This is a small part of my site where I put in my thoughts in the day, and what has been happening. Check this page regularly, as it will have more entries all the time. (If I offend you in these writtings I am probably not going to be sorry, because that is the way I feel, and that is all that matters on this page!) Oh and just so you know, this is going to be the least edited page, because I am not going to be bothered making this look good, the less people to read this the better.

This is my personal diary, so to speak. Therefore, Mum and Dad, do not read this, cause I don't want you to. If you do, I will be extremely pissed off at you!

And also, I am going to archive every year of entries, or if like it gets too big, so that it is quicker to load the page. If you want any archived entries, please contact me, thedon_441@hotmail.com.

2005

March | April | May | June | July | August | September | October | November | December

2006

2007

2008

This is the way it goes. I hate it when the people I care about are upset about something. Whatever it is about. And now lets get this straight, there are not many people I care about, but those I do, I will do absolutely anything for, and I mean ANYTHING! So whenever my friends have problems, they become my problem, because I hate to see them sad. And so, being me I ask what is wrong, because I just want to be able to make it better, not that I can normally do that anyway. But, they normally say, oh don't worry, I'm fine. But I aint stupid, I know that there is something wrong. And now I would drop it, but when my friends are sad or something, I feel sad because of it, but I normally feel worse than they do. So, if I ever ask you what's wrong, I don't want to know the details, I just wanna know why you are feeling like you are, ok.

What is the bloody point of being a teenager. Can you tell me this. You build up everything in your life, your school, your work, your friends, your sports, absolutely everything. And what for? NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. Everything I have worked for is in vein. There is no point in going to school, I probably wont use any of the stuff I learn anyway. School is only so people can see, oh you have a certificate, you must be good at something. And friends. Oh well what a great thing they are. In five more years, I wont even know them! What is the god damn point then? There isn't a point!

OK!!! That is it!!! I don't care no more. I gotta say this...... Nope, no I can't............. Well there is something I really want to say right now, but I can't. I'll give you a hint, and if you know me well enough, you might figure it out. It is something to do with me, and a girl that lives here in Longreach (and no it is not Becky you sick bastards at the hostel!!!!). I talk to her a lot, but generally not in person. So if you can crack that, and that doesn't mean for those people that I have told, email me at thedon_441@hotmail.com (and it is nothing sick!!! Got it!!!!).

Before this day ends, I want to say this. I LOVE YOU SOPHIE!!!!! :-)

Another complaint from me. I leant my Linkin Park: Hybrid Theory CD to my friend right, and somehow he managed to put a 2cm crack in it: going from the inside out. Now this aint no scratch, it is a HUGE CRACK!!!!! And he did it, but he refuses to pay me back or buy me a new one!!! How rude is that! I cannot believe him! So what I am going to do is annoy him about it all the time until he replaces it or something, because that cost me $30 (approx). I am totally pissed off at him now. But there was one good thing that happened today. I ordered Linkin Park: Reanimation and Meteora (with bonus Making Of CD), and they both arrived today, and they are totally kool. So now I would have the entire collection of Linkin Park, if my 'friend' didn't wreck Hybrid Theory. I like have a burnt copy of Hybrid Theory, but its all scratched, and I want the original. Also, I have a burnt copy of Live In Texas, without the DVD, which kinda sucks, but I am gonna order one tonight. So it all good. But I am still pissed off at my friend!!!!!! GGGRRRRRR!!!!

What a day. Mick's birthday tomorrow, Becky's birthday on the 15th, my mum's birthday a few days ago, and my birthday in like 19 days. And to make it better, I have almost figured out how I can get up to London. See, at first, I wanted Sophie to come down here, and yer I asked her, but nah, can't happen apparently, parents and all, you know. And so I was all bummed out and all. But yer, then I thought up of a great idea. I could be like one of the foreign exchange student guys. Or she could be. Either way, we get to meet up. So yer! I hope this idea works and all. I really do. So I have emailed Sophie telling her about my idea, just don't know yet what she thinks. I hope she agrees and all. :-)

Hey, how about this. Our computer at home got itself a fucking virus!!! That SUX BALLS!!!!! Because now I can't use anything on our computer, no internet, no email and no damn MSN!!! and to make it worse, I have to get everything that I want off the computer because Mum is going to wipe the hard drive to clear it from the virus. So if I miss something, I am screwed!! GGRRRRR!!!!! But no matter, hopefully by this afternoon Mum might get rid of the virus another way.... I hope!

