Hello, and welcome to the Bonus Features section of the special-edition Council of Bishounen DVD. We've put together some of the amusing things that went wrong when we tried to film this special birthday greeting for Beth. I hope you'll enjoy most scenes as much as I did, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the scenes considerably more than I did.--Aragorn son of Arathorn a hamster
And his father smelled of elderberries!
Ha ha, good one
Gawl Was Here
Van Too!
You wouldn't know a bishoujo if one kicked you in the head! Like I'm abou--what?
{snicker} Heh heh heh!
Is there something we should know about you, Gawl? Huh? What'd I say?
Why does this always happen to me?
{Whoosh} Baka deSoux! ...
Arwen honey, it's Japanese, not French. Let's make it a little less pompous next time.
You wouldn't know a bishounen if one kicked you in the head! Like I'm about to do right now! Knock it off, Gawl. I'll--wait, that's not right, is it?
No, the fangirls aren't supposed to swoon until after Koji's next line. This is the third time they've swooned prematurely! Let's give them the rest of the day off. Maybe they'll do better tomorrow.
Why does this always happen to me? {Whoosh} Baja Freshski! {choke}
Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHA! Angels and ministers of grace defend us. What? Was that not the right line? Um, no. Augh, my sides...Allen, help me...hahahaha!
Can we come to order now? Sounds great to me. Hmmph. {strain} Woah. I'm telling a rope to "hang in there." Mein Gott, who writes this stuff?
Grrrrrarrrrrgh! Eyaaaaagh--eek? Ha. Gawl, you don't charge aggressively enough. Wow, I wish the people at MasterCard would tell me that. Bmnph. Hahahahahahaha! Oh boy. Eh...it's not that funny, Van. I know, but--hahahahaha! Cut... Grrrrrarrrrrgh! Eyaaaaagh--eek? Ha. Gawl, you don't charge aggressively enough. Stop SAY-ahahahahahahaha! Ha-hahahahahaha! Here we go again.. I'm sorry, it's just--hahahaha! MasterCard! Hahahahaha! Um, could we wrap up this shot pretty soon? Generating is making me tired. It's your own fault for making that stupid comment, mop-hair. Hey, what's THAT supposed to mean? Just because I don't use seventy gallons of shampoo a day doesn't mean-- Hey, I don't-- All right, you two, cut it out.
Why does this always happen to me? {Whoosh} ... Um...line? BAKA DESU! BAKA BAKA BAKA DESU! You can say that again. Heheheh! Hey, Koji made a funny! Arwen, this isn't like theater where you can call for a line. We're filming, and calling for a line really ruins the continuity of the shot. I'm sorry about that, guys. I'll get it next time, I promise. How many times has she said that now, Koji? I'm afraid the number is too depressing to repeat.
Where did you last see it? It was on that table, right next to... {munch munch} ...Wha-aaaaahhhhKK! Hey!! Who keeps putting wasabi on the envelope?! {snicker} Did you do that, Legolas? It was an accident. I think my hand must have slipped. Your hand slipped five times in the last two hours? Er...would you believe I suffer from extremely localized epilepsy that causes temporary loss of motor control in a single limb? You're a wood elf. You don't even know what that means. Well, I'm still prettier than you. Feh. I think not! Gyaaaaaah! WATERwaterwaterwaterwaterWATER!! Meeep! Watch where you're going, you great lummox! Break it up, all of you! Good grief!
Um...I got hungry, so I ate this envelope that was just lying here. It's high in fiber. That's not a problem, is it? MmmmARRRRRGH! You ATE the NAME? Um, excuse me, Mr. Strider. ... ... I'm sorry, I'm just trying to work up enough concern to deliver my line in a convincing manner. I'm in a Broadway mood and it takes a while for me to pretend to be mopey. ... ... See, I had an idea for a musical number about this rope, with lots of tap-dancing. And the chorus could go something like this: Sam, do you still have your day job as a gardener? Well, yes, but-- Good. Why does this always happen to me? ... ... {Ahem} WHY does this always happen to me? ... ... ARGH! WHY does this ALWAYS happen to ME?! I don't think she's coming, Mr. Strider. I don't think Aragorn was delivering his line, Sam. That WOMAN! Grrarh! {slam} Methinks harsh words will pass betwixt Aragorn and fair Arwen. Woohoo! Maybe she'll need to be comforted. ... I mean, how awful for them. Sigh...I'm sorry this didn't work out, Beth. Maybe...eep! {ducks} Ah...that's not your line. I need you to give the line as it's written in the script. That's why we have the script. Mmmf... {Whoosh} Bonka Daisy! Gaaaah! Sorry I'm late! I was getting my new glowing makeup applied and trying on my new ghost costume. Isn't it great? Don't I look like a glowy, shiny, scary ghost now? Wheeee! Mr. Attorney, if you don't recite your line exactly as the script dictates, I will lock you in a soundproof room with this woman for six hours per word misspoken. Wow, I've never seen a lawyer frightened before. You've never attacked one while riding on the back of a dragon, have you? Well, no. You're missing out, man. Come to Gaea next year during lawyer season and we'll show you what life is all about! And Arwen...we need to talk about your role. You wouldn't know a bishounen if one kicked you in the head! Like I'm about to do right now! Knock it-- Wow, a drive-by swooning! Can someone explain to me how these girls managed to step on my line by swooning? That does take talent. You just need to tone down your sex appeal, Koji. Maybe you could speak in a high squeaky voice, and we can dub over it when we do the sound mixing. I don't do squeaky. Is it just me, or did that sound wrong? It's just you. Crap. I was afraid of that. Can we come to order now? Sounds great to me. Yeah, I'll have a triple-cheeseburger with extra pickles and a large fries. Mmph-bwahahahahaha! ... Van, what is it with you and bad jokes? Hahahaha! I don't know, it--hahahahaa! They really aren't that funny. Hmm, is it the jokes, or the fact that Gawl is the one telling them? Something you want to tell us, Mr. "Squeaky-sounds-wrong"? Hahaha, no, no, hahaha, I...hahahaha! Cuuuuut... Hey guys, look, I'm Arwen's ghost. Whooosh! I'm glooooowing! Woooo! Hehehe! And my Japanese suuuuuucks! Hahahaha! Hey, I heard that! Um, guys... Oh crap, are we on camera? Yeah. Maybe we can handle things better next time, with a little more planning.
