ADELE

My Secret Place

I am in a secret place
With secret pleasures
And secret tears
My ever-changing life has slipped away once again.

I feel as friendless and lonely
after all these years,
and as alone as on my birth day.

There are times I cannot hide,
There are times my place is open
When my sad soul forgets its pride,
And longs and yearns for those who are dear.

The emotions, I hide well though
Subduing them with care
For others, before they too go
I hardly now believe they were ever there.

Experience tells me the truth,
While I hide, in my secret place:
"Life sets the pace,
To yourself, you must be true".

Poison Rose

World, this is me
Take a good look
Feast your being on every dark crevasse of my passionate life
Look into my deep brown eyes
Finding glistening glints of my hatred for your pathetic soul
Run a finger through my thick dark hair
Tying knots of confusion and bitterness with your greasy hands
Taste my strawberry lips
And die from the venom it foams
Touch my skin
With your long red claws digging into my outer layer
Grasp my body
As hate-rotting lust radiates from your watchful eyes
Stare at me
Gawk at me
Kill me
Leave me
Okay?

While you were away today

While you were away today,
I could not see your bright eyes,
I could not see your lovely smile,
I could not see your perfect teeth.
I could not see your natural, shining hair.

Sometimes, the best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen.

While you were away today,
I could not touch your soft skin,
I could not touch your long fingers
I could not touch your hearing ears,
I could not touch your slim waist.

Sometimes, the best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be touched.

While you were away today,
I felt your heart beating next to mine.
I felt your soul singing and dancing a majestic rhyme.
I felt all that can't be seen and touched with my heart.

Sometimes the best and most beautiful things in this world
cannot be seen or even touched,
They must be felt with the heart.

Depression

Oh, how I’ve missed you, my old familiar friend.
I feel so serene when I’m within your grasp.

Empty and lost when you're not around.
How did we ever become so close?

I know you can’t live without me.
It seems I can’t live without you.

Or can I?

Of the Mind

My soul leaps
My heart jumps
My mind speaks
Unthinkable things

Things about love
Things about war
Things that would make a sane man
Leave through the door

Doors that are open
Doors that are closed
Doors that leave the neighbours
Exposed

Exposed to the world outside
Exposed to terror and horror
Exposed to the love and the hatred
Outside

Outside my mind
Outside - beside myself
Outside, my mind speaks
Unthinkable things

From now on

From now on,
every day will be painful.
From now on,
every moment will hurt,
every word spoken will be soaked
with my heart.

From now on,
I will never be happy.
From now on,
I will never be complete
never be whole
never be free.

From now on,
I will not be able to focus.
From now on,
I will not be able to think,
will not be able to live.
Until I'm back in your arms again.

My Soul Weeps

My soul it weeps
And cries lonely tears
At every thought
Every word
Every moment spent knowing

Knowing that you are better off
Without me?

What is it that I need to do
To make you realise and see
That you and I are meant to be?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To stop my soul from weeping
The pain seeps through my veins
Through my heart
Through my mind
And my soul,
It weeps.

Welcome Back

Satan, welcome back
It's been a while
You always wait around
Until I'm at my happiest
My most content
My most fulfilled.

Aaaah, and then you creep in
And break me down
Take it all away
My love,
My happiness,
My soul.

Seems familiar enough…
So why does it hurt so badly?

Alone

Alone in the darkness I wait
For him to return and find me.
In the meantime
I will make my own light
From the love of my friends around me.

Alone in glass walls I wait
Trying hard to be sure they don’t break.
In the meantime
I will build a door
Where friends may enter to ease the sore.

Alone in my mind I wait
Thinking of his return.
In the meantime
I will say a prayer
That when I open my eyes, he'll be there.

A year later

One year later,
and the pain now returns.
The memories of you renewed
It's hard accepting it all.

I visited the accident site today
It was hard.
Glass and debris still lying around,
Were evidence of the horror.

I visited my thoughts today,
And found comfort in knowing,
That you went instantly - experiencing little pain,
And that you were happy when you were taken away.