You know what is really annoying... when someone looks over your shoulder and reads your stuff. Like, at school, my teacher Mr Birtch always looks over your shoulder and I went so mad at him, because he is so annoying. And then, when I am writing in convo's in MSN, either my dad or mum reads what I am writting, and it is just so rude... I HATE IT!!!! They recon it couldn't be that bad unless I am writing 'love letter', but it is the fact that someone is reading your stuff... you know. Like just then my mum started reading what I was writing just now, and I had to close down the window so that she couldn't read it. I can not stand it. And I swear that I will go wild at them soon.

What a brilliant day today was. I went to work, BOOOOORING!!!!!! Then I cleaned the house, BOOOOORING!!!!! Then McAndrew came over. Yay, we played Vice City. That wasn't too bad. Then, at about 7:30pm, we went to this mad-ass circus. Yer, it wasn't too bad. Well, it was pretty good actually. But then me and McAndrew met up with Terrence. FAGGOT!!!!!!!! Oh sorry, did I saw that out loud? Anyway, we went walking around and all, talked a bit. And we ended up at the skate park. Me and McAndrew was talking and all, and Terrence disapeared. Then suddenly we heard a huge BANG!!!!! Then Terrence came running out of the darkness yelling for us to run, so we did. He said that he was running from Cooper on his motorbike. Just for some fun I presumed. But then the cops turned up and busted us all for rocking roofs! Which we didn't!!! Terrence did, not us. So I was wild at the cops, but they didn't listen, no surprises there. Ahhh, I'll tell the rest of the story tomorrow....

Here we go, the rest of last night's story...
So yer, we got thrown onto the cop car, they searched us for weapons, right. Then they got our details and took us to this house near by. It was the one that Terrence rocked obviously. The problem was, was that it was the place were Shelly was staying, a friend of ours. So yer, that sucked. But then to make it worse, they took us home and told our parents. First was McAndrew's mum. Now she took it the hardest, and I really hated the idea of it, because of all she has been through lately. I was so sure that she was going to have a heart attack, but thank god she didn't. Then it was my parents. Now I knew my dad would go absolutely ballistic if he found out, so I was so glad mum was the only one awake. But when she was told she got so upset. I was like totally enraged at the cops, I was wild. I was like yelling at him because they were making mum cry. Yer, she started crying. And I was pissed off to the max, not only did they get me and McAndrew in trouble for doing something we never did, not only that they told our friends that we did it, but then they made my mum cry and McAndrew's mum cry! So they just went over the top. I can not stand people getting me in trouble for something I didn't do, but then to tell everyone and make our parents cry is just LOW!!!! I don't hink anyone should give a shit about the police here in Longreach, they are ass holes!! (pardon my french). I saw screw these god damn cops!!!

On a slightly better note (but not by much), I got to talk to Sophie this morning. Yay!!!!! Yer we chatted bla bla bla.... and then you know what happens, she suddenly disapears! Yer, just goes and doesn't come back! It's like 2am there now, but jeez man, this aint cool!! Fair enough if she was tired and all or something but she could have said, hey I am going to sleep now, bye. Don't you think. She just said that she'd be right back, and now she has been gone like an hour!!! I hope she reads this, cause I really don't like when she just goes and doesn't say anything. It is really annoying... and I am all sad now cause I wont be able to talk to her for ages now unless she gets on tonight. And even if she does, I don't know if I can. :(

Get this right. The kids at the hostel are getting these awesome cubicles to stay in, right. And they are going to get the works! They will have like sooo much, but the first rooms go to the kids that have been staying there the longest, and they get to stay in the same rooms with kids they seem to like and stuff. It sounds soo mad! They will be getting more stuff in their cubicles than I have in our whole house!! If I had the money, I would stay there! Oh, and if there was a bit more privacy and quite and all, yer you get the picture.

