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| Ask Kiyone (old) |
| Dear Kiyone, What is it like to live with the greatest scientific genius (as well as most beautiful woman) in the universe, a lovely space pirate, an adorable bubbly blonde, and no less than four members of the Jurai royal family? Buckeroo What do you mean the most beautiful woman in the universe? I have feelings, too. SHEESH! Well, you would think it's pretty neat to live with such colorful people, but it's a nightmare. And by bubbly, I'm guessing you mean that clutzy bimbo. It's impossible to get a decent guy, because everytime we go out together, everyone stares at Mihoshi's... well, you get the idea. Does intelligence mean nothing in a woman anymore?! GAWD! How do I merge reality with fantasy so that I can be with Tsunami forever? Tsunami's Knight What do you mean by fantasy? I saw Tsunami yesterday. You must be that guy who's been sending her those letters. If you seek her affection, you better explain the situation to her ASAP. She's going down to the courthouse this afternoon to file a restraining order. How fast can you catch a plane to Japan? Dear Kiyone, How do I look? Buckeroo Well, you've got a piece of something on the side of your mouth. No, the other side. Also, if you'd just lose a couple of pounds, even I might consider going out with you and... huh? John: But Kiyone! I thought you loved ME! Kiyone: Eww! John, we're just friends, and you're my boss! John: I think I might be persuaded to give you a raise if you went out with me. (Kiyone promptly smacks him to the ground). John: Hey! Kiyone: And I'll do worse next time! John: *Ouch* I love it when you get all assertive. (Kiyone throws John on the ground and pins his arm behind his back.) Kiyone: Will you behave now? John: Yes, ma'am. |
| June 11, 2001-Well, my second week here at John's site has come and gone. I don't know why, but sometimes I see a car drive by my apartment and I just know that it must be him. Err, freaky. Well, I was going to hold off on answering questions for a while, but I wanted to respond to a couple of questions in particular. You can expect more letters to me in a week or two. -Kiyone |
| Dear Kiyone, It appears as though I touched upon a sore subject with my initial question. And although my heart belongs to Washuu-chan (and that should answer YOUR question about whether intelligence matters anymore), you are a very beautiful woman in your own right. On behalf of my gender, I wish to apologize for our actions. Do you accept? Buckeroo Do I forgive you? yes Do I forgive men in general? no It's great of you to stick up for men, but most of them can't think with their brain for more than two seconds or their heads will explode. But why don't I have a gift? Since when did it become acceptable to apologize to a girl for free? You men are such cheapskates, I swear. Are a few flowers too much to ask for? On second thought, no, I don't forgive you Buckeroo. Dear Kiyone, Is it true what I hear about you and your partner? Because if you could use some spare cash, I could set up something... Larry Flynt What's with this guy? Doesn't anyone screen these letters before they wind up in my Inbox? (John waves innocently from the corner of the room) You're going to pay for this one! Well, "Mr. Hustler", let me first tell you that neither Mihoshi nor myself will EVER pose for your magazine. Secondly, do you know what Ryoko's life has been like ever since she did that horrible photo shoot? She's got deranged people stalking her everywhere she goes. There are filthy websites about her all over the Internet. It took a year of counseling before she and Washu were even on speaking terms again! Basically, her life is all but ruined thanks to you, Mr. Flynt. If you EVER show your face around my office again, you'll have to operate that wheelchair of yours with your teeth! Grr! That's it for this week. I'm too angry to answer anymore letters. A message from John: I do NOT look down on Ryoko, nor do I think she would want to pose for a dirty magazine. She simply needed the money. |