Um...oh yeah. {gasp} Dilandau's back?!
And he's been to, to...med school? No, that's not right. It's law school. Corporate lawyers, remember? Right, right. Hey, why don't we ever see Dilandau? It's hard to act convincingly when we're threatening a piece of paper with an X on it. That we can barely see from up here, I might add. There were certain expenses that ate away at our casting budget until we no longer had sufficient funds to hire Mr. Dilandau to appear in our production. What expenses were those? Basically, makeup for Arwen and shampoo for Legolas. Wow, I had no idea that Elves were so high-maintenance! Tell me about it. I shall not look upon her like again. My lord, I think I saw her yesternight. Saw? who? My lord, the queen your mother. The queen my mother! {ahem} WHAT DO WE DO NOW? I will watch to-night; I warrant it will. If it assume my noble mother's person, Hahahahaha! {growl} WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? The air bites shrewdly; it is very cold. Look, my lord, it comes! {Whoosh} Barking Datschund! Wha-- Be thou a spirit of health or attorney damn'd, Ooooh, now you've made me forget my lines! Hehehehe! Say, why is this? wherefore? what should we do? Run. And run fast. Before Aragorn remembers the part about the "foul and most unnatural murder". Poor Narsil, are you thirsty? Meep! Meepeth! Is that worse than getting a hangnail? Ngggh, almost free! Must...kill generator!... {chew rip chew} And I got...and I got...I got. ... What IS it with my character and his rope-related angst? This is really disturbing me! I mean, a rope is a useful tool, sure, and can get you out of some tough scrapes. But I'm treating this rope like a person, almost as though it's another character! People do that all the time, Sam. Legolas, for instance, views his hair as a distinct and sentient entity. Hey! We resent that! Is that worse than getting a hangnail? Ngggh, almost free! Must...kill generator!... {chew} Gggyeeeeeck! Who spread wasabi on this rope? Aaaaaah! That wasn't very nice, Gawl. Sorry. My hand slipped. A slip lasting three minutes? Er...would you believe-- No. You didn't let me finish! I don't need to. Aaaagh! I can't get water when I'm tied up! Help!!! Why does this always happen to me? {Whoosh} BAKA DESU! BAKA BAKA BAKA DESU! Yeeek! She did it! We know we're in trouble when an Elf starts speaking Japanese...the end of the world must be near! I'm so sorry, guys, that sneezing fit ruined my line...there must be pollen in the air. I'll do better next time. ... {cough} Um, actually, Arwen... So hot...must have water...argh! Must escape... All right, people, we're rolling. And...action! Maybe we can handle things better next time, with a little more planning. {gasp} Dilandau's back?! And he's been to law school?!?! EVERYONE WHO ISN'T AS PRETTY AS ME IS GOING TO DIE RIGHT NOW!! Hold it, that's not your line! What are you doing, Legolas? WATER! {gulp gulp gulp gulp} Wait, Aragorn, I think that might be an improvement on what's written. I concur. It's more amusing than the uninspiring line in the script, and it's completely consistent with his character. {glare} {gulp gulp gulp gulp} You guys might be right...okay, we'll keep it! Good thinking, Legolas! Yes, I have the perfect follow-up line! Hey, score one for the pointy-eared oaf! I loathe you all, and my vengeance will be swift and terrible. You know what? I'm tired of this. Do you know why? Everybody has a love interest but me. Aragorn has Arwen, Gawl has Masami, Van and Allen practically have harems, Koji has Ryo, Legolas has himself, and what do I have? I have a freaking rope! Well, I've had it! That's enough! No more! I'm going to my trailer! Are you taking the rope with-- NO!!! {slam}