Becky's B-day tomorrow, and I hope she don't expect me to get her anything, because I aint gonna get nothing for her. It is also the disco night, so yer. She is going as a fairy princess. Now, that is really funny! So, I figure that if she can get me dancing at the disco (don't ask, it's a long story!), that will be her birthday present.

He he, I went all day yesterday without saying "Happy Birthday" to Becky, just to see if she notices. I bet she doesn't.... damn blondes, lol. Went to the disco last night.... wasn't too bad. I just hooned around taking photos of everyone dancing and all. That was the best bit, I like taking photos, its fun. Except for when the camera's memory runs out, then the disco became very booring. But oh well, there was only like another hour of disco left after that anyway, not like you could really do much in an hour hey....

You know what I hate.... TIME ZONES!!!!! I hate them!!!! I can't talk to everyone I want to, because of time zones! When its day over here, its night over there, and vice versa, it SUX!!!!

You know what, I created this web site, because I figured, "Oh yer, I can say whatever I want in this, and not need to worry about my parents reading it and asking about it etc." But you know what happened? My mum found it, read it, and then she started asking me all these questions about my friends, what I do and all that. It is so annoying. I really am getting very pissed off at my parents lately... and now the problem is, is that my mum is going to read this and ask me more annoying questions. I swear if they keep pissing me off like this, I will go off at them, hey. And lets just say that's the one thing I try my hardest not to do.

Great... more dumb shits pissing me off just because I am friends with a girl. This time though, it was two people I thought wouldn't say shit like this, and then also from a fuck-wit, Sam Cronin. Him, I can understand saying things, cause he is just a dick head. But to hear it from people like Shelly, I was a bit annoyed at them. But at least Shelly came back and apologised for it. Dunno if you can guess what they was saying.... probably not. But when Cronin said it, I was so close it kicking him into the wall, the only thing stopping me was that I knew it wasn't worth it. So, just so you ALL know, I DO NOT go out with Becky, nor am I fucking her!!!! OK!!!! The worst thing I can think of is doing.... that to my friend!! So lay off, ok, you fucking retards!!!!!

Can I recommend an awesome show? Watch Lost! It is mad! Like all shows, it has some exaggeration in the story (huge explosions, monsters etc.) but all round it is a good show. It's on Thursday night, channel 7, about 8;30pm.

I had great fun last night. I went to the movies and saw Aviator last night. Now, that is a really really long movie, but it is well worth it. I dunno about you, but I loved it (but that may have something to do with the company sitting next to me, distracting me every five minutes texting people.... BECKY!). So go and see it. Now, I better say why me and Beckys were at the movies together in a hurry, before people get... ideas. I have been wanting to go see Aviator for ages right. So I was going to go anyway. Then Becky asked Patto to go with her tot he movies right. And so I got there to the movies, and then Becky arrived. So we was talking waiting for Patto... who never came. So, yer.

I had an... interesting stack today. I was riding right, standing up. And my foot slipped off the pedal. So my knees went straight into the ground, and mind you I was still moving pretty fast. So my knees are getting ripped up right, cos its gravel and all. And I can't control where my bike is heading, and so you know what happens. I head straight towards the edge of a brick wall... GREAT! So I just look at the wall and go, "Ohh this aint gonna look pretty. This is really gonna hurt!" And then BAM, I slam head first into the wall, then my neck rips along the edge of the wall. OUCH! MUCH PAIN! So, I ended up with, big scratches and stuff on the side of my neck, both knees are torn up, and bruised. The side of my stomach, like between my ribs and hip are all bruised and scratched, my arm is a bit scratched, and so yer. I am in a bit of pain right now. YAY!!

Hell yer, my parents are gone out. I am in extreme pain, and can barely walk, but I am gonna have fun. Wayno is coming over, and I got me LP blaring in my ears! Ahh, the joys of life! :-)

Well, this is the way it is. Mum/Dad, if you are reading this, bugger off. Now I say that in the nicest way, but this site is for me to say whatever I want without having to put up with you guys knowing about it all, ok. So just leave please if you are reading this, and forget anything written, ok!

