...and now, back to PENGUIN$

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"Canada?!!!!" Larry shrieked, looking back at Edward who shrugged and shook
his head ruefully. "How the hell could we have missed crossing the border?!"

Once again hopelessly lost, they had pulled off the highway and driven
aimlessly around a drab industrial district for some time before deciding to
stop and ask for directions from a couple of drunk yet curiously well
dressed people.

Larry got out of the car and had a little tantrum on the side of the road
while Anita sat in the backseat sulking. Edward was his usual stoic self.

Grabbing his red mop and tugging, Larry yelled: "I know you're on this 'take
back control' kick Anita, but come on! Enough IS enough. I'm not taking
directions from you anymore! PERIOD."

"Oh sure!" Anita shouted back, leaning out of the car window. "Blame me for
everything! Gaynor and Dominga...Thompson...Ellie....that little incident in
Buffalo. I keep telling you, I'm having episodes of extreme inner turmoil
that cause me to become emotionally vulnerable. I CAN'T BE HELD
RESPONSIBLE!!"

"Um, Larry," Edward interrupted calmly from behind the unfolded map. "Don't
complain too much about Buffalo. You couldn't stay a virgin forever, and
besides, how were we supposed to know that the Munin gets bored during long
road trips?"

"ED-WARD!" Anita grunted through gritted teeth.

"What am I gonna tell Tammy?" Larry moaned.

Edward sighed, "I thought you'd learned your lesson Kirkland," he said. "You
promised to stick to the plan no matter what she said or did. You promised
not to unlock the cuffs. You promised not to give her guns back. I take one
little nap...."

Larry wasn't paying attention. He was shading his eyes from the glare of the
street lamps and staring down the road.  "What the heck is that?" He asked.

"What the hell is what?" Edward replied, getting out of the car and staring
in the same direction. "Whatever it is there sure are a lot of them, and
they're moving fast."

"Y'know," Larry said with a little grin, "from here, they sort of look
like....penguins."

"Penguins?" Anita's curly head popped up, there was a glint in her eyes.

"Dumb move, Kirkland," Edward sighed

Anita scrambled out of the car. "Did you say Penguins?"

"Uh no." Larry lied badly. "Um...Anita."

Anita stared down the road. "You did! You did say Penguins!" Without warning
she started to run in the direction of the approaching hoard.

"Anita NO!!!" Edward yelled. "Larry grab her!"

The two men took off in pursuit.

********************

"Ouch!"

On the bus, Forrester looked over his shoulder at Christi who had just stuck
him with a syringe.

"What the hell you do that for darlin'?"

"Antidote, you dipstick," Christi muttered, "Just in case there are any
toxins in your system. The whole team gets one." She prepared another shot
and stuck herself.

Forrester looked worried. "What happens if a person doesn't get the shot?"
He asked.

Christi leaned forward, grinning wickedly. "Your right testicle falls off.
That reminds me, the antidote doesn't work on everyone."

The team broke into loud raunchy laughter at the look on Forrester's face.

"I think my work here is done," Christi snorted and headed to the front of
the old red and white Toronto Transit Commission bus. She took a seat next
to Valeria. Will's carrot colored dreads blew about his freckled face as he
drove.

"I've got good news and bad news," Christi said. "What do you want?"

"I'll take good news any day," Valeria smiled.

"It's cold out here. We can use our weapons now."

Valeria sighed in relief. "That is good news. What's the bad news?"

"It's cold out here. They're going to grow and reach their full power
potential now. They'll be ten times harder to kill."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

The bus rattled over the heavy steel drawbridge. Up ahead, the penguins had
surrounded the car, but didn't seem to be attacking. Something, or someone
was holding them at bay. As the bus ground to a halt, Valeria noticed two
men trying to restrain a small, dark-haired woman. The woman had her arms
out towards the penguins.

"Y'know George, there's something awfully familiar about that woman,"
Valeria said, thinking out loud. "Wait! I know! I met her at PreterCon'95.
That's Anita Blake. She's an animator. She also works with the St.Louis PD's
Regional Preternatural Investigation Team, and is the Vampire Executioner
for the tri-state area. She was the human servant of that famous Master Vamp
who just got assassinated recently. They were always on TV and in the
newspapers and magazines. C'mon, you know her!"

"Well I'll be damned. You're right," George said, scratching his bald head.
"I sure liked that red thing she was wearing on the cover of Rolling Stone.
So why's she here and why is she trying to kiss the goddam penguins?"

"I don't know," Valeria replied. "Maybe her parents were hippies. Y'know,
peace and free love?"