I visited your parents today
You'll be glad to know they're doing well
But they miss you Mariette
They're going through hell.

I visited my memories of you today
I sobbed until I was done.
I still can't believe
That one girl's senselessness
Has given us reason to grieve.
Why drink and drive?
It's pointless, irresponsible.

I visited him today
He's hurting like hell
His pain is so great.
But I'll be his friend,
As I promised you.

I visited you today,
But you were not there.
We miss you girl
Hell, I wish you could have stayed.

April 2000

A LETTER for Mariette

I sit at my window
Watching the raindrops fall
Striking against the glass
Remembering it all

I close my eyes and
Memories flash before me
Of happy times, fun times,
The way it used to be

The way your smile lit up any room,
and your eyes ...
I'll never forget your eyes

All we have is the memory
And the pictures and images of what should be
Could be
If you were still here
Alive and happy
But we can't change it
What's done is done

It happened so fast
You were taken away
I didn’t get to say goodbye
So there are a few things I'd like to say

You were a wonderful person
You were a kid at heart
You had a "Special" role in life
And you really played the part

As I look around
I see the tear filled eyes
I wish there was an answer
To his question. Why?

You'll never be forgotten
You've left a legacy
For every time I see his broken heart
It's memories of you I'll see

I promise you I'll be there for him
To be his friend
And share his memories of you
At least we all have those

I'm going to miss you Mariette
Maybe we'll meet again someday
Thanks for being a good friend.
I just wish you could have stayed.

April 1999

Confusion

I can't help but wonder
whether your heart beats like thunder,
and whether you mean the things you say,
Will they remain true on a distant day?

These feelings keep getting stronger…
Every day thoughts of you haunt me longer
And it burns like a violent fire
Capturing this deep desire.

Tears pouring down my face
so confused and out of place
In every way it's logical to let things be
but my heart's unreasonable, it disagrees!

And I sit here.
And I think.
I dream.
I watch my mind constantly wander
to your eyes that draw me deep
that cage my heart and make me weep
why...why can't I just decide?
Why can't I stand my ground instead of hide?

In every way my spirit's free
except when it comes to you and me.
Can't think right, I can't think straight
Can't think of a way to compensate.
But it seems I'm back to where I started …
Just one of the many broken hearted.

Seeking Sense
Posted on 8/30/00 00:20 AM
First poem in ages guys - here goes :-)

I see the beauty that is you
I see the softness of your smile
I see your heart of silver and gold
I see your hands I so often long to hold

I hear the words of love you speak
I hear the wonder of your breath
I hear the happiness your soul whispers to mine
I hear the lessons we learn with time

I smell the rose petals on your cheeks
I smell the freshness you secrete
I smell your fingers as they run along my own
I smell the future in our home

I feel the magic of your touch
I feel the way you love me so much
I feel the honour of loving you
I feel that our bond is true

I taste your endless wells of love
I taste the clearness of your thoughts
I taste the wonder that you've brought
I taste the sense that I've been seeking.

My senses are filled.
It all makes sense now.

I love you.

My Dream
Posted on 9/3/00 00:50 AM

The sweetness of life
expressed in endless ways
The passion of love
It forever stays

The closeness of your heart
As I feel your body near
The sincerity of your smile
Every time you appear

The gentleness of your kisses
As they are laced across my lips
The taste of your love
My heart slowly sips

Each and every moment
Is an endless paradise
Like drifting into a dream
A dream in disguise.

You are my dream,
The one I've been waiting for
The one for whom I've longed.
Thank you. You. My dream.

My heart betrayed
9/17/00 02:15 PM

I cannot spend forever righting your wrongs,
nor will I gaze through the sadness you cause me any longer;
Instead I will walk to the bridge of the forbidden,
gather life, shimmering inside, and be stronger.

I dwelled too long in the land of your shadows,
The taste of fear has tried to bind me there,
The words I gave with love, you have forgotten;
Your mists of accusations and lies are now my despair.