Anywho... guess what. As much as I have been trying to hide it from everyone, I can't no more... I Love Sophie!!!!! So now you all know (not that I haven't said that before), and... yer. :-) But what makes it even better, is that she says that she loves me!!! Can life get any better?

One more week of school until Easter break. Oh yeah... how exciting... NOT. The only good thing about these coming holidays, no sorry. The two good things that will happen in these holidays will probably be 1)my brother is coming down to visit and 2)I'll be able to talk to Sophie a lot more because she will be on holidays as well. But that is about it, tell me if I am missing something, but I don't think I am.

If I could have one wish, one thing in life... it would be that I could go up and live closer to Sophie. Yer, that means that I could go up live in England. Luckily though, if all goes well, in a few years I will be able to. I'm moving there (again hopefully) when I finish school. Ohhh, god I love Sophie.... soo much. And I wish I could express that to her better than I can now. Oh well... I suppose all I can do now is this, I LOVE YOU SOPHIE, more than anyone or anything in the entire world!

Three more days of school.... HELL YER!!! PARTY!!!!! Can't wait!!

Chocolate??????? Ai yai yai! Your funny.... and you know who you are.... Anyhow... you know what I want to do? I bet a few people can guess, and you're all probably getting sick of this, but its my site and I can say what I want... but anyway I'll say it. I want to go to London!!! :( Can you guess why??? Your very very slow if you cant..... I want to go there so I can be with Sophie. Like all the time. Life is no fair!!!! :(

What is more painful... physical pain, or emotional pain???

Ok, here is what I do of a normal school day. Just so I can say, 'I got a worse life than you!' ok. Well, I wake up, then I get ready for school, like any normal person. I go to school on my brothers old old bike, which is now a piece of shit (I would take my new bike, but it would be wrecked or stolen by the end of the day). When I get to school I go up to the computer rooms, and pray that Sophie is online. I can't get on to messenger because the stupid school networking wont allow it. So I have to email her to find out if she is on, and that is so annoying. Then, I either talk to her if she is on, or just sit there hoping she will get on until the bell. Then I go to class.

Now depending what class I have, (it will either be Math or English) I will either get on email again, or just sit round thinking about Sophie. Then when that lesson is over, I go to the seats me and me 'accociates' sit, and ait there lonely thinking about... yes Sophie. Then when the bell rings, off to my next class. Then when its lunch time, I ride home, get something quick to eat, and ride back to school. I sit down and do nothing again until the bell. Then I go to class, then to my next class and then home. When I get home, I will normally either get on messenger in hope that Sophie is on, not that she will be because she will be asleep. Or I will play GTA: Vice City, taking out all of my anger on the poor people of Vice City.

Then mum normally gets home and everything goes heywire. I'll either stay on the computer, or get off and listen to music in my room. By the way, I am normally listening to music when on the computer, any computer. And that music is generally alwasy Linkin Park, unless I decide to listen to something else. So yer, that is my day. And all through it, I think about Sophie, so yer. :-) My life sucks!!

I do not know what I am going to say today. I only decided to write something here because I just finished reading Looking For Alibrandi. It's a really good novel, and I would reccomend any teenager to read it, even if they aint a reader. I was amazed at how relevant that book is. Every character in the book reminded me of someone in my life. And that reminded me of Sophie. So I emailed her, saying a few things. Honestly, I don't think I would last very long, if she didn't love me. I am so so so thankful to God that she is in my life. I love her sooo much!

Here we go. How about this. This is just a little list of people that I actually give a shit about that live in Longreach. This does not include family.

• Wayno
• Becky
• Andreo (not that he'd prolly give a flying fuck anyway, lol)
• McAndrew

• Sophie!!! (Duh, did you expect anyone else for the first person??)
• Mick
• Tash
• Becca
• Nikki
• Emma
• Alyce

Ok, ok. Now if you read my home page, you will see I have noted that I want to go to London, and then Paris. And then I say that I will explain why right here, so I will. But now this presents the problem of the people that read this on a daily basis or something to know whats new are going to go, oh no duh. I know that. So I tell them to either put up or shut up. Cause I'm gonna say it anyway. :-) Well, Sophie lives in London. And I am going to move there when I finish school in two years. And now I love Sophie, as you will find out in the rest of my site. And she wants me to take her to Paris because it is a very romantic place, she says. She has been there before, but wants me to take her there again. It will cost me a fortune, but I will happily spend money on Sophie, especially if it is for something like taking her to Paris. That would be absloutely awesome. So yer, that why I'm going there. :-)