Silence fell for a moment while she and George contemplated this in terms of
what they knew about Anita Blake.

"So what do we do now?" Valeria asked sheepishly after the moment had
passed.

"Fight the good fight, and try not to hit any civvies," George said, chewing
his cigar. He stood and began yelling orders. "Move it out people! They're
not paying us by the hour!"

He did a double take and then added in disgust: "Somebody wake up Fred."

The penguins made no move to attack the bus or the Team as they stepped off
it. Anita Blake had come to a dead stop, eyes locked on the web-footed
waterfowl. A look of determination was on her face, as if she was fighting a
fierce, unknown adversary. Except for the sounds of traffic from the highway
overpass in the distance there was an eerie stillness to the night air.

"This is highly unusual behavior," Peter whispered.

"Why aren't they attacking?" Valeria looked over at Christi, who simply
shook her head and shrugged helplessly.

"Our first priority is the civvies," George reminded The team. "Stay frosty
people. Keep moving."

The team stepped cautiously around the immobilized bodies.

Forrester shoved his way to the head of the group, pulling somewhat
self-consciously at the hem of his dress. He nodded at one of the men behind
Anita, and for the first time Valeria noticed that there was something oddly
similar about the two. In fact, they seemed too similar for comfort.

"Edward," Forrester said.

The other man shook his head. "Christ," he said. "Can this day get any
worse? What the hell are you doing here Winston? I've already got enough
trouble on my hands."

Forrester's face crumpled.

"Who is this guy, Edward?" Larry wanted to know, pointing at Forrester.

"No one. Never mind," Edward replied through gritted teeth.

"This may sound strange," Peter said quietly, "but it looks like it's the
woman that's having this weird effect on the penguins. I've only seen this
type of behavior once before, on highly classified surveillance tapes. They
do that when they're in the presence of their leader. I think they see this
woman as their Empress or something."

"Their Empress?" George asked, "Her?"

Valeria took a step forward, trying to ignore the fact that she was
surrounded by hundreds of infant killer penguins. Finding herself at a loss
for words, she paused to study Anita. Then, turning to Edward she said,
"She...um, really seems to like them."

Edward shook his head ruefully. "Recently she's into anything that's
illegal, immoral or fattening."

"She's not normally like this," Larry assured her. "She just hasn't been
herself lately."

Valeria leaned a little closer and waved a hand in front of the young
woman's face. "Ms. Blake?" she asked, getting no response. She glanced at
the two men. "We should get her out of here. To a hospital or something.
It's not safe here."

"No kidding," Larry said, pointing over Valeria's shoulder. "Check out those
guys behind the penguins, they're armed to the teeth."

"They're the good guys," Valeria smiled. "I was talking about the Penguins."

The two men did a double take and looked at her with wary caution on their
faces.

"Never mind," Valeria sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Let's try this
again...."

"The penguins...Edward...Larry..."

The words had come from Anita, soft and strained.

"Anita?" Edward grabbed her chin and turned her face in his direction. "What
is it?"

"No hospital. They're all I need."

"Who Anita? You're not making any sense."

"Raina...just remembered...she...hates...penguins...," she rasped. "I can
feel the munin giving up control. I need to get closer."

She fell to her knees. The Penguins surged forward, slowly surrounding her.
The sounds of ammunition being chambered suddenly filled the night air as
the team raised their weapons.

"No! Hold your fire!" Valeria shouted over her shoulder at them.

"Edward, if she takes her clothes off I'm leaving," Larry mumbled.

"Right behind you kid," Edward replied.

"Takes her clothes off? My kingdom for a video camera!" Peter whispered with
enthusiasm. George looked at him in disgust.

"For research purposes of course!" Peter added, nodding vigorously.

Anita drew the penguins close to her. They all began to squawk at once. The
noise was deafening.

"Okay! Okay!" Anita said, holding up her hands to silence the brood. "Hold
it. You need me to do...what?"

The squawking started again. Valeria looked over at Christi who shrugged.
"Don't ask," she said. "It's all Greek to me."

"You're kidding," Anita replied to the crowd of tiny bodies around her.
"Okay. If you say so. I'll need a volunteer."

The resulting noise was ear splitting. The space immediately around her
became a mosh pit of activity. Anita reached into the squirming masses and
selected one penguin at random.

A hush fell over the crowd.

She brought the bird close to her face. "I hope you guys are right," she
said. "Here goes nothing."

"Oh man! Don't do it!" Dwight warned.

"I can't look." George cringed behind his big hands.

Anita puckered up and planted a big kiss right on the bird's slick,
feathered head.

Then things got weird.
 
Continued in  Issue 4  of PENGUIN$...

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