I've only just seen what was before me all along
thinking your love was freedom, my fatal mistake
Love abandoned now, I have fallen to my knees,
facing the Heavens I cry out, "what rules did I break?"

Broken, crushed, memories of joy stripped away,
replaced with new ones foreboding and stark,
my heart aches.
unanswered, for love so true,
while the mind runs from gray shadows dark.

Alone, so alone, my human soul continues on,
gripping and grasping at the walls of the living;
holding on to only friends that hold onto me,
receiving but taking so little from all of their giving.

The pathway back to life is remarkably pale,
water so clear, how it can cloud my eyes;
Body struggles then slowly gives in....
feet stand alone again as the body deeply sighs.

Do not weep for me in this tragic condition,
My heart is alive and my voice rings out;
Pity the man who traded love for betrayal,
betrayal will be his also, of this I have no doubt.

August `99

Ruby Wine
12/04/00 10:30 PM

I hear the tinkling of the bones,
cascading down my spine
A sense of great belonging.
You hold your glass up next to mine,
A glass of Ruby Wine.

The wine as clear as a mountain stream
Tainted with a Ruby Dream…
Fever, passion reflecting in your eyes.
A delicate note as we announce a toast
To our "Happily Ever After" in which our future lies.

Our arms are linked together.
Our lips both touch the rim.
As we swallow nectar of our love.
The Ruby Wine within.

And before our parting ritual.
Our supper to begin,
While arms and eyes untwine
Our lips touch, our eyes close, oh so gently,
I drink deeply from your sweet, Ruby lips.

With Ruby Wine and Ruby Lips,
A Ruby Dream begins.
For oh my love, 'tis true tonight.
Our Ruby Love exists.

4 December 2000

Joy in the Morning
02/09/01

Joy in my morning - that's what you are.
Your friendship is my sunrise, whether you're near or far.
Each day as I wake, and begin a new day,
For you to be safe, is one reason I pray.

When everything seems gloomy, you make me smile
Make me realise that you'd walk the mile.
Oh how I'd love to be able to tell you
How much it all means to me.

Your love is my guide, to see the day through.
It gives me my strength, to accomplish what I do.
I can see your sweet smile, and feel your warm touch,
I sing happy songs, and I care for you so much.

You had come to my life, when trials and troubles were there,
You helped me to face them - your wisdom you'd share.
You offered me patience … and forgiveness too,
On the days when the world made me doubt you.

Now the joy in my morning, it is there every day,
For I trust in your love and friendship - never fear it will stray.
We have created a world that is honest and kind,
In it, we share our dreams, and find peace of mind.

So my friend - my very best friend,
May you always be blessed,
May you know your love's safe, for with my life I'll protect,
All your hopes and your dreams, and your secrets too,
You're the joy in my morning.
To this friendship, I'll always be true.

November '99

It just feels so right
02/09/01

My God-sent Angel from above,
YOU are my greatest love
And you know,
It just feels so right

I bet even the stars are jealous of this exceptional bond
They see the way it shines
They see the love we share
They see that you are finally mine

How much I appreciate when you reach out,
How you hold my hand when I need it most
How you cheer me up with just a look,
or make me laugh with just a word

Your radiant smile makes me realise
In my heart I love you more than you could ever know
I'll always treasure that radiant smile
And the dreams of your face, with its soft, beautiful glow

My love for you is unconditional
It is as pure as waters in the lake,
It is as deep as the bottom of the ocean
And it feels so right

When you hold my hand so tenderly
And make my days seem bright,
You know,
It just feels so right

When you embrace me
In your warm loving arms,
And hold me near, whispering your charms,
It just feels so right

I pray for a long and happy life together
I pray that together, we'll walk
Hand-in-hand into Eternity
My God-sent Angel, and me

February 2000

Wait
02/09/01

I'm good at waiting
I can wait forever
I can wait until time no longer exists
I can wait until the sun no longer shines
nor the moon
nor the stars
I can wait until the earth vibrates
and shatters
and breaks
Oh yes, I can wait
I'm good at waiting

Three words
02/09/01

Three words.
You said. You uttered, spoke, told.
You'll never know.
They meant so much.