Well, here I sit. In the school computer room. I have got Wedneday sport next, which I have chosen computers, but I have to do a Biology exam in it, because some people may be away on Thursday, which is our last day... GREAT! I wanted to sit here on this computer, like every other Wednesday, and hope that Sophie gets on Hotmail some time soon, so that I can talk to her. I have so much I want to talk to her about, but I'm afraid that the next time I get to talk to her will be on the weekend, but my big brother will be here then. I have told him about Sophie, but I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her, with him around. i don't feel comfortable talking to her with anyone around. Not because I am ashamed of her or nothing, its just I talk to her privately, like saying private things that no one else in the world needs to know. I'm gonna ring her after school today, or at least I'm am going to try to. She'll be asleep though, so I hope she don't bite my head off for waking her up.

Last day of school, and I only have three of my five classes to go. Thank god. I have Geography, then Biology and Chem, I think. I havn't got my school diray handy so I ain't 100% sure. But anyway, booring clases anyway. And you wanna know what I'm thinkin of... I'm thinking, 'God I can't wait for the holidays, because Sophie will be able to stay up later to talk, and so will I.' Funny how I always think of her, but can you blame me. Like, as you know by now, I'm head-over-heels in love with her. Like, get this right. I was really majorly pissed off yesterday over something that happened with me and my friend, and for some reason I thought of Sophie, and I suddenly was all calm. It was kinda freaky, just the thought of her calmed me down from a histerical rage, to nothing. Amazing hey.

How on Earth do you make good guestbooks???? I had one, but it was shit because Geocities made it, and it didn't work with my web site. I want one, where you write your name and your comment at the top in the boxes, and when you press 'Submit' it writes it all undernieth them. How can I do that? I kinda have an idea, but however I try it, it never works. I have seen it in other web sites, and so next time I see something like that, I am going to steal the HTML code for it, so that I canuse it. I will edit it and all so that it is my design and all. I just need the idea of how it works, so I can make it. You know what I mean. If anyone can instruct me on how to create one, please email me, thedon_441@hotmail.com. I would really appreciate it.

What's your dream? Like, where do you wanna be in five years? What do you want to be? Now, write that down. Then look back two or three years, and try and remember what you wanted to be back then, in five years. Now, you must be very persistant if it is the exact same thing, not that that is bad. I know plenty of people who still want to do and want to be as they did years ago. But not me. I always used to want to be a paleontologist. And I also wanted to go to uni. But now, I don't want either of them. What I want to do now is get myself a small, well-payed job. And save up enough money to travel to London. And then just get a small job, and earn me some money for a year or two. That is my 'dream' so to speak. But what I am afraid of, is that... well I really want to do that. Mainly because in that dream I get to be with Sophie, but if that dream isn't achieved, or if in the next year or so I change my mind, I wont be able to be with Sophie. Whatever the reason, even if I do not want to be with her no more (not that, that's going to every happen!!). Because right now, that is what I want. And I cannot comprehend doing things differently.

I'm here, sitting at a school computer. I was on a different computer before, writing this, but I was moved. And when I got onto this computer, I found out that a someone was on this computer just before me. Someone I like. And it's amazing how comforting it feels to have her on before, like I can almost feel her presence. It is remarkable.

SCHOOL'S OUT!!!!! FUCK YER!!!!! PARTY!!!!!!

Ok, now I need some help from anyone who is good at manipulating lyrics to create short songs, ok. Right, as you probably know, I am a big fan of Linkin Park, ok. So as I was listening to them the other day, I got the idea of creating a little song, that combines some of their lyrics, ok. So I hope LP don't get pissed for me doing this, lol. Anyway, below in brakets is the aongs I stole lyrics from, the lyrics I stole, ok. Now some of the lyrics I took, and then twisted a little to suit me, ok.

