ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
After the conclusion of the failed Third Council of Bishounen, we realized something.
You know, Inuyasha's ears really are alarmingly cute.
Grrrr!
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Actually, we realized several things, some of which are more important than others.
Hmm...if we have some dimension-hopper gunning for us, I don't think our production studio is going to be defense enough.
You're right. We'll need someplace defensible, someplace secret that we can use as a base, someplace we can hide for a long time if we have to.
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
That's when our idea was born.
Let's take over Disneyland!
No, an anime convention, dip! Nobody will notice us there, and we'll have hordes of cosplayers to use as decoys!
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
My mistake, our idea won't be born for another minute or two.
That's no good, there are too many innocent people there.
Someplace isolated would be optimal. We could keep better track of who's in the area.
Some place with full investigative facilities and enough supplies to last a lifetime.
We need...
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
I like this. This is where things get good.
BATHROOMS!
Aren't there any lavatories in this blasted town?
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Gnn...forgot about this part. The good scene's coming up soon, I swear.
Well, we are in Hades, ladies...
Ooh, look who made a rhyme! You're so witty.
Can it, Sleeveless Wonder.
Ahem! What we NEED is...
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Okay, this is it here.
A Bishounen Command Center!
TRUMPET FANFARE
Dah-da-da-daaaaaah!
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Heh heh...I could really get used to this sound-mixing stuff!
AUDIENCE
...
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Ooookay, back to the story. I divided up the tasks among everyone involved, and asked them to submit their ideas to me. I put Van and Allen in charge of finding a site...
The "other side" of Gaea?
That's right, it's so secret we never talked about it on the show!
That's convenient.
It'll be a perfect spot. And with our guymelefs, construction will be no trouble at all!
As long as kingie here charges aggressively enough it'll be no problem!
Grrrr...
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Riley was the obvious choice to handle external security, and he did a...thorough job of it.
Riley, this is ridiculous! Forty-one security checkpoints to get to the main entrance?!
You know, you're absolutely right. I'll go add more.
Unnh...
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Most of the idea phase went smoothly. Sam, for example, gave an excellent proposal for food storage, and Inuyasha's plan for dimensional travel was spotless. There were some quirks, though.
Um...Koji wants his quarters painted entirely pink?!
Of course not, silly, he wants lavendar polka-dots too.
I don't know about this. Are you sure?
Teehee! Of course! I asked him, didn't I?
And you wrote down what he said?
Sort of, maybe, a little. But men have no sense of style. A woman's touch is important, isn't it?
You're touched, all right.
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
I figured that Gawl would be a good morale officer, so I put him in charge of setting up entertainment facilities.
Behold: plans for the multiverse's largest underground skateboarding arena!
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
That was probably a mistake.
What about people who don't know how to skateboard?
Oh, I'm such a moron! We need a giant video game paradise too.
Gawl, why don't you ask people what kind of entertainment they want?
Already done. These plans are what people asked for in the survey I gave out. Want to look?
"Respondent: Aragorn. Desire: A Taj Mahal of sublime skateboarding ecstasy. Comments: Gawl rocks!"
See?
...Gawl, I didn't write that.
Well, you and everyone else were busy, so I filled out the surveys for you.
...
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
And if I thought Riley had overdone external defense, he had nothing on Mulder's "Department of Defense Against the Paranormal."
Er...going back to page 635, remind me again what shrines made of Andre the Giant action figures are supposed to repel?
They drive away ethereal toenail-nibblers. They're horrible pests that almost double your chances of getting stubbed toes.
You're sure about this?
Yeah. Somebody I talked to in an internet chat room had a friend whose buddy's neighbor's childhood friend swears on his mother's grave--
Whose mother's grave?
The chat room guy's buddy's cousin's neighbor's childhood friend's mother. Aren't you paying attention?
...Okay, gotcha. Go ahead.
So he swears on his mother's grave that he had this problem with stubbed toes until he built his Andre the Giant action figure shrine, and his problem went away.
And where do the...um, critters come into this story?
Oh, that's easy. A guy I once talked to in a bar said he read a website that talked about an ancient Mesoamerican samurai legend of the Aztec death-cricket that would magically make people's feet go numb. You're more likely to stub your toes if you can't feel your feet.
But there weren't any samurai in Mesoamerica!
Ooh, look who knows so much! There's no record of them because nobody saw them: they were invisible, and so the creatures they describe must be invisible too. The only explanation is that they're ethereal.
And this explanation satisfies you?!
Well, if the lady in question isn't actually dead--
What lady?
Remember my chat room guy's buddy's cousin's neighbor's childhood friend's mother, whose grave was sworn upon? If she's not actually dead all bets are off. But hey, better safe than sorry.
In this case, safe IS sorry.
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Unlike certain hobbits, I'm under no illusion that things will go more smoothly as construction begins, but I hope you'll stay tuned with us anyway as we construct...the Bishounen Command Center!
TRUMPET FANFARE
Da-da-da-daaaaaah!
ARAGORN VOICE-OVER
Heh heh...I'll never get tired of that.
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