GRINZ The Cybernetic Tigress SEEING When I look up I see the ceiling When I look down I see my fingers on the keyboard When I look into my soul I want to be gliding down silvery slopes in a far-far land with only the ice and the snow and rhythm of the "woosh" sounds we make. When I look into my heart I grasp at the light that keeps the dark demons away. "Ah, sweet mystery of life..." TO MY SISTER When we were little I kind of just knew you were there and I plaited your hair and taught you how to read When we shared a room I saw you did things quite differently from me and I could not understand When we were teenagers, My little sis seemed far older and wiser than me and I could not fathom that When we were growing into women I realised you were very different from me and I saw that was not all that bad When the horrors struck We faced the devils and the fear together and I knew we would depend on that When we were oceans apart I realised you were not so different from me and I missed you very much When we changed directions, You changed, yet stayed the same, and I admired you all the more and now I realise You are my sister, yes But I know you would have been my best friend anyway. ***************** PS I hope those of you with sisters are as lucky as I am Untitled While we still feel we're human, even when we think the feelings have gone as far as they can go, a different one will glow Whether we write them or cry them or whisper them in the dark whether we share them or shout them from windows like a lark While we still feel we're human, if we are lucky, even the bad ones come and go... Cry for the good ones for they come few and slow Potentiality 5/21/00 09:44 PM I feel the stirrings of a new dream waking me and suddenly I'm very scared and happy all at once I know it is pure potentiality a vision nothing more Yet every little piece does fit every single one of them for suddenly I'm young again and very old at once I know it is all just theory a picture I don't posess but suddenly I'm strong again and helpless all at once I did not seek this dream - did I? this maybe if and when so why am I both free and bound so strangely all at once? Control 5/30/00 02:42 AM i can control the way i touch you i can control the way i talk to you i can control the way i handle you but i cannot control the way you touch my soul the way you make me feel about you the way you make me feel about me you can control the way you touch me you can control the way you talk to me you can control the way you handle me but you cannot control the way you touch my soul the way you make me feel about you the way you make me feel about me we can control the way things are or... can we? One person 6/4/00 09:07 PM For every human being there is one person Their anchor, their single one beaming light The one who makes sense of all and everything The one they can’t betray or forget For some it is the mentor, the teacher or friend For some their mother or father or child Some know their one person from age very young Some travel far before they can find Sometimes a lover, a wife, a husband, old flame Some need only one who's admired from afar Some follow an author or guru or saint To serve for their their actions as guide For me, well I travelled so far and wide and alone And wondered if I’d find my one guiding star I faltered and hoped and began to assume The sense lay in a place without reach But one day it changed and quite out of the blue I met you and I knew that my someone WAS there The one that makes sense of my everything No theory needed, I know, that is all I don’t know if your someone, your special link To all that you are, dream of and require Has found the way into your consciousness Making the sense, fuel your innermost fire Some people are lucky and have their one light Right close to them always and right in their view - for me it is good that I found you at last No guarantees given or sought For all of us there is but one person yes We seek them without knowing what will Make of our lives something really worthwhile That the someone is there is all that’s required My person my one special unique, wonderful one The one that makes all of me, everything fit For me there is but one great desire That you may have found in me also that one Who makes all of the roads, the travel, the pain And all of the lessons you learnt long before me Seem fading and blending in one clear everything A puzzle with pieces that fit – could it be? I’m lucky I guess that even this late My journeys took me to that path Where you waited - just being yourself Your spirit, your mind, your just everything And even if your special person ain’t me - I don’t know that one thing about you My world has a new sense woven in it My beacon, my rock, my person, you'll be If... 6/30/00 09:19 PM If I should lose you I'd lose that part of me that I like best If I should lose you I'd lose the things about me I'm still to discover If I should lose you I'd have to be that part of me that simply makes me cope If I should lose you I'd have to turn back on a road I'd hoped I'd left behind If I should keep you, though I'd be the me I've hoped to be The best of me at last. Empty 7/17/00 03:59 AM Empty of thought empty of ideas empty of a way to find a ray of something that's worthwhile to say empty my pockets empty my in-tray empty in every way to find, to revive to make a plan to simply, materially, survive and empty too my arms of you empty my heart to find a way to make a plan to hold you just a little longer. Mother's Birthday 7/27/00 01:44 AM "It's my mother's birthday today I'm on my way with a lovely bouquet..." The Street Singer sang when you were young, Mom with your eyes and your heart filled with dreams little money or priviledge armed you but your beauty and charm and your spirit that was strong made you special - that's clear when one looks at your old photograph. Through the War and tough times therafter you found and lost men and made a career had little of the things we take for granted but somehow your spirit just grew. From farm to the cities and new things - and suddenly got married one day. Had children and carried their burdens gave direction and care and most of all love went to study when all of us did so and we took it taken for granted you could do everything well that you tried - while your worries and pain few understood. I thought that all mothers and daughters were good friends 'cause that's what we had and I suppose that all too seldom did we realise how special you really were until our own adulthood opened our eyes to the gift we were somehow bestowed. When two continents lay between us for many a year you were alone here at home battled disease and hardship and missed us wrote daily and your phone calls made my heart jump when you visited the fun that we had was the stuff of a precious and fond memory. If I think of the things that you went through and the tests that your body and spirit withstood I am humbled and want to be able to give you the many things you never could have. And yet, Mom, with your hair gray and your walk slow you are still the one that gives me more. I am grateful that you're still with us that you're close and safe and your wonderful smile is still there and your evening call warms me when I'm worried and confused and scared your words still have magic to bring back some of the balance I need to survive. It's my mother's birthday today what can I bring as bouquet? Just these words as a tribute to honour one person who has touched many lives over years who was cherished by all that she worked with who gives much more than ever she takes who's mind and belief and true grit keeps shining though her body is much frailer than we thought. It seems that as a true life's injustice that for you I can't turn back the clock give you health and a bright youth all over so that you can this time have more moments to enjoy and be silly and have fun. Mom, I know that I can't give you, but yours is my admiration and trust may the universe, all that is out there notice you, grant some of your wishes to you be good to this special, great lady give her some part of what she is worth. Lost in the Expanse 10/30/00 The lonely planet turns Unerringly around its axle and In orbit predetermined moves Around its distant star Expanses of its barren rock Hold useful ores and precious gems But water on its surface has Dried up in eons past It may have held some living souls A teeming, mating, growing world But somehow something way out there Has made it cold and barren and bleak An asteroid, or blast from within itself Catastrophe – just one of many such Just one more lonely planet turns Onward to its ultimate fate A lesser planet round a lesser star Not remarkable in any special way Turns round its axle, and ages pass But once it was a world and proud In Response to Piph 02/10/01 I’m just human I don’t like being an after-thought In other people’s plans I’m just human I’d like it if someone Would ask me what I’m thinking And would really want to know Yes in my childlike naivite I somehow have a little hope That someone would recognise me That someone would really want to know How I am And cared about the answer. ANSWERING MACHINE 02/09/01 I’m afraid I’m not here to take your call I’m afraid I’m no longer listening I listened too long I have no more capacity To listen for a call That will never come So please don’t leave your name or number If someone finally had a message That was meant exclusively for me I’m sorry, but your call has come too late All Copyrights Reserved 2001. Text and poetry copyrighted to Grinz. All Graphics copyrighted to Gilbertson's Web Design.