(With You)

I woke up in a dream today,
to the cold of the static.
Put my cold feet on the flor...

Even if your so distant,
your still so close to me.

(Crawling)

Crawling in my skin,
consuming all I feel.

(Somewhere, talking about the 'Crawling lyrics I chose, I want it to say, 'I havn't felt this way before.' (Papercut/One Step Closer))

(Somewhere I Belong)

When this began,
I had nothing to say,
and I 'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me.
I was confused,
and I let it all out to find
that I'm not the only person with these things in mind.
I wanna see, what I thought was never real, ('real' in this line must be changed, I just can't think of anything)
I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real.

(Figure.09)

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts,
and the pain attached to them...
Hearing your name, the memories come back and then,
I remember when it started happening.
I'd see you in every thought I had and then
the thoughts slowely found words attached to them.
And now you've become a part of me,
you'll always be right here.

Now, that is the lyrics chosen. Some lines must stay with other lines, but the majority of those lyrics can be changed around in any order. This would really help if you havn't listened to any Linkin Park, because if you do, you will have the tune in the back of your head wheb you read the lyrics. Which is very annoying when you are trying to change them around and create your own tune. The music should have a slowish beat to it, nothing really slow or nothing, but just not hip-hop style. You know. Well actually, if you can create it into hip-hop effectively, I will be very impressed. So, yer. Have a go, whoever you are. And if you can get a good song made, send me an email and tell me, and also tell me how many bps (beats per second) it should have. (thedon_441@hotmail.com)

Ok, here is the deal. I have my form up and running, and it has sometimes wroked. But for some people, it hasn't. Don't ask why. But it should work. So check it out, click on the link on the left saying, 'What Do You Think' and fill out the form. If it says that there is an error, try it again. And if it keeps saying there is an error, well screw it and try it again another day if you feel like it, ok.

What a booooring day. My parents are doing a 'Spring Clean' because my brother is coming. And it aint even Spring!! There is nothing open up town. And when I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. The only thing that is open is Video 2000. And that place is boring. So what am I gonna do? Sit on the computer finding more javascript to put into my page. JavaScript is great. That and forms. Yer, once you can get one working, you can get them all working. It's great. Now I have so many different things in this site. A lot of small stuff, that a lot off people probably wont even notice, and then a lot of stuff like my form, and somewhere you can email me... and lots more. I also have a passworded page. I have lots of stuff. I love it!! :-)

You will absolutely love this!! Check it out, it is fun!

Did you like it? I loved it!!! I hope you did, anyway. Try the little game below, it's kinda fun really.

This is a little game using javascript, after hitting the init button, the computer thinks of a random number between 0 and 49. You can type the number with the keypad and try it with the Try It! button. The computer will tell you if you got to guess higher or lower. It's really simple!

Sophie did the meanest of things last night! But it was soooooo funny. I aint gonna tell you what it was, cause it is kinda personal. But god it was a great idea, but the cruelest of damn jokes. When she said this right, I went all dead. Like I freaked out totally! I was so worried that she was telling the truth and all and I was like piss-scared. Then she said she was joking and god I was releaved. But my heart was 'racing faster than farlap', as i said it last night. It took all night to calm it down. I was like so jittery. But I knew it was ok, though. That was the good bit. The problem was that now I couldn't stop thinking of what would have happned if she wasn't shitting me. If she was teeling the truth. That thought stuck in my head all night. But then I got to talk to her again this morning, so I am all good now. I love her so much. I cannot explain how much, but I suppose you have a godd idea, considering the fact that I can't stop talking about her, and thinking about her and all hey.

Hey, check this site out, you will think its hilarious! www.big-boys.com/articles/everyonesex. I found it when I was looking at a friend's MSN Space, and I watched it and it is funny as hell!

Another good one is this, www.funnyjunk.com/pages/world. It is great! Sophie showed me this one, I love it. It's really funny.

I probably should be excited that my big brother is visiting us this week, but I aint. Or that my birthday is tomorrow and that I may actually be getting a present for once, but I aint. Not that I aint glad that someone cares enough to get me a pressie, or that Ryan is visiting. I just aint in a great mood today. I woke up really wanting to do something. But I have done nothing all day except be a slave for everyone else. I hate it. I am bored and I want to do something, but there is nothing to do and nowhere that is open. Ahh, holidays suck! I knew these holi's would be like this, I just didn't want to think it, i wanted them to be fun.... but there is not much of a chance of that happening.