Whenever I doubt.
Or insecurity takes over.
Whenever I wonder, ponder and frown.
Whenever my own thoughts
make my own mind Drown.
Whenever I cry.
Whenever I laugh.
Whenever I work or play.
Whenever I'm happy, sad, or gay.
Whenever I'm lonely.
For all these times,
I'll remember three words.
Three words.
You said,
"I choose you".
That means so much.
You could've chosen anyone.
But, "I choose you," is what you said.
"I choose you".

Here I am, with nothing to give in return,
but three words.
Three words.
"I choose you".

June '99

Meant to be
02/09/01

Softly as a gentle breeze,
Love crept into my heart
Crept so softly I did not notice
Until we came to part
'Twas then that love so suddenly
Grew fangs
And claws
And without warning
Clamped around my heart and left
Me bleeding and in mourning.

So shocked was I
By the attack,
That I did not beg you stay
And, frowning at my silence,
You turned and walked away.

I never knew, until you left,
How much you'd meant to me
And now you're gone, I know
Our love was truly meant to be.

April 2000

Knowing
02/09/01

It is not the body, no -
Love is more than just flesh.
It is not the eyes, no -
Love is more than just seeing.
It is not the hands, no -
Love is more than just touch.
Neither the memories -
Those are all painful and lost.

It is the umbilical cord,
An unbreakable tie,
Knotted, joined, tied,
Til death bring us together ...

Our Forest of Love
02/09/01

I want to disappear into a forest with you
Somewhere that life exists for only us two
A place in time of distance from view
A forest of love, a forest of you

I want to disappear into this forest so green
Where rivers are free with waters unseen
With fields of nectar and landscape serene
Two hearts, two loves, one world so pristine

I want to disappear into this forest today
Where beautiful secrets are hidden away
A covenant with nature, with you, that will stay
So peaceful in love, this place where we lay

I want to disappear into this forest right now
To melt in a world that's been forgotten somehow
And love you forever, with all my heart that I vow
I want to disappear into this forest of ours

I want to disappear into this forest of love
Silent angels dance softly, from heaven above
And green are the limbs for the white morning dove
This forest of ours, our forest of love...

October 2000

Now
02/13/01

Pain
Sorrow
Regret
Hate

Yesterday
Hope
Promise
Chance
Uncertainty

Tomorrow

But I live in the here and now
In a time of struggle and strife
Hoping for more than I have
Looking towards a better life

That's all anyone can do
Work at being better
Look for something new
Trying to improve
As the now fades into yesterday
And tomorrow becomes today
We must be ready to continue on
Down our bumpy little roads

But yesterday is gone
And tomorrow not yet here
All there is, and ever was,

Is Now.

April 2000

HOPE
02/13/01

Come with me my friend
I’ll take you on a trip
to that planet where human beings live.

Don't laugh if you see a woman
feeding her dog in front of a hungry child
Don't cry if you see a man killing other men
Don't scream if you see a mother
drowning her own offspring

Don't whimper if you see adolescents floating
in the river of narcotics
Don't storm if you see a dame
being violated by a pack of wolves
in the shape of garrison

Don't close your eyes
Look at the flowers of hope and faith
Look at the twinkling lights of future in the eyes of tykes
Believing that one day
every misery will be over
There will be peace
Let's fly over this miserable world
Showering the rain of jubilation and restful peace and harmony

June 99

You
02/13/01

I look in your eyes
And see eternity
I hold your hands
And feel security

I kiss your lips
And feel longevity
I breathe your breath
And love flows through me

November 2000

Don't Love Me
02/13/01

Don't love me because I'm beautiful.
My beauty is in my soul.

Don't love me because I cook for you
fried chicken can't make you whole.

Don't love me because I clean for you,
your inner self is cleared from inside.

