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| "How do I break up with my boyfriend?" "How do I get rid of this rash?" "What is the purpose of my life?" Need answers? Kiyone listens. |
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| Ask Kiyone |
| February 3, 2002- Happy New Year! Oh, wait. It's a bit late for that, isn't it? Although, it wasn't until recently that John woke up from having passed out on New Year's. Somehow, he wound up in a dumpster in New Mexico wearing nothing but his underwear and his party hat. Anywho, it is time once again to dip into Kiyone's letter bag for some questions that I can help answer for you. -Kiyone |
| The "Ask Kiyone" Letter Archive |
| Page 4 |
| Tired of slow downloads? Webpages taking forever to load ? ModemMax will have you Surfing the Internet at Blazing Speeds in seconds without the expense of adding hardware. Boost your internet connection up to 300%!!! Easy to set up!! Our program optimizes DIAL-UP(56k), DSL And CABLE Modems. You will get much faster response times, downloads, and file tranfers. Our Software comes with a RISK FREE 30-Day Money Back Guarantee, and lifetime free updates! No monthly charges! Click Here!! Erm... dear ModemMax, you do seem like a deeply disturbed person in need of some help; however, I would recommend some professional care. Perhaps your local head shrinker, er... I mean, psychiatrist. By the way, your letter wasn't really a "question", so I don't really know how to answer it. Sorry. And I also regret that I will be unable to "click here" for you, whatever you mean by that. I can't take special requests. Why don't you ask your parents to click for you? Or you can perhaps click yourself. I know you're trying to reach out to someone, Max, but I'm not the person you should be reaching out to. Are You Tired Of Wishing You Had A BEAUTIFUL Women At Your Side? All you need to know are the simple but well kept secrets of the men who can lay a rap on a girl, get her number, and get a date! And we are going to Reveal these Secrets to YOU, so you can join the elite "Pick-up Artist Club" *gritting teeth* Look here, you jerk! I am a FEMALE, got it?! I do not want to learn how to pick up women, and most certainly not from you! Whenever I get so desperate that I'll take advice from some bozo on the internet, I'll get back to you. *pauses* Um... except for me. You shouldn't take advice from people on the internet except for me. *sweatdrops* I think I put my foot in my mouth on that one. *ahem* Back to the case in point, you sicko, you have a lot of nerve telling me who I can and can't "pick up". The last time you probably even got close to a girl as good-looking as me, it was to say, "Would you like some barbeque sauce to go with your McNuggets?" What on Jurai is up with the mail this month? John: Well... the mail coming in has been kinda slow, so I just picked a couple of random letters for you to answer. Kiyone: Next time, how about we screen the letters first? I never knew there were such deeply disturbed people mailing me. John: Oh, yeah. You get mail like this all the time. Kiyone: That is so sad. If I weren't so annoyed with our last letter, I would feel deeply sorry for all the truly pathetic people out there like these two. *sigh* Okay, next letter. who does tenchi marry ? is it ryoko? hummer Finally, a normal letter!! Thank you! Okay, well... who Tenchi marries? It's funny you should ask that, because on New Year's Eve, Tenchi and I were out celebrating in Las Vegas. Well... one thing led to another, and Tenchi hooked up with this... promiscuous woman named Candi. They've only been together a month now, and already she's trying to divorce him and take all of his money. He tried to get the marriage annulled, but he couldn't prove that he was intoxicated at the time. There's your American justice system for you. I don't think Tenchi is going to be marrying anybody else anytime soon. |