Just created my newest stuff on my site. My suggestions page and my quizes and games page. The games and quizes aren't up yet, but they will be soon. If you got anything you recon I need improved on my site, tell me in my suggestions page!

You know I have been thinking about taking every little bit of my site that contained any mention of Sophie out! And that includes all of my sites. You wanna know why. No, not because of Sophie, or me or our relationship or anything like that. It's cause of people like mum and dad. Mum has found out and has been so irritating all the time about it. And I'm affraid that if dad finds out, well... god knows what will happen then. I will never see the end of it. Like, my brother Ryan knows. And he is half understanding. He knows almost all the details and all, right. But mum doesn't know much, she just knows that I like her and that I talk to her on MSN a lot. She don't know much more. And if she found out this little thing, that I aint gonna say on this, I'm afraid she'll go right off the ball. And then dad will find out and he'll go mental as well. God, you know sometimes I really hate my folks!

Last night I had great fun. I was annoying my little cousin Stevie who is 8 years old, (She is on the radio all the time, not that that has anything to do with anything, lol). But anyways... last night I was teasing her because she had blonde hair, and she was very very slow. Not that I have anything against blondes, lets get this right. I love blondes, they generally pretty kewl. But Stevie, she was all round blonde. She was sloe and stupid, and she had blonde hair, lol. Nah, she wasn't stupid, she just had a great sense of humour..... when she eventually got the jokes. LOL!!!!!! Ahh, I love her though, ('As a cousin though!' as she would say). She's an awesome little person.

Now I saw her in, kinda a family reunion. Just, without most of the family, lol. But yer, I have another cousin who is 10 I think. Jane, right. Now my auntie Margie (Jane's mum) told me last night that she had grown really really tall! Like I mean, TALL!! So, when I see her today, or if I see her today, (I hope I do), I will see how tall she really is. But for a ten year old to be as high as me, just don't seem natural. The first thing I thought when my auntie said it was, "Ohh, she gave the steroids to her!! Oh No!!!", lol. I doubt it thought. She musta just grown up, like a 10 year old shouldn't! Lol. Ah well, can't wait to see her. Say hello and all. See what she has been up to and stuff, you know. Just general catch-up, (not that a 10 year old would have much to say, considering we havn't seen each other for years and years and years. Like I think she was about 6 when we last saw each other!).

Ok, its finally my birthday, and I couldn't give a flying- fuck, honestly. But guess what, so far, there has been only one person that has said happy birthday to me, SO FAR THAT IS. You know who? Emma. Yer, she was the only person so far. And, well that's great. I don't care, right. But its kinda kewl for someone to actually remember. Thanks Em, love ya! Wait up, better make that two people now. My nanna just rang about it, like she always does. She never ever forgets. Thanks you two! I can bet only one or two more poeple will say anything today, I bet you.

I woke up this morning on the bank of a river and feeling a little sore because I was sleeping on a damn air bed, not that it was uncomfortable, its juts I wasnt exactly used to it. Havn't slept on it for ages so I was all sore. But ah well, no matter. I kinda had fun yesterday, it wasnt bad i suppose. But it could have been better. But now if we went round saying how much better life could have been, everyone's life is gonna suck! So I recon yesterday was kewl, had fun. I didn't get to talk to Sophie which bummed me out, but I got to talk to her for a little while this morning. I can't wait for the holidays to be over. I'm bored cause there is none of my mates in town, and the don't get here until much later. So this sux.

Hey, I figured something out. If I can visit Ryan in Brisbane the next holidays, I might be able to go through Towoomba and visit Em. That'd be pretty cool. I would love to meet her, she's mad. I hope I can. Anyway, enough of all this. I have stuff to do.