Don't love me because you need me,
in empty spaces you can't hide.

Don't love me because there is no life without me,
because I know that there is.

Don't love me because of physical desire,
for I'll think all caring is only this.

Love me because it's as easy as breathing,
glistening eyes in our sight.

As natural as the sun that shines,
in the dawn or evening light.

Love me, as I do love you,
whether near or far apart.

Love me for the light here in my eyes,
that's meant for only you.

And, if tomorrow one would be gone,
there would always still be two.

I don't love you because you bring me flowers,
or sweet sonnets in the spring.

I love you because you send me rainbows
that connect our hearts on wings.

Love me, oh love
as though we were old and gray,
for then, you'll love me just the same as you do today.

October 99

I Haven't Hit the Ground . . .
02/21/01

Oh the roller coaster ride
On the journey of my life.
Thinking back on days gone by
reminds me of the times...

I once stared into the distance,
through the window of my mind,
it seemed the rain would fall forever,
and the sun would never shine.

The clouds above my soul,
grew darker day by day,
and the ice within my heart,
refused to melt away.

Lost in an ocean of feelings,
was the blueprint for true love,
but to search would be in vein,
with the storms of emotion lurking above.

I was climbing through mazes of confusion,
and fighting off the pain,
when I truly wondered
whether I'd ever "feel" again.

Then something caught my eye
a single ray of gold
and as he struck my dark horizon,
he destroyed the wall so cold.

His eyes were so hypnotic,
I know he saw my fears,
and with his lips so lush and red,
he kissed away my tears.

His scent was that of a dream,
while running through Summer's fields,
and the softness in his touch,
forced my heart to yield.

Now his spell's been cast,
my weakness has been found,
he's swept me high up off my feet,
and I *still* haven't hit the ground.

February 2001

Stand Tall
Dedicated to Smile.life!
02/27/01

Stand Tall dear friend with your broken heart
Stand Tall dear friend, though innocence is lost
Stand Tall despite the shattered emotions
And broken dreams.
And midnight screams.
Stand Tall.

Keep your chin high dear friend, and rebuke the guilt
Keep your chin high dear friend, and chase away the fears
Keep your chin high despite the anger and fright
And nightmares.
And emotions bared.
Keep your chin high.

I hand you a band aid dear friend,
So that pain and hurt it may mend.
I hand you love, caring and enough understanding,
A hug, security and a touch of compassion.
Your gifts are free, and in no trap you will fall,
As long as you, my dear friend,
Lift your chin, and Stand Tall.

February 2001

The Shame
03/13/01

I have no face.
I have no name.
I don't exist.
I am the Shame.
You talk to me.
You say you don't.
You say you'll call.
I know you won't.
Behind closed doors, where no one sees,
You touch my heart
You say my name.
In company I am disease.
I am your secret.
I am your Shame.
You pull a curtain in front of me.
To hide your heart,
To hide my face.
How do you think it feels to be
A sin?
A friend's disgrace?

Whispering Your Name
03/18/01

I've been whispering your name tonight
To keep my thoughts with you
It's you I long to always be with
And give of my love so true
It's you I long to touch
To hold
To feel

Oh babe
I've been whispering your name all day
Lest I forget my precious love
During the hustle and the bustle
Of busy days and nights
And weeks. And months.

My love
I've been whispering your name all week
Devoting every moment to thoughts of you.
Memories of the sweet love we share
Happy moments bared.

I'll be whispering your name from today on
Til the day my last breathe I breath
For my last and final word
Will be your name.
Whispered.
Softly, gently, and with love.
I'll be whispering your name.

Out
04/05/01

Get out and stay out
You're ruining our lives
You're wasting our time
My business is mine
Keep your nose out
And your double face too
There's no space here
Especially not for you
I've tried to forgive
I've tried to forget
But you keep doing it
You keep repeating the harm
The wrong
You're like a badly paced song
A scratched record
A cracked vase
Now please
Get your knife out my back
and go your way.


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