish. They are being used without permission for fun, not profit. If you don't know this, then you are a sad sack of shit. Go crawl under a rock and wither up and die. Also, "In & Out" belongs to its writer, and not me; any semblances between the plot of this fanfic and that movie were done very much intentionally. Don't worry, similarities are rarer than you'd think.

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Preview of Part 2:

Quatre: "I think Duo already has one or two under his belt..."

Duo: "I leared two things about Hiro tonight. It takes precisely 15 3/4 rounds of doughnut-cutting to make him toss his cookies, but only one tongue caress in a sensitive area to make him jump like an electrocuted frog!!"

Bouncer: "'Ey, ain't you those Gundam Pilots? I heard about you on th' news. Listen, don't let what those fuckin vultures say get you down. You all know who y'are, and that's all that matters, not what those goddam tabloid freakmongers spray on their pages."

Tim Blianchi: "So, all that on TV...what do you make of it?

Quatre: "I know who I am."

Tim Blianchi: "Soonano? You sound like the Queer Wonder. He's our bouncer. Look, I don't care what you do on a Saturday night, but I'm not on that menu, you get me? So nothing within a ten-foot radius of me, thanks very much."

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Now, cuz you're special--Japanese!!!

Saiaku--This is terrible!

Kittane--Gross! That's filthy!

Urusai yo--shut up

Maji mukatsuku--I'm really pissed off

On to Part 2

Back to Prologue

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