Part II: Who is that Mad Mann?
The radiant prima donna Chrystinne and villain Chauve-Mann decided to leave the Scarlet Pimpernel when their contracts expired--or so the stories claim. Half of that is true. Chrystinne took off to the Bahamas. Chauve-Mann, on the other hand...
;He had started out normal enough--for an actor. At the begining of the run, one could clearly differentiate between the character and the man who played him. As time drew on, however, Chauve-Mann's role had sunken deeper and deeper into him. His acting was greatly enhanced, but one could never tell whether he actually knew he wasn't an angry french official out to get a charismatic englishman. It may not even have mattered--he wasn't HURTING anyone--that is, until they started messing with his lunch.
Every day, Chauve-Mann would leave a bag of fast food in his dressing room. Each time, when he came back to get it, the Big Mac would be missing, and more often then not, he thought he saw a guilty-looking canine with ketchup smeared around his mouth. Rascal denied everything. This made Chauve-Mann angry. Chauve-mann was bitter. He resolved to do everything in his power to bring that puppy to justice. He would make that puppy pay.
He would never be duped by that scurrilous rascal again!
Try as he might, that enigmatic husky never ceased to slip through his fingers. The owner's identity remained a mystery, and Chauve-mann did everything in his power, to no avail...
;In October of 1998, the show changed management. It was planned to close for a week, to prepare for the revamp featuring the ravishing Marguerachel and the villain...Tyrannosaurus. So Chauve-mann was out. After the final performance, everyone held their breath. Rascal hid strategically. Noone dared to guess what he might dare to do. Noone dared speak, except--
;"Au revoir," Chrystinne said lightly.
Chauve-mann smiled his odd, villainous smile. "Goodbye," he said.
And that was all...?
The next day, the SP2 cast was rehearsing. No Chauve-mann. Chrystinne popped in for a second, chatted, and had to leave.
(singing, a la Phantom)
Chrystinne: I must go--I've got to catch a plane--
Cast:(sung) Chrystinne, we lo-o-ove you...
Rascal: Douug! DOOUUG!
Pimpersills: H'm?
Rascal:(shaking) He's out there--it's -- it's--
Pimpersills: (nonchalantly) It's about time you cut down on your caffeine intake.
(The props person looks out the window, and sees Chauve-mann waving a tomahawk and running in circles.)
Prop manager: I wonder where he got that tomahawk...it looks so real!
Rascal: HE'S COMING TO GET M--
(Sound of breaking glass and maniacal laughter. The rest is a blur. Sound of many things breaking. People's desperate cries can be heard above the din)
Musician: My oboe!
Manager: My set!
Armand: My lunch!
( A person's body falls out of the onstage balcony with a thud. A shocked silence falls.)
Chrystinne: Oh, well. Nobody liked her anyway.
Chauve-mann's voice: Hello? This is my moment!
Chrystinne: Sorry.
(Chauve-mann's leering face appears in the balcony. He stands on a chair and points his tomahawk at Rascal, who is quivering in the corner of the stage.)
Chauve-mann: You thought you could escape me forever...
Pimpersills:(faux brit) Oh, now that's a rather poor way to begin a speech! I assume you are about to give a speech.
Chauve-mann:(reddening) What?
Pimpersills: What about that speech Javert thought up when he caught Jean Valjean? I can't remember, but I'm sure it was something demmed eloquent...
Chauve-mann: (infuriated) You interrupt my destiny to quote Les Mis?
Ozzy: (to Pimpersills) He's right, you know. That is rather ridiculous. Chauvelin had a speech of his own.
Pimpersills: Right! When he thought he had Percy in the Chat Gris.
Ozzy: "Your energy, your ingenuity.." It went something like that.
Pimpersills: That sounds familiar, but I can't quite recall...
Chauve-mann: HEY!
Pimpersills: My most profound apologies, dear sir. Please, proceed with what you were saying.
Chauve-mann:(in a rage) I forgot!
(Chauve-mann makes a mad leap from the balcony. Somehow, he is able to clutch the curtain with one hand and swing like Tarzan, his other hand pointing the tomahawk at Rascal.)
Chauve-mann: But I can't -- STAND --
(There is a huge ripping sound as the curtain begins to tear from the ceiling, bringing Chauve-mann down with it. He falls in a heap of red and gold material, and it tangles him up like a straight jacket.)
Pimpersills: Perfect!
(Rascal, in his dash to escape, has run into the wall and created a little dog-shaped hole.)
Stage manager:(staring into space and singing a little sarcastic song to themself) A million here, a million there, a few more million for theater repairs. Who cares, who-o cares...
	Chauve-mann was shipped off to Arkem Asylum in Gotham, NY, to join the likes of the Joker, the Penguin, the Riddler, etc. The show went on for another two lovely seasons. After that, the participants (supposedly) got on with their lives, after leaving the show at various times, after accepting the inexorable truth of that fateful final day, January second, the year two thousand...
(The time is May, 2001. It is nighttime in the city. A man with brown hair in a short leather jacket ambles along 45th street, stares at the "Saturday Night Fever" sign on the Minskoff Theater, shakes his head disdainfully, and keeps walking.)
	(Across the street, another man is walking an unusually small dog. Rather, the dog is walking him. The dog sees the man across the street and takes off toward him, wrenching the leash out of his owner's hands.)
Pimpersills: Rascal! Get back here--what do you think you're doing? Oh, hell...
(Pimpersills gets across the street. Rascal has survived the oncoming traffic and attached his teeth to the man's leg.)
Pimpersills: Dreadfully sorry about that -- I hope there was no damage done...
Rascal: (spitting out a piece of the man's pants) Ptooey! I thought he was going to get away! Erf..(jumps into the man's arms. Man begins to pet him gently. There is a glimmer of recognition between the two men.)
Man: (amazed) Percy!
Pimpersills: Dewhurst! (the two embrace)
Rascal: Pimpy dear..Rascal can't breathe...
Pimpersills: (inadvertently taking on a british accent) Forgive me. I can't seem to recall your name.
Dewhurst: (also unaware he is speaking British) What ever do you mean, man? I'm Dewhurst.
Pimpersills: Didn't you have one previous to that?
Dewhurst: Bless me, I can't remember...
(They go out for a drink and the two begin to remenisce. After a while, Rascal feels the need to share.)
Rascal: I don't mind that you kept the pumps as a souvenir, Pimpersills. What I have problems with is when you wear the pumps in public.
Pimpersills:(foppishly) I don't know what you're talking about.
Rascal: If you can show us your feet and prove to us that you're not wearing the lemon-yellow high heels with little bows on them, I'll pick up the tab.
Pimpersills: I do NOT have a problem.
(But evidently, they did. What surfaced during the course of that evening was evidence of a love--no a dependency on a dead show--and the two men suspected they were not alone. They began to plan for a sort of cast reunion party; or, a support group--take your pick.)
	(Former pimpies all over the country were contacted. The results were frighteningly consistent. People with the cast album on their answering machines, people who screened their calls just in case the french revolutionary government was listening, and people who spoke like british fops or were veree frrrench eendeed.)
Farleigh:(on the phone w/ Pimpersills) Really, Percy? I think having us all together again is a wonderful idea!
Armand: Me too!
Pimpersills:(unaware that it's a party line) Huh?
Armand: You said you wanted to breeng back zee league.
Pimpersills: I said nothing of the sort. I was merely calling to check up on...baseball scores! That's it, baseball scores. Good old baseball.
Armand: It's no use. I heard everything you were saying.
Farleigh: Not again!