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I used to watch your show all the time. Cartoon Network was cool. You made me laugh. Why did you abandon me?
Why did you let them take you off the air? Couldn't you have used one of your inventions to blow them up or make your own channel? Yeah, Dexter's Laboratory Channel, that would be great. But no, you abadoned us.
I hope you're still working in your secret laboratory, doing cool stuff. How is DeeDee doing? Has she grown up and became a boy-obsessed teenager? I hope you haven't given up your laboratory for a girl. I don't believe you would do something like that.
So, let me know how you're doing. Try to convince someone to put Dexter's Laboratory out on DVD. Oh, and could you make something really cool for the Crash Course Headquarters? Maybe you could make a laser come out of the screen and burn everyone's eyeballs out. Wait, don't do that; unless we can choose whose eyeballs it burns out. That would be cool.
Hope to hear from you,
CCHQ FAN
Dear dismayed and marginally disgruntled fan,
It is a rare instance indeed that I am taken aback by the nonsensical ramblings of those with such overly commonplace levels of intellect. However, your letter was so full of passion, so full of aesthetic beauty….not to mention the fact that you clearly appreciate my superior brainpower, which was a definite plus. Therefore, I have decided after careful statistical analysis that a reply to your letter will not impede my highly technical endeavors to uncover the seemingly limitless expanse of science…..too much. I am on a very tight time schedule, you know? I can’t just go off writing letters to any primordial quack….
Anyway, getting back to the letter. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that you seem to have made a slightly larger than insignificant error in reasoning when you stated that I had abandoned you (and, apparently, your unnamed minions as well). Being that I do not know who you are, it is logically improbable that I have purposefully discarded you like some wrinkled computer printout. However, being that I am of the forgiving type, I am willing to overlook this unmistakable fallacy for the time being.
I am now rereading the part that you have written about my “secret laboratory“. I must now emphasize that I have absolutely no idea of what you are speaking. You must have me confused with someone else. Yes, that is clearly the case. Perhaps you have a very overactive imagination. It is all too common these days, what with the silly video games and other rudimentary forms of popular entertainment available to the masses. Or perhaps you have been watching too much television. Your brain may consequently be turning into something metaphorically resembling a puddle of demolecularized Brie. Regardless of the case, if you feel you are having memory problems, I would be happy to point to you in the proper direction to seek some professional cognitive assistance. And now moving right along…
You asked about my sister, Dee Dee. I cannot understand why anyone would waste the time and space in order to inquire about someone whose thoughts resemble those emanating from the common garden slug. I am happy to report that Dee Dee’s recent undertakings can be succinctly summed up in five simple words: Dance of the fanciful unicorn. Wait, let me rephrase that. I am happy about the succinct part, not the unicorn part.
Excuse me as I continue to be laughing at your humorous attempt to suggest a scientific apparatus that needs constructing for your ridiculous website. Ah, the joys of the simple-minded. As if I would take time out of my busy schedule to construct something for those nerds at the Crash Course Headquarters. Amusing, nonetheless. Uh…not to mention the fact that I would not have any sort of laboratory…especially one that is hidden underneath my house…inside of which I could be doing such constructing.
Ok, I believe I have wasted enough precious time writing this letter! I must be off to check on some experiments that I am conducting in the la…ah, hah…I mean…I must be off to join Dee Dee in her dance of the fantastical foghorn…or…whatever the heck it was.
(….I can’t believe I actually said that….)
-Dexter