Ok, this is realy weird. We had this reuiniun thing with the family right, just with a couple of people you know, not the lot of them. But I got along grandly with my little cousin Jaine. I knew I'd get along with Stevie, but not necisarily Jaine. I havn't seen her in like years, and to just meet up and get along so well was so cool. I dunno, I actually half like some of my family. Not the family that I see non-stop, but the ones I don't see much. My cousin Brooke was there too, havn't seen her in years. And I could tell, last time I remember her she was a lot younger!! Like I mean a lot!!!! She is something like 22 or something this year, or close to it. I'm actually now looking forward to seeing them all again now, which is weird. Cause at the start of the night, I didn't want to go. I thought that I would eat dinner and then leave, but no. We actually got along well. As much as this will sound queer right now, but I really enjoy spending time with some of my family. It probably helps when there are people like Jaine, who although is only 12, knows the sorta stuff you want to talk about, and has a good sense of humour.

All my life, for various reasons, I havn't wanted to move to Brisi, not yet at least. The only reason now is because I want to finsih school here... but now I'm starting to not care. But the other reason was cause I really really didn't want to leave my mates.... mainly Wayno and Becky. I'm thinking about telling my parents that I want to move, but I don't know yet if I do or not, whether or not I'm just bull-shiting myself or what. Ah well, I'll figure it out sooner or later. I hope.

Is it possible to die of a broken heart? YES!! It is very possible.... "I loved you once, I love you still. Always have, always will!" I love you Sophie.... and I just want you to know, that what you did broke me. You pulled my heart out, tore it up into tiny little pieces. Then you threw the pieces into the fire. Then you spread the ashes into the sea, and created an earthquake, allowing the ashes of my heart to fall to the core of the earth and burn into nothing. That's what my heart is now, nothing. My whole body has gone numb. I can no longer feel anything, except extreme pain. You were my world Sophie, and now my world is gone. What is the point of living without the angel guiding you. I no longer have an angel guiding me, I am a blind fool trying to walk around in the dark. But after all this you have done to me, I still love you. I still love your beautiful smile, your lovely hair. I love your eyes, how they look like they shine out of any picture. I love the way you would always correct my spelling, even last night. I love everything about you Sophie.... but now, your gone.

This all happened last night. I always imagined what it might feel like.... but I was way off. It felt thousands times worse. I spent all night last night, lying on my bed, crying into my pillow. I cryed and cryed. Then, I just had to get out (which was the dumbest of my ideas!). So I went outside and my parents noticed my red, blood-shot eyes. And then they asked what happened. I havn't told them, and I dont intend to. But they know something is wrong. The big problem though, was that last night, I had no one to talk to. There was no one I could tell. Last night, I had no one. There was no one on my side, and I just wanted to die. I went to sleep that night, half expecting not to wake up in the morning... Last night was the worst night of my life! I love you Sophie, and I will never ever forget you. I PROMISE YOU!!

The thought of never being able to talk to Sophie again, just... just tears me up... :(

Ok, well I can't stand this no more. Sophie..... it is almost like she is dead to me. Not in any way that I want her dead, I want her very much alive and well. But, its like she is dead because I have no more contact with her, all I have is a few photos and the memories. I can no longer see her, be with her or talk to her. She is gone forever... and the thought of that is just...... god I dunno. How do you describe it. It's very much like losing a loved one from death. They are gone forever, just as Sophie is. But I still have hope that I will be able to talk to her again.... one day. I am still going to London, and I still want to see her. That will never change. The thing now is that I don't know if it will ever happen. I don't think it will, but it is still my dream. To go there, and be with her again. I still love her, and I always will. I will not forget her, I will make myself remember.

People have been telling me, 'Don't worry, you will get over her.' Well I say to them, 'I don't want to get over her, I want her.' I don't want her to be out of my life. I want her to be with me still. Some people can break up with someone, it will be very hard for them yes, but they will be able to find someone esle. I know though, that I wont be able to find anyone else. Sophie was a miracle, she loved me. No one else will ever love me......... You probably have no idea how long this takes to write, because every now and then I have to stop, clear my eyes and go back and correct all the mistakes I have been making because I can't see the keys on the keyboard. I can't put any emotion into these writings, but I can ask you all to put the sadest emotional voice in your heads when I say this, 'I still love Sophie, and I want to be with her. I want her back!' :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

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